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Thread: New & slightly apprehensive...

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    Registered User Veil's Avatar
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    New & slightly apprehensive...

    Hi,

    I'm thinking of going to a class soon with my boyfriend. I'm a bit aprehensive for a couple of reasons.

    1. Neither my boyfriend nor I can dance at all.

    2. I'm 5'11" without shoes and I'm "voluptuous", so being asked to freestyle by someone who isn't my boyfriend seems unlikely - cue heinous embarrassment

    3. My boyfriend and I are joining to do something together and would prefer to dance with each other only (not because we're pains, just because we're kinda shy and self-conscious), lest we injure other dancers ... at least for the first couple of classes!


    When I read that back I think to myself "Why the h£ll are you considering going at all???", but I'm looking for a way to enhance my fitness level, spend fun time with my boyfriend, make some new friends and to learn to dance.

    Can anyone reassure/advise/warn off? I'd appreciate candour over diplomacy

    Thanks!

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    Registered User ~*~Saligal~*~'s Avatar
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    Re: New & slightly aprehensive...

    Quote Originally Posted by Veil View Post
    Hi,

    I'm thinking of going to a class soon with my boyfriend. I'm a bit aprehensive for a couple of reasons.

    1. Neither my boyfriend nor I can dance at all.

    2. I'm 5'11" without shoes and I'm "voluptuous", so being asked to freestyle by someone who isn't my boyfriend seems unlikely - cue heinous embarrassment

    3. My boyfriend and I are joining to do something together and would prefer to dance with each other only (not because we're pains, just because we're kinda shy and self-conscious), lest we injure other dancers ... at least for the first couple of classes!

    When I read that back I think to myself "Why the h£ll are you considering going at all???", but I'm looking for a way to enhance my fitness level, spend fun time with my boyfriend, make some new friends and to learn to dance.

    Can anyone reassure/advise/warn off? I'd appreciate candour over diplomacy

    Thanks!
    1. Great - it should then be a pretty level playing field for you both.
    2. I don't know of many guys who are height'ist (at least not in Australia )
    3. If you want to learn and just dance together then I would suggest private lessons. In classes it is usually encouraged that people rotate so that they learn more from dancing with different people. It is also a way to socialise and get to know how other people dance. The private lessons might also help your confidence, as you can improve a little faster than in group lessons (on average). Private lessons will also allow you to ask all those questions you might think are "dumb" - whereas in a class arrangement this isn't always possible as the teacher is busy teaching the class at large.

    I would suggest you wear appropriate footwear - that always makes a difference. And make sure you wear clothes that you feel comfortable in - with fabrics that can breathe properly cos it can get hot when dancing (sometimes just the first-time nerves alone can make it get all sweaty!).

    Overall, make sure you both pack your sense of humour - it always helps when learning something new to do so. Also, don't stress if one of you picks things up faster than the other - that's inevitable.

    Goodluck!

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    Re: New & slightly aprehensive...

    Quote Originally Posted by Veil View Post
    Hi,

    I'm thinking of going to a class soon with my boyfriend. I'm a bit aprehensive for a couple of reasons.

    1. Neither my boyfriend nor I can dance at all.

    2. I'm 5'11" without shoes and I'm "voluptuous", so being asked to freestyle by someone who isn't my boyfriend seems unlikely - cue heinous embarrassment

    3. My boyfriend and I are joining to do something together and would prefer to dance with each other only (not because we're pains, just because we're kinda shy and self-conscious), lest we injure other dancers ... at least for the first couple of classes!




    When I read that back I think to myself "Why the h£ll are you considering going at all???", but I'm looking for a way to enhance my fitness level, spend fun time with my boyfriend, make some new friends and to learn to dance.

    Can anyone reassure/advise/warn off? I'd appreciate candour over diplomacy

    Thanks!
    Ok, Totally candour and no diplomacy as requested...

    You can either grab a couple of private lessons first, or you can stand out of the main class rotation and try the moves with just you and your partner.
    I cannot see anything "wrong" with this, if you are coming with a partner and you are aprehensive.

    I would suggest you do the beginners lesson in rotation, so you both get to dance with more experienced dancers. This is more helpful and you get to talk to other people (as you did say you also wanted to make some new friends). After the lesson, go through the moves with your partner and ask for help if required from the "helpers / taxi dancers / teacher" all of these people want to help you.

