Asking strange men.

[Easily Led]

As Southport approaches I know that how much I enjoy the freestyle element will depend on how many dances I get. Unless I become strangely charismatic this will mean that I will have to ask a fair few unfamiliar men. Like a lot of women I find this difficult unless I am in a really confident mood. However, any tips anyone has for approaching strangers without seeming too desperate/importunate would be appreciated.

One I tried recently that I quite liked was to find two men talking together and then ask them if either of them would like to dance. Possibly this offers less chance of getting refused but it might be upsetting if both said no! If both look interested you can always go back for the other one .

Fletch is the mistress of working a room and I have watched in admiration but then she is blonde and has some other assets too!

[Lee Bartholomew]

come and ask me for one

[Double Trouble]

I do find it tiresome at Southport having to ask all the time for dances, but I find the more I work the room, the more dances I get and sometimes people even come back for more.

I think the key to it is treat it as a numbers game and just let it be water off a ducks back if anyone says no. It's difficult not to take it personally, but you just gotta move on to the next one and remind yourself that they just missed out on the opportunity for the dance of their lives.

Oh....blind optimism and confidence works a treat too.

[robd]

A photo with your profile would at least mean strange men reading this thread would be able to get an idea of who you are and maybe approach you for a dance at Southport rather than vice versa.

[StokeBloke]

Fletch is the mistress of working a room and I have watched in admiration but then she is blonde and has some other assets too!

Her secret is a little confidence. Ask, ask, ask, ask.. you will be surprised how few 'no thank yous' you hear.

As men go, I am pretty strange... you seem to have no problem asking me and our dances are always great fun

[Steven666]

A photo with your profile would at least mean strange men reading this thread would be able to get an idea of who you are and maybe approach you for a dance at Southport rather than vice versa.

...or wear a t-shirt saying "please dance with me".

Or just ask EVERYONE & ANYTHING that has the ability to move. You should get dances that way.

[killingtime]

However, any tips anyone has for approaching strangers without seeming too desperate/importunate would be appreciated.

How about "would you like a dance?"

One I tried recently that I quite liked was to find two men talking together and then ask them if either of them would like to dance. Possibly this offers less chance of getting refused but it might be upsetting if both said no!

It might be better going for one man sitting on his own. First if they are engaged in conversation it might well be because they just fancy a chat. Second you are creating a scenario where they then have to have a quick discussion or question about who you are asking. It's not the end of the world but it is, perhaps, creating more complexity than is required by just asking one of them directly (plus they get to feel like the special, chosen, one).

[jive-vee]

Sometimes I'm in the mood or zone or whatever you want to call it to ask anyone and everyone (sometimes I'm even lucky enough to not have to do too much asking myself - but not that often - but I think that's partly because, although not necessarily a very recognisable face on the forum, at some freestyles and at SP those that I have asked or danced with on a few previous occasions now ask me. I think also if people see me being asked a lot or see me asking a lot they twig that I like dancing and will say yes if they ask me )

I would say one of the big things that helps me is not to think too much about asking someone to dance before asking them. If I do that it puts too much pressure on the simple question of "would you like to dance?". Just walk over to whoever you want to dance with, smile and ask - 9 times out of 10 (possibly even more) they will say yes. Often just making eye contact and a smile and they have accepted your request before you have even asked.

One of the beauties of SP is that there are so many different rooms and areas to stand within those rooms that you will find so many people to ask and who ask you. Really can't wait til September

I hope this makes sense?

[johnnyman]

It's Southport - one of the few occasions irrespective of your personal relationship you can ask different men to dance and not feel guilty. Go for it.

The point of the weekend is to dance and improve and socialise, eat, drink, be merry and be part of the crowd of 1500 dancers who make the effort to get there. Make sure you get a few dances in the Blues area - where I will be a lot of the time.

I will be more than happy to dance with you - and the chances are we probably will. I never turn anyone down. I usually wear a lot of T-shirts with different logos and designs and some are film-based.

best
johnnyman

[Lynn]

As Southport approaches I know that how much I enjoy the freestyle element will depend on how many dances I get. Unless I become strangely charismatic this will mean that I will have to ask a fair few unfamiliar men. Like a lot of women I find this difficult unless I am in a really confident mood. However, any tips anyone has for approaching strangers without seeming too desperate/importunate would be appreciated.

I used to be very shy asking strange men to dance. The thing is, you ask, you have a lovely dance, and then they are no longer a stranger! I have made some fab discoveries this way.

My personal fav methods are
- make initial contact with a look, suss out if they seem approachable or not

- look around, spot guys who are also looking round and clearly wanting to dance, often you don't even have to ask in this situation the mutual 'both want to dance' is enough.

- look around for some of the shy guys who maybe don't like asking ladies they don't know but would be happy to be asked. For some it might be their first weekender and they may be feeling a bit overwhelmed (I know I did on my first weekender!)

