Is this being star struck???

[clarabella]

Am I star struck???

I am interested to know if anyone else has/had the same issues as me…

Blaze II, I'd not been dancing for very long, still nervous about dancing in general but very nervous with the experienced dancers and teachers.

Blaze III, been dancing a little longer and STILL can’t dance with the profs. I managed to relax and dance quite well at Blaze then along came this chap that I had noticed dancing before, obviously a very experienced dancer, and whack…. I couldn’t spin, didn’t listen to his lead very well, couldn’t have eye contact and generally felt like a complete twit!!! After cowering off after my dance and wanting the ground to swallow me up, I lost all confidence to dance with anyone other than my usual buddies.

What is going on, I ask? This is ridiculous, I have given myself a right talking to but nothing works!! Why do I turn into a wobble board??

Someone please tell me I am not alone….

xx

[bigdjiver]

I have been jiving for decades and still get the "not good enough" feeling with real dancers. Sadly it makes me dance worse when dancing with them.

Even more sadly I am aware that ever so occasionally a newbie partner is suffering the same confidence crunching self-deprecation when dancing with me, and I cannot always get them to relax.

[dep]

or could it be "love struck"?

Certainly takes the edge off my dancing. I become a blunt brick.

Clara,
I'm only just past Improver, but I'd love to dance with you. I expect both of us to enjoy and part of that is the accumulation of all the little successes we will have together.
Don't be embarrassed, nor self conscious, get out there and enjoy.
BTW,
I'm up for the Blues classes & parties. see ya.

[ducasi]

Someone please tell me I am not alone….

You are not alone.

[Easily Led]

I have been dancing about 2 and a half years and I still find it really difficult to relax with some people, mainly really good dancers unfortunately. It makes it more difficult for me to do anything creative and I feel more clumsy. For instance, I was dancing with a really well known teacher just recently and thought it was going pretty well for a change; that is until I struck him in the face with my elbow !

[dep]

I was dancing with a really well known teacher just recently and thought it was going pretty well for a change; that is until I struck him in the face with my elbow !

no,
struck is the inside of the hand done deliberately.
Bashed him about the head sounds more like what you did.
But it's the leader's fault, he should give you space to complete the move he led you into. It's his responsibility to plan the move and the location of the protagonists.
Now, if I bang the head of my Follower, then it is completely my fault. I apologise and hope she will forgive and dance with me the next time I ask.

[purplehyacinth]

Clarabella

First of all - you are not alone. We have ALL been there

As far as "star struck" is concerned, there could be any number of reasons for what you describe. The following are just a few examples, and I'm sure that either you can think of others, or other people will chip in with more:

- If you perceived this lead as very "good", you may have felt nervous and intimidated about asking them, and in consequence, nerves may have inhibited your usual following skills, and once you fluffed one thing, you started mentally kicking yourself, with the result that your mind was more on your initial mistake than on the dance, resulting in further mess-ups.

- or it may be that at the time you asked this lead to dance, you were more tired than you actually realised that you were, and tiredness meant that you weren't following or feeling the connection as well as usual.

- equally, the lead might have been more tired than he realised that he was at the time, with the result that he wasn't leading, or feeling the connection, as well as usual

- or it may simply be that when you saw the lead dancing before asking him, he was dancing with people he had danced with a number of times before, and he was familiar with the connection he has with them, and it may be simply that the connection between him and you is one that takes more time than simply once dance to develop.
From my own experience, I know there are some leads that it has taken a number of dances over a few weeks for the connection to establish and settle down, and for us to dance comfortably together. On the other hand there are leads where within about 2 seconds you connect and are dancing well together immediately.

If it helps, think of the dance as being like having a conversation: there are some people you can meet, and almost instantly you "click" and are chatting away, nineteen to the dozen, as if you have known each other years; other people, it takes a bit of time to get to know them, and for you to feel comfortable enough together to talk to each other on subjects other than the weather!