    After 30 mins or so of "practice time" most companies do a follow up class for the beginners.. this is a smaller class where you can ask questions

    After that, you can practice again with your partner.

    Don't worry, most people have no clue about dance when they first start. The beginners class is designed to cater for this.

    As to footwear, something you can spin in... not trainers, leather bottomed soles with rubber heals for both of you are best.

    Try a single spin on a wooden floor or a tiled floor, if it feels "sticky" then maybe not the best shoes.

    Good luck, give it a go...

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    Re: New & slightly aprehensive...

    Quote Originally Posted by Veil View Post
    1. Neither my boyfriend nor I can dance at all.
    That's what beginners classes are for. They're to teach people who can't dance.

    Quote Originally Posted by Veil View Post
    2. I'm 5'11" without shoes and I'm "voluptuous", so being asked to freestyle by someone who isn't my boyfriend seems unlikely - cue heinous embarrassment
    You WILL be asked to dance. It is a dance class, not some shallow pick-up joint. People ask each other to dance, no matter how different they look. I'm 5'7" and regularly dance with a woman who is over 6' and occasionally guys who are much taller.

    Quote Originally Posted by Veil View Post
    3. My boyfriend and I are joining to do something together and would prefer to dance with each other only (not because we're pains, just because we're kinda shy and self-conscious), lest we injure other dancers ... at least for the first couple of classes!
    Do NOT join the class and then stick with the same partner. Classes are designed to work with partners changing regularly. This means you get to dance with people who can actually do the dance rather than another total novice. In my real life experience, teaching hundreds of lessons, people who start as a fixed couple at the back do not get the lesson and do not return to repeat the experience. I'm so convinced of this I offer to return the money to couples who do not join in with the rotation of partners in the lesson.

    The suggestion of having private lessons is a good one. But only to overcome nerves rather than helping you learn as a beginner. Modern Jive is a social dance, it needs to be done socially. Therefore part of the teaching process involves being able to dance socially. You need to experience many different partners to do this effectively.

    Quote Originally Posted by Veil View Post
    Can anyone reassure/advise/warn off? I'd appreciate candour over diplomacy
    My candid advice, having read the rest of your post, is that you are probably not ready, emotionally, to attend a normal modern jive class and get the most from it.

    If you really would like to start classes you should get some private lessons from your local teacher until you feel that you will be able to join in the rotation of partners in the lesson.

    Or you could take a deep breath, be brave and dive straight in
    Last edited by Andy McGregor; 30th-January-2008 at 08:58 AM.

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    Re: New & slightly aprehensive...

    Hi and welcome to the forum.

    I completely emphasise with you. When I went to my first Ceroc class I couldn't dance and neither could my husband. If I had known the classes rotated there is NO way I would have gone. The thought of rotating a class and having to dance with loads of strangers is terrifying to some people. It was to me. When the teacher said "2 ladies on" I looked at my husband in total fear and just wanted to run. I think he will always remember my face at that precise moment. However it was absolutely fine. Nobody expects the newbies to be able to dance. The guys that can dance that are in the beginners class are there because they want to help teach and encourage the new ladies. They are all friendly and before you know it you will be having fun. I was and by the end and of that first 45 minute class I was dancing freestyle with lots of different people.

    If we had remained fixed partner (which would have been my choice) neither my husband nor I would have advanced. We probably wouldn't be dancing now.I needed the experienced leads to lead my correctly and he needed the experienced follow to follow what he was actually leading and help him out. Neither of us would have been able to help each other and we would have just gone home frustrated.

    My advice to you would be to step out of your comfort zone. Very scary, I know. Go to that first lesson and rotate. You will be well looked after and you should have fun.

    Good luck and please let us know how it goes.

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    Registered User knightengale's Avatar
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    Re: New & slightly aprehensive...

    Quote Originally Posted by Veil View Post
    Hi,

    I'm thinking of going to a class soon with my boyfriend. I'm a bit aprehensive for a couple of reasons.

    1. Neither my boyfriend nor I can dance at all.

    2. I'm 5'11" without shoes and I'm "voluptuous", so being asked to freestyle by someone who isn't my boyfriend seems unlikely - cue heinous embarrassment

    3. My boyfriend and I are joining to do something together and would prefer to dance with each other only (not because we're pains, just because we're kinda shy and self-conscious), lest we injure other dancers ... at least for the first couple of classes!


    When I read that back I think to myself "Why the h£ll are you considering going at all???", but I'm looking for a way to enhance my fitness level, spend fun time with my boyfriend, make some new friends and to learn to dance.

