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Thread: Confidence issues in the Blues Room

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    Registered User Easily Led's Avatar
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    Confidence issues in the Blues Room

    I wonder if any other women feel like me in the Blues room? I find it relatively easy to get dances without really trying in the main room and I don't mind asking too much. However, in Blues rooms and at Breeze in particular I feel a bit at a loss and like a beginner again even though I have been dancing for about 3 years and have spent a lot of time trying to dance in Blues rooms as it is generally the music I prefer. Obviously the standard of dancing is very high there and the ladies particularly lovely but I am not sure why I find it even more intimidating than the Blues area at Southport? The size of the room is an issue for me as by the time you spot a spare man across the room he is generally taken before you can get there. There also seem to be far fewer men than women and it seems to me to be awkward to stand at the edge of the dance floor looking ready for a dance. How do other women work this room?

    Also are there any confidence boosting tips? If I drink more than one glass of wine my balance goes off ,!

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    Re: Confidence issues in the Blues Room

    Quote Originally Posted by Easily Led View Post
    Obviously the standard of dancing is very high there and the ladies particularly lovely ? There also seem to be far fewer men than women and it seems to me to be awkward to stand at the edge of the dance floor looking ready for a dance. How do other women work this room?

    Also are there any confidence boosting tips? If I drink more than one glass of wine my balance goes off ,!

    LOL Oh EL... you are not alone in this thinking. When i first went to Camba with my sister, i was very inexperienced with musicality and blues as they call it but we didn't even realise it was a blues room, infact we just headed on straight in there and danced to the great music regardless. We found out afterwards it was a blues room and thought.. wots the big deal...

    I think the blues room is very over rated and by that i mean.. its got a reputation that puts new people off and this is wrong. The blues room is only another dance room with slower music in it that allowes more play.. thats it, no other requirements needed. As for the women being lovely, arn't they lovely in all the rooms as you are lovely yourself.

    Wine.... i always do a few and i find having an off balance wobbly moment can actually help bring a smile to the partners face... only if you wobble in the right place tho.

    A method to avoid standing around the edge is what me and my sister call Stalk and Grab... get ya eye on the one you llike the look off.... get near him and as soon as the music stops... get on the dance floor and take his hand..... grabbed, buggered and all ready for you to take full advantage off.

    Hope this helps....

    T
    xxxx

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    Re: Confidence issues in the Blues Room

    Quote Originally Posted by Easily Led View Post
    I wonder if any other women feel like me in the Blues room? I find it relatively easy to get dances without really trying in the main room and I don't mind asking too much. However, in Blues rooms and at Breeze in particular I feel a bit at a loss and like a beginner again even though I have been dancing for about 3 years and have spent a lot of time trying to dance in Blues rooms as it is generally the music I prefer. Obviously the standard of dancing is very high there and the ladies particularly lovely but I am not sure why I find it even more intimidating than the Blues area at Southport? The size of the room is an issue for me as by the time you spot a spare man across the room he is generally taken before you can get there. There also seem to be far fewer men than women and it seems to me to be awkward to stand at the edge of the dance floor looking ready for a dance. How do other women work this room?

    Also are there any confidence boosting tips? If I drink more than one glass of wine my balance goes off ,!
    I don't think it's anything to do with Easily Led. She's a fabulous dancer and any guy would be delighted to dance with her. I think it's the nature of blues rooms that she's observing.

    I can't say I find blues rooms intimidating. But I do find it a bit more difficult to find a partner in a blues room. It seems like everyone is partnered up, there's hardly anyone standing around waiting to dance and the people sitting down look like they're chilling and not really up for a dance. Also, couples seem to stick together for more than one track (more of the reasons behind this later). This means that when I first go into the blues room I'm often unable to find a partner and have to wait for the end of a track and hope that a lady comes my way for me to ask. At the end of the track I'm inclined to have another dance with that lady because I don't want to go through the raffle for partners at the end of the track - especially as so few tickets are being drawn. Of course, there is sometimes a lady who also comes into the blues room looking for a partner, which is nice

    Once you're on the floor in a blues room you're more likely to find a partner than those waiting at the edge - simply because you're nearer to potential partners.