From my own experience, it can be quite intimidating asking good people (and teachers) to dance: I know that I sometimes ask such people virtually in fear and trepidation as I am conscious of how good they are (and by contrast how good I am NOT), and when I am nervous because of that, I am more likely to fluff things, miss leads, go the wrong way and generally dance with the grace and style of a Thunderbirds puppet. Sometimes when that happens I just want to find a small corner to hide in at the end of the dance, as I feel so embarassed that I've given the lead such a lousy dance.
One thing I find works with me - is, particularly in fast dances - if the lead multiple-turns me, so that I am having to rely on the connection for guidance in the turn (plus if you are turning numerous times at speed, you can't think of much else BUT the turn, maintaining balance etc, and that tends to drive out all other negative thoughts), it helps build the connection and trust between the lead and me, and I am more likely to have a better-connected dance (I say more likely, because, like all things in dance, it doesn't work 100%).

The first thing I would say is PLEASE stop beating yourself over your head with this: the more you think that you are dancing like a wobble board, and the more you worry that you are going to be dancing like a wobble board, then the more likely you are to dance like a wobble board. It's easier said than done, but relax, put it behind you and move on. Dance a few dances with people you feel comfortable with till you get your confidence back. Or even stick a couple of cds on and shimmy/dance around your living room (or kitchen, or wherever in your house has space) on your own, and if singing along to the music helps you relax, sing too, until you feel more relaxed and have got your dancing joie-de-vivre back.

Also, remember - you're going dancing, not sitting an exam! If you have asked a lead whom you think dances impressively to dance, don't feel that you have to impress him! Both of you are there to have a dance and to enjoy yourselves: it's not your driving test! Remember, people don't ask people to dance just to try and impress them, or because they necessarily think that the person they are asking (or has asked them) is going to be the most fab dancer in the world: if that were the case, newbies who haven't yet learnt to lead or follow properly would never get a dance except with other newbies! People ask people to dance.... well,... to dance - not to impress their partner. Experienced dancers dance with newbies - and non-newbies - because they want to dance with them, and because they want to help them enjoy the dance experience.

Equally, for some people (and I've said this above), it can take a few dances together for a proper connection to develop - so don't worry if you don't develop a fabulous connection in your first dance together.

Finally - I doubt if there is a single person on this forum who has not had at least a dance, dances, or even entire evening(s) where they have felt that they have danced like a complete muppet. (If I am wrong on this, I would like to meet the person in question as he/she is exceptional and/or incredibly blessed). This includes the lead you danced with. For all you know, at BlazeIII he may well have gone away from the dance he had with you, mentally smacking himself on the forehead and berating himself for not having led you well/connected with you well, or given you as good a dance as he would have liked.

So in summary

Try to put it behind you and relax
We've all been there and will all be there again
DON'T give up and DO keep dancing

And finally - if you find the above waffle unhelpful - ignore it.

[Lynn]

First of all - you are not alone. We have ALL been there

- If you perceived this lead as very "good", you may have felt nervous and intimidated about asking them, and in consequence, nerves may have inhibited your usual following skills, and once you fluffed one thing, you started mentally kicking yourself, with the result that your mind was more on your initial mistake than on the dance, resulting in further mess-ups.

This is exactly what happens with me! I'm usually trying too hard and should just relax.

~snip other stuff~

I would also add that some leads who look very 'good' and who dance mostly with other very 'good' followers aren't always that good at leading! Sometimes, probably due to limiting who they dance with, they are used to the women they regularly dance with just doing what is expected and they don't give clear leads/can't establish good connection with an unknown follower etc. I usually tend to blame myself for not following properly, but then sometimes I hear several other experienced followers say 'yes, he looks great but is actually rather hard to follow' and I know its not just me!

But mostly it is me, mucking up 'cos I'm worried I'm going to make mistakes...

The bit I hate about the whole 'having a dance with a really good person and making a mess of it' is that this is the only experience they have of my dancing, and will think I dance like that all the time and maybe never ask me again!

[purplehyacinth]

~snip~

The bit I hate about the whole 'having a dance with a really good person and making a mess of it' is that this is the only experience they have of my dancing, and will think I dance like that all the time and maybe never ask me again!

