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Thread: Compliments or criticism/advice?

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    Registered User Easily Led's Avatar
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    Compliments or criticism/advice?

    Do you tend to hand out compliments or criticism/advice to your dance partners? Do men tend to criticize more than women or vice/versa?
    Last edited by Easily Led; 13th-June-2008 at 09:24 AM. Reason: Balance

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    Re: Compliments or criticism/advice?

    Quote Originally Posted by Easily Led View Post
    Do you tend to hand out compliments or criticism/advice to your dance partners? Do men tend to criticize more than women or vice/versa?
    I am always complimentary but would never ever criticise or hand out unsolicited advice - how rude - I know a guy that does the dark side stuff and have heard from the women on the end of it how devasted / blood boilingly angry it has made them.

    I always go by rule 1 - it's just a bit of fun !

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    Re: Compliments or criticism/advice?

    Quote Originally Posted by Easily Led View Post
    Do you tend to hand out compliments or criticism/advice to your dance partners? Do men tend to criticize more than women or vice/versa?
    If you seek advice/critisism to help you understand /improve you dancing, good practice would to ask for it before you start dancing so the person can assimilate the information whilst you dance.

    As far as offering unrequested advice is concerned I rarely do so, the situation has to be right and if I did I would ask the person first if they would like my comment /advice before giving it.

    It always nice to give deserved compliments.

    Without wanting to be part of a self appreciation society ......it can often be a self-fulfilling prophesy.... you dance with dancers you want to dance with ... hence you will probably enjoy dancing with them... hence you may feel like complimenting them.

    I have no thoughts on whether males of females do it more or less

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    Re: Compliments or criticism/advice?

    I always compliment/thank my partner at the end and mean it, often with hug or squeeze of the hands.
    I admit to asking the Follower to not hang on to my thumb nor grip so tightly nor use her thumbs.
    I very rarely offer advice on the floor, but try to do it nicely, if such a comment is possible.

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    Re: Compliments or criticism/advice?

    I have commented in the past, very nicely about a couple of people and told them directly if they are hurting me. Regardless of how nice you do it, its never taken well so now i just avoid anyone that looks like they are a nightmare.

    I like a soft lead you see so heavy handed dancers are a no no for me.

    Its just a bit of fun sure... but when u feel like your being yanked from one move to the next the fun kinda goes out of it.

    Mind you, as a lead learner, im keen to get feedback. I can tend to yank myself sometimes and im learning not to do that.

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    Re: Compliments or criticism/advice?

    This is easier when you're the teacher and it's your class. You need people to change what they do so they improve. I see it as coaching. For instance, last night I was dancing with a lady who doesn't usually come to our classes. She has a nice way of moving and a great attitude. But I saw her dancing with guys and stumbling on the turns because she was often on the wrong foot. I had a dance with her, half way through the dance she stumbled, I held her up and asked if that happens a lot. She said it does and she can't understand why. I told her it was because she was putting in triples which put her on the wrong foot for the turns. I explained the difference between a turn with a travel and a turn on the spot too. Then we carried on dancing and she was much better with no stumbles. She was really grateful that I'd spent time with her.

    I can do this because I'm the teacher and it's my class. If I was simply another dancer I'd need to be much more circumspect and sensitive. At venues where I'm not the teacher I do not offer unsolicited coaching and try to avoid offering advice at all. My advice might be different from what is being taught - especially if there's a semi-circle at the start of the dance

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    Re: Compliments or criticism/advice?

    Criticism, definitely. Hey, it's for their own good.

    Similarly, I find it's useful to give critical advice on my partner's dress sense, their looks, their weight and of course hairstyle.

    After all, if you get it all done in one session, it's more effective that way. And they'll thank you for it in the end.

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    Re: Compliments or criticism/advice?

    Quote Originally Posted by David Bailey View Post
    Similarly, I find it's useful to give critical advice on my partner's dress sense, their looks, their weight and of course hairstyle.
    but you missed out their smell which imho is a must

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    Re: Compliments or criticism/advice?

    Quote Originally Posted by David Bailey View Post
    Criticism, definitely. Hey, it's for their own good.

    Similarly, I find it's useful to give critical advice on my partner's dress sense, their looks, their weight and of course hairstyle.

    After all, if you get it all done in one session, it's more effective that way. And they'll thank you for it in the end.
    id quite like to see you do that. What your wearing looks ****, your dog ugly and you weigh too much oh and by the way, sort that shitty perm out.

    Please let me know your next victim cause i'll be there with a camera.

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    Re: Compliments or criticism/advice?

    Quote Originally Posted by martingold View Post
    but you missed out their smell which imho is a must
    Just out of interest, and vaguely on topic, what do you ladies think if a guy comments on your perfume by name, e.g. "Oh I see you're wearing Jean-Paul Gaultier, I really like that perfume".

    Is this creepy? Gay? Sophisticated? All of the above?

    Dan

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    Re: Compliments or criticism/advice?

    Quote Originally Posted by gebandemuishond View Post
    Just out of interest, and vaguely on topic, what do you ladies think if a guy comments on your perfume by name, e.g. "Oh I see you're wearing Jean-Paul Gaultier, I really like that perfume".

    Is this creepy? Gay? Sophisticated? All of the above?

    Dan
    A bit odd. Men's sense of smell is generally not as good as women's, and why would they know the names of women's perfumes - unless their current/a previous partner wore it? I doubt that I'd think it was gay!

    Have only had my perfume commented on by a man once that I can recall. He liked it but thought I was wearing a rose one, when it was actually a lily one... nuff said?

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    Re: Compliments or criticism/advice?

