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Thread: Aussie olympic jokes

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    Registered User SteveK's Avatar
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    Aussie olympic jokes

    Favour time please - all last week, my work colleagues were making so many comments about how rubbish the British Olympic team was, and that the Australian would win so many more medals than the Brits. Does anyone have any suitable emails/cartoons that I can distribute to those making earlier disparaging comments please? (Apart from the standard ones about comparing australian culture and yogurt etc.)

    Many thanks in advance

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    Re: Aussie olympic jokes

    Quote Originally Posted by SteveK View Post
    Favour time please - all last week, my work colleagues were making so many comments about how rubbish the British Olympic team was, and that the Australian would win so many more medals than the Brits.
    Well they are currently on 33 to our 28, so - especially when you compare population - we ARE fairly rubbish

    table here

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    Re: Aussie olympic jokes

    Hard without turning in to all all out racist but........

    Australia has not done too badly in the Olympics considering Sheep S****ing* is not an event.


    * Sheering

    ---------------------

    Our story begins at the olympics, specifically the wrestling event. It is narrowed down to the Russian or the Australian for the gold medal.

    Before the final match, the Australian wrestler's trainer came to him and said, "Now don't forget all the research we've done on this Russian. He's never lost a match because of this "pretzel" hold he has. Whatever you do, don't let him get you in this hold! If he does, you're finished!"

    The wrestler nodded in agreement. Now, to the match The Australian and the Russian circled each other several times looking for an opening. All of a sudden the Russian lunged forward, grabbing the Australian and wrapping him up in the dreaded pretzel hold! A sigh of disappointment went up from the crowd, and the trainer buried his face in his hands for he knew all was lost. He couldn't watch the ending.

    Suddenly there was a scream, a cheer from the crowd, and the trainer raised his eye just in time to see the Russian flying up in the air. The Russian's back hit the mat with a thud, and the Australian weakly collapsed on top of him, getting the pin and winning the match.

    The trainer was astounded! When he finally got the Australian wrestler alone, he asks, "How did you ever get out of that hold? No one has ever done it before!" The wrestler answered, "Well, I was ready to give up when he got me in that hold, but at the last moment, I opened my eyes and saw this pair of balls right in front of my face.

    "I thought I had nothing to lose, so with my last ounce of strength I stretched out my neck and bit those babies just as hard as I could...You'd be amazed at the surge of strength you get when you bite your own balls!"

    ---------------------

    The Australians are entering the Masturbation Tournament in the olympics this year..

    Very stiff competition though.


    ------------------------

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    Registered User SteveK's Avatar
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    Re: Aussie olympic jokes

    Quote Originally Posted by Lee Bartholomew View Post
    Hard without turning in to all all out racist but........
    It's not being racist - just a bit of banter. (When their AOC President makes comments such as "Great Britain may have been in lane seven and eight but, um, they seemed to be getting there for a country that has very few swimming pools and not much soap")!

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    Re: Aussie olympic jokes

    Quote Originally Posted by Dreadful Scathe View Post
    Well they are currently on 33 to our 28, so - especially when you compare population - we ARE fairly rubbish

    table here
    I think it's a bit weird that the table only counts gold medals - look at France (4G, 11S, 13B, 28 total), it's ranked below Ukraine (5G, 3S, 8B, 16 total). Seems a little unfair.

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    Re: Aussie olympic jokes

    You could always show them THIS link. Might shut them up a bit

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    Re: Aussie olympic jokes

    Quote Originally Posted by SteveK View Post
    When their AOC President makes comments such as "Great Britain may have been in lane seven and eight but, um, they seemed to be getting there for a country that has very few swimming pools and not much soap"!
    I thought that was very funny, but the media here suggested it was some sort of bitter comment. No sense of humour our media.

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    Re: Aussie olympic jokes

    Quote Originally Posted by David Bailey View Post
    I think it's a bit weird that the table only counts gold medals - look at France (4G, 11S, 13B, 28 total), it's ranked below Ukraine (5G, 3S, 8B, 16 total). Seems a little unfair.
    Erm, given the Olympic Creed, isn't it a bit weird having a medals table* at all?


    *Or even medals, come to think of it...

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    Registered User SteveK's Avatar
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    Re: Aussie olympic jokes

    Quote Originally Posted by Dreadful Scathe View Post
    I thought that was very funny, but the media here suggested it was some sort of bitter comment. No sense of humour our media.
    From the impression of the newspapers/telly here, I'd say that the UK media actually interpreted the intent reasonably well. Not sure that it was meant as a _bitter_ comment, but was definitely meant seriously.

    The aussie media is sport obsessed (& winning obsessed) - let's just say that on the commercial telly news on a typical evening, there would be more time spent on sport than world news.

