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Thread: is it really 'their loss/someone else's gain' when someone is refused?

  1. #141
    Registered User Twirly's Avatar
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    Re: is it really 'their loss/someone else's gain' when someone is refused?

    Gerry, I agree with you, but if this guy really is so rude to everyone, how come there is anyone left who is willing to dance with him?! I wonder how he hasn't managed to alienate everyone!

    I'd have thought that the only people willing to put up with his attitudes are his friends...

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    Re: is it really 'their loss/someone else's gain' when someone is refused?

    Quote Originally Posted by Twirlie Bird View Post
    I really don't think this is the same guy. A nice side to him? I really don't think so. As for charmingly polite!



    Provocation? care to explain? I was there that night and witnessed the hurt he caused. I have no sympathy for him whatsoever. There is no reason to justify his behaviour.



    Why should we simply avoid him? Turn a blind eye safe in the knowledge of what he is doing? Why should we allow him to carry on upsetting pretty much everyone who asks him to dance? Why should we condone his behaviour?

    For the record I am certainly not part of any gang.


    well said TB, why should we.

    its not about been part of a gang, its just people looking out for each other.


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    Re: is it really 'their loss/someone else's gain' when someone is refused?

    Quote Originally Posted by Twirly View Post
    Gerry, I agree with you, but if this guy really is so rude to everyone, how come there is anyone left who is willing to dance with him?! I wonder how he hasn't managed to alienate everyone!

    I'd have thought that the only people willing to put up with his attitudes are his friends...


    because of the way he treated me and Caz that night I did start to ask around, I do have some back ground on him but that would just be gossip and the forum isn't the place.

    If you read some of my posts you might glean what I believe to be a leave of hurt going on.

    He does have a girlfriend who he dances with.

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    Registered User David Franklin's Avatar
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    Re: is it really 'their loss/someone else's gain' when someone is refused?

    Quote Originally Posted by Gerry View Post
    Sorry Lory, does that really make a difference.
    To whether or not his behaviour is acceptable? No, it doesn't make a difference.

    Doesn't stop the rest of us wondering what's going through his mind, though.

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    Re: is it really 'their loss/someone else's gain' when someone is refused?

    Quote Originally Posted by David Franklin View Post
    To whether or not his behaviour is acceptable? No, it doesn't make a difference.

    Doesn't stop the rest of us wondering what's going through his mind, though.

    I was having just this conversation with the nice guy in a hat yesterday.

    My problem is I think I can help everyone, and if I give love support and help to some one who needs it every thing will be OK. however I am now learning there are just some people you can't help and you have to let them go


    I wonder why he feels the need to be so crule, doese it actually make him feel better ?

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    Re: is it really 'their loss/someone else's gain' when someone is refused?

    Quote Originally Posted by jivecat View Post

    If someone has upset you, or been rude to you personally I think it's perfectly fine to speak to them directly about it, as long as you don't then equal them in rudeness. I've done it myself occasionally, and it's very empowering. However, that is a very different thing from trying to get up a gang on the forum to mete out various nebulous forms of revenge on someone whose motives and behaviour are unknown except for what has been reported on this forum.
    If everyone who was ever accused of rudeness was excluded from venues on those grounds Ceroc's profits would fall through the floor - let's get this in perspective.


    Hi Jive Cat, I am Gerry.

    At Southport I believe I refused you a dance in the bouncy room late on Saturday or Sunday nite, I was sitting out as I needed a rest and the music was not to my taste. I also enjoy just watching others dance.

    Later on in the Blues room I had finished a dance and you rushed over to me and asked my why I refused you, I was taken back a bit at the time as you seemed quite forceful, I answered your question and I believe you must have excepted my explanation as I then asked you if you wanted a dance. Hopefully you enjoyed the dance I believe we have dance once or twice since in Derby.

    Obviously as you took the time out to find me and question my motives why I refused you a dance you are not that happy with rejection.