    Can anyone reassure/advise/warn off? I'd appreciate candour over diplomacy

    Thanks!
    Hey,

    I know how you feel. I was the same when i first start. And i def couldn't dance. Everyone is very friendsly when your at the classes, the same as this very forum.
    The first time i went everyone knew i was nevous but everyone was great. Both you and your boyfriend will have a good time. I agree with the other posts its best to be part of the rotation. As you met atlot of people and learn the moves a bit more . Due to not being as relaxed with the other partners .

    Which venue(s) you both going to? As you can find who is going on the same day and met a friendly face etc

    Good luck and let us know how it goes

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    Registered User martingold's Avatar
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    Re: New & slightly aprehensive...

    Quote Originally Posted by Veil View Post
    Hi,

    I'm thinking of going to a class soon with my boyfriend. I'm a bit aprehensive for a couple of reasons.

    1. Neither my boyfriend nor I can dance at all.
    I am not suprised at that its because you havent been taught
    that as others have said is what the beginners class is for.
    The venue i taxi dance at has about 4 to 6 new people starting every week so you almost certainly wont be the only new people

    Quote Originally Posted by Veil View Post

    2. I'm 5'11" without shoes and I'm "voluptuous", so being asked to freestyle by someone who isn't my boyfriend seems unlikely - cue heinous embarrassment
    size is of no importance whatsover i dance with everyone from someone who is very short and slim to others that are tall and no so slim you will find most MJ dancers are the same
    Quote Originally Posted by Veil View Post
    3. My boyfriend and I are joining to do something together and would prefer to dance with each other only (not because we're pains, just because we're kinda shy and self-conscious), lest we injure other dancers ... at least for the first couple of classes!
    Again as others have said the fastest way to learn MJ is to go to classes and rotate first time you do this you will be very unsure but that will soon change to having fun as everybody in the class will be smiling and enjoying it.The way its taught is very structured and its been like it for some years now the amount of people who are dancing regularly is the proof that it works
    Quote Originally Posted by Veil View Post

    but I'm looking for a way to spend fun time with my boyfriend, make some new friends and to learn to dance.

    Can anyone reassure/advise/warn off? I'd appreciate candour over diplomacy

    Thanks!
    By the third week of lessons you will have accomplished the first and second of these if not the third
    i know are thinking its ok for me because i have been dancing for years but we all started somewhere

    So my advice would be go to a class join in and have some fun

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    Registered User Lost Leader's Avatar
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    Re: New & slightly aprehensive...

    Welcome to the forum,

    Firstly what you are feeling is totally normal. I can well remember going to my first class and being absolutely petrified . Just like you I had absolutely no previous dance experience nor any innate dance ability. All I had was a vague feeling that this partner dancing thing might be fun (and believe me it is)

    There are always beginners at every class so you wont be alone. The MJ community is generally a very supportive one so you will find most people more than willing to help. We were all beginners once so we know how it feels.

    You will get asked to dance by strangers and dancing with more experienced dancers is one of the best ways to learn although it can seem a bit scary at first. You can opt to do the class as a fixed couple with your boyfriend but you may find it a little frustrating when neither of you knows what you are doing. You are more likely to enjoy the experience and progress if you rotate during the class. This is also a good way to get to know some of the other dancers a little and gets you used to the idea of dancing with strangers.

    If you go to a Ceroc class you will be given a free DVD which as demonstrations of all the beginner moves on it so that you can practice these at home with your boyfriend. You can also do workshops (more intensive classes with a small number of couples) but these cost extra.

    Lots of people on this forum will happily tell you that Ceroc / MJ changed their lives significantly for the better so I really hope you give it a go.

    Good luck

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    Registered User Easily Led's Avatar
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    Re: New & slightly aprehensive...

    Hi and I congratulate you on your bravery for joining the forum - that took me 18 months after I started dancing!

    Once you have got over the shock of rotating you will find some even more scared men for whom it is their first night as well as other more experienced dancers! However, In my opinion it is so much more difficult for the men as they begin as they have to remember the moves. The most difficult thing as a woman is to relax (how many times have I been told that!) and allow yourself to be led. In order to achieve this state with total strangers you may have to have a drink/calming potion beforehand (I certainly do) - although not so much that you lose your balance!!!!!!!!!!! If you want to continue dancing you will really need to encourage your boyfriend through his first "traumatic" weeks as it is so much better if you have a partner to go with (IMO) as this avoids the need to ask constantly. However, in my experience, Taxi dancers are wonderful and will be a great source of support and encouragement even if you are baffled by the classes.

