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Thread: Man on his own , help !!!

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    Registered User stewart38's Avatar
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    Man on his own , help !!!

    Girl friend is off to New york for a week leaving me on my own (work)

    Any help greatfully received re

    How to work an oven ?.

    Likely place where she hides the hoover ?. I dare not ask her.

    What is a 'lawn mower' ?.

    We have a 'dish washer' and 'washing machine', what are these used for ??. I hear noises from them sometimes.

    I need to know how to use an iron and work the kettle as I think my cups of tea dont make themselves ?? .

    Im fine with the TV and remote control but havent a clue how to feed the dog and the cats or put the bins out

    Any help please ?

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    Forum Bombshell - Our Queen! Lory's Avatar
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    Re: Man on his own , help !!!

    Quote Originally Posted by stewart38 View Post
    Any help please ?
    Yes... I'm referring you to this thread!

    http://www.cerocscotland.com/forum/s...ad.php?t=16064

    She wont have to find out and you might even win brownie points!
    MODERATOR AT YOUR SERVICE
    "If you're going to do something tonight, that you know you'll be sorry for in the morning, plan a lie in." Lorraine

  3. #3
    The Dashing Moderator
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    Re: Man on his own , help !!!

    I recommend this book...
    How to get things Really Flat
    Love dance, will travel

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    Registered User Gojive's Avatar
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    Re: Man on his own , help !!!

    Quote Originally Posted by DavidY View Post
    I recommend this book...
    How to get things Really Flat
    I used to have that book when I was married - bloody missus tidied up and put it away somewhere!. Never did find it again

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    Registered User panther's Avatar
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    Re: Man on his own , help !!!

    This stuff is a doddle. You don't need a dutiful scrubber, a surrogate mother, or even a home economics tutor - you just need a counsellor to help you get over your issues of co-dependency and abandonment.

    Having lived by myself for vitually ever, I tend to have the opposite problem. I automatically do my own thing, or turn into Mr Fixit, leaving the other person feeling neglected or supervised. Synchronising with somebody else, giving up total freedom to choose, eventually leaves me disoriented and I just switch off: "Yes, dear, whatever ..." (it's taken me a while to work out why women don't like that!)

    Anyway, if you leave the place looking like complete tip when she gets back, she'll think twice before leaving you alone without a cleaner in future.

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    Registered User stewart38's Avatar
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    Re: Man on his own , help !!!

    Quote Originally Posted by panther View Post
    Anyway, if you leave the place looking like complete tip when she gets back, she'll think twice before leaving you alone without a cleaner in future.
    As I was pushing her out the door, she said will you miss me ?.


    As I love her however Ill take your advice and leave the place like a tip for her return

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    Re: Man on his own , help !!!

    Quote Originally Posted by stewart38 View Post
    As I was pushing her out the door, she said will you miss me ?
    The correct answer to this is "I'm sorry - who did you say you were?"
    As I love her however I'll take your advice and leave the place like a tip for her return
    This is the approved course of action. When she returns she will a) know that you cannot do without her, b) relieve her travel frustration by moaning at you for being so hopeless, and c) have something to distract her from the fact that she's no longer in an interesting and new place by filling her hours with housework. Result!

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    Registered User Isis's Avatar
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    Re: Man on his own , help !!!

    Quote Originally Posted by Barry Shnikov View Post
    This is the approved course of action. When she returns she will a) know that you cannot do without her, b) relieve her travel frustration by moaning at you for being so hopeless, and c) have something to distract her from the fact that she's no longer in an interesting and new place by filling her hours with housework. Result!
    or d) announce that's she's found a big, gorgeous, independent, sexually insatiable hunk on the way home from New York who doesn't need a substitute for his Mummy and you're chucked.

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    Re: Man on his own , help !!!

    Quote Originally Posted by Isis View Post
    or d) announce that's she's found a big, gorgeous, independent, sexually insatiable hunk on the way home from New York who doesn't need a substitute for his Mummy and you're chucked.
    If d) happens - does it matter what stewart did while she was away?

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    Registered User Isis's Avatar
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    Re: Man on his own , help !!!

    Quote Originally Posted by Barry Shnikov View Post
    If d) happens - does it matter what stewart did while she was away?
    Yes because she'll be torn between Stewart and big hunk but as soon as she walks in and sees tip, her mind will be made up.

