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Thread: is it really 'their loss/someone else's gain' when someone is refused?

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    Re: is it really 'their loss/someone else's gain' when someone is refused?

    Quote Originally Posted by Agente Secreto View Post


    The male performance ego sometimes still gets the better of us too i think. I remember being in the southport blues room in my very first visit (i'd been dancing for 3 months at that stage) and dancing with a particularly graceful lady just after she'd been danced off her feet by someone else with a load of flash moves.
    The female performance ego too.
    I never ask a lead straight after he's been dancing with a fantastic female follow.

    I think to myself "I'm not following that" Sorta like carrying coals to Newcastle, or that he would be extrememly bored with me after the previous dance partner.

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    Re: is it really 'their loss/someone else's gain' when someone is refused?

    Hi gang
    At the Edinburgh party last night - I sadly had to genuinely refuse the last three dances of the evening as I really wasn't feeling too well (was a bit scared I might faint if I got spun round too much!) This was indeed my loss as the first two people I'd already danced quite a few with and really enjoyed all of them. The last person was somebody who I'd been told was an "amazing dancer and I must get a dance with them", I'd tried earlier in the night and never quite managed it but then he came and asked me after he'd seen me dancing - wow what a compliment!

    I was gutted to miss out on those three dances!

    I hope the three people will forgive me and I'll definitely claim my dances next time! Please eveyone don't be offended if there is a genuine reason for a refulsal :-)

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    Re: is it really 'their loss/someone else's gain' when someone is refused?

    Quote Originally Posted by Choc Chip View Post
    I hope the three people will forgive me and I'll definitely claim my dances next time! Please eveyone don't be offended if there is a genuine reason for a refulsal :-)
    I guess I might have been one of those three – and I don't feel offended at all.

    Hope you're feeling better now.
    Let your mind go and your body will follow. – Steve Martin, LA Story

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    Re: is it really 'their loss/someone else's gain' when someone is refused?

    Quote Originally Posted by fletch View Post
    The net is closing in on 'the twat in a hat'







    I managed to catch up with 'the tw@t in a hat' last night at Marcus Garvey, Notts.

    I explained politely how he was making so many ladies feel and invited him to read some of the comments that had been made, his response was, he didn't care what people thought or said about him, and as I walked away he shouted some rude and derogatory comment at me.


    did I expect anything else?


    NO


    To crush peoples confidence they way he does, i'm sure he doesn't give a flying ****, but maybe, just maybe when he does refuse next time he might be less crushing.

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    Re: is it really 'their loss/someone else's gain' when someone is refused?

    Ahh someone told me that little story last night, I might have known it was you I'm still not sure who it is but clearly he's not very smart, I loved dancing with you

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    Re: is it really 'their loss/someone else's gain' when someone is refused?

    Quote Originally Posted by ChrisB View Post
    Ahh someone told me that little story last night, I might have known it was you I'm still not sure who it is but clearly he's not very smart, I loved dancing with you
    I don't like people been hurt unnecessarily we all refuse, I did again last night while I was doing my 'disco' bit, but I went and found him again.

    Sorry if I SFunk'ed you, take it as a complement, I didn't relies you had only been dancing a few months, I hope I didn't scare you to much.

    Loved dancing with you ChrisB, your on my slacker list now

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    Re: is it really 'their loss/someone else's gain' when someone is refused?

    Quote Originally Posted by fletch View Post
    I managed to catch up with 'the tw@t in a hat' last night at Marcus Garvey, Notts.

    I explained politely how he was making so many ladies feel and invited him to read some of the comments that had been made, his response was, he didn't care what people thought or said about him, and as I walked away he shouted some rude and derogatory comment at me.


    did I expect anything else?


    NO


    To crush peoples confidence they way he does, i'm sure he doesn't give a flying ****, but maybe, just maybe when he does refuse next time he might be less crushing.
    Surely time to simply point out the tw@t in a hat to venue organisers more forcefully. Guys like him scare punters away from venues and hit the pocket of organisers so he needs to be dealt with. If he's at Southport can you point him out in person.

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    Re: is it really 'their loss/someone else's gain' when someone is refused?

    Quote Originally Posted by fletch View Post
    I don't like people been hurt unnecessarily we all refuse, I did again last night while I was doing my 'disco' bit, but I went and found him again.
    I'll have to find out who he is so I can spread the word a bit more.

    Quote Originally Posted by fletch View Post
    Sorry if I SFunk'ed you, take it as a complement, I didn't relies you had only been dancing a few months, I hope I didn't scare you to much.
    Loved dancing with you ChrisB, your on my slacker list now
    I take it as a huge compliment; love to know how long you thought I'd been dancing to try that

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    Re: is it really 'their loss/someone else's gain' when someone is refused?

    Agreed.

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    Re: is it really 'their loss/someone else's gain' when someone is refused?

    Quote Originally Posted by adesso View Post
    Agreed.
    Congratulations on your first post since joining in Sept 04.... it was 'deep' and worth waiting for!
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    Re: is it really 'their loss/someone else's gain' when someone is refused?