One that worries me too (and probably everyone else if they are honest about it). But in real life, I have found that leads are generally forgiving and notwithstanding a less-than-perfect first dance, do often ask for a dance again - maybe not the same evening, but again, sometime. And if they don't, you can always ask THEM for another dance some time when you are feeling better about yourself (and they can't refuse you without good reason (see relevant threads on acceptable reasons for refusing dances) without being rude).

[Andy McGregor]

This is exactly what happens with me! I'm usually trying too hard and should just relax.

-snip-

But mostly it is me, mucking up 'cos I'm worried I'm going to make mistakes...

The bit I hate about the whole 'having a dance with a really good person and making a mess of it' is that this is the only experience they have of my dancing, and will think I dance like that all the time and maybe never ask me again!

I think Lynn is being modest. She is a fabulous dancer and a great follow.

The lead is the person driving the dance. And just as driving different vehicles requires different driving methods, leading different dancers requires different leads. And that includes leading nervous or intimidated ladies. That is especailly true if the lady keeps hesitating because she's not sure what to do. If things went wrong with your dance with this "expert" then maybe, just maybe, you placed them on too high a pedestal. A real expert would have helped you relax and led you into moves you could have done easily - the job of a lead is, first and foremost, to give the follow a good time, showing off is secondary and only good if that's what the follow wants. A self-certified hotshot would have danced their usual flashy dance, made you feel a fool and thought "that showed her how good I am".

I would also add that some leads who look very 'good' and who dance mostly with other very 'good' followers aren't always that good at leading! Sometimes, probably due to limiting who they dance with, they are used to the women they regularly dance with just doing what is expected and they don't give clear leads/can't establish good connection with an unknown follower etc. I usually tend to blame myself for not following properly, but then sometimes I hear several other experienced followers say 'yes, he looks great but is actually rather hard to follow' and I know its not just me!

This is so true. There is one teacher who is a regular at weekenders, he looks great with his regular partners because they look great and are great dancers who compensate for his lack of lead. But he really wants a partner to hold a mirror so he can see himself while he dances

[Astro]

From my own experience, I know there are some leads that it has taken a number of dances over a few weeks for the connection to establish and settle down, and for us to dance comfortably together. On the other hand there are leads where within about 2 seconds you connect and are dancing well together immediately.

If it helps, think of the dance as being like having a conversation: there are some people you can meet, and almost instantly you "click" and are chatting away, nineteen to the dozen, as if you have known each other years; other people, it takes a bit of time to get to know them, and for you to feel comfortable enough together to talk to each other on subjects other than the weather!

It would be interesting to know if the people you naturally "click" with off the dancefloor are the one you "click" with on the dancefloor.

Because there's a kind of "shorthand" off the dancefloor with people you click with.

This "shorthand", if it works on the dancefloor, would be invaluable in knowing what was coming for the follow.

This is so true. There is one teacher who is a regular at weekenders, he looks great with his regular partners because they look great and are great dancers who compensate for his lack of lead. But he really wants a partner to hold a mirror so he can see himself while he dances

Gosh! What if Candyman is playing?

[Andy McGregor]

Gosh! What if Candyman is playing?

Look for a venue where they play music that's the right speed for Modern Jive

[clarabella]

or could it be "love struck"?

Certainly takes the edge off my dancing. I become a blunt brick.

"Love Struck" Mmmm. would mean i fall in love very easy and with an awful lot of people! Lol x

[gebandemuishond]

From my own experience, it can be quite intimidating asking good people (and teachers) to dance: I know that I sometimes ask such people virtually in fear and trepidation as I am conscious of how good they are (and by contrast how good I am NOT), and when I am nervous because of that, I am more likely to fluff things, miss leads, go the wrong way and generally dance with the grace and style of a Thunderbirds puppet.

You mean like this?

is totally F.A.B. !

Dan

[CheesyRobMan]

I think Lynn is being modest. She is a fabulous dancer and a great follow.

