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Thread: Asking strange men.

  1. #41
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    Re: Asking strange men.

    Quote Originally Posted by Easily Led View Post
    On one level I know that you are right but on the other hand you, and I suspect Lory and pretty much Fletch (apart from the TTinTH) never get refusals so it is easy for you to say this. Twirlie Bird doesn't even have to ask at all !

    BTW - do blondes have more fun ?
    Of course they get refusuals. Its in your head honestly.

    ive seen Twirlie Bird ask for dances before so that is also not quite correct.

    Really, refusals are nothing to worry about or be ashamed/ embarassed about, just move onto the next one. DTS tells me your a lovely dancer so its nothing to do with ya dancing and from what i can remember, ya a lovely girl too with great taste in tights!! Xx xxx As for being blonde and more fun, nope not really, i always had fun xxxx

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    Re: Asking strange men.

    Quote Originally Posted by Trouble View Post
    us women have a built in brain compartment that makes us try and reason/dicipher everything. --- why did he refuse me, why did he say he was tired and now he is dancing with that other girl, why hasn't he come and asked me - why is he not smiling, why did he, why did he why did he why did he....
    if I'm allowed to speak for us men, then I reckon we are exactly the same. Trying to fathom out the reason for the rejection and never coming up with a conclusion. Too often I wonder "is that reason genuine? or is she just trying to cover up the too embarrassing to reveal real reason?"

    It would suit me (and maybe momentarily hurt) to know the honest why. But I'm grown up enough to recognise the information for what it is. Then I could take action to eliminate the problem, if any.

    I'm back to that "stand up and be counted" thing again.

  3. #43
    Registered User Twirly's Avatar
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    Re: Asking strange men.

    Quote Originally Posted by Easily Led View Post
    I also deliberately seek out "shy" looking people and beginners and even the slightly strange but I don't think there will be many of the first two at Southport.
    I’ll have one who combines all three attributes with me! Come and find Beowulf and ask him…

    Quote Originally Posted by Lynn View Post
    You can ask and check if they want to do MJ. Some might be very WCS focused and not want to switch styles, but you don't know till you ask. Most are also extremely nice MJ leads.
    Quote Originally Posted by Cruella View Post
    (Admittedly if it's a WCS track playing you might notice a few triple steps creeping in to their footwork, but only because it's difficult not to )
    This is something I’ve been wondering about… not so much the asking a WCSer to dance, as how do they know that I only do MJ, and not WCS? I’ve had a few dances in the last few months where the guy has lead in more of a slotted style, and given me some very odd looks during the dance – I don’t think that I’ve been doing anything unusual, but clearly I’ve not done what he’s expected Trouble is, this has then damaged my confidence during the dance and I’ve become very self-conscious. I’ve tried not to let it worry me, as this has happened at Ceroc events and therefore my expectation of doing MJ is justified and they should check if they want to do something else. But is SP different? Is there an assumption that as the event is aimed at more experienced dancers, that people will be more adaptable to any dance style? I don't relish the idea of having to say "would you like an MJ dance" to everyone If you only do one, how do you cope with that? This could probably be a whole other thread…

    Quote Originally Posted by Trouble View Post
    The trick is not to take it personally, us women have a built in brain compartment that makes us try and reason/decipher everything.

    *snip*

    Men cant do more than one thing so if they do refuse its often that they need to do something else....so don’t let it upset you.


    That is so spot on about both sexes… it makes dancing, relationships, in fact life in general so much easier when you eventually realise this.

  4. #44
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    Re: Asking strange men.

    Quote Originally Posted by Trouble View Post
    Its tiresome but something we do, the trick is to remember, men do not have this capability generally, they are a much simpler breed. They are as follows; Need to drink -refuse, need to pee - refuse, need to rest - refuse, they dont really think to themselves, ooh your looking crap tonight, no thanks or ooh your not wearing a short enough skirt tonight no thanks. They dont have the brain speed to cope with that sort of thinking.
    So in short, refusal is often just simply single tasking restrictions. Men cant do more than one thing so if they do refuse its often that they need to do something else....so dont let it upset you.
    She's not far wrong, U know!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


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    Re: Asking strange men.

    Quote Originally Posted by CJ View Post
    She's not far wrong, U know!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    Love to disagree but I can't. We are at best simple creatures

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    Re: Asking strange men.

    Quote Originally Posted by Trouble View Post
    need to pee - refuse,

    So in short, refusal is often just simply single tasking restrictions. Men cant do more than one thing so if they do refuse its often that they need to do something else....so dont let it upset you.
    Personally I am quite happy about not being able to do multi tasking on the peeing and dancing combination. Must be a girl thing I guess.

    As Trouble says - Don't let it worry you. There are very few people who make a value judgement on you when accepting a dance. The ones that refuse you without a good reason are not worth dancing with anyway (they would be going into the dance with a bad attitude) - much less getting angst ridden about.

    It is good to dance with technically perfect dancers but it is also interesting to learn to cope when what you were planning to do goes to hell in a hand cart. Getting the best dance that you can for both yourself and your partner within the limitations or yourself and your partner is interesting in itself.