- come to the forum reception - there may be a few 'strange men' there...

Its not in any way desperate to ask for dances - one of the great things about dancing is meeting and dancing with new people!

I always make a determined effort at SP to ask people I don't know, and its great fun.

[CheesyRobMan]

It's not the end of the world but it is, perhaps, creating more complexity than is required by just asking one of them directly (plus they get to feel like the special, chosen, one).

Of course, you can set the other guy up for the next track by looking back over your shoulder and giving him a sultry smile and a wiggle of the hips as you walk onto the floor with the first guy... needs to be subtle though or guy #1 might twig!

[jim]

It's not what you know or how good you are that determines how many dances you get, but who you know and how much they like you.

Lessons are a good way to get to know people and break the ice. Think of them more as a social networking opportunity than a chance to learn.

If you do enough lessons you'll find there aren't any strange men. Just freinds and acquaintances you haven't danced with yet.

[tsh]

Start at one end of the room, and work your way round. Why make it any more complicated than that? Avoid any who arn't strange enough for you...
Worked well for me at Ware, 80% of the people there were sat down and didn't move much, so I got 1/2 way round the room before I forgot who I'd danced with and who I hadn't.

[philsmove]

Fletch is the mistress of working a room ..

I had not met Fletch until recently, when she asked me for Dance at Gloucester. Refusing was not an option

[dep]

don't get much stranger than me and some are brave enough to ask for a dance.

[MartinHarper]

Any tips anyone has for approaching strangers without seeming too desperate/importunate would be appreciated.

Walk around the floor and ask every third dancer. This makes it look like you are choosing your partners with some consideration, rather than asking anything with a pulse. It also avoids the "stalking the room" look that some folks find creepy.

[Lory]

My advise is, don't ask the strange ones

[Moondancer]

It's Southport - one of the few occasions irrespective of your personal relationship you can ask different men to dance and not feel guilty.

Are women supposed to feel guilty about asking different men to dance?


..obviously I have NO conscience!

[SPROGGS]

Like a lot of women I find this difficult unless I am in a really confident mood. However, any tips anyone has for approaching strangers without seeming too desperate/importunate would be appreciated.

Two points that may help.

1. If you see someone dancing that you think you would like to dance with, have in the back of your mind if you do not dance with that person someone else will, and you will end up dancing with someone you do not want to dance with.

2. If you ask, you have the power to choose who you would like to dance with. If they say no (unless it is for a good reason) Never ask them again, or say no when they feel important enough to now ask you.

SPROGGS

[DundeeDancer]

Hi Easily Led,

Just chill out and have a good time would be my advice.

Wander about often with a smile on your face and try to have conversations with people (both girls and boys).

That normally scares people half to death so they'll be begging you to dance or introducing you to there friends to go dance with, rather than having to think on things to say.

Ask anyone who looks semi normal for a dance but do it in a really relaxed way, like it doesn't matter if they say yes or no.

Because lets face it doesn't matter unless it's someone you really really have got the hot's for, and even then it really doesn't matter that much does it?

If anyone says no to a dance, then they've done you a favour, their heart would not of been in the dance and it would have been crap one anyway so move on quickly and ask someone else who's wandering about with a smile on there face, there sure to give you a good dance.

Do as I say and not as I do.

The last night of Blaze just pass was not the best for me, I had some great dances that night but there was long spells where I thought it was really dull.

I'm not really a blues dancer where I think most of the fun was happening that night (it's on my to learn list).
I think it's easier to fake blues dancing as a follower so you'll have more options than I had.

The main room started off OK but there was to much Latin and Cha Cha style music for my liking and by 2:15am after hours of the stuff there wasn't they many people left in the main room, then all of a sudden a few charty type tracks came on which I really wanted to dance to but I couldn't find anyone, so that just made me even more frustrated so I decided to call it a night.

So I packed my stuff up and took my dancing shoes off and headed for the door, thinking what's the point in playing the good music just now? should have been playing it 3 hours ago and there would still be people around here to dance with now… moan … grumble… moan

On the way out feeling pretty feed up I walk passed one of my favourite dancers standing all alone at the edge of the dance floor. I just thought aaarrrggghhh that’s just *** typical…

I was really tired and feed up so I tried not to look her in the eyes hoping she won't notice me but I'm sure she would have done and I feel pretty guilty about that now.

Hopefully next time I see her and ask her for a dance she won't mention that last night at Blaze.

So at least if your asking strangers then it’s a fresh start, no need to say oh was having an off night the last time you seen me, so you see there definite advantages in asking strangers for dances.

I'm sure you'll have a great time, maybe not every moment in the whole weekend but overall you'll look back and think... wow, I had a ball

Best of luck, DD.