Aussie olympic jokes

[SteveK]

Favour time please - all last week, my work colleagues were making so many comments about how rubbish the British Olympic team was, and that the Australian would win so many more medals than the Brits. Does anyone have any suitable emails/cartoons that I can distribute to those making earlier disparaging comments please? (Apart from the standard ones about comparing australian culture and yogurt etc.)

Many thanks in advance

[Dreadful Scathe]

Favour time please - all last week, my work colleagues were making so many comments about how rubbish the British Olympic team was, and that the Australian would win so many more medals than the Brits.

Well they are currently on 33 to our 28, so - especially when you compare population - we ARE fairly rubbish

table here

[Lee Bartholomew]

Hard without turning in to all all out racist but........

Australia has not done too badly in the Olympics considering Sheep S****ing* is not an event.


* Sheering

---------------------

Our story begins at the olympics, specifically the wrestling event. It is narrowed down to the Russian or the Australian for the gold medal.

Before the final match, the Australian wrestler's trainer came to him and said, "Now don't forget all the research we've done on this Russian. He's never lost a match because of this "pretzel" hold he has. Whatever you do, don't let him get you in this hold! If he does, you're finished!"

The wrestler nodded in agreement. Now, to the match The Australian and the Russian circled each other several times looking for an opening. All of a sudden the Russian lunged forward, grabbing the Australian and wrapping him up in the dreaded pretzel hold! A sigh of disappointment went up from the crowd, and the trainer buried his face in his hands for he knew all was lost. He couldn't watch the ending.

Suddenly there was a scream, a cheer from the crowd, and the trainer raised his eye just in time to see the Russian flying up in the air. The Russian's back hit the mat with a thud, and the Australian weakly collapsed on top of him, getting the pin and winning the match.

The trainer was astounded! When he finally got the Australian wrestler alone, he asks, "How did you ever get out of that hold? No one has ever done it before!" The wrestler answered, "Well, I was ready to give up when he got me in that hold, but at the last moment, I opened my eyes and saw this pair of balls right in front of my face.

"I thought I had nothing to lose, so with my last ounce of strength I stretched out my neck and bit those babies just as hard as I could...You'd be amazed at the surge of strength you get when you bite your own balls!"

---------------------

The Australians are entering the Masturbation Tournament in the olympics this year..

Very stiff competition though.


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[SteveK]

Hard without turning in to all all out racist but........

It's not being racist - just a bit of banter. (When their AOC President makes comments such as "Great Britain may have been in lane seven and eight but, um, they seemed to be getting there for a country that has very few swimming pools and not much soap")!

[Dreadful Scathe]

When their AOC President makes comments such as "Great Britain may have been in lane seven and eight but, um, they seemed to be getting there for a country that has very few swimming pools and not much soap"!

I thought that was very funny, but the media here suggested it was some sort of bitter comment. No sense of humour our media.

[SteveK]

I thought that was very funny, but the media here suggested it was some sort of bitter comment. No sense of humour our media.

From the impression of the newspapers/telly here, I'd say that the UK media actually interpreted the intent reasonably well. Not sure that it was meant as a _bitter_ comment, but was definitely meant seriously.

The aussie media is sport obsessed (& winning obsessed) - let's just say that on the commercial telly news on a typical evening, there would be more time spent on sport than world news.

[~*~Saligal~*~]

You could always show them THIS link. Might shut them up a bit

Funny... I saw this on the great coach the Brit cycling team had onboard... http://www.theage.com.au/news/cyclin...911573035.html

Hard without turning in to all all out racist but........

Australia has not done too badly in the Olympics considering Sheep S****ing* is not an event.


* Sheering

---------------------

Our story begins at the olympics, specifically the wrestling event. It is narrowed down to the Russian or the Australian for the gold medal.

Before the final match, the Australian wrestler's trainer came to him and said, "Now don't forget all the research we've done on this Russian. He's never lost a match because of this "pretzel" hold he has. Whatever you do, don't let him get you in this hold! If he does, you're finished!"

