The danger with saying "Well done" is that it's easy for the recipient to think you mean "Well done (for you)". I think you need a fair bit of mutual respect and understanding for it not to be seen like that.
I don't think it's just about dancing - I've certainly said "well done" and regretted it in completely different fields of life.It appears that the same comment cannot be applied to dancing peers without some kind of put down being interpreted.
One distinction I'll make: I bet that when you say "well done" in a working environment, it's usually attached to an actual piece of work. You might say "Well done on Class 3B getting 12 A*s". By doing that, it's much less likely it will be taken the wrong way.
But if you just say "well done" at the end of the dance, it comes across as a much more generic thing directed at your partner. So the "(for you)" is more likely to be added.
If you ask around, I think you'll find the majority of dancers don't like it, even if they don't actively make a fuss about it.Even if you're only the second to state that view, then I will find other compliments to express my satisfaction.
So ... just so I understand where you ar coming from, are you an advanced dancer? I can understand your viewpoint ... but it may be that it applies just to you.
My personal perspective differs somewhat. though I wouldn't put myself in the advanced category anymore, I do enjoy dances that may push outside the standard moves. If I'm in teacher mode then I'm quite happy to dance with anyone and everyone and accept I'll get pulled around, pulled off beat and need to limit my moves.
However, if I go to a freestyle and all there is is 'begginerish' dancers ... I think I'm entitled to feel a little hacked off (and several local clubs come to mind ). I want to be able to go and DANCE ... not just plod through moves. It may be a limitation in me that I can't lead less able dancers through more adventurous movement ... but its so nice to go to a venue where there are at least a few lasses who can make the music come alive.
Case in point was Stockport last night. Went for a quick half hour to catch up with friends but ended up staying for an hour if dance. Good DJ helped (nice to Steve Bryant there now)... but usually the place sucks as a its just 'bog standard dancing'. However, last night there were at least three lasses who made dancing a real pleasure.
That's a really intersting point of view - haven't thought of it like that before. If I don't get a lead, am inclined to assume that it's my fault and not say anything, or apologise I have been known to say to leads I dance with quite often "uhm, I'm not quite sure where you want me to be" when it all goes horribly wrong - the answer invariably comes back, "I'm not sure either"!
I think it's this thread.
Love dance, will travel
Let your mind go and your body will follow. – Steve Martin, LA Story
There are many better ways to express delight/appreciation after a dance than "well done". "I really enjoyed that dance, thank you" seems preferable.
The thing is IMO, dancing's not a task, you can be good or bad at it, but it's something you just do, like conversation. You can have really good conversations with people, after which you might say something like "thanks for the chat", or "good to talk to you again", but you'd never say "well done", even if it was their sparkling conversation which was so fun.
Dan
not even close to advanced.
I have discovered I enjoy dancing and have past the improver stage and into my nearly stagnant intermediate stage. My progress now is very slow. But, I still look for ways to make the experience enjoyable for both of us, otherwise there would be no point.
Note my edit to my original text. I cannot force my partner to enjoy the dance, but I am certainly capable of making it objectionable.
err no its not.
Yes you are right, dancing is a partnership but its a one sided partnership to a certain extent. I can be a good dancer but if the lead is awful things are going to go wrong and there isn't a lot a follower can do about it. But....I can be a bad follower but a good lead will sort it out. Complimenting each other is when your talking about two relatively equal dancers who are able to read the moves and each other. a newbie is not going to be able to do this yet generally and will rely heavily on the lead to direct them. If the lead is weak, a newbie will flounder. so, i repeat, when you are a follower good or bad, if the lead is weak, your bolloxed.
well it is really. ive stated learning lead and do the classes as a lead. I get the beginners and the women that are awful but with a little patience and guidance, i can lead them. Its just a matter of them understanding body positioning and the signs to look for. Newbies are so nervous and are always apologising but i really do think to myself, its my fault your not doing it, im not leading you correctly or guiding you into the right position.
I was actually refering to the horrible man who tapped her on the head and said better luck next time or something to that effect when in actual fact the reality was probably C5AP LEAD. (she done it fine all the other times if i remember correctly)
Anyway, more importantly, who is that in your avatar.?
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