Ladies, please reveal what is a "real man"?

[Barry Shnikov]

I was going to post something very rude but I bottled out.

[Isis]

I was going to post something very rude but I bottled out.

You wimp!

[Little Monkey]

LM deserves a medal for being so perceptive.
But how did she come across all this information about us?

Ah, the Mystery of the All-Knowing Monkey.

Some things are just beyond explanation .

Yeah. But it certainly makes life more interesting!

[Agente Secreto]

I was going to post something very rude but I bottled out.

You wimp!

Clearly a real man can't be a wimp because he never bottles out

[LuLu Baby]

Of course, I can find out, being as I have all these godlike moderator powers. But that's be a shocking abuse of such powers.

Hold on.

Ah, so that's who it was. Huh. Well I never....

David! How do I get into your good books??

[Little Monkey]

Isn't it awfully nice to have a penis?
Isn't it frightfully good to have a dong?
It's swell to have a stiffy.
It's divine to own a dick,
From the tiniest little tadger
To the world's biggest prick.
So, three cheers for your Willy or John Thomas.
Hooray for your one-eyed trouser snake,
Your piece of pork, your wife's best friend,
Your Percy, or your ****.
You can wrap it up in ribbons.
You can slip it in your sock,
But don't take it out in public,
Or they will stick you in the dock,
And you won't come back.

(Monty Python - The Penis Song)

It's interesting that the Forum auto-rude-word-detector has picked up on the word c-o-c-k, but has left things like dick, prick, stiffy etc. Highly amusing, methinks!!

[Little Monkey]

Right, I'm just bored now....:

****

(From Wikipedia)

**** may refer to:
Rooster, a male chicken
In ornithology, the male of any bird
****, a colloquial word for a penis

In valves:
A type of tap, faucet or valve
Steam ****, a drain valve on a steam engine cylinder
Bibcock, a small type of valve
Sample ****, a small valve fitted in breweries and other process industries to check the product during manufacture
Stopcock, a valve used to restrict or isolate the flow of a liquid or gas through a pipe
Petcock, a small valve, primarily for draining liquid or releasing pressure from a vessel
Ballcock, a mechanism for filling water tanks

In clocks:
A part of a clock or watch used to support an outrigger bearing for a gear or lever
Balance ****, supports the balance wheel in a watch
Fly ****, supports the fly on a bracket clock
Back ****, supports the pendulum and pallet arbor

In other:
To ****, to prepare the hammer of a firearm for firing
Shuttlecock, a high-drag projectile used in the sport of badminton
****, the NATO reporting name of the Antonov An-22

[CheesyRobMan]

Am I the only one who's slightly concerned that women's views on real men seem to revolve around penises?

What defines a real woman - now, *there's* a discussion and a half...

[Double Trouble]

Am I the only one who's slightly concerned that women's views on real men seem to revolve around penises?

From my experience, that's pretty much all they're good for...and even then it's more "Last turkey in the shop", than "Babies arm"

So come on then CheesyWotsit. What do you think you have to offer that puts you in the "Real Man" category? Or if you don't think you're a member, why not?

[CheesyRobMan]

From my experience, that's pretty much all they're good for...and even then it's more "Last turkey in the shop", than "Babies arm"

Red Dwarf, Season 4, "DNA". Kryten the mechanoid has been transformed into a human.

KRYTEN: Ah yes, now, I wanted to talk to you about something.
Something about, um, well, something I know we humans get a little
embarrassed about. It's a bit of a taboo subject -- not the sort of
thing we like to sit around and chat about in polite conversation.
LISTER: Kryten, I'm an enlightened twenty-third century guy. Spit it
out, man.
KRYTEN: Well, I want to talk to you about my penis.

DAVE LISTER, enlightened 23rd century guy, reacts exactly as would an
unenlightened 20th century schoolboy.

KRYTEN: I knew it, you've gone straight into smirk mode. Aren't we both
two human adults? Can't we discuss our reproductive system without
adolecent sniggering?
LISTER: Yeah, of course we can.
KRYTEN: Thank you. (He hands LISTER a polaroid.) Well?
LISTER: "Well" what?
KRYTEN: Well, what do you think?
LISTER: I'm not quite with you here, Kryten. What am I supposed to say?
KRYTEN: I want to know: is that normal?
LISTER: What? Taking photographs of it and showing it to your mates?
No, it's not!
KRYTEN: Well, but is it supposed to look like that?
LISTER: Well, yeah.
KRYTEN: It's hideous! That's the best design they could come up with?
Are you seriously telling me there were choices, and someone said "Ah,
there, that's it. That's the shape we're looking for: The last-
chicken-in-the-shop look?" Shakespeare had one? Einstein? Perry Como
sang "Memories are Made of This" with one of those stashed in his
slacks?
LISTER: Well, yeah.
KRYTEN: No wonder humans don't have a zoom mode! Ugh.