The wrestler nodded in agreement. Now, to the match The Australian and the Russian circled each other several times looking for an opening. All of a sudden the Russian lunged forward, grabbing the Australian and wrapping him up in the dreaded pretzel hold! A sigh of disappointment went up from the crowd, and the trainer buried his face in his hands for he knew all was lost. He couldn't watch the ending.

Suddenly there was a scream, a cheer from the crowd, and the trainer raised his eye just in time to see the Russian flying up in the air. The Russian's back hit the mat with a thud, and the Australian weakly collapsed on top of him, getting the pin and winning the match.

The trainer was astounded! When he finally got the Australian wrestler alone, he asks, "How did you ever get out of that hold? No one has ever done it before!" The wrestler answered, "Well, I was ready to give up when he got me in that hold, but at the last moment, I opened my eyes and saw this pair of balls right in front of my face.

"I thought I had nothing to lose, so with my last ounce of strength I stretched out my neck and bit those babies just as hard as I could...You'd be amazed at the surge of strength you get when you bite your own balls!"

---------------------

The Australians are entering the Masturbation Tournament in the olympics this year..

Very stiff competition though.


------------------------

As for sheep jokes - I think there's a little bit of misinterpretation.. there are more sheep per capita in kiwi-land than in Australia, and the jokes are normally those used between Aussies and kiwis that are "doctored" for the UK audience

[JiveLad]

Courtesy of The Independent:

"Kylie, Rolf, Dame Edna, Warnie and Skippy: your boys (and girls) are taking a hell of a beating."

[Lee Bartholomew]

After their failure in the Beijing 2008 Olympic rowing events, the Australians decided to send a spy over to the Great British camp to see if he can pick up any tips.

The spy returns after observing the British training.

"It's so simple," he says, "they have eight men rowing and only one man shouting and waving his arms."

[David Bailey]

Well they are currently on 33 to our 28, so - especially when you compare population - we ARE fairly rubbish

table here

I think it's a bit weird that the table only counts gold medals - look at France (4G, 11S, 13B, 28 total), it's ranked below Ukraine (5G, 3S, 8B, 16 total). Seems a little unfair.

[Poi Boi]

You could always show them THIS link. Might shut them up a bit

[Stuart M]

I think it's a bit weird that the table only counts gold medals - look at France (4G, 11S, 13B, 28 total), it's ranked below Ukraine (5G, 3S, 8B, 16 total). Seems a little unfair.

Erm, given the Olympic Creed, isn't it a bit weird having a medals table* at all?


*Or even medals, come to think of it...

[Filthy Monkey]

I think it's a bit weird that the table only counts gold medals - look at France (4G, 11S, 13B, 28 total), it's ranked below Ukraine (5G, 3S, 8B, 16 total). Seems a little unfair.

It may look a little unfair, but put it in perspective. Would you rather win Gold in one event and be considered the best in the world, or win 10 Bronze medals and be third best at everything? I'd take the Gold every time...

[David Bailey]

It may look a little unfair, but put it in perspective. Would you rather win Gold in one event and be considered the best in the world, or win 10 Bronze medals and be third best at everything? I'd take the Gold every time...

Personally, I think I'd like the 10, but that's me

What the table is saying, explicitly, is that Gold Is Everything - everything else is worth precisely zero. Which, to me, seems unbalanced.

Why not have a weighting system? Gold = 3, Silver = 2, Bronze = 1? Something like that would seem to more accurately reflect a country's achievements.

[Stuart M]

Why not have a weighting system? Gold = 3, Silver = 2, Bronze = 1? Something like that would seem to more accurately reflect a country's achievements.

But then the fact is some medals are worth less than others. It's much easier for a specific competitor/nation to multi-medal in swimming than it is in, say, javelin (maybe they should introduce separate categories for four different throwing styles, then multiply up with different style/weight of javelin. Hey, how about relays too? ).

And of course not many of the competitors in a team event like hockey will ever get the chance for more than one medal.

[David Bailey]

Why not have a weighting system? Gold = 3, Silver = 2, Bronze = 1? Something like that would seem to more accurately reflect a country's achievements.

And then I find that someone's beaten me to it...
http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/com...cle4533838.ece