    Quote Originally Posted by Lory View Post
    Congratulations on your first post since joining in Sept 04.... it was 'deep' and worth waiting for!
    Agreed.

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    Re: is it really 'their loss/someone else's gain' when someone is refused?

    Quote Originally Posted by fletch View Post
    I managed to catch up with 'the tw@t in a hat' last night at Marcus Garvey, Notts.

    I explained politely how he was making so many ladies feel and invited him to read some of the comments that had been made, his response was, he didn't care what people thought or said about him, and as I walked away he shouted some rude and derogatory comment at me.


    did I expect anything else?


    NO


    To crush peoples confidence they way he does, i'm sure he doesn't give a flying ****, but maybe, just maybe when he does refuse next time he might be less crushing.
    He's really growing into that nickname isn't he. Wonder if he's a forumite? Does he recognise himself??

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    Re: is it really 'their loss/someone else's gain' when someone is refused?

    Quote Originally Posted by Agente Secreto View Post
    Surely time to simply point out the tw@t in a hat to venue organisers more forcefully. Guys like him scare punters away from venues and hit the pocket of organisers so he needs to be dealt with. If he's at Southport can you point him out in person.

    Kail and Jeff know who he is, so do Niki and Pat at Burton, I would like to think a quirt word in how to refuse might help.

    Quote Originally Posted by ChrisB View Post
    I'll have to find out who he is so I can spread the word a bit more.



    I take it as a huge compliment; love to know how long you thought I'd been dancing to try that
    I thought about 12 - 18 months

    Quote Originally Posted by adesso View Post
    Agreed.
    i'm in Glos tonight will you be there?

    Quote Originally Posted by Fruity Oranges View Post
    He's really growing into that nickname isn't he. Wonder if he's a forumite? Does he recognise himself??
    Don't think he is, he was stood at the bar after I spoke to him talking to Kail part of the conversation was overhear by a friend of mine.

    Maybe he might log on and respond with his side of the story, this would be interesting.

    If your out ther T-in a -H don't forget who recomended you

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    Re: is it really 'their loss/someone else's gain' when someone is refused?

    Quote Originally Posted by fletch View Post
    I explained politely how he was making so many ladies feel and invited him to read some of the comments that had been made, his response was, he didn't care what people thought or said about him, and as I walked away he shouted some rude and derogatory comment at me.

    I danced with a man who I believe is the "Twat in a Hat" (how can we be sure? -There's a lot of them around in the dance world, and that's not even starting on tango) a couple of weeks ago. I asked him, he agreed, and was charmingly polite. So, if, IF, this was the man, he has a nice side as well.

    I don't condone boorish behaviour, but it seems a bit rich to be hounded on the forum for refusing by people who confess to regularly refusing people themselves. It sounds like he was very rude in response to Fletch's accusations, but then, he had some provocation. I've got some sympathy with his refusal to care about what other people think or say about him - isn't that a philosophy by which many of us proudly live our lives?

    If anybody doesn't like his behaviour, they need only avoid him on the dance floor. I don't think a witch hunt should be carried out on the forum against some unknown person - a bit pointless anyway, as he doesn't give a monkey's!

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    Re: is it really 'their loss/someone else's gain' when someone is refused?

    Quote Originally Posted by jivecat View Post
    I danced with a man who I believe is the "Twat in a Hat" (how can we be sure? -There's a lot of them around in the dance world, and that's not even starting on tango) a couple of weeks ago. I asked him, he agreed, and was charmingly polite. So, if, IF, this was the man, he has a nice side as well.

    I don't condone boorish behaviour, but it seems a bit rich to be hounded on the forum for refusing by people who confess to regularly refusing people themselves. It sounds like he was very rude in response to Fletch's accusations, but then, he had some provocation. I've got some sympathy with his refusal to care about what other people think or say about him - isn't that a philosophy by which many of us proudly live our lives?

    If anybody doesn't like his behaviour, they need only avoid him on the dance floor. I don't think a witch hunt should be carried out on the forum against some unknown person - a bit pointless anyway, as he doesn't give a monkey's!
    I agree with you. It does seem like a witch hunt. Sometimes it can helpful to consider that the world is a mirror reflecting back your inner state of mind.

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    Re: is it really 'their loss/someone else's gain' when someone is refused?

    Quote Originally Posted by jivecat View Post
    I danced with a man who I believe is the "Twat in a Hat" (how can we be sure? -There's a lot of them around in the dance world, and that's not even starting on tango) a couple of weeks ago. I asked him, he agreed, and was charmingly polite. So, if, IF, this was the man, he has a nice side as well.

    I don't condone boorish behaviour, but it seems a bit rich to be hounded on the forum for refusing by people who confess to regularly refusing people themselves. It sounds like he was very rude in response to Fletch's accusations, but then, he had some provocation. I've got some sympathy with his refusal to care about what other people think or say about him - isn't that a philosophy by which many of us proudly live our lives?

