How to tackle illness and dancing

[Connie]

After a 1 year break from dancing due to health reasons I started up again in October in the lovely Maja's Albrighton Hall venue in Shrewsbury. However I was diagnosed with cancer just after Chrstimas which put a stop to dancing for a while.

I have now started treatment and although it makes my feel like absolutely sh*te most of the time, I do have good days and as such I ventured to Ceroc last Wednesday.

As always I really enjoyed the class but was struggling a bit with how to handle the looks and comments I got from some of the male dancers due the rotation. It was noticable to most that I wasn't well as I was wearing a bandana (lost my hair due to chemo) and had a small chest tube under my collar bone which could be seen.

I have no problem at all with people asking me what was wrong with me, and i can understand the two men who dropped out of the rotation when it became their turn to dance with me (which was only once as the class size was so big) But what I am not so happy about was the comment I got that I shouldnt be there and it was selfish to spoil the class for everyone else?
Perhaps I was selfish, I am a bit unsure on this one. But I didnt do the intermediate class with purpose as there was a lean in there I wasnt confident enough to do with a chest tube in, and as such I didnt want to spoil the class for my partners by not doing the lean.

Would it bother you guys to dance with someone who didnt look 100% well, or perhaps you could deduct would not be able/want to follow some of your more boisterous moves? (dont hold back I do want an honest opinion and wont be upset if you say yes)

I am trying to decide if I should forget about dancing while I undergo treatment and have chemo or if it's ok from the "avarage" dancers viewpoint to continue. I dont want to spoil anyones fun.

[Isis]

I'm sorry to hear about your health problems and I hope the treatment is going well for you.

I think it's awful for someone to say you should stay away from dancing.

I'm guessing it makes some people uncomfortable to have to face up to the reality that cancer / poor health could hit any of us at any time and they would rather have anything unpleasant out of sight and out of mind.

If you feel well enough to go and you get enjoyment out if it, I would carry on dancing. I would hope most people would be kind, friendly and supportive but, as with all things, universal approval/acceptance isn't likely to happen.

[straycat]

Would it bother you guys to dance with someone who didnt look 100% well, or perhaps you could deduct would not be able/want to follow some of your more boisterous moves? (dont hold back I do want an honest opinion and wont be upset if you say yes)

If we ever coincide at a a venue, I would feel privilaged to dance with you.

[Maxine]

Hi Connie, I’m really sorry to hear of your health problems and hope that you will be on the mend soon.

As for your class, perhaps the guys dropped out because they could not get the class not because they were to shallow to deal with 2 minutes with you.

As for being selfish of you to go, I cannot see why anyone would think that, as it is hopefully therapeutic for you to be out enjoying yourself and will in the long term benefit your general health. You are not contagious so therefore it cannot be selfish to take part in social dancing and you are not responsible for the hopefully small minority of men who are unable to cope.
So my advice is keep dancing , smile as much as possible and focus on the positive support that you get whilst you’re there

[Dreadful Scathe]

It was noticable to most that I wasn't well as I was wearing a bandana (lost my hair due to chemo) and had a small chest tube under my collar bone which could be seen.

I can see the tube being an indicator, but a bandana ? since when is that indicitive of illness - I've worn a bandana at a dance competition before and not had anyone assume any such thing.

But what I am not so happy about was the comment I got that I shouldnt be there and it was selfish to spoil the class for everyone else?

What did you do that caused that ? If the answer is "looked a bit ill", then the person who said this may well be an idiot.

Perhaps I was selfish, I am a bit unsure on this one. But I didnt do the intermediate class with purpose as there was a lean in there I wasnt confident enough to do with a chest tube in, and as such I didnt want to spoil the class for my partners by not doing the lean.

You mean you didn't do the class at all then?

Would it bother you guys to dance with someone who didnt look 100% well, or perhaps you could deduct would not be able/want to follow some of your more boisterous moves? (dont hold back I do want an honest opinion and wont be upset if you say yes)

I judge it like i always do; by watching you with others or, if I've not previously noticed you, i would lead normally and adjust accordingly based on how it was going. Leading "boisterous moves" is always down to who you are dancing with, assuming you have anything that can be considered such

I am trying to decide if I should forget about dancing while I undergo treatment and have chemo or if it's ok from the "avarage" dancers viewpoint to continue. I dont want to spoil anyones fun.

I'm sure "average" a.k.a. "normal" dancers will not have a problem.

