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Thread: Aussie olympic jokes

  1. #21
    Commercial Operator StokeBloke's Avatar
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    Cool Re: Aussie olympic jokes

    Quote Originally Posted by Stuart M View Post
    Well,I think most countries tend to slant their coverage towards events they might get medals in, don't they? I don't remember much prime-time coverage of the cycling on the BBC, prior to the past couple of Olympics. And how much do we ever see of the wrestling in Britain?
    This is true. We were in Holland last week and the coverage there was dull because it was all the stuff that the Dutch team were doing well in. With so much to cover there HAS to be a way to filter the coverage. Covering your own countries events would seem least likely to get complaints, of course the BBC hadn't counted on the gold medal level moaners on this forum.
    Dear Points of View,
    Why, oh why, oh why, oh why, oh why, oh why is there not more coverage of the Peruvian Olympic team? Of course on the face of it the coverage that you supplied for the Olympics seems good. But, I pay my license fee, I want to watch the ladies from Peru speed walking. Is that too much to ask?

    I think the Daily Mail said that most of the UK team are probably dole scum with too much time on their hands to practice. Some of us have to work for a living and can't squander hour after hour practicing gymnastics in the local community centre. It's a sick sign of our society when we venerate these monsters and award them with so-called 'gold' medals.

    Stern Regards
    Mr Dale. E. Male-Reeder
    Just a thought.. y'know

  2. #22
    Registered User ~*~Saligal~*~'s Avatar
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    Re: Aussie olympic jokes

    Quote Originally Posted by Poi Boi View Post
    You could always show them THIS link. Might shut them up a bit
    Funny... I saw this on the great coach the Brit cycling team had onboard... http://www.theage.com.au/news/cyclin...911573035.html
    Quote Originally Posted by Lee Bartholomew View Post
    Hard without turning in to all all out racist but........

    Australia has not done too badly in the Olympics considering Sheep S****ing* is not an event.


    * Sheering

    ---------------------

    Our story begins at the olympics, specifically the wrestling event. It is narrowed down to the Russian or the Australian for the gold medal.

    Before the final match, the Australian wrestler's trainer came to him and said, "Now don't forget all the research we've done on this Russian. He's never lost a match because of this "pretzel" hold he has. Whatever you do, don't let him get you in this hold! If he does, you're finished!"

    The wrestler nodded in agreement. Now, to the match The Australian and the Russian circled each other several times looking for an opening. All of a sudden the Russian lunged forward, grabbing the Australian and wrapping him up in the dreaded pretzel hold! A sigh of disappointment went up from the crowd, and the trainer buried his face in his hands for he knew all was lost. He couldn't watch the ending.

    Suddenly there was a scream, a cheer from the crowd, and the trainer raised his eye just in time to see the Russian flying up in the air. The Russian's back hit the mat with a thud, and the Australian weakly collapsed on top of him, getting the pin and winning the match.

    The trainer was astounded! When he finally got the Australian wrestler alone, he asks, "How did you ever get out of that hold? No one has ever done it before!" The wrestler answered, "Well, I was ready to give up when he got me in that hold, but at the last moment, I opened my eyes and saw this pair of balls right in front of my face.

    "I thought I had nothing to lose, so with my last ounce of strength I stretched out my neck and bit those babies just as hard as I could...You'd be amazed at the surge of strength you get when you bite your own balls!"

    ---------------------

    The Australians are entering the Masturbation Tournament in the olympics this year..

    Very stiff competition though.


    ------------------------
    As for sheep jokes - I think there's a little bit of misinterpretation.. there are more sheep per capita in kiwi-land than in Australia, and the jokes are normally those used between Aussies and kiwis that are "doctored" for the UK audience

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    Re: Aussie olympic jokes

    Courtesy of The Independent:

    "Kylie, Rolf, Dame Edna, Warnie and Skippy: your boys (and girls) are taking a hell of a beating."


  4. #24
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    Re: Aussie olympic jokes

    After their failure in the Beijing 2008 Olympic rowing events, the Australians decided to send a spy over to the Great British camp to see if he can pick up any tips.

    The spy returns after observing the British training.

    "It's so simple," he says, "they have eight men rowing and only one man shouting and waving his arms."

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    Re: Aussie olympic jokes

    Quote Originally Posted by StokeBloke View Post
    It's small wonder that Aussies are good in the pool, they're far less evolutionarily developed than the rest of the world. With those webbed toes and long armed floor dragging knuckles they're onto a sure winner. It must seem like only yesterday they were paddling in the primordial soup

    Could be that most of the year, it is hot enough to go swimming...

