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Reply With QuoteNot that I do it but there's a relatively easy to get a dance from someone of choice. But that's for me to know...
Seeing as we’ve been talking a lot about etiquette recently, here’s an interesting situation that I had on a Saturday night at Putney about 6 weeks or so ago.Originally Posted by DundeeDancer
I was dancing away and it was a reasonable quite night as one of the weekenders was on at the same time. There was still a few good dancers there though. One lady in particular stood out in a very hot red dress. I thought, I must have a dance with her before I leave.
So it was coming around to half 12 or so and I hadn’t got close to Little Miss Red Dress as she was a very popular person but one song ended and I was in the top half of the room and I noticed there was no one near her and it was practically only me and her in that top quarter of the room.
So I thought great here my chance and begun to walk over to her, would have took me 15 steps to get there or so and after about 6 or so steps this other bloke who was sitting down kinda jumped up off his nearby seat and ran over and asked her to dance!
I couldn’t believe my eye’s and couldn’t believe his nerve as he must have know I was going across to ask her to dance, it was so obvious and he just decided, I can get there before him, so I’ll just nip in there.
So there was I standing in practically the middle of the dance floor feeling really stupid as anyone glancing over would have clearly of seen this situation unfold.
This was the first time this had ever happened to me and it was so blatently obvious I was welland
I didn’t know what to for the best (I knew what I wanted to do but thought that will only get me arrested and will be no help in getting a dance), so I just slinked off to the side, had one more dance with someone else.
Then some kind person offered to give me a lift home to my friends house so I trooped off never to have the pleasure of having a dancing with Little Miss Red Dress
I’ve thought about this situation a few times since and have thought maybe I should have continued walking all the way over to Little Miss Red Dress and said something like “I see you’re taken for this dance but can I have the pleasure of the next one please?”
Maybe that way I could have got my dance with Miss Little Red Dress in the end and also let “Mr I’m going to nip in there before ya” know that I wasn't perturbed by his antics.
Anyone else been there and continued over to ask the lady for the next dance?
DD
Last edited by DundeeDancer; 13th-April-2008 at 11:38 PM.
Not that I do it but there's a relatively easy to get a dance from someone of choice. But that's for me to know...
Oh yeah, forgot about the sitting in her seat trick, thanks Steven
I forgot about that too. Though I saw that work on Sat.Oh yeah, forgot about the sitting in her seat trick, thanks Steven
this has happened to me loads of time, not sure about the nipping in first bit, but youv'e walked across the room to be piped at the post
I normally carry on over and say, ' don't you just hate it when that happens I will be quicker on the next track' that then tells them you are intending on getting the next track, that will hopfully stop them having two dances
or as happend to me recently when I was refused by TIAH you skulk off feeling a bit of a nanna
The etiquette that says spouses should never sit together at formal dinner parties?! er...since when? glad I don't attend such soirees...
My parents came across interesting etiquette while in NZ visiting relatives.
After the meal the men all went in one room to talk and the women went into another room to talk (very oldie English etiquette I am led to believe).
My Dad hated it, he did not like being seperated from my mum, even for a while.
Try being a 'female passive asker'it happens ALL the time
I have even waited many tracks to dance with the dancer of my dreams only for a follower (sometimes a guy) to grab my choice dancer the moment the music finishes.
The only time this didn't happen, was with Robert Cordoba, he saw me waiting on the side for a dance and apologised to the "queue jumper" and asked me
What would you do in this situation - and be honest ?
--ooOoo--
Age is a question of mind over matter, if you don't mind, it doesn't matter
Leroy (Satchel) Paige (1906-1982)
Mickey Mouse's girlfriend, Minnie, made her film debut, along with Mickey, in "Steamboat Willie" on November 18, 1928.
That date is recognized as her official birthday.
If I saw someone clearly waiting for a dance with me... I would do the same.
I think this fits in to the "eye contact contract" catogory.
This happened the other way round with me on Saturday, the dance teacher had made eye contact with me while she was dancing. As she was coming off the floor, her husband asked her to dance. She told him, she had promised the next dance with me and she would come straight back after the dance and find him.
If I get pipped to the post by someone else it's usually because I'm already walking over to them having made eye contact/smiled/waved/something. If either I or my intended partner gets intercepted then I'll usually try and mouth "next one?", or if they aren't looking I'll just make a mental note to get them up later on, and grab someone else for that track.
Of course this still doesn't stop me thinking "dammit, I wanted to dance with *her* to this one!"
I believe that the same generally happens at Aussie BBQ's - the men congregate around the BBQ (usually with a beer in hand), and the women congregate in the kitchen (usually preparing salads and everything else).