[Gav]

Obviously it's not the same level of illness, but I continued dancing when I had Bells Palsy (the right hand side of my face was paralysed and slightly dropped). Although I got tired quicker, it did make me feel better about myself. I did get bored of having to explain it, but most people were very accepting if not sympathetic.
If you're finding people less than accepting, I'd suggest you keep going (after all, you go for your benefit, not for them) and just remember them for when you're feeling better and they ask you for a dance.

[Gerry]

If we ever coincide at a a venue, I would feel privilaged to dance with you.

Hi Connie, I’m really sorry to hear of your health problems and hope that you will be on the mend soon.

So my advice is keep dancing , smile as much as possible and focus on the positive support that you get whilst you’re there

Good luck with your recovery and I hope you have many more years of fun dancing ahead of you.

[CJ]

Would it bother you guys to dance with someone who didnt look 100% well, or perhaps you could deduct would not be able/want to follow some of your more boisterous moves? (dont hold back I do want an honest opinion and wont be upset if you say yes)

I am trying to decide if I should forget about dancing while I undergo treatment and have chemo or if it's ok from the "avarage" dancers viewpoint to continue. I dont want to spoil anyones fun.

First off, Connie, I feel as if we've met and danced but I could be wrong.

Generally speaking, the opinions here don't always coincide with "general" dancers. Bear in mind, many of the people here are here because of a heightened interest in dance, technique, the social side, etc and have more sensitivity to certain situations that occur within dance: sleaze, hotshotism, etc, etc...

My own belief is that, on the premise U are healthy and doing no harm, you should be free to dance where and with whom is safe and mutually convenient. My belief is that the majority of the forum would agree.

Take note of who walks away, if only to know not to ask them to dance, and enjoy those who do dance with U. We, each, are the sum of our limitations: some of us are more limited than others. Accept others' limitations but be sure of who U are...

FWIW, Maja would be gutted to learn of such behaviour in her class, so a quiet word with her or Inka may be worth considering: not to change anything... but I am sure Maja would not tolerate bad manners in her "home."

If we ever coincide at a a venue, I would feel privilaged to dance with you.

[Astro]

Obviously it's not the same level of illness, but I continued dancing when I had Bells Palsy (the right hand side of my face was paralysed and slightly dropped). Although I got tired quicker, it did make me feel better about myself. I did get bored of having to explain it, but most people were very accepting if not sympathetic.

Me too, though the week I was on steroids, I had boundless energy.

Everyone as very kind.

In contrast, i was rotating in a class which included a drop as the 3rd move (not the last, when it used to be 4 moves). I told all the men i couldn't do that bit due to a bad back. All were fine, except one, who said in a loud voice "you shouldn't be here if you have a bad back."

Any doctor will tell you that excercise is good for any ailment, provided you don't over do things.

[jivecat]

i can understand the two men who dropped out of the rotation when it became their turn to dance with me (which was only once as the class size was so big)

Well I can't, it sounds like absolutely appalling behaviour to me.

You've gone out of your way to be sensitive to how they might feel about you, have they done the same in return?? Nope.

But what I am not so happy about was the comment I got that I shouldnt be there and it was selfish to spoil the class for everyone else?

Maybe, just maybe, there might have been fears that you had an infectious illness which might have explained their behaviour. But anyone with a brain cell that was semi-functional would rapidly have concluded that this was probably not the case.

Perhaps I was selfish,..........

Well somebody was, but most likely not you!

Would it bother you guys to dance with someone who didnt look 100% well, or perhaps you could deduct would not be able/want to follow some of your more boisterous moves? (dont hold back I do want an honest opinion and wont be upset if you say yes)

Tricky one. This extends into the "Is it OK not to dance with someone who you just don't like the look of for some reason" debate. There's never going to be a definitive answer. You can't force or insist that anybody should dance with anybody they don't want to. However, in this case, I would think the positive reasons for dancing with you might outweigh the negative ones against- for most people. Personally, I wouldn't mind dancing with someone who looked ill - unless they danced really badly! (And even then I'd probably still dance with them.) That's where I draw my personal line, others might draw it somewhere else, and justify it in whatever way. Others don't seem to draw a line at all.

I am trying to decide if I should forget about dancing while I undergo treatment and have chemo or if it's ok from the "avarage" dancers viewpoint to continue. I dont want to spoil anyones fun.

Well, if you feel strong enough to cope, and I really admire your attitude on this, I think everyone else around you should do their best to cope as well.

Thanks for sharing this with us, I hope you don't stop dancing if it's helping you to feel better.

[frodo]

Would it bother you guys to dance with someone who didnt look 100% well, or perhaps you could deduct would not be able/want to follow some of your more boisterous moves? (dont hold back I do want an honest opinion and wont be upset if you say yes)

Only if:
a) It looked infectious.
b) The lady looked frail to the extent that a mistake was likely to result in broken bones.