    They have learnt that a car and a motorbike, is far more useful than some peddled contraption....

    You cannot fit a surf board on a push bike!

  6. #26
    Registered User NZ Monkey's Avatar
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    Re: Aussie olympic jokes

    Quote Originally Posted by Martin View Post
    Looking at population... where is Russia? On % population, Aussies are not doing too bad.

    Just as a side note, I have not seen a sheep for many years (but she does keep calling )
    Looking at it on a per capita basis - it's good to be a Kiwi*. http://www.nzherald.co.nz/section/4/...ectid=10528184. If you restrict it to just gold medals the numbers are even better

    Quote Originally Posted by Saligal
    As for sheep jokes - I think there's a little bit of misinterpretation.. there are more sheep per capita in kiwi-land than in Australia, and the jokes are normally those used between Aussies and kiwis that are "doctored" for the UK audience
    Baa!

    *of course Slovenia is kicking our collective asses, but as long as we beat Australia we're mostly happy
    Last edited by NZ Monkey; 21st-August-2008 at 01:03 AM. Reason: Punctuation

  7. #27
    Registered User ~*~Saligal~*~'s Avatar
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    Re: Aussie olympic jokes

    Quote Originally Posted by Martin View Post
    Could be that most of the year, it is hot enough to go swimming...

    They have learnt that a car and a motorbike, is far more useful than some peddled contraption....

    You cannot fit a surf board on a push bike!
    That's why they have racks you can put on your "pushy" to achieve this! comp8_product
    And I've seen some guys riding without a rack and just holding their board...

  8. #28
    An Eclectic Toaster
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    Re: Aussie olympic jokes

    Quote Originally Posted by NZ Monkey View Post
    Looking at it on a per capita basis - it's good to be a Kiwi*. Olympics: We are second in medals table - behind Slovenia - 21 Aug 2008 - NZ Herald: New Zealand and International Sports News. If you restrict it to just gold medals the numbers are even better

    *of course Slovenia is kicking our collective asses, but as long as we beat Australia we're mostly happy
    I was going to correct you by pointing out that the Netherlands Antilles (180k pop) were way ahead of even Slovenia. I'd thought their guy won a silver in the 200m, but it turns out that he was disqualified for running out of lane. Sad.

  9. #29
    Registered User stewart38's Avatar
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    Re: Aussie olympic jokes

    Quote Originally Posted by clevedonboy View Post
    Cos I'm bored I just looked at the medal tallies by sport - you may want to rub your Aussie friends noses in this. Clearly they're great in the pool

    (Oz total first then GB & NI)

    Swimming 20 3

    Iím always amazed there have a good swimming team, considering it hasnít rain over there for 30 years, how do they get the water to fill the swimming pools, its taking the **** surely ?

    Quote Originally Posted by StokeBloke View Post
    This is true. We were in Holland last week and the coverage there was dull because it was all the stuff that the Dutch team were doing well in.
    Quote Originally Posted by Stuart M View Post
    I was going to correct you by pointing out that the Netherlands Antilles (180k pop) were way ahead of even Slovenia. I'd thought their guy won a silver in the 200m, but it turns out that he was disqualified for running out of lane. Sad.
    Yes too use to chasing the dragon, too many lines I fear

  10. #30
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    Re: Aussie olympic jokes

    Quote Originally Posted by StokeBloke View Post
    Dear Points of View,
    Why, oh why, oh why, oh why, oh why, oh why is there not more coverage of the Peruvian Olympic team? Of course on the face of it the coverage that you supplied for the Olympics seems good. But, I pay my license fee, I want to watch the ladies from Peru speed walking. Is that too much to ask?

    I think the Daily Mail said that most of the UK team are probably dole scum with too much time on their hands to practice. Some of us have to work for a living and can't squander hour after hour practicing gymnastics in the local community centre. It's a sick sign of our society when we venerate these monsters and award them with so-called 'gold' medals.

    Stern Regards
    Mr Dale. E. Male-Reeder
    Just a thought.. y'know
    I read all over the place - on the BBC web site for one - about these Chinese cheerleaders at the Beach Volleyball (the job description was very funny). Did the BBC ever show the cheerleaders? No. Coo chiz, as Molesworth say.

  11. #31
    Registered User stewart38's Avatar
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    Re: Aussie olympic jokes

    Quote Originally Posted by Barry Shnikov View Post
    I read all over the place - on the BBC web site for one - about these Chinese cheerleaders at the Beach Volleyball (the job description was very funny). Did the BBC ever show the cheerleaders? No. Coo chiz, as Molesworth say.
    They were shown briefly in the womens final

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