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Thread: There's hope for us all...

  1. #61
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    Re: There's hope for us all...

    My tuppence worth, after about 30 minutes photoshopping
    forum.jpg

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    Re: There's hope for us all...

    Quote Originally Posted by jivecat View Post
    Judging by things I've heard, fat blokes get treated like rubbish, sometimes, too.
    What generally or in a dance environment?

    Generally I'd agree with you, but I always maintain that men can be any shape, colour, size and even have two heads...it doesn't matter if they can dance. They are the jive equivalent of George Clooney or Brad Pitt.

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    Re: There's hope for us all...

    Quote Originally Posted by Double Trouble View Post
    What generally or in a dance environment?
    In a dance environment. I take your point about forgiving anything if they can dance well but I think some people get turned down because others make snap judgements based on appearance before getting as far as actually dancing. I'm only going on hearsay, though.

  4. #64
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    Re: There's hope for us all...

    Quote Originally Posted by Lory View Post
    its just hiden, somewhere under all the rubbishy bits
    Snap out of it woman!

    My personal theory if you want to look good is look at how you carry yourself first and how confidant you appear (even if you might be faking it a little at first), and then look at how you dress and how it works with your body shape. After that you can focus on losing the weight slowly and healthily, which in turn will let you adjust your wardrobe and gain that extra bit of confidence for real.

    Since it's been over a year since I saw you last I remember you as you looked with the weight on, but you had the first two points in spades so the weight was something I barely noticed. I'm really glad you've lost some, especially if it makes you happier, but I suspect the bigger difference in how you look now is the extra happiness rather than the thinner waist line.

    A confident appearance is sexy. A sexy appearance is unlikely to get you the kind of attention you really want. Confused? I know I am....

  5. #65
    Cheeky by nature Little Monkey's Avatar
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    Re: There's hope for us all...

    Quote Originally Posted by Mezzosoprano View Post
    I spend time sitting on the chairs waiting for a "charity dane"... I'm hoping it's 'cos I'm fat and not a bad dancer BUT, there are dancers out there who don't dance with you if you're not tall and skinny and glamerous.
    Well, I certainly don't dance with you out of charity. I dance with you because I think you're great fun to dance with, and gorgeous inside and out!

    I don't pick the people I dance with (leads or follows) based on looks, but based on how much I enjoy dancing with them. Is there a difference between men and women when it comes to picking partners based on looks/weight?? We've discussed this a hundred times before, but these questions will keep popping up forever.

    I agree wholeheartedly with everyone who's said that if you feel confident, you'll act confident, and this will make you sexier/more attractive, too. And much more likely to be asked for a dance! I know myself that if I feel great I'm more likely to smile, have a better posture and also stay close to the dance floor moving to the music and with a body language that positively shouts 'Hey, I wanna dance! Let's have some FUN!!'

    Right, I now need to find a way of bottling up confidence to take with me when I'm dancing, so if I feel low I can just top up!

  6. #66
    Registered User Jhutch's Avatar
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    Re: There's hope for us all...

    Looks to me like they just gave them a better haircut, slapped on shedloads of make-up and gave them an expensive dress. First and third are definitely worth doing, not so sure about the one in the middle - it can end up looking like you are wearing a mask

  7. #67
    Registered User Jhutch's Avatar
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    Re: What have you learnt in the past 24 hours?

    Quote Originally Posted by Twirly View Post

    I was wondering whether it was due to what is portrayed in porn magazines – in other words it’s women trying to look as they think men want them to look. And yet we have plenty of men on here saying they don’t really like the look.
    er, my experience may be less than yours but if they wanted to look women in porn mags then they wouldnt be wearing that many clothes - maybe they try to fit in with what fashion mags say you should look like.

  8. #68
    Forum Bombshell - Our Queen! Lory's Avatar
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    Re: There's hope for us all...

    Quote Originally Posted by NZ Monkey View Post
    Snap out of it woman!
    Hey, I'm not about to slit my wrists OK?

