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Thread: Do you have dance friends or dance colleagues?

  1. #1
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    Do you have dance friends or dance colleagues?

    When moving to a new area where there is MJ, it is nice to feel welcomed and “loved” straight away, which I have experienced throughout UK, Aussie, NZ and France.

    Sometimes it is great and you make instant friends who invite you out to other places and who come along when you invite them out.

    Sometimes I have found that, unless it is dance related, it is hard to make friends who want to do “other stuff”.

    People go along to dance classes for various reasons, some to make friends and some who just want to dance and see other dancers as people to practice on, dance with, but not socialize outside of dance with.

    The rule of thumb I use is… if the only time you see them is at a dance function, they are a dance colleague, not a friend.

    3 great experiences that come to mind being…

    1/ Where I first learnt (LeRoc Worthing)… Let’s go to the pub, let’s go to the beach, let’s meet at a café.

    2/ When I first arrived in Sydney (CerocAustralia)… Party on tomorrow night, I will pick you up, let’s go sailing, let’s go to the café, can I offer you a lift back.

    3/ On a holiday weekend in France (Some dance nightclub in the centre of Paris, that had a lot of jivers there)… how long are you staying, can we show you around, can you stay longer, there is a party next weekend, can we give you a lift back and meet up for drinks tomorrow.


    1 not so great experience….

    Spending months in a new area, asking people to social stuff, not getting asked, and if it did not involve dance… forget it.

    Personally I like the dance friends option, and I have been fortunate enough to make many good friends who dance, but also want to “hang out”.


    So are you a dance friend or a dance colleague?
    Do you have friends from dance, or just, people you use to dance with?

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    Registered User Beowulf's Avatar
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    Re: Do you have dance friends or dance colleagues?

    Hmm interesting question, and one I have a very odd answer to.

    Most of my friends are dancers, yet I myself amd not really that "into" dancing. (I mean I do it.. and I enjoy it to an extent.. but there are other things I like to do)

    If I didn't count the friends I made though going to Ceroc in Aberdeen and of course through the forum then I'd have precious few friends indeed.

    My fiancee (Twirly) and I of course met though dancing and the forum but most of my good friends are all dancers. I have one or two close friends who don't dance, and some that were friends before I went dancing with them (I knew Gadget long before we went dancing together)

    When i go to a weekender or the Beach ballroom events in Aberdeen I'm probably slightly odd in that the actual dancing is secondary to me actually meeting my friends. I'm quite happy to go along, see my chums, have a bit of a chatter and a chin wag and, if the situation arises, have a bit of a jive at the same time.

    Dancing is not the be all and end all of the ceroc experience.. it's just a means to an end for me to socialise with the majority of my friends who just happen to put more importance onto dancing

    like I said.. I'm odd

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    Registered User emmylou25's Avatar
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    Re: Do you have dance friends or dance colleagues?

    I have a bit of a mix of friends/colleagues following your rules.

    Some people I don't see outside dancing and wouldn't want to = don't class them as friends, they're people I dance with as I like to dance.

    People I get on with, have a good natter with, and would socialise with them if they lived near me = I class as friends, but I don't actively choose to socialise with, generally because outside of dancing, they're not friendly with my 3rd group of dance friends, plus we live further apart which is harder to organise socialising with.

    The others are people that we'd arrange to share weekender accomm with, share lifts, go out for meals outside dancing/cinema/shopping etc. These I'd defnitely call friends.

    For me, without dancing I'd have never met these people and yes dancing is the thing we have in common. Unfortunately as my OH doesn't dance, and won't come out on socials with my dancing friends, most of my socialising with my dance friends is through dance events.

    In my area, most of the socialising depends on the similarity of age of people who go to the venue, whether they're involved with the crew/the venue/busking etc, and the situation. eg central Oxford venue always go to the pub afterwards - it's always open for all to come along and therefore they're quite a sociable bunch, compared to another venue where the majority of people are older couple and they never really stay to the end.

