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Thread: Interesting etiquette situations.

  1. #21
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    Re: Interesting etiquette situations.

    [quote=Agente Secreto;466903]
    What a good idea, I'm going to start stalking DTS

    I have an idea here....Run with it.


    Bring back Lory,s stalker I could stalk her. You could stalk me, Trouble could stalk you, Jive Lad could stalk Trouble, etc etc etc.

    We could have the worlds longest stalking chain.

    Oh I feel a stalking thread coming on.

    WE COULD ALL STALK THE ELUSIVE JAMESY.

    Who is up for it???

    DTS Dave XXX XXX

  2. #22
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    Re: Interesting etiquette situations.

    Quote Originally Posted by Lory View Post
    I used to have a stalker (some of you might remember), she used to follow me about all over the place (yes, it was a 'lady').

    Whilst standing at the edge of the dance floor, she used to stand close to me and watch to see who I made eye contact with and then walk straight in front of me and intercept them.

    It didn't just happen once or twice, oh no, it used to happen all the time.

    I'd say to friends, just watch... its not my imagination, is it?
    I had something similar. She would somehow manage to head me off, before I could reach the guy i was intending to ask.

    But one night, she really took the biscuit. I'd just finished dancing the penultimate song with a guy, (who i'd also concidered a friend), the DJ stopped the music to announce the last song etc and my partner and I were still in a half embrace, two arms linked, facing the stage... clearly staying on for the last song. When she came up to him, all smiles and begging looks and with that, she slid her arm, through our linked arms and basically backed into me, pushing me out of the way.
    My one used to do the same thing. Come over and interupt, when we were planning a second dance. The guys would always defer to her. (She was a much better dancer than me - I can't understand why she even needed to do that)

    What I did, was I made a point of approching her and asking her name. Calling her out, so to speak, without actually calling her out. She was fine after that.

  3. #23
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    Re: Interesting etiquette situations.

    "So there was I standing in practically the middle of the dance floor feeling really stupid as anyone glancing over would have clearly of seen this situation unfold. "


    I think everyone's been in this situation and although you might feel that everyone's looking at you, the chances are that either no one noticed, or if they did, will be very sympathetic as they know how you feel!


    If you're too far away and the couple have already started dancing by the time you arrive, I find it difficult to do anything other than walk off and pretend you were heading for someone else! But if you're close enough I usually try and make lighthearted comment like 'Oh no i've lost you again - you're just so popular!' This has the effect of registering that you want to dance with the guy and (of course!) playing to his ego so hopefully he'll come and find you for the next one.

    The advice about staying/dancing nearby is also good so that you can jump in quick as soon as the track finishes!

    I have generally found that purposely 'stealing' someone else's intended partner is rare - its usually a genuine misunderstanding and most people are very friendly and don't want to cause any bad feeling. After all, you tend to keep seeing the same people at many local events so you don't want to make enemies!!

  4. #24
    Senior Member Minnie M's Avatar
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    Re: Interesting etiquette situations.

    Quote Originally Posted by Brighton Belle View Post
    ............I have generally found that purposely 'stealing' someone else's intended partner is rare - its usually a genuine misunderstanding...............
    hmmmmmmmmm..........

    Where do you go dancing Miss Belle ?


    --ooOoo--
    Age is a question of mind over matter, if you don't mind, it doesn't matter
    Leroy (Satchel) Paige (1906-1982)

    Mickey Mouse's girlfriend, Minnie, made her film debut, along with Mickey, in "Steamboat Willie" on November 18, 1928.
    That date is recognized as her official birthday.

  5. #25
    Registered User Brighton Belle's Avatar
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    Re: Interesting etiquette situations.

    Quote Originally Posted by Minnie M View Post
    hmmmmmmmmm..........

    Where do you go dancing Miss Belle ?
    Maybe I'm being too kind!! But I do usually give people the benefit of the doubt. I think there's a danger sometimes of letting little things get to you when its better to just let it go. Let other people have their petty triumphs!!