Having married a NZ'er I've never noticed the splitting of the genders at functions - so maybe it relates more to the oldies *shrug*
Yes, that would have been perfect! You wouldn't have had to slink away, you would have got your dance with Miss Red Dress, the queue jumper would have been subtly shamed, and Miss Red Dress would not have been put in an awkward position of having to choose.I’ve thought about this situation a few times since and have thought maybe I should have continued walking all the way over to Little Miss Red Dress and said something like “I see you’re taken for this dance but can I have the pleasure of the next one please?”
I'd definitely recommend trying that approach next time!
I was at a freestyle event a while ago during a warm-up class beforehand recognized one particular lady walking down the line in rotation, but as she got to me she just walked off the floor, as if to suggest 'I don't mind doing the class, but not with you around and there are other men in this room!!I was dancing away and it was a reasonable quite night as one of the weekenders was on at the same time. There was still a few good dancers there though. One lady in particular stood out in a very hot red dress. I thought, I must have a dance with her before I leave.
So it was coming around to half 12 or so and I hadn’t got close to Little Miss Red Dress as she was a very popular person but one song ended and I was in the top half of the room and I noticed there was no one near her and it was practically only me and her in that top quarter of the room.
So I thought great here my chance and begun to walk over to her, would have took me 15 steps to get there or so and after about 6 or so steps this other bloke who was sitting down kinda jumped up off his nearby seat and ran over and asked her to dance!
I couldn’t believe my eye’s and couldn’t believe his nerve as he must have know I was going across to ask her to dance, it was so obvious and he just decided, I can get there before him, so I’ll just nip in there.
So there was I standing in practically the middle of the dance floor feeling really stupid as anyone glancing over would have clearly of seen this situation unfold.
DD
It is a common trait that I have recognized. My response is to let them get on with it and just enjoy the dancing with those who genuinely want to dance with you. The chances are you are probably a better dancer than Mr. 'I am closer to her than you', so I would just let it wash over you and next time you are at a freestyle, stand tall and proud of your ability.
best
johnnyman
Us women have to put up with that kind of thing all the time, especially when gender balance is so...well...unbalanced.
I went to one of Franco's Camber weekends a few years back and the gender balance was so bad, you literally had to spend the whole weekend either queuing up for a dance or fighting your way to someone popular.
I went up to one guy in the main room and some woman practically pushed me over after running up to this guy that I had just asked to dance, she looked me in the eye like she wanted to kill me and spat "I'M NEXT"
The bloke looked really embarrassed as he was dragged off by this *ahem* lady.
My philosophy is that some people are just arseholes and there is nothing you can do about it.
Not sure if I'd manage to pull off being a 'female passive asker' but I'll give it a go if you think it will help? Any tips on how to go about it?
Well Mr Cordoba sounds like he knows how to do the "right thing" and I would hope I would copy his good example. Respect to Mr Cordoba!
It does seem like a good option that will allow for good manners to win the day but in the back of my mind I know it's a bit confrontational for the "Queue Jumper", so I am a little worried that before I even say anything a full confrontation might develop. Should be OK if I continued my approach with a smile and keeping eye contact to a minimum.Yes, that would have been perfect! You wouldn't have had to slink away, you would have got your dance with Miss Red Dress, the queue jumper would have been subtly shamed, and Miss Red Dress would not have been put in an awkward position of having to choose.
I'd definitely recommend trying that approach next time!
I guess if I tried to think on how James Bond would handle the situation and go with that then I shouldn't go to far wrong, after all he's a "Real Man" that knows how to do the "Right Thing".
Similar thing happened to me at Ceroc a few weeks ago (yes I've been having lots of fun recently haven't I) with a certain lady who's being a little funny with me recently. We were in class and it was 15 women on and the person next to me already had his partner so it was obvious she should come and do the next move with me. She decided that she would stop at the person before me but she didn't tell the person behind her to go past her and dance with me, she just started a conversion with her chosen partner. This was again one of these situations that had never happened to me before so I fell back on my default action of acting indifferent and turned away to kiddy on I hadn't even noticed. There was a bit of a kerfuffle in the line up and the girl behind figured out to come dance with me. I smiled at the my new partner and we went through the next move perfectly.
If this does happen again though I have a feeling I'll be sticking my hand straight up in the air to signal to the teacher I haven't got a partner, that should bring the spotlight nicely onto "Miss I'm not dance with you". It's like being back at primary school sometimes isn't it!
I agree but I would say I would be standing tall and strong not thinking on my ability but thinking on how I have an equal right to respect and dignity as any other human being has. I would also say that it's better to have it bounce off your ego than to let it wash over you, who wants to get wet when they don't have to. Not going down to their level but maintaining your dignity is the best option as you have suggested.
Once you've been through these situations once or twice and your sure you are doing the Right Thing then it's hard to keep a smile off your face as you know your winning.
Sounds like the bloke was not a "Real Man" and was bullied into not doing the "Right Thing", you had asked and he had more than likely decided to dance with you. He should have told the hysterical maniac, "Sorry but this lady has asked first, I'll come find you for the next dance." Then quickly took you onto the floor for the dance.