[Double Trouble]

funny red dwarf quote

You've been watching DAVE haven't you?

[David Bailey]

David! How do I get into your good books??

Become a Silver Member, then you don't need to worry about my good books

[Beowulf]

There is no such thing as a "Real man" just like there's no such thing as a "real woman"

Not every man is going to be a Pierce Brosnan look-alike action hero and part time fireman / paramedic, Spending his free time saving damsels in distress from burning buildings , climbing mount Everest and still finding time to buy flowers and make dinner for his partner when they get in from work.

Similarly not every woman is a tall leggy blonde Swedish Page three bimbo with a breast measurement bigger than their IQ , interested in Ironing and Child rearing and advanced pole dancing techniques.

People have got to wake up and smell the coffee.. Men come in all shapes, sizes and personalities. Tall/Small, Fat/thin, Hairy/Bald, Strong/Weak, Macho/Wimpy, Beer Swilling Football thugs/Tea-Total Role-playing geeks, straight/gay

I'm male.. 38, overweight, full head of hair and teeth, bespectacled, not particularly strong, bit of a geek, insecure around others, prone to crying at the end of soppy films, likes chick flicks as much as he likes sci-fi and horrors. Likes to Bake, hates football, tea total and has a lousy taste in clothing, anosmic and with a slight speech impediment.

I hate all this hype over what a real man /woman has to look like from the contents of GQ mags or cosmo or whatever other mags out there that continue put forward this unachievable "ideal" that marketing departments have created in an effort to promote everything from cosmetics to sports cars.

I'm not Mr Wonderful .. Well at least not to everybody (One person may argue otherwise ) and thank heavens we're not all alike!!

And for men/women not happy with their lot.. you might as well be chasing the Leprechaun’s gold at the end of the rainbow.. you'll find the "ideal man" is a unrealistic fiction designed to sell you stuff you don't need nor can afford.

[martingold]

I'm male.. 38, overweight, full head of hair and teeth, bespectacled, not particularly strong, bit of a geek, insecure around others, prone to crying at the end of soppy films, likes chick flicks as much as he likes sci-fi and horrors. Likes to Bake, hates football, tea total and has a lousy taste in clothing

are you my long lost twin brother?? albeit younger

[ducasi]

Real men have a Y chromosome. Real women don't. That's all there is to it.*

(* Except for the exceptions.)

[Easily Led]

For me a "real man" is:

• willing to cook a little
• wash up even more
• hoover from time to time (we finally have a Dyson and it has a man on the front of the instructions using it
• able to make me laugh/smile

• good with his hands - especially important during dancing!!!

But then what do I know as the men I currently find most attractive are : Jonny Depp, Gok and Giles Coren!!

[Gav]

For me a "real man" is:

• willing to cook a little
• wash up even more
• hoover from time to time (we finally have a Dyson and it has a man on the front of the instructions using it
• able to make me laugh/smile

• good with his hands - especially important during dancing!!!

Ahhh, but not forgetting the women's prerogative to add to this list when her man can say "I do all that!".

[Little Monkey]

People have got to wake up and smell the coffee.. Men come in all shapes, sizes and personalities. Tall/Small, Fat/thin, Hairy/Bald, Strong/Weak, Macho/Wimpy, Beer Swilling Football thugs/Tea-Total Role-playing geeks, straight/gay

I already pointed this out.....

I'm male.. 38, overweight, full head of hair and teeth, bespectacled, not particularly strong, bit of a geek, insecure around others, prone to crying at the end of soppy films, likes chick flicks as much as he likes sci-fi and horrors. Likes to Bake, hates football, tea total and has a lousy taste in clothing, anosmic and with a slight speech impediment.

Yeah, yeah. But do you have a penis??

[Double Trouble]

tall leggy blonde Swedish Page three bimbo with a breast measurement bigger than their IQ , interested in Ironing and Child rearing and advanced pole dancing techniques.

If this is your idea of a real woman Beo, then you have gone way down in my estimation, mate.

[Gav]

there's no such thing as a "real woman"

You mean they're all in my imagination? That explains a lot.