    I'm not sure what the answer is, but I'm absolutely certain the situation is not because dancers in the blues room are snooty or cliquey.

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    Re: Confidence issues in the Blues Room

    I think its easy to believe that everyone is a good dancer in the blues room, what's a good dancer? we all have different ideas about 'good' I would much rather have a beginner who try's a bit of musicality than a 'good' dancer this is my routine.

    Smile and have a go what ever they throw at you it will come.


    see you at Rugby ?

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    Re: Confidence issues in the Blues Room

    Quote Originally Posted by Easily Led View Post
    I wonder if any other women feel like me in the Blues room? I find it relatively easy to get dances without really trying in the main room and I don't mind asking too much. However, in Blues rooms and at Breeze in particular I feel a bit at a loss and like a beginner again even though I have been dancing for about 3 years and have spent a lot of time trying to dance in Blues rooms
    Also are there any confidence boosting tips? If I drink more than one glass of wine my balance goes off ,!
    Sweetie it is not only women who feel intimidated in the Blues room.
    I often think to myself, that I am out of my depth here, especially when I look around the room at breeze and see the incredible dancers there.

    I find for dancing the blues a couple of glasses of whatever your poison is, helps enormouslry.

    I often think to myself that I dont try to be the best dancer in the room just the best dancer that I can be. Relax and just remember that it is only dancing.

    Dancing is a pleasurable pastime and try to get the most pleasure that you can. I often go into the main room to recharge myself with some good old jive music and I find that this helps a lot. You can hold your own in the blues room sweetie so stop fretting about it and have a glass or three then melt into your partner and enjoy it.

    We are lucky in the sense that the more experienced dancers frequent the blues room so an air of calmness and friendliness prevails.

    There are some stunning dancers on the scene who will sit down and chat with you to empart tips and advice readilly, do not be afraid to ask, as in my experience people will help readilly.

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    Re: Confidence issues in the Blues Room

    Quote Originally Posted by dave the scaffolder View Post
    Sweetie it is not only women who feel intimidated in the Blues room.
    I often think to myself, that I am out of my depth here, especially when I look around the room at breeze and see the incredible dancers there.

    I find for dancing the blues a couple of glasses of whatever your poison is, helps enormouslry.

    I often think to myself that I dont try to be the best dancer in the room just the best dancer that I can be. Relax and just remember that it is only dancing.

    Dancing is a pleasurable pastime and try to get the most pleasure that you can. I often go into the main room to recharge myself with some good old jive music and I find that this helps a lot. You can hold your own in the blues room sweetie so stop fretting about it and have a glass or three then melt into your partner and enjoy it.

    We are lucky in the sense that the more experienced dancers frequent the blues room so an air of calmness and friendliness prevails.

    There are some stunning dancers on the scene who will sit down and chat with you to empart tips and advice readilly, do not be afraid to ask, as in my experience people will help readilly.
    you do talk a lot of sence some times DTS

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    Re: Confidence issues in the Blues Room

    crikey
    i think if you take a bit of what everyone else has posted you will be ok

    The trick i find is relax and play with the music (and your partner if you so wish)
    i found myself punching well above my weight at breeze
    i consistently danced with the people i thought were the best dancers on the floor (even dts at one stage )
    i certainly had some of the best dances of my life in there
    personally i find alchyhole just makes me sleepy (i would have been snoring on my partners shoulder) so i dont drink bit others do and they danced well
    I think as a guy blues is easy as we just need three moves and then stand still and watch all you lovely ladies doing the work (nothing new there then )

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    Re: Confidence issues in the Blues Room

    Quote Originally Posted by Easily Led View Post
    I wonder if any other women feel like me in the Blues room? ......I feel a bit at a loss
    I don't think what you are saying is exclusive to women, I also get that feeling when I go into a Blues room at a weekender or at freestyles. What I have found that helps me is to sit down when I first enter and just soak up the change in atmosphere and music, don' walk in and then walk out otherwise you will start to feel a bit at a loss.After two or three tracks I feel more part of the room and then ready to ask someone to dance.