    Fletch is a pretty strong character as most of the forum will testify to, when she was refused by TTIAH she was quite dump stuck and lost for words, only for a short time.

    When she found out that dear friends of hers had suffered the same fate, in some cases much worse she felt that she to stand up for them and make a comment. She should be commended for these actions as most of her friends are not the type to say boo to a goose.

    Fletch as stated stood up for her principles and had a quite chat with TTIAH and told him her purposes for their little chat, how many of us are brave enough to stand up to bullies who go out of their way to make other peoples lives a missery.

    Now that TTIAH has been told of the comments on the forum we may be lucky that he will read them, digest and cogitate them, we may even get a response, it may be the big finger of F8ck off, so be it. We may find that when he next refuses it is a simple look in the face and just the words No thanks. That dancer will not have been bullied or belittled. The MJ world will then be a beter place.

    Love you lots Fletch, don't change we love you as you are.

  7. #147
    Forum Bombshell - Our Queen! Lory's Avatar
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    Re: is it really 'their loss/someone else's gain' when someone is refused?

    Quote Originally Posted by Gerry View Post
    Sorry Lory, does that really make a difference.
    I don't know? I was just curious
    MODERATOR AT YOUR SERVICE
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    Re: is it really 'their loss/someone else's gain' when someone is refused?

    Quote Originally Posted by Lory View Post
    Out of interest, who 'does' he dance with

    Does he come in a group and stick to dancing within that group or does he actually ask anyone?
    He comes with a lady who I assume is his partner and they pretty much dance together all night.

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    Registered User Twirly's Avatar
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    Re: is it really 'their loss/someone else's gain' when someone is refused?

    Quote Originally Posted by Twirlie Bird View Post
    He comes with a lady who I assume is his partner and they pretty much dance together all night.
    And we all know how good those dancers who only dance with one other person are don't we

    So maybe he's actually doing everyone a favour by not inflicting himself on others... though it could be done with better grace.

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    Re: is it really 'their loss/someone else's gain' when someone is refused?

    Quote Originally Posted by Gerry View Post

    Fletch is a pretty strong character as most of the forum will testify to, when she was refused by TTIAH she was quite dump stuck and lost for words:, only for a short time.

    When she found out that dear friends of hers had suffered the same fate, in some cases much worse she felt that she to stand up for them and make a comment. She should be commended for these actions as most of her friends are not the type to say boo to a goose.

    Fletch as stated stood up for her principles and had a quite chat with TTIAH and told him her purposes for their little chat, how many of us are brave enough to stand up to bullies who go out of their way to make other peoples lives a missery.

    Now that TTIAH has been told of the comments on the forum we may be lucky that he will read them, digest and cogitate them, we may even get a response, it may be the big finger of F8ck off, so be it. We may find that when he next refuses it is a simple look in the face and just the words No thanks. That dancer will not have been bullied or belittled. The MJ world will then be a beter place.
    I was dumb struck, I just though what was all that about ? why did he talk to me like that infront of all his friends, and to be told he had just done it to Caz I thought NO I can't stand by and let this keep happening.

    You know Gerry I told you I was hoping he wouldn't be at the Burton Ball cos there would be quite a few of us there, and I didn't wan't him thinking i'm only brave when i'v got my gang with me I wen't to Marc's Garvey on my own meeting one friend there, and I was very carefull of the words I used when I spoke to him, afterall I wan't him to stop doing it, not get some sick satisfaction knowing what he is doing is working.

    You might gather reading between the lines I have got rather hot under the collor at some of the comment that have been made, in particular, that I have been behaving brutishly, with a gang, waging a vendetta or witch hunt against some poor bloke, this could not be further from the truth.

    one of my 10 commandments, say what you need to say, do it in the kindest way possible, do not humiliate the other person, remember no matter what they have done to you they still have feelings two wrongs don't make a right, give them the opportunity to put it right, everyone is worth a second chance its what you do with your second chances that counts, right will shine trough.


