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Thread: Stumbled upon

  1. #1
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    Stumbled upon

    ..this 'sick joke' site.

    WARNING!


    Almost every page of jokes will probably contain one you will find offensive. Many people may be offended by all the jokes. So if you are at all unsure, don't go there.


    WARNING!
    Read the above paragraph again

    But for those who are game for a laugh, even if there's some pretty objectionable stuff in the mix, here's the link.

    Personally, I've been laughing like a drain.

  2. #2
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    Re: Stumbled upon

    I like the 'Things you learn from watching porn'

    Wouldn't you men love it if all that were true in the real world.
    Last edited by Double Trouble; 3rd-March-2008 at 05:07 PM.

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    Re: Stumbled upon

    I thought Caro might like this one:

    A Swiss guy, looking for directions, pulls up at a bus stop where two Englishmen are waiting.

    "Entschuldigung, koennen Sie Deutsch sprechen?" he says.

    The two Englishmen just stare at him.

    "Excusez-moi, parlez vous Francais?"

    The two continue to stare.

    "Parlare Italiano?"

    No response,

    "Hablan ustedes Espanol?"

    Still nothing.

    The Swiss guy drives off, extremely disgusted.

    The first Englishman turns to the second and says, "Y'know, maybe we should learn a foreign language...."

    "Why?" says the other, "That bloke knew four languages, and it didn't do him any good."

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    Re: Stumbled upon

    Quote Originally Posted by Barry Shnikov View Post
    I thought Caro might like this one:
    Made me smile

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    Re: Stumbled upon

    oh I loved this one...

    Some mornings I wake up bitchy

    Other mornings I let her sleep.

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    Re: Stumbled upon

    Quote Originally Posted by Double Trouble View Post
    I like the 'Things you learn from watching porn'

    Wouldn't you men love it if all that were true in the real world.

    yes

  7. #7
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    Re: Stumbled upon

    Quote Originally Posted by Double Trouble View Post
    I like the 'Things you learn from watching porn'

    Wouldn't you men love it if all that were true in the real world.
    What you mean this one's wrong?
    Women enjoy having sex with ugly middle-aged men.


    EDIT: I also like this one:
    "Won't you kiss me, Doctor," asks a beautiful woman.
    "No, it would be against my code of ethics," says the doctor.
    "Please just one kiss," begs the woman.
    "It's completely out of the question," he goes on. "I shouldn't even really be having sex with you."
    Last edited by David Bailey; 5th-March-2008 at 10:12 AM.

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    Re: Stumbled upon

    B.A. has halted all flights from the UK until further notice.
    A statement read, "I ain't gittin' on no plane, you crazy fool."

    have LOL'd and people at work are staring at me with thaqt get on wioth some work stare!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    Library... suicide.. refusal....

    9 out of 10!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    If I laugh any harder the yellow van is coming for me...
    Last edited by CJ; 5th-March-2008 at 12:49 PM.

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    Re: Stumbled upon

    Quote Originally Posted by Martin View Post
    oh I loved this one...

    Some mornings I wake up bitchy

    Other mornings I let her sleep.
    Or

    "Old age doesn't come on its own --
    no, it usually comes with a crabbit old bitch"



  10. #10
    Dickie Davies' love-child Cruella's Avatar
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    Re: Stumbled upon

    I was at a cash machine when an old lady came up to me and asked to check her balance.
    So I pushed her over.

    Some of them are really not funny, too below the belt, but others are making me cry with laughter!

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    Re: Stumbled upon

    Some of the ones which stood out for me...

    If your woman comes out of the kitchen to nag at you what have you done wrong?

    Made the chain too long.

    ---

    How many potatoes does it take to kill an Irishman?

    None

    ---

    Don't you find it strange that in the 1970s, 10 year old girls had posters of Gary Glitter all over their bedroom walls.
    Now in the 21st century it's the other way round......

    ---

    Prince Charles arrives in Iran on an official visit. He asks the president, "Eeer...could you tell me where I might find the Shah?"
    "The Shah?" says the president. "What Shah? We got rid of the Shah years ago."
    "In that case," says Charles, "one will have to make do with a bath."

    ---

    An old flame of mine got in touch the other day. We had a nice chat and she asked if I was interested in revisiting the good times together. I laughed and said that I wasn't the man she remembered - I was now bald and had a paunch. She laughed and said not to worry as she'd put on a few pounds too.

    So I told her to eff off.

    ---

    Paddy was driving down the street in a sweat because he had an important meeting and couldn't find a parking place. Looking up to heaven he said,"Lord take pity on me. If you find me a parking place I will go to Mass every Sunday for the rest of me life and give up Irish Whiskey"

    Miraculously, a parking place appeared.

    Paddy looked up again and said, "Never mind, I found one."

    ---

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    Re: Stumbled upon

    Also liked, but cannot now find, this one:

    After Heather Mill's melt-down on GMTV, they have a phone-in so the public can comment on the troubles she's going through.

    Andrew Castle says "We've had an email from - er - Catherine, who agrees with what many people have said so far which is that Heather Mills is clearly unbalanced."

    Fiona Phillips: "Yes, but we've also had a phone call from Sir Paul to say that a few beermats under her left foot usually does the trick."
    ---

    And this one I only just read:

    Prince Charles decided to take up jogging.

    Every day, he'd jog past a hooker standing on the same street corner.
    He learned to brace himself as he approached her for what was almost certain to follow.

    "One hundred and fifty pounds!" she'd shout from the curb.
    "No! Five pounds!" He would fire back, just to shut her up.

    This ritual between him and the hooker became a daily occurrence.
    He'd run by and she'd yell, "One hundred and fifty pounds!"
    He'd yell back, "Five pounds!"

    One day, Camilla decided that she wanted to accompany her husband on his jog.

    As the jogging couple neared the working woman's street corner, Prince Charles realised she'd bark her £150 offer and Camilla would wonder what he'd really been doing on all his past outings.
    He figured he'd better have a good explanation for his wife.

    As they jogged into the turn that would take them past the corner, he became even more apprehensive than usual.
    Sure enough, there was the hooker.



    He tried to avoid the prostitute's eyes as she watched the pair jog past.

    Then, from her corner, the hooker yelled, "See what you get for five pounds, you tight bastard?!"

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    Re: Stumbled upon

    I thought this one was particularly apt:

    Arguing on the internet is like entering the special Olympics.

    Even if you win, you're still a retard!

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    Re: Stumbled upon

    Quote Originally Posted by Gav View Post
    I thought this one was particularly apt:

    Arguing on the internet is like entering the special Olympics.

    Even if you win, you're still a retard!
    Is that - like - subtle, or are you not paying attention to the forum as a whole?

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    Re: Stumbled upon

    Quote Originally Posted by Barry Shnikov View Post
    Is that - like - subtle, or are you not paying attention to the forum as a whole?
    As soon as you, rocky and whoever else start arguing, I don't bother reading the thread any more.

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