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    Re: Aussie olympic jokes

    Quote Originally Posted by David Bailey View Post
    I think it's a bit weird that the table only counts gold medals - look at France (4G, 11S, 13B, 28 total), it's ranked below Ukraine (5G, 3S, 8B, 16 total). Seems a little unfair.

    It may look a little unfair, but put it in perspective. Would you rather win Gold in one event and be considered the best in the world, or win 10 Bronze medals and be third best at everything? I'd take the Gold every time...

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    Re: Aussie olympic jokes

    Quote Originally Posted by SteveK View Post

    The aussie media is sport obsessed (& winning obsessed) - let's just say that on the commercial telly news on a typical evening, there would be more time spent on sport than world news.
    Looking at population... where is Russia? On % population, Aussies are not doing too bad.

    Just as a side note, I have not seen a sheep for many years (but she does keep calling )

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    Re: Aussie olympic jokes

    Quote Originally Posted by SteveK View Post
    From the impression of the newspapers/telly here, I'd say that the UK media actually interpreted the intent reasonably well. Not sure that it was meant as a _bitter_ comment, but was definitely meant seriously.
    Looks like you didnt get it either

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    Re: Aussie olympic jokes

    Quote Originally Posted by Filthy Monkey View Post
    It may look a little unfair, but put it in perspective. Would you rather win Gold in one event and be considered the best in the world, or win 10 Bronze medals and be third best at everything? I'd take the Gold every time...
    Personally, I think I'd like the 10, but that's me

    What the table is saying, explicitly, is that Gold Is Everything - everything else is worth precisely zero. Which, to me, seems unbalanced.

    Why not have a weighting system? Gold = 3, Silver = 2, Bronze = 1? Something like that would seem to more accurately reflect a country's achievements.

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    Re: Aussie olympic jokes

    Quote Originally Posted by David Bailey View Post
    Why not have a weighting system? Gold = 3, Silver = 2, Bronze = 1? Something like that would seem to more accurately reflect a country's achievements.
    But then the fact is some medals are worth less than others. It's much easier for a specific competitor/nation to multi-medal in swimming than it is in, say, javelin (maybe they should introduce separate categories for four different throwing styles, then multiply up with different style/weight of javelin. Hey, how about relays too? ).

    And of course not many of the competitors in a team event like hockey will ever get the chance for more than one medal.

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    Re: Aussie olympic jokes

    Quote Originally Posted by David Bailey View Post
    Why not have a weighting system? Gold = 3, Silver = 2, Bronze = 1? Something like that would seem to more accurately reflect a country's achievements.
    And then I find that someone's beaten me to it...
    http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/com...cle4533838.ece

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    Re: Aussie olympic jokes

    Quote Originally Posted by Stuart M View Post
    But then the fact is some medals are worth less than others. It's much easier for a specific competitor/nation to multi-medal in swimming than it is in, say, javelin (maybe they should introduce separate categories for four different throwing styles, then multiply up with different style/weight of javelin. Hey, how about relays too? ).
    In practical terms, I agree - but then you could argue this is why the athletics events get the most coverage, as recognition that these are "worth more".

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    Re: Aussie olympic jokes

    Quote Originally Posted by David Bailey View Post
    In practical terms, I agree - but then you could argue this is why the athletics events get the most coverage, as recognition that these are "worth more".
    Well,I think most countries tend to slant their coverage towards events they might get medals in, don't they? I don't remember much prime-time coverage of the cycling on the BBC, prior to the past couple of Olympics. And how much do we ever see of the wrestling in Britain?

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    Re: Aussie olympic jokes

    Quote Originally Posted by David Bailey View Post
    And then I find that someone's beaten me to it...
    Olympic medal race -Times Online
    um... i'd doodled a system this morning* based on each medal being twice as good as the one before - so it was 1 for a bronze 2 for a silver and 4 for a Gold. Which put Australia in front of us. I'd written out the top 8 and then did some real work Didn't post it for being too mind numbingly pointless

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    Re: Aussie olympic jokes

    Cos I'm bored I just looked at the medal tallies by sport - you may want to rub your Aussie friends noses in this. Clearly they're great in the pool but show similar performances to GB & NI in the other sports except of course for Cycling (at Athens they were the dominant team with 5 track golds)

    (Oz total first then GB & NI)

    Athletics 2 2
    Canoeing 2 1
    Cycling 1 14
    Diving 1 0
    Gymnastics 0 1
    Horses 1 2
    Rowing 3 6
    Sailing 2 4
    Shooting 1 0
    Swimming 20 3
    Triathlon 2 0
    Last edited by clevedonboy; 19th-August-2008 at 04:46 PM.

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    Cool Re: Aussie olympic jokes

    It's small wonder that Aussies are good in the pool, they're far less evolutionarily developed than the rest of the world. With those webbed toes and long armed floor dragging knuckles they're onto a sure winner. It must seem like only yesterday they were paddling in the primordial soup


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