Nope. Unless you are against the whole principle of innocent before being proven guilty. Every example stated so far are one-off's: Just because you make one or two choices that are against the ethos, does that make
you against the ethos as a whole?
I have been dancing a long time. I suppose I must have been refused on a number of occasions. I specifically remember one occasion of being turned down by yourself at a party night; you even explained why (bad back and really wanted to take it easy... but you danced with others that evening.) However, at the time I thought I was one of the more 'gentle' and smoother leads that showed respect for their partners and seldom did any dips/drops: It humbled me quite a bit and it made me look a lot closer at my own dancing and how I could implement "control" without using so much "force".
Since then I was very delicate dancing with you, only recently taking off the cotton wool and increasing definition.
(...you have also given me some of the nicest compliments since that refusal
)
Not claiming that either; but in refusing
no matter the reason, you go against one of the main social rules of the club you belong to. You may be bleeding from the eyes with a broken arm and just had a car run over your foot or just decided that your finger nail is far more interesting than the person asking you to dance. Both go against the flow. Homicide, murder, accidental killing; the poor guy is still dead no matter the events surrounding it. In an environment where you expect everyone to say "yes", someone saying "no" to you makes you feel excluded from the gang; shunned by your peers; rejected and unwanted.
If you are feel more comfortable making someone feel like that than you would be dancing with them, I don’t think you should just be saying "no": I think you should be explaining exactly why you are saying no and trying to fix it or directing them towards someone who could. Or you shouldn't be there in the first place.
Why should you feel guilty? Because they are a dancer and part of the same gang, because they have approached you to dance, because putting yourself before others is morally wrong. I'm not saying you should be wracked with remorse; you may only feel a small microsecond twinge of guilt for some people. You may feel more guilty about not doing anything about it; after all, they are part of your gang - they represent you. You have now inflicted them onto another member of your gang... isn't that worth another twinge of guilt?
As I've said before, these refusals are in the minority; they do not affect the over all ethos of accepting every dance offer. They are so rare that everyone who refuses is tarred with the same brush; going against the flow = arrogant.
Everyone has the right to say "no". Just as they have the right to say "yes, but don't dip me or force me through any moves." You ask your partner to dance, not command them: it's an offer. I expect it to be accepted because that's the default response - there must be a reason for it being declined.
As a lead, I take responsibility for my partner on the dance floor. When I offer a dance, that's part of what I am offering. As a follower, when they accept a dance they are putting their trust in the lead. If a follower feels that cannot put trust in the lead, then it would be a very difficult dance. I think that the potential justification for followers is greater than that of leads. (although I suppose the situation may arise that a lead thinks that they cannot accept responsibility for their partner)
If you don't feel like dancing, why go dancing? If you know you are more than likely to get hurt, why do it? Stay at home and do the ironing, watch endless repeats of east-enders, participate in long-winded forum discussions, ...
It's not an obligation; it's social etiquette for the dance form you enjoy.
Rule number one of Modern Jive: don't hurt your partner.
Rule number two: have fun.
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