  7. #47
    Registered User Lynn's Avatar
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    Re: Asking strange men.

    Quote Originally Posted by Twirly View Post
    Is there an assumption that as the event is aimed at more experienced dancers, that people will be more adaptable to any dance style? I don't relish the idea of having to say "would you like an MJ dance" to everyone
    Depends on who and where. Main room/latin room - assumption will be MJ. Specific WCS set - assumption will be WCS (just as assumption will be AT in the Milongas).

    Blues room with some WCSable tracks will be the only time you need to maybe clarify. And you can usually do some sort of hybrid.

    I used to be very shy about asking for dances. I didn't hide away in the corner, I stood on the edge of the floor, looked around etc, but didn't actually ask. Then I started asking. Sometimes I watch and pick someone I want to dance with, sometimes its totally random.

    Now cos I've been to so many Southports (OK, all of them!) there are so many familiar faces, and I lose track of who asks who, I just see people and its 'hi, lets dance'. I really love that.

  8. #48
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    Re: Asking strange men.

    Quote Originally Posted by Easily Led View Post
    I suspect Lory and pretty much Fletch (apart from the TTinTH) never get refusals so it is easy for you to say this.
    Quote Originally Posted by Trouble View Post
    Of course they get refusuals.
    I've had loads of refusals, honest.. but they mainly come from the men I know fairly well, as I think they know i'll understand that their refusal is for a genuine reason.
    Although, I've definitely had a few unexplained ones from people I don't know too! (btw, I never forget a face and would never ask again) But I 'try' not to dwell on it

    Even when i don't get refused, I sometimes get a funny reaction.... its a kind of grimace followed by an apology, before we even start dancing.. something like, I'm sorry, I can't do blah blah or I'm having an off night, so don't expect too much


    What's all that about?



    Quote Originally Posted by Chef View Post
    Personally I am quite happy about not being able to do multi tasking on the peeing and dancing combination.
    You said what I thought!
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  9. #49
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    Re: Asking strange men.

    Quote Originally Posted by Easily Led View Post
    Would well known Westies rather not be asked by ordinary MJ dancers, as these are the people I would really think twice about asking?
    I don't know about being well know for doing WCS but I'd just like to state here and now... I'll have a stab at dancing anything and I love dancing MJ, as well as other stuff too
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  10. #50
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    Re: Asking strange men.

    Quote Originally Posted by Easily Led View Post
    .....I mean like the really young guy with a hat and piercings (I don't know his name) but he has the most amazing dance style with often a one finger to palm connection (he is often to be seen with Revdrop I think)......
    That sounds like Vegetable (Kyron) - he will be at Southport (not sure who Revdrop is ?)


    Quote Originally Posted by Easily Led View Post
    .......BTW - do blondes have more fun?
    I'm working on it


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  11. #51
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    Re: Asking strange men.

    Quote Originally Posted by Lory View Post
    I've had loads of refusals, honest.. but they mainly come from the men I know fairly well, as I think they know i'll understand that their refusal is for a genuine reason.
    Yep, I said to someone at Blaze - 'do you need a break?' as I knew they'd been on the floor a lot and they said after that song they'd take a break, if they had really needed one they would have said as I was someone they could refuse, knowing I'd understand. (Glad they didn't that time though as we had a lovely dance.)

    I have no problem in being refused for a valid reason by someone I know, esp if they come later and find me for a dance. I don't have a problem being refused by a stranger either as they don't know me and therefore the refusal isn't really personal - it happened at the last SP - the guy said he was too hot and wanted a break (it was in the main room), I just moved on and asked someone else.

  12. #52
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    Re: Asking strange men.

    Quote Originally Posted by Lory View Post
    ...
    Even when i don't get refused, I sometimes get a funny reaction.... its a kind of grimace followed by an apology, before we even start dancing.. something like, I'm sorry, I can't do blah blah or I'm having an off night, so don't expect too much

    What's all that about?
    For some dancers there is big difference between at their best and worst.

    It is a problem when someone you've watched dancing and want to dance with, but being above your level, is so inconsiderate as to ask you when you're dancing at your worst.

    Future dances may be unlikely if you're not dancing well then - first impressions can count.

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    Re: Asking strange men.

    Could it be that us ladies sometimes misinterpret male performance anxiety for a look that suggests Jane Austen's Mr Darcy's famous put down on looking at Elizabeth Bennet at a dance:

    "She is tolerable, but not handsome enough to tempt me;and I am in no humour at present to give consequence to young ladies who are slighted by other men ..."?

    (Apart from the "young" that is!)

  14. #54
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    Re: Asking strange men.

    Quote Originally Posted by Easily Led View Post
    Could it be that us ladies sometimes misinterpret male performance anxiety for a look that suggests Jane Austen's Mr Darcy's famous put down on looking at Elizabeth Bennet at a dance:

    "She is tolerable, but not handsome enough to tempt me;and I am in no humour at present to give consequence to young ladies who are slighted by other men ..."? ...
    Probably; given ladies are far more likely to have this attitude, they probably incorrectly over ascribe it to men.

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