Department of Wiggling

[Andy McGregor]

Originally posted by TheTramp
Trampy - TYABDTM (Thinking you've all been drinking too much)

Steve

Dear Agent Trampster

You were sent to the frozen North to do missionary work with the Ladies of Scotland. You mission was code named 'Infiltrate and Make 'em Wiggle'. We have not received your progress report and can only assume you've been subverted.

We will mount a rescue mission by air in the new year. Please be patient and try to stay true to the cause in these difficult times. Remember your motto 'I've got a wiggle, it's loaded and I'm prepared to use it'.

Yours in sympathy.

McGregster

[Bardsey]

Undercover deep-field agent Bardster reporting

Deepest darkest Yorkshire Wednesday 26 Nov 03

Upon opening my "Top Secret - For Your Eyes Only" missive this morning, I note the ongoing investigation for the missing Wigglers. There are quite a few under observation at the moment in my operative area, but none who match said description.

May I assure you Sir, that I will be extremely observant and diligent in this matter and should said degenerates infiltrate into Yorkshire, I will ring the Ster-phone and contact you immediately.


Bardster - Agent WAW (wiggle-a*se worm)

[Dreadful Scathe]

Originally posted by Andy McGregor

I believe you have the two missing operatives held captive in Smurf while your two SPIES try to learn our secret wiggles. We are not fooled for a second. This may come as a surprise to you but you can KEEP the Pammy and Boomer you have - we rather like the new ones, especially the blue tongue of the New Pamster(tm) - although getting used to a Boomer that makes sense will take some time. Over the next few days we will 'turn' your agents by showing them the error of their ways (and how much warmer/drier it is down here). The New Boomer(tm) may require more persuading. We will begin with that well-known date-rape drug that works only on men - down here we call it 'beer'.

My plans for world domination shall not be thwarted by the likes of you and your team of clog footed dancing misfits McGregster. Further incursions from your so called 'trained operatives' shall result in the same scenario - they will be captured, questioned and brainwashed. Turns out to be extremely cost affective as Ive found that so far their brains have required very little in the way of washing - I do after all have to think about the bottom line, global domination costs money and our venture capitalists are running scared after the dot-com crash (www.world--domination.org...'bringing governments to their knees since 1965').

Rest assured S.M.U.R.F. will triumph and theres nothing you or your prancing chihuahuas can do about it.
muhahah-hahahAHAAHAHAHaAHAAH...cough!

[TheTramp]

Originally posted by Dreadful Scathe
My plans for world domination shall not be thwarted by the likes of you and your team of clog footed dancing misfits McGregster. Further incursions from your so called 'trained operatives' shall result in the same scenario - they will be captured, questioned and brainwashed. Turns out to be extremely cost affective as Ive found that so far their brains have required very little in the way of washing - I do after all have to think about the bottom line, global domination costs money and our venture capitalists are running scared after the dot-com crash (www.world--domination.org...'bringing governments to their knees since 1965').

Rest assured S.M.U.R.F. will triumph and theres nothing you or your prancing chihuahuas can do about it.
muhahah-hahahAHAAHAHAHaAHAAH...cough!

(Enough said I think)

Steve

[Divissima]

MEMO - EXTREMELY URGENT AND TOP SECRET

To: McGregster
From: FO Div/01
New intelligence received.
Abort 'Trojan Chihuahua' strategy effective immediately. They are on to us. Repeat strategy cover blown, immediate withdrawal of all covert canines recommended.

Woof!

This memo with self-destruct in 5 seconds

[Emma]

Originally posted by Dreadful Scathe
Rest assured S.M.U.R.F. will triumph and theres nothing you or your prancing chihuahuas can do about it.
muhahah-hahahAHAAHAHAHaAHAAH...cough!

Uh Oh....think the blue one's medication needs altering again...nurse!

[Andy McGregor]

MEMORANDUM

To: PR Department

From: McGregster

Date: 26th Novembster 2003

Subject: Apathy amongst the General Public to wiggling secrets
and Importation of cheap EuroWiggles

It has come to our attention that certain members of the public think the debate about wiggling is frivilous, insane or due to the influence of drugs - or even the lack of them.

This apathetic attitude is what ruined ballroom dancing. For the sake of uniformity they introduced a EU Standard for all moves INCLUDING WIGGLES The British people didn't stand up for their beliefs at that time and the Germans and French took over, making anything in ballroom dancing illegal except the Approved EuroWiggle (AEW). People who didn't do the AEW have been persecuted and hunted down in their ballrooms like vermin. This led to a total stagnation of the Ballroom market and led to a Euro Wiggle Mountain maintained by massive subsidies from the EU.

Famous foreign wigglers like Lydia were forced to seek Asylum from persecution of non-standard wigglers and come to London just to enjoy the freedom to wiggle as she pleases and to learn our secret wiggles.

You people in the PR department have been taking it too easy and some people think the wiggling we enjoy can last for ever without the help of our Department. Once the public forget that they have to earn the right to wiggle as they please the same could happen to Modern Jive with the newly proposed Standard Public Euro Wiggle (SPEW). At the moment we're free to use our wiggles as we please - but we need to maintain our vigilance if this situation is to continue.

Furthermore we have intelligence ( ) that confirms that the French, Germans, Dutch and Smurfs are massing at our borders with loads of cheap wiggles to flood our wiggling economy. We need to educate the public now so that they are not fooled.