The lead is the person driving the dance. And just as driving different vehicles requires different driving methods, leading different dancers requires different leads. And that includes leading nervous or intimidated ladies. That is especailly true if the lady keeps hesitating because she's not sure what to do. If things went wrong with your dance with this "expert" then maybe, just maybe, you placed them on too high a pedestal. A real expert would have helped you relax and led you into moves you could have done easily - the job of a lead is, first and foremost, to give the follow a good time, showing off is secondary and only good if that's what the follow wants. A self-certified hotshot would have danced their usual flashy dance, made you feel a fool and thought "that showed her how good I am".

Although I have been guilty of putting Lynn off while dancing... the tickly basket seems to work quite well

[mshedgehog]

I definitely have the same feeling with certain people. I try to just admit that some stress is understandable, not to let it frighten me, and to be OK with the fact that I may not dance as well as I do under easier conditions.

So I admit to myself that I think I'm taking an exam, and I use it to motivate myself and measure my progress - if I can deliver something with a person who makes me nervy, I know I've mastered that thing and I chalk that up as a win.

And the last step is to think about the rewards; I think that I have been very lucky to dance with that person, and to experience the musicality, the possibilities, and whatnot that I don't experience with most people. I can learn a lot even if I dance badly.

[blackisleboy]

Clara,

You're a really lovely dancer, with a really nice connection, but far too hard on yourself! I always enjoy dancing with you, and missed you the last few months. Don't worry - there are some people who I really want to ask to dance, and then when I do, it just doesn't gel - doesn't mean (hopefully) that I'm a bad dancer, just that nerves have gotten the best of me, or that we're not well matched, like Purpleheather says.

Looking forward to more blues next weekend, even though you can't make saturday (boohoo - you need to talk to your boss about that one....)

x

[clarabella]

Clara,

You're a really lovely dancer, with a really nice connection, but far too hard on yourself! I always enjoy dancing with you, and missed you the last few months. Don't worry - there are some people who I really want to ask to dance, and then when I do, it just doesn't gel - doesn't mean (hopefully) that I'm a bad dancer, just that nerves have gotten the best of me, or that we're not well matched, like Purpleheather says.

Looking forward to more blues next weekend, even though you can't make saturday (boohoo - you need to talk to your boss about that one....)

x

Aw thank you…

I really enjoyed our dance at Blaze, have no idea what happened to me there but for some reason I didn’t think about my dancing at all, just went with the flow and had some fun! Shame that attitude didn’t stay for long eh! Lol

Will try to get to as many weekenders/workshops as I can, maybe dancing more with different people will stop the stage fright!!

See ya’ Friday

xx

[dep]

........ next weekend, even though you can't make saturday (boohoo - you need to talk to your boss about that one....)

x

we need to talk to the boss. Can "we" roll our sleeves up or do you only trust me to hold the jackets?

Clara,
what were you doing last night?
Posting @ 0255gmt seems weird.
Had the man just fallen asleeep?

[Mezzosoprano]

Am I star struck???

I am interested to know if anyone else has/had the same issues as me…

Blaze II, I'd not been dancing for very long, still nervous about dancing in general but very nervous with the experienced dancers and teachers.

Blaze III, been dancing a little longer and STILL can’t dance with the profs. I managed to relax and dance quite well at Blaze then along came this chap that I had noticed dancing before, obviously a very experienced dancer, and whack…. I couldn’t spin, didn’t listen to his lead very well, couldn’t have eye contact and generally felt like a complete twit!!! After cowering off after my dance and wanting the ground to swallow me up, I lost all confidence to dance with anyone other than my usual buddies.

What is going on, I ask? This is ridiculous, I have given myself a right talking to but nothing works!! Why do I turn into a wobble board??

Someone please tell me I am not alone….

xx

Nope - join the club Clarabelle!! I've been dancing for two years with 3 months off each year to sing with the local Opera Company, I'm just getting the grip of the eye contact thing and then I go off for twelve weeks and come back all star struck and two left feet!

even worse at Blaze III than normal - it's sods law - dance fabby in the two weeks previous and dance like a numpty at Blaze!!

Mezzo XX

ps - you're a lovely dancer - quit being so hard on yourself!!