    If anybody doesn't like his behaviour, they need only avoid him on the dance floor. I don't think a witch hunt should be carried out on the forum against some unknown person - a bit pointless anyway, as he doesn't give a monkey's!
    We all refuse for one reson or another, I refuse, I belive genuinely, and I allways try and go back to them, I can count the times I haven't managed it, I don't know anyone more aware of refusing people badly, but if you know differenly please feel free to speak out, if you give it you have to take it.


    I spend hours talking to people trying to build there confidence to ask, as I have this evening, I also ask others to ask my less confident friends, to try and help with building there confidence, and I won't stand by and watch them destroyed for no good reason, so if that comes across a 'bit rich' well I suppose I will have to live your view, maybe you might feel differently if you asked him to dance, and he said' I might later but I will have to asses you dancing ability first'


    Its only my opinion but there is to much of 'turning a blind eye to bad behaviour'

    If he doesn't care then he won't loose any sleep and I will feel better for telling him it would be nice if he was a little bit more considerate of others feeling when refusing.


    some of the reasons I refuse.

    just getting a drink
    just need to go the loo
    just need to finish this important conversation.

    Its a Northern Soul/disco track

    etc.

    There are about 4 people I don't dance with, and they all know cos I have pulled them to one side and explaind to them why, carefully with consideration for there feelings no matter what they have done to me, I have also done the same for other's who just can't speek out, we all have strenghts. and every one is worth a second chance, some times people don't even know they are doing it, this might explain why you questioned a close friend of mine some time ago as to why they refused you, even though the reson they had given was cos they didn't like the track.

    Do you have any people you dont dance with? do they know? or do you just look away and hope they don't ask.

    and yes I will tell othere's to avoid him on the dance floor, as I also point out friendly, kind people who will not give them a look, a tut, a shigh, or dissmiss them in some other way, have you ever experenced it?

    one pearson worth mentioning if Lynn from NI we regularly send our 'newbies' to each other, the men go to Lynn and the Ladies go to 'Chef' not all angels have wings.



    I neaver refuse cos the pearson, looks different, smells, is to PC&P, or any other standard reason unless its so bad, and I talk to them, giving them a second chance.

    Don't think any one would acuse me of sitting on the fence, I stand by my comments, but I don't allways get it right, and if i'n wrong i'm big enough to say sorry.


    and JC I am VERY PROUD the way I live my life.


    Quote Originally Posted by JiveLad View Post
    I agree with you. It does seem like a witch hunt. Sometimes it can helpful to consider that the world is a mirror reflecting back your inner state of mind.
    Perhaps you wan't to pick up the peices of someone with a shattered weekend, or evening cos they have been spoken to so badly, there is just no need to put people thought such disscomfort.

    There are people in pain themselves and seemingly get satisfaction for seeing others hurting.

    I have been called worst things than a witch, but still belive if its done for the right reasons, right will shine through.

    I'm afrade it will take more than a bit of name calling to stop me standing up for what I belive in.

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    Re: is it really 'their loss/someone else's gain' when someone is refused?

    Quote Originally Posted by fletch View Post
    Perhaps you wan't to pick up the peices of someone with a shattered weekend, or evening cos they have been spoken to so badly, there is just no need to put people thought such disscomfort.

    There are people in pain themselves and seemingly get satisfaction for seeing others hurting.

    I have been called worst things than a witch, but still belive if its done for the right reasons, right will shine through.

    I'm afrade it will take more than a bit of name calling to stop me standing up for what I belive in.
    Fletch - no-one is referring to you as a witch! I think you may have misinterpreted this.

    The term 'witch hunt' goes back to medieval times when groups of people would go out looking for the witch. In this case, the 'witch' is the guy who is being referred to in all these posts.

    Not you!

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    Re: is it really 'their loss/someone else's gain' when someone is refused?

    Quote Originally Posted by JiveLad View Post
    Fletch - no-one is referring to you as a witch! I think you may have misinterpreted this.

    The term 'witch hunt' goes back to medieval times when groups of people would go out looking for the witch. In this case, the 'witch' is the guy who is being referred to in all these posts.

    Not you!
    yes I know, and I thought you new me a little better than you do

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    Re: is it really 'their loss/someone else's gain' when someone is refused?

    At Berko, early in the evening i got refused for the first time since i was a beginner six years ago.

    2nd dance of the night, very quiet blues room, only one guy left sitting down. Walked over, asked him if he would like a dance and he just said no.

    No excuse, no apology just no.

    I didn't see him again all night and he left to go to the fast room but it didn't upset me i just thought your loss mate.

    Saying that though, if i was a sensitive, quiet and timid person like wot i used to be , i would have been mortified.

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    Re: is it really 'their loss/someone else's gain' when someone is refused?

    Quote Originally Posted by Trouble View Post
    if i was a sensitive, quiet and timid person like wot i used to be , i would have been mortified.
    a bit like me you meen

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