I would like to add the following to your Departmental Mission Statement.

Mission Statement No 287. To ensure that all dancers have an understanding of the priviledge they enjoy when it comes to the freedom to wiggle as they choose.

[Tazmanian Devil]

Originally posted by Andy McGregor
It has come to our attention that certain members of the public think the debate about wiggling is frivilous, insane or due to the influence of drugs - or even the lack of them.

Originally posted by Andy McGregor
At the moment we're free to use our wiggles as we please - but we need to maintain our vigilance if this situation is to continue.

Mission Statement No 287. To ensure that all dancers have an understanding of the priviledge they enjoy when it comes to the freedom to wiggle as they choose.

Guilty as charged

[Pammy]

Originally posted by Andy McGregor
You have given some feeble excuse that you have contracted a dose of the Dreadful Scathe and your nose and tongue have turned blue. We do not believe this for one second.

I put it to you Sir (the evidence below) and await your decision.

Wiggly

[Andy McGregor]

Originally posted by Pammy
I put it to you Sir (the evidence below) and await your decision.

Wiggly

Urgent Memo to all field agents

There is an impostor in our midst. And she's even got hold of Pamsters 'sters shirt. Do not be fooled, the real one does not, repeat does NOT have a blue tongue.

As you know, we have cloned the Pamsters as a prime example of fine wiggling. There are currenly 20 Pamsters wiggling dance halls across the country (although it ofen feels like more). Inspect the tongue of each one. The field agent finding the impostor will be expected to act with extreme prejudice and send the tongue back to Smurf - the rest of the PamPostor should be sent to our laboratories for analysis.

out

[ChrisA]

Originally posted by Pammy
I put it to you Sir (the evidence below) and await your decision.
Wiggly

From: Inquisitor
To: WCM
Re: Digital enhancement of photographs offered as evidence for the defence.

Just to point out, sir, that it is well known that Ms Pamster's talents for graphic manipulation are prodigious, to wit, viz. and re. her delectable avatars, which become more striking with every passing week.

It is hardly beyond her skills to fake evidence such as this.

I still feel the Department requires further evidence that the terrifying silence we have all felt in recent days without Pamster posts has not been due to sinister forces.

It seems to me that only visual evidence of an extended wiggle will allow us to be sure that SMURF has not brainwashed her and is not still controlling her actions.

Inquisitor, acting head of Evidence Evaluation Division, Dept. of Wiggling.

[Pammy]

I was delighted to note that Grincing has extended further than just the stretches of Camber. It was indeed mentioned several times whilst in Scotland at the weekend. A word that will go down in history

Makes you seem like a Onk doesn't it?!?

[ChrisA]

Originally posted by Pammy
I was delighted to note that Grincing has extended further than just the stretches of Camber. It was indeed mentioned several times whilst in Scotland at the weekend. A word that will go down in history

From: Inquisitor
To: Ms Pamster (if that's who you are)

Despite the clear benefits of frequent grincing, please be reminded that this area is only for official Department of Wiggling communications, suitably encrypted.

This channel has been hijacked already by S.M.U.R.F and is clearly not secure.

Further evidence of your identity is required before normal operations can be resumed.

[Andy McGregor]

URGENT MESSAGE TO ALL WIGGLERS

This channel has been infiltrated by a Bogus Pamster with-a-blue-tongue - an obvious agent of S.M.U.R.F.

To Ensure security please submit all future communications via the ultra secure Hollow Tree drop off point here

OUT

[Boomer]

Originally posted by Emma
Uh Oh....think the blue one's medication needs altering again...nurse!

Yeessssss Smurfey, you great unwashed snout, keep your enemies close, your friends closer and seemingly clog-footed apes just this side of onk...easy! I have a Prawnie and I'm not afraid to use it!

{Dives for cover}

[ChrisA]

Originally posted by Boomer
Yeessssss Smurfey, you great unwashed snout, keep your enemies close, your friends closer and seemingly clog-footed apes just this side of onk...easy! I have a Prawnie and I'm not afraid to use it!

{Dives for cover}

Looks like they're back. All agents, revert to status AMBER .

By order,
Inquisitor, pp ex-Wiggling Calibration Manager

Authorised by:
Director, Supreme Wiggling Command.

[Andy McGregor]

Phew! It's nice to be back in a nice warm, well lit office after an afternoon inside that dark, cold tree. Anyone know what happened in there. I think at least one person went Commando but two went SAS...

I'm resuming my duties and am out wiggling patrol in darkest Hampshire tonight at Barton Cross. I've never been there before and will be observing wiggles. And as this venue is near the channel ports I'll be especially vigilant in looking for cheap imported French wiggles that don't carry the usual health warning.

Will report back when I check in for the night shift.

[Pammy]

Originally posted by Boomer
I have a Prawnie and I'm not afraid to use it!

Is that a prawnie in your hand?

[Sheepman]

I suspect we are all under obs, has anyone noticed this thread has been viewed 11,354 times (and counting), but I've only been herre twice?

Someone is trying to break the code?

G

[ChrisA]

Originally posted by Sheepman
I suspect we are all under obs, has anyone noticed this thread has been viewed 11,354 times (and counting), but I've only been herre twice?

Someone is trying to break the code?

The only genuine >11,000-view thread is our very own Hipsters AFAIAA.

Franck, is it possible to zero the count when you split the threads?

Chris