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Thread: Men having men - is it frowned upon?

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    Forum Bombshell - Our Queen! Lory's Avatar
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    Re: Men having men - is it frowned upon?

    Quote Originally Posted by Twirly View Post


    Where's DJ when you need him?
    DJ quite happily dances Tango with other men, in fact, he was doing just that last Sunday
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    Re: Men having men - is it frowned upon?

    Quote Originally Posted by Trouble View Post
    women dancin with women has never been a problem, so would men dancing with men make customer losses..... mmm i dont think so.
    I wouldn't agree that just because it's accepted for women doesn't mean it would be with men. Some men might have been coerced into going dancing; still stuck with the male prejudice that it's not a "manly" activity and then have that re-enforced by seeing guys dance together during the evening.

    I'm not saying that some women also don't have issues with female leads but I would suspect the percentages are much smaller.

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    Re: Men having men - is it frowned upon?

    Quote Originally Posted by killingtime View Post
    I'm not saying that some women also don't have issues with female leads but I would suspect the percentages are much smaller.
    One woman at one of my old local venues hated women leading and even refused to do class one night because me and another female were leading intermediate class...to support our case it was the usual "x" number of ladies over and we are both experienced leads.. she still refused to participate in class that night and made a point of going to the venue manager to complain... the venue manager in any case didn't uphold her argument so nothing was said / done and when i visit there now i still lead / follow with other ladies

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    Re: Men having men - is it frowned upon?

    Quote Originally Posted by Agente Secreto View Post
    My only problem with dancing as a follow for another man is that I'm crap. Does go to show there are many uptight people out there.


    Ditto!

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    Re: Men having men - is it frowned upon?

    Quote Originally Posted by jive-vee View Post
    I don't currently lead people other than a couple of my mates as I can't dance well enough as a lead to make it interesting for them.
    The classic line. One that does annoy me slightly if I be honest.

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    Re: Men having men - is it frowned upon?

    Our regular teacher often points out from the stage that she is happy to dance as a "man or a woman" so come and ask for a dance (although technically it's "lead or follow", but it's normally to beginners)
    She also points out to the class that the male taxis can swap roles as well if needed.

    Personally, mucho respect for followers of either sex - I am rubbish at it (too much of a control freak who likes getting their own way )

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    Re: Men having men - is it frowned upon?

    Personally I think same sex dancing improves your dance ability.

    If you can dance as a follow or lead with another man, you will be less shy about dancing with a woman.

    Man/man dancing 9/10 is all about showing off anyway.

    I personally think all teachers should be able to lead and follow. If they can't they are only teaching half a class.

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    Registered User jive-vee's Avatar
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    Re: Men having men - is it frowned upon?

    Quote Originally Posted by Steven666 View Post
    The classic line. One that does annoy me slightly if I be honest.
    But if I learnt as a follower, and I ask loads and dance with whoever asks me as a follower, how am I harming anyone if I only choose to lead a couple of mates of mine for fun? There isn't an unwritten rule that says I have to ask other people because I lead my mate through about 8 basic moves and play around to songs I like and want to dance to

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    Re: Men having men - is it frowned upon?

    Aye aye sport fans, firstly some of the best dances I have had have been with other men such as, Onkar superb lead and throws me around like I was two and a half stone, Gerry super lead, Under Par does things to me that are probably illegal in certain states of America, CJ never know what is coming did battle of the sexes at Blackpool competition with him, Steven 666 marvellous lead There are loads more men who lead me.

    And there are men who I lead often. I think personally a man dancing with a man brings a certain trust to the dancing scene and I for one are all for it.

    That is to say I do not dance just with men but try to spread my dancing to beginners and advanced dancers at each venue.

    I would not want to get anyone in trouble for dancing with me and lots of people have said " I do not feel comfortable dancing with another man", and this view must be respected.

    At the end of the day it is personal choice.

    DTS Dave XXX XXX

    There are loads of men who allow me to lead them

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    Re: Men having men - is it frowned upon?

    Quote Originally Posted by Twirly View Post

    I have a suspicion that they'd be on dodgy ground if they tried to enforce this though. Surely these days it would count as discrimination?