    But I do think its different when you're at a local class when you're seeing the same people every week than somewhere like Camber when you'll probably never see them again. Maybe people are more ruthless!!

  6. #26
    Registered User DundeeDancer's Avatar
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    Re: Interesting etiquette situations.

    Quote Originally Posted by dave the scaffolder View Post
    Well DD my lovely
    Aww I think you're lovely to Dave
    Quote Originally Posted by dave the scaffolder View Post
    we encounter all sorts of people in the dance scene. this fellow may have been watching and trying to dance with red dressy for a while.
    That's right maybe the other guy had been waiting for weeks to get a dance with her and I had only been impatiently waiting a few hours.
    Quote Originally Posted by dave the scaffolder View Post
    at the end of the day it is only a dance.
    So true, would have been lovely dance though, but as you say, just a dance at the end of the day.
    Quote Originally Posted by dave the scaffolder View Post
    In my experience not everyone is looking at you/me all of the time. If you did the right thing then who can ask for any more.
    Sure not everyone is looking at us all the time but our little fan clubs do like to keep an eye on us won't you agree Dave? We can only strive for perfection while try our best and be judged on that.
    Quote Originally Posted by dave the scaffolder View Post
    I think you did the right thing
    I think I did OK, I didn't make an unnecessary fuss or do or say anything improper which is more important. I just slinked off and went home and thought what I could have done better.

    It has helped thinking about the situation because this scenario happened a couple of weeks ago: It was a regular class night and this great track came on and I could see my friend the other side of the hall so I thought I'd quickly get over there and ask her to dance, I was carefully weaving past people right left and centre and was only a few steps away from her and she noticed me coming, but then in the opposite direction a dancer at an equal distance was coming in to ask her to dance as well. Thinking on the situation on Putney I quickly did the gentlemanly thing and signalled to the other gent to go right ahead and take my friend for a dance while I search for someone else to dance with.

    No one else caught by eye so I sat out that dance but it felt so good as I known I had done the right thing. The other dancer would have thought that's a nice bloke letting me go ahead and have a dance, the lady would have respected me for my good manners and must have been chuffed to get two invitations to dance but then not forced into making any hard decisions on who to choose as I had graciously bowed out.
    My friend came bounding over and caught me for the next dance saying, were you looking for me Of course I replied, I've been searching for you all night and we had a wonderful dance together and it was a double whammy in my favour as I had accumulated all those brownie points as well
    Quote Originally Posted by dave the scaffolder View Post
    DTS Dave XXX XXX
    Thanks Dave!

    DD
    Last edited by DundeeDancer; 15th-April-2008 at 10:54 AM.

  7. #27
    Registered User DundeeDancer's Avatar
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    Re: Interesting etiquette situations.

    Quote Originally Posted by tsh View Post
    It doesn't happen often, but sometimes I will jump in if I see someone being approached by someone I know she doesn't want to dance with. Sean
    Hey Sean,

    I think you need to be careful there as I'm not to sure that's the right thing to do, what do you mean by jump in?

    To be a nice guy I don't think you need to jump in to protect you friend, even the most shy girl is capable of saying "No thank you" to a dance and that’s all she really needs to say.

    Once the asker has had a few of these knock backs on different nights he should really get the message the lady does not want to dance with him and he should stop harassing her for dances she doesn't want.

    By all means go stand next to your friend and give her moral support and some extra confidence to say no, this will give the guy the proper signal she's not interested in dancing with him and not confuse the situation with you jumping in the middle of it.

    After all how would you feel if you really liked a lady and wanted to dance with her but this other bloke just kept on jumping in before you, showing you no respect, wouldn't be to long before pistols at dawn would it? But on the other hand if you asked the lady on a few different nights it wouldn't be to long before you got the message and just stop asking her.

    Well that’s my current viewpoint maybe you can convince me otherwise.