    Having said all this, while I like having these new friends (and as most of my socialising is through dancing) I dance because I love to dance. Meeting new friends is a bonus.

  4. #4
    Registered User Lynn's Avatar
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    Re: Do you have dance friends or dance colleagues?

    Friends. Helps that some have been friends for 10-15 years, way before dancing days, or friends of long term friends - my social circle and dancing circle overlap a lot. Its very, very rare that I am out at a social night and there aren't some friends from dancing there! Partly of course as I've invited all my friends, and they've invited friends. And then of course there are all the new friends I have made who I've met at dancing.

    Some are 'colleagues' - which is fine. Others definitely friends - as shown by how people reacted when I was taken ill. Visiting me in hospital, at home, cards, texts, flowers, taking me out for coffee, inviting me round for dinner, having me come and stay for a few days. I've been humbled by the warmth and support I have recieved over the past few months.

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    Senior Member rubyred's Avatar
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    Re: Do you have dance friends or dance colleagues?

    I am happy to say the majority are friends, I have been very lucky to meet some lovely people in the dance world who have become good friends, and very similar to Lynn, have been there for me when I needed their help and support, and also to share the good times and laughs as well. I have found that many of my dancing friends enjoy some of things I like to do outside of dancing so we go walking, to the theatre, opera, and go on holiday together. Just nice at times to get together and chill, drink a little wine, watch a DVD or even go to fire works displays.

    I have dancing colleagues as well, like those that you love to dance with but then say thank you and move on which is good too.

    I don't know if anyone else feels like this, I've found its nice when you go somewhere new, and you're feeling a bit lost, then someone recognises you from the forum, and you get talking, get introduced to more people and there you go, you're made to feel welcome. Perhaps in the context of this thread I suppose the latter are dancing colleagues, and its nice that we take care of each other.

    I do think its important though to never lose your non dancing friendships, the friendships I have made outside of dancing are important and usually carry history through past and present work careers, people you met when the children were little, your school friends but they all have a common theme and that's ...... sharing the good times and the bad,and always having fun.
    Last edited by rubyred; 10th-March-2009 at 11:36 PM.
    if you love the life you live then you'll get a lot more done

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    Re: Do you have dance friends or dance colleagues?

    What a thought provoking question.

    I have made a huge number of as you would say dance colleagues, knowing that if I were to go to any venue there would be faces I recognise and would not feel 'alone'. They in themselves are broken in to different categories, there are those that a quick catch up is enough to keep the bond and there are others that a good old chat is an easy thing to fall in to and probably know me a lot better, but there are ones that I have made a real connection with and would miss if I couldn't chat, text, PM and speak to on a fairly regular basis outside of dancing.

    As for dance friends, it's a hard one as I would say 95% of my personal socialising is dance related and any spare time is spent catching up with my non dancing friends or else I would never see them

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    Re: Do you have dance friends or dance colleagues?

    I don’t actually agree with your description of friends and colleagues and find it quite divisive.

    We all have different relationships with different friends but that does not mean that we need to section them into your categorisation. Friends fulfil different needs and by labelling them either friend or colleague that could result in the under appreciation of the role they play in your life.

    I am in a different position to some people in that I am married to a non dancer, I have 2 grown up children, I dance approximately 3 times a week (sometimes 4) but am mindful that I also have friends and family that don’t dance but all my friends are important to me. Some of my dance friends I see for things other than dancing but do I value their friendship more? Not necessarily. I would rather look at the positive effects that dancing friendships have bought me rather than try and undermine this by needless categorisation.

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    Re: Do you have dance friends or dance colleagues?

    Quote Originally Posted by Maxine View Post
    [FONT=Verdana]I don’t actually agree with your description of friends and colleagues and find it quite divisive.
    Some people like to categorise and don't find it divisive at all. And it was just a question !

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    Re: Do you have dance friends or dance colleagues?

    Quote Originally Posted by Dreadful Scathe View Post
    Some people like to categorise and don't find it divisive at all. And it was just a question !
    Yes it was just a question but it was one that I personally did not like as I found the answer too constraining.