    Quote Originally Posted by jive-vee View Post

    Just a thought but possibly the reason for some venues frowning upon male/male, female/female dancing together could be the "no refusal" unwritten rule? If some men/women (who are uncomfortable dancing with the same gender) thought dancing with the same gender was the norm, they might feel awkward refusing so instead don't come back and spread the word leading to a drop in numbers??
    It's unwritten, and I also have a suspicion that they would be on dodgy ground if they tried to enforce this too.

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    Re: Men having men - is it frowned upon?

    Quote Originally Posted by Astro View Post



    It's unwritten, and I also have a suspicion that they would be on dodgy ground if they tried to enforce this too.
    Yeah, I completely agree. My point was that if a bloke is co-erced into going dancing, hears the whole "generally don't refuse a dance blah, blah, blah' thing and sees men dancing with men IF they were unsure about dancing (having been dragged along by their partner, for example) and then thought there was a chance that a bloke might ask them to dance and that they would be breaking the code if they refused, it might put them off going back.

    I'm not saying I like this thinking I'm just throwing it out there as a possible reason that some venues might try to put people off dancing with the same gender during classes. Most people who go to freestyles, however, are quite used to and comfortable with dancing and therefore hopefully would be more open to the idea dancing with someone of the same gender.

    Just some thoughts

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    Re: Men having men - is it frowned upon?

    Quote Originally Posted by Twirly View Post
    Am not so sure... those of us who don't have a problem have said, but if someone did have a problem, would they really lay themselves open to the abuse they'd be likely to get?
    Twirly.You did ask.
    Yes I would definately not want to dance with a man and I would obviously refuse if asked.
    I also have a problem with the whole concept of male to male.

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    Re: Men having men - is it frowned upon?

    Pretzelmeister, IMHO the best dancer on the planet. Lee Bartholomew, actually cartwheeled me, Tiger Pants, Paul from DD+ fame. Martin Harper, best dance of last Southport for me, Mikey R, the list is endless superb dancers just some of the men I have danced with, Jamie, Central Alex, Adam Maple, Shaun Tsh, Mr Darcy, Andy McGregor, The Tramp, like being mugged in a pleasant way.
    IT IS JUST DANCING.

    We are talking top of the shop here folks, the list is endless.

    On another note Sporty Jeff superb dancer and excellent Taxi dancer, taught me and encouraged me from day 1 of my dancing.

    If I have missed any men, sorry.

    DTS Dave XXX XXX
    Last edited by dave the scaffolder; 8th-April-2008 at 06:41 PM.

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    Re: Men having men - is it frowned upon?

    Quote Originally Posted by djtrev View Post
    Twirly.You did ask.
    Yes I would definately not want to dance with a man and I would obviously refuse if asked.
    I also have a problem with the whole concept of male to male.
    If two men danced near you would it bother you? And for what reason does it bother you?

    Ob. Your opinion is your opinion and I hope no one is going to tell you its wrong, or have a pop at you for it. Just interested in finding out why you have the problem with it.

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    Re: Men having men - is it frowned upon?

    from DJ TREV....

    Yes I would definately not want to dance with a man and I would obviously refuse if asked.
    I also have a problem with the whole concept of male to male.[/QUOTE]



    If you have a problem with it, thats your choice. Nobody says you have to do it, far from it. Its just a bit of fun.

    But and i do not like this, if somebody has a problem with it and they want to start giving it the big un, ie: making vibes, complaining then that is not acceptable. Freedom of choice as they say.

    I do find it hard to understand why some dont like it though or think they wont like it. Whats not to like. It would be different if a male started frotting ya leg i spose but to have a fun dance, thats great stuff.... be it with the same sex, opposite sex, uglies, fatties, skinnies, one eyed one legged monsters, ... you get the point.

    Ya cant beat a good dance opportunity regardless of who its with.

    THats my opinion anyway.

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    Re: Men having men - is it frowned upon?

    To be honest I can kind of see where Trev is coming from.

    Where I Started dancing I never saw any men dancing with other men. The thought of it never crossed my mind and im sure the minds of others that danced where I danced.

    I first saw man-man dancing at a Camber weekender. I thought it was a bit off and not something I would want to see again. I had not long joint the forum and was keen to meet as many forumites as I could. I was introduced to a few of them. One of them was Jamie, who I had seen dancing earlier with the other man.