Other than that the cue is from you. If you're happy/up to dancing at whatever toned down level, I'm more than happy to dance.

In the freestyle, you might need to make it fairly clear that you are there to dance (if/when you want to).


You said it was a big class. I think you're always going to get a few people in a big crowd with an unreasonable attitude. I think it would be awful if you were put off dancing (if you otherwise wanted to) because of it.

[SPROGGS]

Would it bother you guys to dance with someone who didnt look 100% well, or perhaps you could deduct would not be able/want to follow some of your more boisterous moves? (dont hold back I do want an honest opinion and wont be upset if you say yes)

I am trying to decide if I should forget about dancing while I undergo treatment and have chemo or if it's ok from the "avarage" dancers viewpoint to continue. I dont want to spoil anyones fun.

Hi Connie...

Firstly - No it would not bother me in the slightest, it your tube was obvious, I would ask if there were moves that you would like me to avoid. The same applies to "drops" guys should always ask a lady they had not danced with before if she did "Drops" before attempting one, she may just have pulled her back dancing with a guy before that did not ask first.

Anyway, I would also assume if you were there with dance shoes on you are wanting to dance.

Secondly - No you should not forget about dancing for a while. If YOU feel you are well enough to dance then go for it, You just might need to mention what moves you would like to avoid....

Go for it, and good luck with your teatment.....

[Phil_dB]

After a 1 year break from dancing due to health reasons I started up again in October in the lovely Maja's Albrighton Hall venue in Shrewsbury. However I was diagnosed with cancer just after Chrstimas which put a stop to dancing for a while.

I have now started treatment and although it makes my feel like absolutely sh*te most of the time, I do have good days and as such I ventured to Ceroc last Wednesday.

As always I really enjoyed the class but was struggling a bit with how to handle the looks and comments I got from some of the male dancers due the rotation. It was noticable to most that I wasn't well as I was wearing a bandana (lost my hair due to chemo) and had a small chest tube under my collar bone which could be seen.

I have no problem at all with people asking me what was wrong with me, and i can understand the two men who dropped out of the rotation when it became their turn to dance with me (which was only once as the class size was so big) But what I am not so happy about was the comment I got that I shouldnt be there and it was selfish to spoil the class for everyone else?
Perhaps I was selfish, I am a bit unsure on this one. But I didnt do the intermediate class with purpose as there was a lean in there I wasnt confident enough to do with a chest tube in, and as such I didnt want to spoil the class for my partners by not doing the lean.

Would it bother you guys to dance with someone who didnt look 100% well, or perhaps you could deduct would not be able/want to follow some of your more boisterous moves? (dont hold back I do want an honest opinion and wont be upset if you say yes)

I am trying to decide if I should forget about dancing while I undergo treatment and have chemo or if it's ok from the "avarage" dancers viewpoint to continue. I dont want to spoil anyones fun.

The way I would look at it is, - I don't know what your situation is. You do. So; if you're in the class it means that you're fit enough and, want to be here, - so all is good as far as i'm concerned. I would also feel privileged to dance with you Connie (100% honest opinion).

I recently danced/met a girl who looked like she recently had a stroke. One side of her face had dropped. Her speech was slurred, and her laugher sounded slightly 'weird' as a result. For some reason I was inclinded to dance with her more rather than less because of this (and no, I didnt fancy her!). She was lovely to dance with (smiley, happy, & a good laugh), we enjoyed about 3-4 freestyle dances together.

Telling me you can't lean/drop/whatever wouldn't bother me in the slightest. First of all, a single lean really is no big deal, and secondly (if it was something that I was DESPERATE to practice), the beauty of a rotating class is that i'll have another partner in a second, and then the entire rest of the evening to do as many leans as I like!

My main reason I Ceroc is that I love to dance, - but a very big part of the experience is I also enjoy meeting people, - so I say that you should continue to dance Connie, - you'll probably be spoiling more people's fun if you don't go (and I mean that in a good way!).

I can't understand the comment that you shouldn't be there either, - beside the fact that it's not for anyone but the teachers to comment on who should be in a class or not.

I hope you decide to continue dancing.

[Lynn]

Connie, I had serious emergency surgery just before Christmas and currently have an ongoing health issue as well as the usual healing after surgery. I have been dancing a few times (am just getting to the 12 week post op now which is when I can officially dance but have had a setback and feel incredibly weak at the mo!). No-one has made me feel bad for dancing while I am ill - the only difference is that leads have taken things easy and if its a fast track have checked its not too much for me.