    Best wishes, DD

  8. #28
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    Re: Interesting etiquette situations.

    Quote Originally Posted by DundeeDancer View Post
    Hey Sean,

    I think you need to be careful there as I'm not to sure that's the right thing to do, what do you mean by jump in?

    To be a nice guy I don't think you need to jump in to protect you friend, even the most shy girl is capable of saying "No thank you" to a dance and that’s all she really needs to say.

    Once the asker has had a few of these knock backs on different nights he should really get the message the lady does not want to dance with him and he should stop harassing her for dances she doesn't want.

    *snip*


    Totally agree. Even if your friend has specifically said to you "I don't want to dance with that guy, can you come and rescue me every time you see him come towards me", are you really doing her any long-term favours? Shouldn't she be able to stand up for herself and say no thank you to him? What if you're not there? How will she cope then?

    And if she hasn't said that, then maybe your preventing her from sorting out the situation herself, or may she might even say yes to him, but never gets to as your always there first?

    I applaud your gentlemanly intent, but maybe it's just a bit too much?

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    Re: Interesting etiquette situations.

    Quote Originally Posted by Twirly View Post
    ... However, I do feel for your situation and embarrassment. Many’s the time I’ve been on my way to ask someone specific to dance, someone else has got their first, and I’ve made an unnecessary trip to the loo, or round the dancefloor (apparently coolly checking out what’s going on, but actually being thankful for the darkness hiding my flaming cheeks ) trying to pretend that nothing’s happened… (difficult at Putney as the floor’s not very big, and it’s a bit obvious what’s happened if you get stranded at the end near the stage, as there’s nowhere to go )...
    Time to search for, and find, an imaginary missing ear ring or contact lens or whatever ?

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    Re: Interesting etiquette situations.

    Quote Originally Posted by bigdjiver View Post
    Time to search for, and find, an imaginary missing ear ring or contact lens or whatever ?
    Damn... my cover's been blown!

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    Re: Interesting etiquette situations.

    Several times I've had someone reach a partner I was heading for before I did, several times I've been asked for the next one because they had just agreed to dance with someone else. I think that every time it's been a 'tie' between me and another lead I've differed to them.

    Several times I have had to say "sorry; next one" to people because I've already accepted a dance from someone else - even if we are not dancing yet.

    I don't think I have ever accepted a dance from person A and danced with person B... actually, I have: I offered a hand to someone sitting at the back, and the person sitting in-front of them took it up, oblivious to the existence of person A. What do you say/do in that case?
    I was prepared to tell person B 'next one' but with gesticulation and mouthing from A we agreed to dance with B just now and A after.

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    Re: Interesting etiquette situations.

    If I see 2 people talking whether they are a male and female or 2 males, I don't approach as it's bad manners to interupt a conversation.

    But the times I've seen another woman interupt instead.

    The man always seems pleased at being interupted and accepts the dance.

    Are these men just being polite or are they really pleased?

    Should I be more pro active or stick to my manners?

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    Re: Interesting etiquette situations.

    Quote Originally Posted by Astro View Post
    If I see 2 people talking whether they are a male and female or 2 males, I don't approach as it's bad manners to interupt a conversation.

    But the times I've seen another woman interupt instead.

    The man always seems pleased at being interupted and accepts the dance.

    Are these men just being polite or are they really pleased?

    Should I be more pro active or stick to my manners?
    If I was standing talking with a male or female friend at a dance I'd not be upset at someone tapping me on the shoulder and saying 'excuse me would you like to dance?' Equally, I've been talking to someone and they've been whisked off and I never felt annoyed.

    I'm sure that you can both be more proactive and remain polite.

  14. #34
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    Re: Interesting etiquette situations.