    Over the course of the weekender I saw more and more men dancing with men and noticed how much attention it was getting from the ladies. Not only that, some of the men looked pretty good as follows.

    On the Sunday Jamie asked me to dance and I accepted on the provision that he followed (of course he was happy with that). It felt pretty awkward for that dance. I felt uncomfotable and was pretty much dancing at arms length. I remember thinking 'people are going to think I am gay'. I know that is a crappy thing to think but it did go through my head and I worried about it for that moment.

    After the dance I realised that I was being a bit stupid to think that and watched the men who were able to follow dance more. I noticed how good their leads, musicality etc was compared to most of the other men.

    I grabbed Jamie for another dance and danced for the sake of dancing. Relaxed and enjoyed it more. Jamie was messing about with the music and was a better follow than pretty much all of the ladies I was used to dancing with.

    From that moment on with the thanks in part to seriouslyAddicted I started learning to follow. Once I had got the basics I was trying to grab almost any man For a dance.

    Only a few men have ever said no. Even when I have been out clubbing, I have grabbed a few blokes that I know and had a dance with them in the club.

    It is pretty liberating knowing you can dance with anyone and take lead or follow. If you just stick to leading ladies, you are only having a quarter of the dancing exeriance.

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    Re: Men having men - is it frowned upon?

    Live and let live, that's my motto!

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    Re: Men having men - is it frowned upon?

    Just to put my observations on this subject.
    I consider myself at the beginner/intermediate stage of MJ.
    To me MJ is a male/female dance with the male leading the female into various moves with fairly defined boundaries.Hopefully I can explain this by saying that any tenderness in the dance,for instance,face to face,stroking the arm,face, body seems to be more often than not,male to female.The follow is always the one taken into a dip etc.These instances are in my opinion a normal,natural thing in male/female combination.
    I would be mortified to be a follow in this situation.
    Before I typed this reply I looked at the 4 examples on Youtube suggested by Lee and there were elements in all 4 videos that I would not feel comfortable with.

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    Re: Men having men - is it frowned upon?

    Okay, my point of view:

    I am gay

    Now we've got that out the way, I dance with men. I dance with men normally more than I dance with women. I don't have a preference as to which gender I dance with but I do prefer to follow, be it with a man or a woman.

    I see why some men would be offended if asked to dance by a man and for this reason I never ask men who I don't know. But I'll happily dance with a man or a woman - lead or follow.

    I am competing in the champs with a man who some of you may know. That should be interesting to see the expressions on some faces...

    I don't like the attitude of some women who say jokingly (but you know they mean it) "you should dance with women because there are women over!" - Sorry but it is not my obligation to be every womans saviour, I choose who I dance with and who I don't, it's also not my problem if men ask me to dance and not other women.

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    Re: Men having men - is it frowned upon?

    Quote Originally Posted by djtrev View Post
    Just to put my observations on this subject.
    I consider myself at the beginner/intermediate stage of MJ.
    To me MJ is a male/female dance with the male leading the female into various moves with fairly defined boundaries.Hopefully I can explain this by saying that any tenderness in the dance,for instance,face to face,stroking the arm,face, body seems to be more often than not,male to female.The follow is always the one taken into a dip etc.These instances are in my opinion a normal,natural thing in male/female combination.
    I would be mortified to be a follow in this situation.
    Before I typed this reply I looked at the 4 examples on Youtube suggested by Lee and there were elements in all 4 videos that I would not feel comfortable with.
    In september of last year I had my first dance leading Jamie, it was at Southport at 8.00am. I had been pushed into it by Fletch. As I was leading Jamie I didn't realise that I had no eye contact with him. Fletch was haggling me, telling me I needed to look at Jamie. I am unsure why this happened, maybe I was shy and this situation was new to me.

    As many quotes within this thread have stated, "it's only a dance" nobody died, nobody caught a deadly disease.

    I am now happy to lead anyone that asks me.

    I have now been led my many of the top men dancers and i have lived to tell the tale.

    Once you have forgotten that the person opposite you is another male, your priority is to make the dance as enjoyable as possible .

    If you haven't tried it don't knock it, you may even find that you enjoy it, whatever it is!!

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