    Remember most of the people in the Blues Rooms stay there all night, so they are already in tune with the mood and atmosphere. The change between the general room and the blues room is very stark.There is no need to rush, just wait until you feel ready. Whilst you are waiting you can then follow the advise of Trouble and Andy McGregor and see who you would like to ask to dance with and get ready to ask.Then when you are dancing do as DTS says just enjoy it.

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    Re: Confidence issues in the Blues Room

    It's certainly not exclusive to followers but I think there are different areas of concern for leaders and followers beyond the unfamiliar music and the feeling that the general standard of dancing is higher than usual.

    For followers, there's almost always a dodgy gender balance in a Blues room that's not in their favour and even more than that there's often an even more acute talent balance (as one person described it to me) i.e for some followers the problem is not enough leaders and for some other followers the problem is not enough good leaders in a Blues room meaning they have to fight for dances which is hard enough in the normal run of things but even harder when feeling less confident.

    For leaders, there's a problem because they have to lead the dance (yes, I know it's obvious) so the problem of the unfamilar music becomes even more acute as you need not only to adjust to that but also to actively think what you are going to lead whilst doing so.

    My first experience of a Blues room was at my first weekender - Camber November 2005 - I went in there around 10.30 on the Fri night and was asked to dance. The track came on and I could not for the life of my find the tempo of it. I was mortified and kept apologising to my partner. Thankfully, she was really sweet about it and helped me out with the timing and we got through it but that experience still lives in my mind and I think of it when I see posts from people about their difficulty adjusting to slower music. I really don't know how I went from that position to being confident in that environment, I just kind of did though I suppose the Jango T Dances I started to go to when Marc was Djing at them exposed me to more of that type of music.

    EDIT: I also remember sitting and watching for almost 2 hours in the Blues room that night, not wanting to ask anyone and just wanting to get accustomed to the mood and the kind of dancing that I was seeing.

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    Re: Confidence issues in the Blues Room

    Loads of great advice already.

    Easily Lead you are a beautiful person and I have a word of advice for you. Please take this the right way.

    RELAX

    That's it. When you enter a blues room you already have these feelings and thoughts somewhere in your mind and as soon as you can't get a dance or don't have a great dance you add this straight to that line of thinking.

    I danced with you babe and we had a lovely dance. However to make the next dance even better just relax and enjoy it. Don't think too much. If we make it to Rugby on Saturday (not very likely at the moment) I will show you what I mean.

    Something I will say though is please don't drink. Wobbly is not good. The odd exception can drink and dance well but the majority just can't.

    Hope this helps.

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    Re: Confidence issues in the Blues Room

    Quote Originally Posted by Twirlie Bird View Post
    Something I will say though is please don't drink. Wobbly is not good. The odd exception can drink and dance well but the majority just can't.
    :
    totaly agree with TB on this one, the blokes that think they dance better with a drink

    Its about loosing you inhabitions and I suppose a drink helps some your dance partner wont apricitate it.

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    Re: Confidence issues in the Blues Room

    Quote Originally Posted by fletch View Post
    Its about loosing you inhabitions
    is there anything i can do to help find some inhibitions??

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    Re: Confidence issues in the Blues Room

    If you don't like the Blues Room, why dance in it?

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    Re: Confidence issues in the Blues Room

    Quote Originally Posted by David Bailey View Post
    If you don't like the Blues Room, why dance in it?
    Quote Originally Posted by Easily Led View Post
    I have been dancing for about 3 years and have spent a lot of time trying to dance in Blues rooms as it is generally the music I prefer.
    Unless you weren't referring to the OP......