    Nothing has changed as far as i'm concerned, and I stand by all my actions, I see not reason to change, I can look myself in the mirror each moring and i'm trying to make the best choises, this includes 'not turning a blind eye'

    Last edited by Lory; 14th-April-2008 at 10:04 PM. Reason: fixing quotes

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    Re: is it really 'their loss/someone else's gain' when someone is refused?

    Quote Originally Posted by fletch View Post

    Nothing has changed as far as i'm concerned, and I stand by all my actions, I see not reason to change, I can look myself in the mirror each moring and i'm trying to make the best choises, this includes 'not turning a blind eye'

    Unfortunately, there are lots of twats in hats.(not literally in hats but you get my drift)

    This can be male and female. There are some that enjoy seeing people cringe or just do not have social skills to do it properly. We sometimes just dont know.

    I think at the end of the day, this idiot sounds as though he will never learn and doesn't or isn't interested but you never know, your little chat might have hit something in his horrible little heart.

    I have learnt to laugh at these idiots cause life is too short to let it worry me for longer than a second. I would not really get involved on other people being refused so hats of to ya for caring that much. xxxx
    Last edited by Lory; 14th-April-2008 at 10:04 PM. Reason: fixed quotes

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    Registered User frodo's Avatar
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    Re: is it really 'their loss/someone else's gain' when someone is refused?

    Quote Originally Posted by fletch;
    ...Snip somewhat keen targeting of a single refuser over multiple posts...
    Quote Originally Posted by fletch View Post
    I asked some one not to aproch the children at the Blackpool champs recently, he asked me why what had he done? and I told him he hadn't done anything it was the his dance style it was making them feel uneasy, nothing you could put your finger on, so please respect there request.
    Perhaps a fairly strong argument in favour of not permitting children at Modern Jive events made there.

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    Re: is it really 'their loss/someone else's gain' when someone is refused?

    Quote Originally Posted by Northants Girly View Post
    Whoops - just remembered. JC's refuser wasn't wearing hat - he was one of Fletch's friends (did mention it to Fletch afterwards)
    Ermm. Right.

    Blimey NG, I thought I had a memory that has carved in blood on my synapses every single instance of being turned down in the 6.527 years since I started dancing but it turns out all I needed is you to do it for me. The only person I remember turning me down that night was our very own Gus but he came to find me later. I was dancing like a pig in a sack race anyway so anyone who turned me down had a merciful escape.

    Berko - I've had traumatic experiences there too. Have practically given up MJ since.

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    Registered User Northants Girly's Avatar
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    Re: is it really 'their loss/someone else's gain' when someone is refused?

    Quote Originally Posted by jivecat View Post
    Ermm. Right.

    Blimey NG, I thought I had a memory that has carved in blood on my synapses every single instance of being turned down in the 6.527 years since I started dancing but it turns out all I needed is you to do it for me. The only person I remember turning me down that night was our very own Gus but he came to find me later. I was dancing like a pig in a sack race anyway so anyone who turned me down had a merciful escape.

    Berko - I've had traumatic experiences there too. Have practically given up MJ since.
    Oh I'm so sorry JC. I did think I remembered you being upset that night cos some mate of Fletch's (Paul? guy with v little hair?) turned you down quite rudely and then proceeded to dance with a v young pretty thing right in front of you to the same track! I must have remembered wrong and it must not have been you. Sorry again.

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    Re: is it really 'their loss/someone else's gain' when someone is refused?

    Quote Originally Posted by frodo View Post
    Perhaps a fairly strong argument in favour of not permitting children at Modern Jive events made there.

    I new when I posted this comment the 'get kids of the dance floor' group would be straight in.


    The thing I have found since the argument raised its head its like any other prodigies, when people don't really understand or haven't had any contact with a certain group.