I think dance etiquette is a great way of teaching good manners to all, it might help things if we had "Etiquette Police" roaming the dance halls though, giving out penalty fines and warnings for bad conduct.
That will be a three month ban for dancing without due care and attention.
Last edited by DundeeDancer; 14th-April-2008 at 01:59 PM.
I used to have a stalker (some of you might remember), she used to follow me about all over the place (yes, it was a 'lady').
Whilst standing at the edge of the dance floor, she used to stand close to me and watch to see who I made eye contact with and then walk straight in front of me and intercept them.
It didn't just happen once or twice, oh no, it used to happen all the time.
I'd say to friends, just watch... its not my imagination, is it?
But one night, she really took the biscuit. I'd just finished dancing the penultimate song with a guy, (who i'd also concidered a friend), the DJ stopped the music to announce the last song etc and my partner and I were still in a half embrace, two arms linked, facing the stage... clearly staying on for the last song. When she came up to him, all smiles and begging looks and with that, she slid her arm, through our linked arms and basically backed into me, pushing me out of the way.
The music started and the guy gave me that 'really sorry' innocent look
It was totally humiliating. I changed my shoes as fast I could, to try a leg it out of the venue before the song finished, as I was afraid of 'saying something' and showing myself up.
As I walked out of the door, I turned back, to see the guy, still mouthing 'sorry' to me!
I'm afraid, I lost all respect for him after that and even though we still dance occasionally (he's a great dancer) I can't bring myself to forget it and therefore I can't bring myself give him my best effort.
As for her, she hardly dances MJ anymore, the Lindy circuit has the pleasure of her nowadays!
MODERATOR AT YOUR SERVICE
"If you're going to do something tonight, that you know you'll be sorry for in the morning, plan a lie in." Lorraine
Or maybe it's just you...If this does happen again though I have a feeling I'll be sticking my hand straight up in the air to signal to the teacher I haven't got a partner, that should bring the spotlight nicely onto "Miss I'm not dance with you". It's like being back at primary school sometimes isn't it!
It doesn't happen often, but sometimes I will jump in if I see someone being approached by someone I know she doesn't want to dance with.
Sean
Tricky one this. I can see why people have said “yes, it’s a good idea”, but at the same time, might you not be interrupting their dance somewhat (although it is questionable if someone who has apparently just been rude deserves to be given such consideration). If I’d asked someone and someone else started asking for the next dance whilst I was walking onto the floor with them or had actually commenced dancing, then I think I’d feel they were being a bit pushy and be slightly miffed. I wouldn’t have my partner’s sole attention (which I do like to haveI’ve thought about this situation a few times since and have thought maybe I should have continued walking all the way over to Little Miss Red Dress and said something like “I see you’re taken for this dance but can I have the pleasure of the next one please?”
Anyone else been there and continued over to ask the lady for the next dance?).
However, I do feel for your situation and embarrassment. Many’s the time I’ve been on my way to ask someone specific to dance, someone else has got their first, and I’ve made an unnecessary trip to the loo, or round the dancefloor (apparently coolly checking out what’s going on, but actually being thankful for the darkness hiding my flaming cheeks)
In your situation, DD, I’d have probably just lurked near where she was dancing and made an effort to get her for the next one by being first at hand. Even this doesn’t always work though… usually they go into a second track, or the person I want to ask wanders off in the opposite direction totally oblivious to me
Oh the trials and tribulations of asking someone to dance...
Well DD my lovely I think you did the right thing, we encounter all sorts of people in the dance scene. this fellow may have been watching and trying to dance with red dressy for a while, at the end of the day it is only a dance.
Again... We all turn up in a bad mood sometimes and do the wrong thing.
If we as dancers try to do the right thing most of the time, that will be good enough for me.
In my experience not everyone is looking at you/me all of the time. if you did the right thing then who can ask for any more.
DTS Dave XXX XXX
What a good idea, I'm going to start stalking DTS
I've had the same situation a couple of times when dancing for the 2nd or 3rd track with the same lady and someone decides that is enough and tries to replace the partner of the moment. I always tell them sorry, I'm occupied just now but will come and get them when I finish the next track. On one occasion, I did this and duly found the lady who then spent the bulk of the [single] track we danced complaining that she was not getting her 'fair share'. I suppose dancing is like any other activity, pushy people exist everywhere......When she came up to him, all smiles and begging looks and with that, she slid her arm, through our linked arms and basically backed into me, pushing me out of the way.
DD, like DTS says it may have been nothing. I can honestly say that when I'm at a freestyle and focussed on asking a specific partner (I almost said target) to dance I don't really look around to see if other guys are also interested in them. It could easily be that I've cut people off in the past (and no doubt will do so in the future) but this is entirely unintentional
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