Should anyone have the audacity to refuse me, I have a new put down to try out.
I shall adopt a sympathetic facial expression and say "Awww, am I too good for you?"
Daisy
(A Modest Little Flower)
I said no to a dance last night, but that was because I was getting really warm and needed to have a drink and cool off - I made sure I went and found the person for the next track and danced with her. I don't think I've ever been flat out refused - there has always been a reason for it (usually a valid one!). Our teacher always tells us that anyone can ask anyone, and the only reason you should say no is if you're bursting for the loo!
This does happen but if you ask him a lot, he may be getting all the dancing with you he's after and not feel he needs to ask you for more. Play hard to get!Originally Posted by Twirly
One thing that bugs me is when women "hover" near a guy they want to dance with but don't actually ask him - yes I'm sure it's all chivalrous for us to do all the asking but it's 2008 for pity's sake... if Germaine Greer was dead she'd be turning in her grave! Hovering can actually put a guy off too, it can be a bit uncomfortable if we feel like we're being forced into asking for a dance when maybe we want to sit this one out or we're looking for someone in particular.
I'm sorry but I don't believe that.
I think us girls just have to accept that some guys would rather dance with somebody else and that's why I won't keep asking.
I hate to think they say yes, just to be polite That doesn't exactly make me feel great.
But the reasons might be very varied and not always to do with 'us'
I have a couple of really good male friends, who I get on with like a house on fire and always have good dances with but I know, they're often 'on a mission' looking for luurve and therefore, I genuinely never take offence, they usually let me know what they're upto anyway!
MODERATOR AT YOUR SERVICE
"If you're going to do something tonight, that you know you'll be sorry for in the morning, plan a lie in." Lorraine
Exactly what I decided to do!
I know what you mean Lory, and with someone else I'd say you were probably right, but he's said on numerous occasions that he likes dancing with me (including relatively recently), so I don't think it's that with this particular person. I think he's just got lazy! I've been asking him, and that's quite easy for him, so he hasn't bothered to ask back. He's never turned me down, and we always (from my POV) have good dances that he appears to enjoy too. There's something else in the equation too, but I can't put that on here in case it identifies him!
Anyway, hence the new tactics. And to be honest, if we weren't so friendly, I'd have stopped asking him ages ago anyway, as like you I get cold feet if I'm the one who always asks someone - I assume that they don't like dancing with me.
I have never knowingly refused anyone - even people I have had bad experiences with before. However, I have had refusals and generally I would never ask that person again, although the only person who refused me at Southport last summer ( I didn't ask many) - I have subsequently had a fabulous dance with (so perhaps my rule needs to be a little flexible). What I am starting to find is that at a regular venue the more people you ask the less you are likely to be asked in return. Perhaps they are bored with me as I can think of one person who asked me 6 times one night and now never asks. (Perhaps he was hoping I would improve!) Men are strange creatures .... but then so am I!
I rarely dance with anyone more than once in a night.
Any partner that has already been asked for a dance will probably never ask for a second and similarly, I generally won't ask for a second having already accepted their invitation.
I do not see this causing offense to either side.
Very recently, my partner was taken aback when I asked for a second dance, "but we have already danced" came the quick reply, but she accepted.
Would you rather sit out than ask someone back? Men can be really thin on the ground at the classes i go to but I have seen men sit out when I (and other female dancers) are sitting out. I won't ask twice (that does feel desperate) but would not object to being "asked back" . Perhaps they are exhausted by all the female attention?
Last edited by ducasi; 7th-March-2008 at 04:06 PM. Reason: quote fixing (was: General incompetence.)
To be honest yes I think they probably are exhausted. There is a massive gender imbalance at some of our midland venues and the guys often don't get to sit out for a single dance. Somtimes I only get to chat to Matt for a few seconds each night inbetween him being whisked away!
Last edited by ducasi; 7th-March-2008 at 04:06 PM. Reason: quote fixing
DTS,
I think you are a great bloke and if you think Jive Lad is a great guy then I am sure he is. But, that doesn't mean that what he said wasn't really really patronising given that he was offering his advice to a complete stranger!
All in all, it is easy for men (who are in demand because of their number rather than their dance ability) to say really dumb things to women because they have no idea what it can be like as a follow when there are just too many women around!!
Guys try to imagine what it is like to be in our sparkly high heels for once before dishing out advice!!
SuzyQ
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