you buy Dancing Today ? cool, thats serious that is
Yes, i'd say thats worthwhile but i think we've discussed all those points before at some point. In fact, I bet DB wrote that article
A perpetual subject I know ... but this article from Dancing Today's archives caught my eye. Primarily aimed as ballroom dancers but still of worth?
How to best say “no”
Dance etiquette requires that you should avoid declining a dance under almost all circumstances. However, there are some occasions when it can be advisable to politely decline a request to dance. Which is worse? Being declined a dance or having to refuse someone? Most would agree that both situations can be awkward for all concerned, with beginner dancers often having the most difficulty. In a perfect world, one would never come across undesirable partners. But unfortunately, there are instances, hopefully few and far in between, where it is necessary to just say no. Rachel Holland looks at when to say no, and the best ways to say it
When to Say No
Undesirable partners can take a variety of forms; there are fellow dancers who will monopolise you by asking for too many dances. There is the less-skilled dancer who is not safe to dance with, frequently stepping on your toes and colliding with other couples. Then there is the dancer who is hell bent on consistently violating all the other rules of the dance floor.
A case in point. When a friend recently found herself asked to dance by one gentleman, she politely obliged. “He was from the ‘self-taught’ school of ballroom and lacked any real formal instruction,” she says. “He had absolutely no idea how swing was swung and was doing waltz steps to merengues. I had a job to follow his efforts, which led to him getting frustrated with me and becoming somewhat forceful in his leading. By the end of the evening and all the next day, my back was aching.”
“The next time I saw him, I declined his requests to dance, on the basis of needing a breather. I am not a very confrontational person and didn’t want to hurt his feelings, but I really don’t want to be injured either,” she says. A common complaint. Nobody likes to risk offending a fellow dancer, but this should not mean that you are obliged to risk injury. How should we say no?
How to Say No
According to tradition, the only graceful way of declining a dance is either (a) you do not know the dance, (b) you need to take a rest, or (c) you have promised the dance to someone else. That last excuse should be used sparingly, if at all, as it is considered improper to book yourself up a number of dances ahead. Another method would be to restrict tricky partners to one dance per evening, whilst explaining that you like to vary your partners to broaden your experience. A firmer method would be to decline the dance and give no reason. This sends a clear message that you do not want to dance with this specific person, not that you just need a rest etc. As this method is considered rude in the etiquette books, it is best reserved for extreme circumstances. The hardest method, but the most effective, is to tell the offender what they are doing wrong. If they are blissfully ignorant of their clumsiness due to inexperience, they are never going to be able to fix the problem. However, this is easier said than done. Besides, you came to dance, not to give lessons. How about suggesting a good teacher or class to them, whilst joking about how you once made similar mistakes to them?
Here’s another way of looking at the problem. Whilst it is common for individuals to tend to dance with partners, who are at a similar level; excluding partners based on their level is not necessarily the wisest move to make. In particular, to constantly seek the most skilled partners goes against the spirit of social dancing. Better dancers should go ahead and ask beginners to dance. Not only does this help the social dynamics of a dance, it also helps the better dancer, as they adapt to the challenges thrown their way. When you do decline a dance, it is good manners to offer another dance instead: ”No, thank you, I’m taking a break. Would you like to do another dance later?’’ Furthermore, declining a dance means sitting out the whole song. It is regarded as inconsiderate and outright rude to dance that song with anyone after you have declined to dance it with someone else. If you are asked to dance before you get the chance to ask (or get asked by) your desired partner, that’s the luck of the draw. The choices are to dance it with whoever asked first, or to sit out the dance.
However, whilst promoting politeness, etiquette ought not to mean that dancers must suffer under the tyranny of the inconsiderate. There is a get-out clause surreptitiously written into the contact which allows anyone to say: ”No, thank you” in these cases. A firm but polite no that needs no explanation, in the hope that the perpetrator will realise he/she is in violation of the rules of social dancing.
Being Declined
The first thing to do when one is turned down for a dance is to take the excuse at face value. Typical social dance sessions can be as long as three to four hours, and there are few dancers who have the stamina of dancing it through non-stop. Everyone has to take a break once in a while, and that means possibly turning down one or two people each time one takes a break. The advice to shy dancers and especially beginners is not to get discouraged if they are turned down once or twice. Since social dancers are generally polite people, being repeatedly declined can be a signal. In that case, it is a good idea to examine one’s dancing and social interactions to see if anything is awry.
When NOT to ask
Dancers should try to be conscious of the times they should not ask. If that potential partner has just finished a really long fast dance, they may need a break. If they are heading somewhere when you decide to ask, there’s a good chance they can’t dance at that time. It happens, not infrequently, that one’s desired partner is engaged in a conversation. Is it appropriate to interrupt a conversation to ask someone to dance? Taking a few minutes to look before you leap can help to avoid an uncomfortable situation for all.
Source: Dancing Today
you buy Dancing Today ? cool, thats serious that is
Yes, i'd say thats worthwhile but i think we've discussed all those points before at some point. In fact, I bet DB wrote that article
So "f*** off, you stink" still isn't acceptable then?
How should we say no?
I favour running away round the dance floor when I see them coming.
Daisy
(A Cowardly Little FLower)
I take dasies approach and try to keep my self dancing all night to avoid being asked....
Though if I do want to dance with them I do say "I'll get you later on"
I launch myself at the nearest person and snog them.
Well it works on telly...
If possible, avoid being in the situation of HAVING to say "no".
If you see the "unwanted" (or even the "unwashed"?) heading your way, under no circumstances should you make eye contact - in fact bury your face in your towel if possible.
(Or, if your towel isn't handy then do as inky suggests and bury your face in the nearest person - whether or not their gender matters depends on how badly you want to avoid the dance!)
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