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    Re: Man on his own , help !!!

    Quote Originally Posted by Isis View Post
    Yes because she'll be torn between Stewart and big hunk but as soon as she walks in and sees tip, her mind will be made up.
    Wow. Complex.

    Have you thought of becoming a scriptwriter?

  12. #12
    Commercial Operator Rocky's Avatar
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    Re: Man on his own , help !!!

    Quote Originally Posted by stewart38 View Post
    Girl friend is off to New york for a week leaving me on my own (work)

    Any help greatfully received re

    How to work an oven ?.

    Likely place where she hides the hoover ?. I dare not ask her.

    What is a 'lawn mower' ?.

    We have a 'dish washer' and 'washing machine', what are these used for ??. I hear noises from them sometimes.

    I need to know how to use an iron and work the kettle as I think my cups of tea dont make themselves ?? .

    Im fine with the TV and remote control but havent a clue how to feed the dog and the cats or put the bins out

    Any help please ?
    OK, so first things first.

    1.) Just eat out of tins or eat takeaways out of the containers. No cooking and no washing up to do - so there's no need to find and/or use the dishwasher and oven.

    2.) Chuck any uneaten food and rubbish into your neighbours front gardens. They will think it's troublesome louts and in the meantime it also saves you feeding the pets as they will be able to fend for themselves off the discarded scraps - so there's no need to put the bins out. The paper carrier bags and containers will also keep them amused

    3.) Go to bed each night with a hot water bottle filled with cold water. This gives you something furry to play with whilst your woman is away and if you also clamp it between your thighs the water will be warm enough in the morning to make you an early morning cuppa - this saves you having to 'work' the kettle.

    4.) Visit as many old friends as you can. This will ensure a regular supply of food and drink and will help you to save on your electricity bills. Also, the longer you are out of the house the less mess you will make, saving the need to find the vacuum cleaner. P.s If you haven't got any friends then you can always go dancing...

    5.) If you need to worry about the ironing it's your own fault. Next time make sure she washes and irons all your clothes before going on another one of her little jaunts.

    6.) Lastly, you must ensure that there is something for your partner to do on her return. No woman wants to think she's expendable, so saving the grass cutting and the washing of your trolleys for when she gets back gives her something to do to make her feel wanted, and it will also give her something to moan and whinge about - which, as most enlightened men know, is an essential part of any relationship.

    Now, get yourself a beer, put your feet up, switch on the box, order a pizza and relax..

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    Re: Man on his own , help !!!

    Oh, I think Rocky has come up with the perfect slogan for Ceroc...

    Quote Originally Posted by Rocky View Post
    If you haven't got any friends then you can always go dancing...

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    Registered User Isis's Avatar
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    Re: Man on his own , help !!!

    Quote Originally Posted by Rocky View Post
    so saving the grass cutting.....for when she gets back gives her something to do
    I think this is the only flaw in your advice, Rocky. Any guy I know is totally obsessed with cutting the grass themselves. If there was a four minute warning, I'm sure my ex-husband would have sprinted for the lawnmower!

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    Registered User Isis's Avatar
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    Re: Man on his own , help !!!

    Quote Originally Posted by Barry Shnikov View Post
    Wow. Complex.

    Have you thought of becoming a scriptwriter?
    I'll call the El Dorado comeback team pronto to see if they have any vacancies.

  16. #16
    Commercial Operator Rocky's Avatar
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    Re: Man on his own , help !!!

    Quote Originally Posted by Double Trouble View Post
    Oh, I think Rocky has come up with the perfect slogan for Ceroc...



    Surely you mean WCS don't you?

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    Re: Man on his own , help !!!

    Quote Originally Posted by Isis View Post
    I think this is the only flaw in your advice, Rocky. Any guy I know is totally obsessed with cutting the grass themselves. If there was a four minute warning, I'm sure my ex-husband would have sprinted for the lawnmower!
    Please feel free to take over from me and do our garden any time you like.

  18. #18
    Registered User Isis's Avatar
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    Re: Man on his own , help !!!

    Quote Originally Posted by Gav View Post
    Please feel free to take over from me and do our garden any time you like.
    As a goodwill gesture, I might just do that one day.

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