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    Re: Confidence issues in the Blues Room

    I still get a bit intimidated when I walk into the Blues room, especially if I've just come out of the boing boing room and am still bouncing! As the gorgeous Twirlie Bird says, the best thing to do is just to relax and get into the mood as soon as possible. I find that I get into it much quicker if I have a really laid back dance to start with. Forget all the fancy moves and funky styles, just grab the nearest partner and get up close and personal. Less is definitely more in the Blues room! Think back to your teenage school discos, when the last few songs came on. You'd see the person you've fancied all year, finally pluck up the courage to ask them to dance and then just rock together on the dance floor...

    I find that connection is much more important in the Blues room than elsewhere, and by that I don't just mean lead and follow, but mental connection. You spend much more time within each other's personal space, moving together, touching skin, so it can feel far more sensual and passionate. The hardest thing is slowing down enough and realising that you don't have to bounce around the floor to dance. I'm sure some people will find it uncomfortable, especially when dancing with strangers, but when you really click with someone, everyone else disappears and it feels like you are the only two people on the floor. On the other hand, depending on your frame of mind and the person you are dancing with, you can also have some real, raunchy fun

    It took me a while to get into Blues dancing, but after spending so much time in the Blues room with Lulu Baby at Blaze and having so much fun with so many people at Breeze, I just can't get enough of it!

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    Re: Confidence issues in the Blues Room

    Quote Originally Posted by David Bailey View Post
    If you don't like the Blues Room, why dance in it?
    DB, it was not a question of not liking the Blues Room but rather tips on overcoming a feeling of being lost when entering.

    Some people like yourself are lucky they don't feel like that but there are others including myself that do.

    All that is being asked really is if there are people out there who feel like EL does and how they have managed to overcome that feeling. I think that is brave and very constructive question to raise.

    It is not always easy to air your fears in public. AND as aTango dancer I thought you would have understood that and had greater empathy with the such a question. Shame on you.

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    Re: Confidence issues in the Blues Room

    Quote Originally Posted by ant View Post
    DB, it was not a question of not liking the Blues Room but rather tips on overcoming a feeling of being lost when entering.
    Fair enough. I'll try and actually read the thread next time

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    Re: Confidence issues in the Blues Room

    Quote Originally Posted by David Bailey View Post
    If you don't like the Blues Room, why dance in it?
    Damn it's nice to have you back birthday boyo.

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    Re: Confidence issues in the Blues Room

    Quote Originally Posted by ant View Post
    Some people like yourself are lucky they don't feel like that but there are others including myself that do.
    I do feel like that, all the time.

    OK, not with MJ dancers, but that's coz you're all rubbish anyway.

    But I tiptoe very timidly into an average Milonga, believe me.

    Quote Originally Posted by ant View Post
    It is not always easy to air your fears in public. AND as aTango dancer I thought you would have understood that and had greater empathy with the such a question. Shame on you.
    To answer the question a little more seriously:

    No-one should feel intimidated at any Modern Jive event. Ever. You're surrounded by 100% amateurs, always, who've had the exact same problems as you.

    But if you do feel intimidated, then neither should you think "Oooh, I must be in the Blues Room, because that's where all the Real Dancers / Cool Cats Go". If you're not enjoying a place, then leave and go somewhere else.

    I think it's a simple message, but it's one that's always worth repeating.

    One could read this forum and become convinced that being in The Blues Room is mandatory at all weekenders. Funnily enough, it isn't. My best time at Storm was the Sunday evening informal milonga in a side room. My best time at Southport was - again on a Sunday evening - in the Latin Room when ZW did a truly inspiring set

    Fun is where you find it.

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    Re: Confidence issues in the Blues Room

    Quote Originally Posted by David Bailey View Post
    No-one should feel intimidated at any Modern Jive event. Ever. You're surrounded by 100% amateurs, always, who've had the exact same problems as you.

    Easy to say, but not so straight forward in practice. In reality, some people are more amateur than others and it is often intimidating for people to dance with those who seem to be more experienced. Whether it's from our own insecurities or because of something somebody else has said, it can be scary and is not always easy to overcome. We just have to remember to do our best to make everyone feel welcome and at ease and try to help people through those inevitable moments of low confidence.

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