    For me a colleague is someone you have no choice whether or not to spend time with such as work colleague, if your lucky like I am they are people you are quite happy to spend time with outside of work, but that is not always the way. As for friends at dancing you may only have met for dancing with a particular dance friend but they are people that you may have chosen to travel with, meet up with at a venue or even share a chalet with for a weekend to me that is more than a colleague as you have a level of choice.

  10. #10
    Registered User Beowulf's Avatar
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    Re: Do you have dance friends or dance colleagues?

    Quote Originally Posted by Maxine View Post
    I don’t actually agree with your description of friends and colleagues and find it quite divisive.
    It's very much a personal perspective I expect. Some people are quick to make friends, others classify friends differently.

    for example, when I was at college I had 1 friend. one. I had lots of people I'd go to the pub with, lots of people to take to the movies, lots of people to share a sandwich with, but one solitary friend. That's because I had classified friends to be a very special subset of people I knew. I had to be able to trust them 100% I had to know they'd be there for me at a moments notice and conversely know I'd be there for them in the same situation. As I was a very untrusting person when i was in my early 20's this meant I only classified one of my many aquaintances as a friend. This, of course, led to problems.

    I remember one female classmate being reduced to tears when she bought me something she saw and thought I'd like.. (IIRC it was a 2nd hand copy of Dune) I asked her quite suspiciously why she'd bought me this and what did she want? (as I said I'm not proud but I was a very shy, paranoid and untrusting person in those days) She replied that I was her friend and this is what friends do.. and unfortunately I point out the error in her statement to her (I was also a tad insensitive.. some say tending towards Asperger's syndrome) and she didn't take it well.

    Luckily I learnt to open up and be more trusting. Watching my nieces and nephews at play is inspiring .. they'll meet someone on the swings and 5 mins later introduce you to "their friend suchandsuch"

    I don't make friends easily still.. but I am several orders of magnitude better than I used to. I'm an extreme case, but everyone has different boundaries between acquaintances, colleagues and friends. This is why I dance better in Aberdeen or with Twirly than anywhere/with anyone else. I find dancing to be a very friendly thing.. and I find it very hard still to be friendly with people I don't know. Luckily I've got to know a lot of you through the forum a bit.. I have met loads of friends though dancing, I've also met loads of acquaintances. people I like, I may even like a lot.. but I don't have that bond of friendship with. The odd thing is, as mentioned above, although now I rarely dance, I still consider my dance friends to be my friends. Perhaps I should contact them more often and make more of an effort but friends understand that sort of thing.

    Some people may make friends more easily and be more open and trusting and that's groovy too. There's a line between these two extremes and we're all on it some where ...

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    Re: Do you have dance friends or dance colleagues?

    I tend to think that my dance friends are the ones who have my mobile number.

    I have another categorization that I have been trying to name - the people that you see at a dance weekender or freestyle that you have never been introduced to or danced with but feel that you know because you realise that they are on the forum. Many times I have said hello to someone or smiled because I recognise them from a picture and then thought crikey they must think I am a bit strange because they don't know who I am.

    I have introduced myself to some forumites but usually only if it feels like an appropriate moment. So if you seem some woman with glasses grinning madly at you please smile back and say hello it might be me.

  12. #12
    Registered User Twirly's Avatar
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    Re: Do you have dance friends or dance colleagues?

    Quote Originally Posted by Martin View Post
    So are you a dance friend or a dance colleague?
    Do you have friends from dance, or just, people you use to dance with?
    I don’t like the negative tone that the word “use” in that sentence gives. As though just dancing with people is somehow not good enough.

    Quote Originally Posted by Maxine View Post
    Yes it was just a question but it was one that I personally did not like as I found the answer too constraining.
    For me a colleague is someone you have no choice whether or not to spend time with such as work colleague, if your lucky like I am they are people you are quite happy to spend time with outside of work, but that is not always the way. As for friends at dancing you may only have met for dancing with a particular dance friend but they are people that you may have chosen to travel with, meet up with at a venue or even share a chalet with for a weekend to me that is more than a colleague as you have a level of choice.