    Quote Originally Posted by Twirly View Post
    A bit odd. Men's sense of smell is generally not as good as women's, and why would they know the names of women's perfumes - unless their current/a previous partner wore it? I doubt that I'd think it was gay!

    Have only had my perfume commented on by a man once that I can recall. He liked it but thought I was wearing a rose one, when it was actually a lily one... nuff said?
    Thats funny as one of our young ladies at chelmsford wears tea rose by body shop i did indeed comment that i liked it i didnt say this to my wife but shortly after that she bought the self same perfume (i still like the smell btw)

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    Re: Compliments or criticism/advice?

    Quote Originally Posted by dep View Post
    I admit to asking the Follower to not hang on to my thumb nor grip so tightly nor use her thumbs.
    Yep I do that, usually when they are coming close to tearing my fingers off with the Lobster Claw Grip Of Death(tm). If it's actually hurting me then I will stop and tell them why they must not do that.

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    Re: Compliments or criticism/advice?

    Quote Originally Posted by gebandemuishond View Post
    Just out of interest, and vaguely on topic, what do you ladies think if a guy comments on your perfume by name, e.g.
    Personally, I'd just be impressed!
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    Re: Compliments or criticism/advice?

    I only say anything if specifically asked a question by the follower on their dancing. Even then I may sugarcoat the reply.

    I have no backbone.

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    Re: Compliments or criticism/advice?

    Quote Originally Posted by gebandemuishond View Post
    Just out of interest, and vaguely on topic, what do you ladies think if a guy comments on your perfume by name, e.g. "Oh I see you're wearing Jean-Paul Gaultier, I really like that perfume".

    Is this creepy? Gay? Sophisticated? All of the above?

    Dan
    One forumite, who shall remain anonymous to protect his masculinity, commented on my perfume a couple of years ago 'Mmm, you're wearing DKNY aren't you, I love that perfume'
    Everytime we dance together he breaths in the aroma as we are dancing. I find it kinda cute that he is so observant. Although I did try to embarrass him about it with his new wife, Sorry Brian. Ooops!

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    Re: Compliments or criticism/advice?

    I'm with Trouble - I try to speak up if someone is a)hurting me or b)scaring me by pulling me into sudden drops or c)pulling me around like a ragdoll. I guess from their point of view it's criticism, but from my point of view it's self-preservation!

    My neck was badly injured a couple of years ago by a yanker/over-physical lead (because I was too polite to say anything)...I couldn't dance for 6 months, spent a fortune on physiotherapy, and I still have a permanent weakness in my neck.

    So these days, if I don't feel safe/comfortable I try to speak up. I hope the guy doesn't take offence, but if he does then the upside is at least he won't ask me to dance again!

    I wouldn't criticise anything non-dangerous though, like someone's general dance style.

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    Re: Compliments or criticism/advice?

    Quote Originally Posted by Trouble View Post
    I have commented in the past, very nicely about a couple of people and told them directly if they are hurting me. Regardless of how nice you do it, its never taken well so now i just avoid anyone that looks like they are a nightmare.

    I like a soft lead you see so heavy handed dancers are a no no for me.

    Its just a bit of fun sure... but when u feel like your being yanked from one move to the next the fun kinda goes out of it.
    Sometimes you can't win. I rarely comment unless asked, which has probably never happened, or if they are raw beginners and then I just tell them how well they're doing.

    Just out of interest, and vaguely on topic, what do you ladies think if a guy comments on your perfume by name, e.g. "Oh I see you're wearing Jean-Paul Gaultier, I really like that perfume".

    Is this creepy? Gay? Sophisticated? All of the above?[]
    I think it's be one in a million jivers that could do this! If someone said that to me I'd suspect they were gay as my favourite scent is a men's fragrance. Unless he was chief nose for Chanel, I suppose these people have to go dancing somewhere.

    On a different topic entirely, you know all that left brain/ right brain b*ll*cks about the language people use reflecting the sensory mode they are most comfortable with? Dan just said "I see you're wearing Jean Paul Gaultier." Why would it be inappropriate to say, "I smell you're wearing Rive Gauche..." etc etc.
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    Re: Compliments or criticism/advice?

    Quote Originally Posted by Trouble View Post
    id quite like to see you do that. What your wearing looks ****, your dog ugly and you weigh too much oh and by the way, sort that shitty perm out.

    Please let me know your next victim cause i'll be there with a camera.
    You'll be the first to know.

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    Re: Compliments or criticism/advice?

    Quote Originally Posted by jivecat View Post
    On a different topic entirely, you know all that left brain/ right brain b*ll*cks about the language people use reflecting the sensory mode they are most comfortable with? Dan just said "I see you're wearing Jean Paul Gaultier." Why would it be inappropriate to say, "I smell you're wearing Rive Gauche..." etc etc.
    Learning Styles and Hemispheric Dominance
    I did pause to think about how one could 'see' a smell, but decided that see flows much better in the sentence than 'smell'.

    Thanks for the link, interesting reading but very very frustrating as it's pretty much complete bo11ocks. The last couple of years of my life have been dedicated to studying the brain, and I'd rather trust my own judgement than someone who can't even spell corpus callosum . Anyway, time and place Dan, time and place...

    Anyway, back to the original question - I think that men probably dish out criticism more readily than ladies, on the basis of all the dancefloor mini-lessons I see happening most nights. Also, I find that I get a LOT more criticism when I'm dancing as a follower. Two possible reasons: 1) I'm hardly the world's best follower, and 2) people seem to think that because I'm a guy I have a desperate desire to 'better myself' by learning the follower's role, when in actual fact I just like to enjoy the dance from the other side every now and again. But then 2) is understandable, often guys do follow with the excuse of improving their dancing.

    Dan

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