That is the sort of attitude people should have IMO. Being ill is mentally draining as well as physically exhausting and dancing is a great way of feeling better and a bit more 'normal'. Leads avoiding certain moves, but otherwise just dancing and having fun is the way to handle someone who is limited in some way by illness.

Yes, I have had to limit how I can dance and what moves I can do at the moment, and two tracks in a row is enough (couldn't manage a class yet). But its been good for me to get out and go dancing.

Please ignore those with the attitude problems - there are bound to be some nice leads who are happy to take it easy in terms of a dance. Keep going dancing - I hope it helps as you deal with your illness.

[Sporty Jeff]

Hi Connie, So sorry to hear of your problems I wish you a speedy recovery.
Firstly please carry on dancing. If it helps you in any way it has to be worth it. I personally would have wanted to know if the two guys left the lesson only because of your illness? if so they need to be made aware that you are no risk to them and if you feel well enough to dance it is your choice. The only thing I would be concerned about if I could see your tube is the possibility of hurting you by accident. If they felt the same they may have decided (wrongly) not to take a chance.
As has been said before most dancers including myself would be very happy to dance with you. Get well soon x

[Trouble]

Connie

people in the danceworld are no different to people in the outside world. They can be upset by the smallest of things. If you have a bald head, if you look ill, if you have the sniffles, if you smell, if you are fat, if you are skinny, if you look at them funny.

My point is, take absolutely no notice of these small minded, idiotic, rude and pointless dancers. Whatever their reason, try not to let it bother you in the slightest as hard as it may be. Its their loss im sure and as somebody said earlier, it would have been an honour to dance with you im sure as somebody who is probably fighting one of the hardest battles in their life and still dancing.

I take my hat off to ya. xxx

[Nessiemonster]

Dancing is not only good exercise, but is excellent for mental well-being - something that can suffer when you're going through the type of illness and treatment that you're experiencing right now. If dancing is helping you feel better, my advice would be to stick with it!

I hope your treatment is successful and your dancing enjoyable!

[Double Trouble]

Connie,

You said you hadn't been dancing for a year so it's likely you will need to reacquaint yourself/familiarise yourself with the local dancers in your area.

I think that if you go back to dancing after a long break, regardless of whether you have an illness or not, people can be a bit off hand with you because you're not a regular, etc.

Keep going, make new friends and I'm sure most, if not all dancers will start to feel more comfortable around you and you around them. Please don't be put off by a few bad apples. It's their problem not yours and you have more important things to worry about.

Do keep us informed with your progress. I sincerely hope you are better soon.

[Gadget]

to all the posts above

Just to add that from your description of yourself and your dancing I can see no reason not to dance with you, have fun and immerse ourselves in music... except Shrewsberry is a bit far.

Most leads would adjust their dancing for every follower - good, bad, fit, frail, no beat, rhythmic,... etc. If they are unwilling to adapt to the follower, then they have lost the point of a partner dance being a partnership.

{PS hope your body is stronger than the cancer }

[DundeeDancer]

Hi Connie,

I don't come on the forum that much these days, it has lost it's sparkle for me a little these days. Maybe that has something to do with you not posting on it very much these days either.

I guess that's my way of saying I've missed you

My viewpoint would be if you're getting something out the class and dancing then you should keep doing it, no doubt in my mind about that.

There is a few lady's at my local venue that have problems walking and I guess they get a few funny glances from time to time but I try and see it from their point of view when I dance with them.

When they dance with someone their partner gives them another balance point and supports them as they get whisked around the floor. It must be such a contrast for them that I imagine they feel like they are dancing on cloud number 9.

People get frustrated at class as it is a bit intense and a small minority can't help but sound off. They are to be humored with a smile and then ignored.

I won't worry about spoiling a class for anyone either, I imagine with the knowledge you've gained from this forum over the years that your still a better follower than most even if you can't do dips or leans.

I find most of the followers don't need a leader during class they need a mannequin to manipulate as they watch the stage and try to copy what's being done. So if you are actually paying attention to a lead then in my books you are doing better than most.

Also because of rotation you can't spoil anyone night. Maybe we are not their perfect partner for a few minutes but what's a few minutes in 3 hours, only a fraction and if anyone has a problem with the class they can always ask the teacher, taxi or more experience dancer for help later.

Are you coming to Southport this weekend Connie?

If so I would enjoying catching you for a dance and a chat.

If not then I'll look forward to hopefully reading more of your post.

Best wishes DD xx