    There are people that have made comments about children on the forum about not letting children dance in MJ and then they have seen Joe..(he's 10) he follows the 'forum etiquette' and so do I. I think the majority have changed there mind regarding letting him dance, but i'm sure if i'm wrong someone will comment.


    regarding the man who the children weren't comfortable with, there are lots of people having issues with this mans behaviour on and off the dance floor, i'm one of them he is one of the 4 men I don't dance with and yes I have told him.

    As far as this been a good argument not letting them dance, one random man and I was straight on it, I don't see this as a good reason to send the children who so passionate and keen on dance back to there play stations and hanging around on street corners, most of encounter a random man from time to time, is that a good reason to stop us dancing.

    Quote Originally Posted by jivecat View Post



    Blimey NG, I thought I had a memory that has carved in blood

    Have practically given up MJ since.
    Perhaps with this memory you could recall the reason why you think this man had provication in refusing me the way he did, some responce would be nice.

    You might have given up modern jive, but not commenting on it ?

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    Re: is it really 'their loss/someone else's gain' when someone is refused?

    Quote Originally Posted by fletch View Post
    There are people that have made comments about children on the forum about not letting children dance in MJ and then they have seen Joe..(he's 10) he follows the 'forum etiquette' and so do I. I think the majority have changed there mind regarding letting him dance
    And he's better than most blokes I see, even some who have been at it for years.

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    Re: is it really 'their loss/someone else's gain' when someone is refused?

    Quote Originally Posted by Steven666 View Post
    And he's better than most blokes I see, even some who have been at it for years.
    Thank you Steven for this post, we have talked about this several times, I don't want to dodge children on the dance floor, but young enthusiastic dancers is different.

    some young starter include

    Tom Baker

    Alex Faulkner

    Adam ...of 'Adam and Tas'


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    Re: is it really 'their loss/someone else's gain' when someone is refused?

    Quote Originally Posted by Steven666 View Post
    Not really an issue if it has.

    Why was it like that AT ALL in the first place is the real question?
    Some women dont like dancing with women, its an old story. Im sure Blue rinse Berko has moved on since then

    Its a great venue with lovely people

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    Re: is it really 'their loss/someone else's gain' when someone is refused?

    Quote Originally Posted by fletch View Post


    There are people that have made comments about children on the forum about not letting children dance in MJ and then they have seen Joe..(he's 10) he follows the 'forum etiquette' and so do I. I think the majority have changed there mind regarding letting him dance, but i'm sure if i'm wrong someone will comment.

    As far as this been a good argument not letting them dance, one random man and I was straight on it, I don't see this as a good reason to send the children who so passionate and keen on dance back to there play stations and hanging around on street corners, most of encounter a random man from time to time, is that a good reason to stop us dancing.
    Having danced for eight years and seen many good young dancers, like Tom Baker, Adam from Adam and Taz fame, Jamie. Little Joe has had the opportunity to learn from all of them, it shows by how many women will come up and ask him for a dance. Many of the women have been teachers and others are very experienced dancers.

    In many of the venues I have been to where Joe has come along, he is easily in the Top 10% of male dancers and he is 10.

    Surely it would be a disgrace for a talented youngster to be refused the opportunity of doing something which he is so talented at.

    I have had the opportunity of being led by him and I can say that his lead is great.

    Please remember that the likes of Tom and Adam would never have been so good without the opportunites that were given to them by allowing them to start dancing at a young age. Please remember the kids of today will be the life blood of the modern jive in years to come

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    Re: is it really 'their loss/someone else's gain' when someone is refused?

    Quote Originally Posted by fletch View Post
    I



    Perhaps with this memory you could recall the reason why you think this man had provication in refusing me the way he did, some responce would be nice.

    You might have given up modern jive, but not commenting on it ?
    I think Feltch is making the point we all have the right to refuse but its the way its done

    Fletch has refused me a few times but very nicely

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