    Interestingly, I am the total opposite of Beo on the friends/dance spectrum. Apart from him, my close friends do not dance, or I was friends with them before starting Ceroc. I think there are only three friends from my pre-Ceroc days who also now dance, one of whom I was very close to anyway for several years before, one of whom I’d not known long when he started to come along as well (and I got to know him a bit better as a result), and one of whom had done loads of other dance styles and who started Ceroc independently of me whom I’d also known for years.

    As for making friends through dancing, I can’t say that I have developed much in the way of friendships as yet that are as deep as those outside of dancing. I have acquaintances of varying degrees, and people who are now beginning to turn into friends, whom I’ve met through the forum and various places that I’ve danced, but no-one I’d call in a crisis to come and help me or who would be the first I’d call with happy news. I don’t swap birthday cards or Christmas cards or presents with anyone I’ve met dancing, and I’ve not been round to anyone’s house for dinner or had anyone over to mine (though the latter bit might change soon). I guess that these things are how I’d define a friendship.

    I do actually find this a little peculiar, as normally, I make friends really easily, wherever I go. I came to the conclusion fairly early on that at class nights, the women don’t tend to talk to each other very much, so I wasn’t getting to know them because of that. I would chat to the guys in the rotation, but it was never much more than “hello, how are you”. I discovered after about 18 months or more that there was a regular drink in a bar down the road afterwards, but no-one had ever invited my friend and I – when I asked how come, I was told “well we just assumed that everyone knew about it” Of course that was how the social scene developed at my local venue, and if you weren’t in with it, you didn’t really get to make friends there.

    I’ve found another issue as well, that may be more of a London thing. There is a huge pool of dancers in London, and lots of people who drift in and out of the dance scene quite quickly. Aside from making friends, it took quite a long time for my friend and I to feel that we belonged to our venue – for us to be regular and established enough to have people ask us to dance and remember our names from one week to the next. I attributed that to the shifting population, and people not wanting invest in someone who might disappear in a week or two. I have a feeling that it might be different elsewhere in the country.

    I also wonder if age plays a part – my friend and I were a good 10 years old than the group who tended to go for drinks after class.

    Luckily for me, I have a good network of non-dancing friends for emotional support etc. and I know enough people whom I’m fond of in the dance scene itself to say hello to and have a hug and a quick chat when I see them at a venue or a dance weekender. And even though things might not go deeper than that at present, there are quite a few people whom I am extremely fond of on the dance scene.

  13. #13
    Registered User martingold's Avatar
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    Re: Do you have dance friends or dance colleagues?

    all of my closest friends are dancers (well almost)
    i dont seem to have much time for other socialising now as i tend to dance most weekends
    In fact my very best friend i met through dancing
    then i married her

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    Re: Do you have dance friends or dance colleagues?

    Aye aye most of my friends are dancers, I tend to open myself up too quickly and make friends easily. I have been severely hurt by fellow dancers whom I thought was friends, I will still be open and friendly as I prefer friendship to the alternative.

    I would rather be friendly than nasty so I socialise with such like people. Best bit of advice I was ever given was......"If you want to be happy and friendly surround yourself with happy and friendly people." This is what I do, and it works. Open your heart, if you get hurt enjoy the healing, it will make you stronger and a better person.

    DTS XXX XXX

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    Re: Do you have dance friends or dance colleagues?

    Other than dancing, my social interaction is with my kids... some may say that the mentality is about the same

    Even in the muggle world, when out 'socialising' in bars & partys I tend to be dancing more than talking.

    The question as to whether the people I dance with are friends or colleagues ~ I would like to think that it doesn't matter; I dance with them all as friends. I try and be considerate, polite, dance with them and for them. Socialising within dancing, I seldom get the chance (I'm always on the floor), but I don't think I would consider many as just 'colleagues' to dance with.

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