    Quote Originally Posted by Astro View Post
    If I see 2 people talking whether they are a male and female or 2 males, I don't approach as it's bad manners to interupt a conversation. But the times I've seen another woman interupt instead. The man always seems pleased at being interupted and accepts the dance. Are these men just being polite or are they really pleased?
    Should I be more pro active or stick to my manners?
    You can do both at the same time

    Go across and hover, throw a smile their way and 9 times out of 10 they will stop there conversation and ask you to dance.

    If they don't you're near enough to listen for a break in the conversation and ask for a dance if your desperate enough, I usually get board waiting and move on and try someone else if they aren't quick enough in taking up the hint.

    If a nice dancer comes and hovers near me and a friend, I'll quickly break off a conversation and be the first one to ask her to dance. After all it's the early bird that gets the worm, something like that anyway

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    Re: Interesting etiquette situations.

    Quote Originally Posted by Gadget View Post

    A) Several times I've had someone reach a partner I was heading for before I did, several times I've been asked for the next one because they had just agreed to dance with someone else. I think that every time it's been a 'tie' between me and another lead I've differed to them.

    B)Several times I have had to say "sorry; next one" to people because I've already accepted a dance from someone else - even if we are not dancing yet.

    C) I don't think I have ever accepted a dance from person A and danced with person B... actually, I have: I offered a hand to someone sitting at the back, and the person sitting in-front of them took it up, oblivious to the existence of person A. What do you say/do in that case?
    I was prepared to tell person B 'next one' but with gesticulation and mouthing from A we agreed to dance with B just now and A after.

    A) Solution take bigger strides or run towards said partner to get their first

    B) Solution go to gender balance events or look miserable like me

    C) This happen to me at least 3 times maybe my shyness or lack of eye contact but two people have step forward

    I of course rememember the good old days at camber with francos 12 women to 1 man and how women use to run across the dance floor to get there man , we dont want to go there again

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    Re: Interesting etiquette situations.

    Quote Originally Posted by Astro View Post
    Should I be more pro active or stick to my manners?
    Polite and proactive!

    “Excuse me for interrupting, but I was wondering if you’d like to dance?” (Address the first bit to both parties, obviously the last bit just to your target.)

    Saw two blokes chatting on the Boat once. They were chatting for 1.5 tracks. Due to a shortage of men, I decided to butt in as the next track started. Apparently I broke up an argument, the guy was very grateful and we had a lovely dance!

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    Re: Interesting etiquette situations.

    Quote Originally Posted by DundeeDancer View Post
    I guess if I tried to think on how James Bond would handle the situation and go with that then I shouldn't go to far wrong, after all he's a "Real Man" that knows how to do the "Right Thing".
    Isn't James Bond a misogynistic killer? Wouldn't his reaction be to sleep with the woman and then go blow things up?

  18. #38
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    Re: Interesting etiquette situations.

    Quote Originally Posted by killingtime View Post
    Isn't James Bond a misogynistic killer? Wouldn't his reaction be to sleep with the woman and then go blow things up?
    No you've got him all wrong Gary, he's really a charming nice guy just being a little to assertive.

    Misogynistic, never he loves women and treats them with the respect they deserve. Also he only ever kills bad people for their own good

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    Re: Interesting etiquette situations.

    Quote Originally Posted by killingtime View Post
    Isn't James Bond a misogynistic killer? Wouldn't his reaction be to sleep with the woman and then go blow things up?
    Quote Originally Posted by DundeeDancer View Post
    No you've got him all wrong Gary, he's really a charming nice guy just being a little to assertive.

    Misogynistic, never he loves women and treats them with the respect they deserve. Also he only ever kills bad people for their own good
    Is someone saying that sleeping with women and blowing things up is bad? I personally find a bit of gratuitous sex and violence makes the evening more interesting

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    Re: Interesting etiquette situations.

    Quote Originally Posted by Agente Secreto View Post
    Is someone saying that sleeping with women and blowing things up is bad? I personally find a bit of gratuitous sex and violence makes the evening more interesting

    Id actually pay money to see you and the lovely Mrs Secreto acting out that scene...

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