    And I'm not after compliments.. (I actually didn't start this thread, one of the other moderators took it from a light-hearted post I put in the 'what I've learnt in the last 24hours' thread, as it generated quite a few follow up posts )

    The thread's actually turned into an interesting discussion on many levels (one of them being the photography angle)

    I love reading everyone's different views and maybe some of it reflects on our upbringing, as well as the current influence of the media.

    My Mum for example, would worry that I was 'letting myself go' if I chose not to wear make-up for a day!
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  9. #69
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    Re: There's hope for us all...

    Quote Originally Posted by Jhutch View Post
    Looks to me like they just gave them a better haircut, slapped on shedloads of make-up and gave them an expensive dress. First and third are definitely worth doing, not so sure about the one in the middle - it can end up looking like you are wearing a mask
    "worth doing"? The forum isn't a toilet wall, mate.

  10. #70
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    Re: There's hope for us all...

    Quote Originally Posted by Barry Shnikov View Post
    "worth doing"? The forum isn't a toilet wall, mate.
    I don't think he meant the women were worth doing, but the good haircut and the expensive dress.
    Quote Originally Posted by Jivecat
    This thread makes absolutely tragic reading - Lory & Cruella, you are amongst my icons of confident femininity, please don't tell me it's all a front!
    Jivecat, it's not all a front, don't worry you can carry on admiring us But even confident women still have some insecurities, putting on a few pounds can make you feel like a huge balloon even if no one else can notice it. It's no wonder men don't understand us women, when we can't even understand ourselves!

  11. #71
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    Re: There's hope for us all...

    Quote Originally Posted by Mezzosoprano View Post
    I'm hoping it's 'cos I'm fat and not a bad dancer BUT, there are dancers out there who don't dance with you if you're not tall and skinny and glamerous.
    Well I've got to say I was very impressed with you when I met you at Blaze and I've yet to dance with you. I think the majorty of the people we meet at various events are nice and sociable and are more worried about giving a worthy dance than the weight, look or dress sense of the prospective partner.

    Quote Originally Posted by jivecat View Post
    Judging by things I've heard, fat blokes get treated like rubbish, sometimes, too.
    Yup, its not a male/female thing. Some people are just not very nice and if you don't fit what they want, you are looked down on.

    Quote Originally Posted by Lory View Post
    I think its a two fold thing.. if you don't feel good about yourself, you probably don't feel as worthy as you would otherwise and therefore you don't put yourself out there as much.

    So people might not ask you as much because of the body language your giving off.
    The problem there is that if someone is doing the asking and are feeling positive, they are less likely to ask someone who looks negative. So think positive or ask someone who looks positive to dance to boost you up

  12. #72
    Registered User Easily Led's Avatar
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    Re: There's hope for us all...

    I am amazed and impressed (and not a little jealous) about all the major transformations made by lots of the ladies on this forum - it seems mainly to have been dancing inspired and you should all be really proud of yourselves! All I can boast is slightly more developed calves and a doubling in size of my wardrobe as a result of dancing (however, my work clothes are really shabby!)

    If anyone dared it would be lovely to see before and after pictures - I find it really hard to believe there was ever a "fat" Fletch or Jamie. Probably what I would like most is to be around 20 years younger (20 years more dancing) but even today I don't think that it possible . Thinner would be good too, ooh and less..... but the list is endless ....

    However, whilst it is great to be healthy and make the best of yourself, I think it is sad that, especially for women, looks are seen as the key to success in life and intelligence definitely secondary.

  13. #73
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    Re: There's hope for us all...

    Quote Originally Posted by Little Monkey View Post
    Right, I now need to find a way of bottling up confidence to take with me when I'm dancing, so if I feel low I can just top up!
    Just smile. Apparently there is a biofeedback loop whereby if you smile, even if you don't feel like it, it will trigger the right chemicals in the brain to make you feel happier, and thus it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. Maybe not actually confidence, but it would probably help.

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    Re: There's hope for us all...

    Quote Originally Posted by Mezzosoprano View Post
    ........ I spend time sitting on the chairs waiting for a "charity dane"... I'm hoping it's 'cos I'm fat and not a bad dancer BUT, there are dancers out there who don't dance with you if you're not tall and skinny and glamerous. .....
    I may not be big (anymore) but there are obvious parts of my body not in line with the "ideal". Nearly all of my male friends admit to making superficial judgements about women - big boobs being the most popular feature (and by that I mean bigger than mine ). Of course I'm not superficial at all in my choice of dance partner or mate .

    I don't spend time on the chairs. Not because I get asked a lot but because I get out there and do the asking. I rarely get refused directly. It's not real confidence, just that once I've made a decision, I go do it fairly quickly so as not to think about it again.

    I think this thread is actually proving quite enlightening as the women whom I think of as confident, glorious and glamourous in their very own special way (yeah, Lory and Cru ) seem to feel like me sometimes too.

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    Re: There's hope for us all...

    Quote Originally Posted by Twirly View Post
    Just smile. Apparently there is a biofeedback loop whereby if you smile, even if you don't feel like it, it will trigger the right chemicals in the brain to make you feel happier, and thus it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. Maybe not actually confidence, but it would probably help.
    Paul McKenna and others have some good techniques for this. Try his books or website.

  16. #76
    Forum Bombshell - Our Queen! Lory's Avatar
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    Re: There's hope for us all...

    Quote Originally Posted by Freudian Hips View Post
    I think this thread is actually proving quite enlightening as the women whom I think of as confident, glorious and glamourous in their very own special way (yeah, Lory and Cru ) seem to feel like me sometimes too.
    Ah ha! Well, I showed the film of you dancing with James to my parents yesterday and they both said WOW, now that girl's fabulous, she looks like she's having the time of her life and's very enjoyable to watch! AND they're right!

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  17. #77
    Cheeky by nature Little Monkey's Avatar
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    Re: There's hope for us all...

    Quote Originally Posted by Twirly View Post
    Just smile. Apparently there is a biofeedback loop whereby if you smile, even if you don't feel like it, it will trigger the right chemicals in the brain to make you feel happier, and thus it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. Maybe not actually confidence, but it would probably help.
    Nope. Heard this theory a thousand times, but it's never worked for me! I seem to fool a lot of other people though, but still feel awful inside, even if I smile until my cheeks hurt!

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    Re: There's hope for us all...

    Is there truth to the "beauty/happiness on the inside, beauty/happiness on the outside" saying? I know that when things are getting me down it shows through on the outside and people react differently. When I am having a good day/time/dance I smile more, and I find people tend to smile along.

    Funnily enough, I had a rotten day's work on Weds, went to Stockport on my own (being 200 miles from home and couldn't face a night working in a hotel room), had two great dances and then spent the rest of the night smiling...I didn't get to sit down at all, danced the night away!

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    Re: There's hope for us all...

    Quote Originally Posted by Easily Led View Post
    However, whilst it is great to be healthy and make the best of yourself, I think it is sad that, especially for women, looks are seen as the key to success in life and intelligence definitely secondary.
    Isn't intelligence just as randomly gifted as beauty? Does it in itself make a better or more worthwhile human being? Many really intelligent people I know are so arrogant about intelligence being the ultimate quality that I want to slap them (in an intelligent way, obviously).

    My intelligence, I am told, is part of what makes me intimidating. I don't want to be intimidating. I've only just grown into my looks to the point where if someone wants me for my face and or body, that's blinking marvellous

    Maybe a definition of intelligence that includes emotional and social intelligence might be the way forward?

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    Re: There's hope for us all...

    Quote Originally Posted by Freudian Hips View Post
    Isn't intelligence just as randomly gifted as beauty? Does it in itself make a better or more worthwhile human being? Many really intelligent people I know are so arrogant about intelligence being the ultimate quality that I want to slap them (in an intelligent way, obviously)...
    If you believe in evolution then just about average intelligence is the best for human beings, as is average height , weight and average beauty (except in my case, obviously).

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