    Have a great time!!!

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    Re: New & slightly aprehensive...

    Quote Originally Posted by Veil View Post
    Hi,

    I'm thinking of going to a class soon with my boyfriend. I'm a bit aprehensive...
    For me one of the joys of MJ is seeing people who cannot dance and are a lot aprehensive turn into confident people who love to go dancing, are fitter and have new friends. The scene is full of people who have made that journeynd take great joy in payback - helping newcomers.

    Join the class. Return again.

    It is harder for the guy. He will probably find himself lagging behind in learning it and have probably, for a while, suffer the pain of watching his girl enjoying herself with accomplished dancers whilst he struggles. For most of us dancers the destination is worth the journey.

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    Re: New & slightly aprehensive...

    Welcome to the forum

    Just wanted to reiterate what other people have said really. Take the plunge and go along. If you can join in the rotation do - you will both learn more that way. With two complete beginners dancing together, it can be the blind leading the blind. If one partner has some experience, then they can help the complete beginner to get the move, whichever is lead or follow (and you and your boyfriend can then start to help each other out, once you've learnt from others).

    Quote Originally Posted by bigdjiver View Post
    It is harder for the guy. He will probably find himself lagging behind in learning it and have probably, for a while, suffer the pain of watching his girl enjoying herself with accomplished dancers whilst he struggles. For most of us dancers the destination is worth the journey.
    You got there first! I was going to add something about this. As a follow, even with no dance experience, if you get a good lead you can dance immediately. As a lead, you've got to learn all the moves and it takes a bit longer to get into it. That's where the DVDs and workshops can come in, if you both decide that you like it.

    Also, just remember that whatever you see on the dancefloor, it is just dancing. It might look like flirtation (or more ), but, generally it isn't.

    Good luck - and do come back and let us know how you get on

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    Re: New & slightly aprehensive...

    Hi Veil, and welcome!
    Quote Originally Posted by Veil View Post
    My boyfriend and I are joining to do something together and would prefer to dance with each other only (not because we're pains, just because we're kinda shy and self-conscious), lest we injure other dancers ... at least for the first couple of classes!...<snip>... I'd appreciate candour over diplomacy
    I will take you at your word!
    If
    either of you is pathologically jealous, then Ceroc/MJ is probably a bad idea (but then so would be just about any social activity)
    If you really are timid, it seems to me the best way to get over it is to take a deep breath go out there and join in. Remember, we are not talking about lion-taming here; we are talking about a dance class, and one with a welcoming and inclusive attitude to learning. So, what is the worst thing that could happen? You may look silly. Most people do when they are learning a new skill. Nobody cares. So long as you are trying your best, and are courteous to your partner, nobody cares. Really!
    If you are still unconvinced, contact the person who runs the class you are planning to join, and discuss it with them.
    I have to agree with the general consensus: I feel beginners staying out of the rotation is a bad idea (unless you have a cold you don't want to share, or an injury you are guarding - take this as a warning:MJ can become addictive, and you'll be heading for class even when you are feeling much less than 100% ). Your boyfriend will only realize he is doing something wrong when a more experienced follower follows what he has led. You will only learn to follow properly when you feel a smooth, clear but gentle lead from a more experienced leader. And as for the freestyle after the class, you get to ask for a dance! Taxis are always a safe bet, if you are nervous; But why not be brave?! Collar a friendly face you remember from the lines (another good reason to join in the rotation!) and you will almost certainly get a yes. (that is MJ etiquette: no refusal without a very good reason) From your boyfriend's point of view: if he has a series of different dance partners in the freestyle, he doesn't feel as much pressure to break out of the three or four moves he feels comfortable with, while you are just starting out. (And you don't have to hide the fact that after the 6th dance he is beginning to bore you silly with the same three moves he can recall )
    I honestly think your stated concerns are not going to be problem. But as bigdjiver and Twirly have touched on, although learning MJ is great fun, it can also be immensely frustrating, for the leader especially.The best (non technical) advice I got when I first started dancing was from JonD: "Be kind to each other"
    Have fun!

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    Registered User killingtime's Avatar
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    Re: New & slightly aprehensive...

    Lots of people have already replied with stuff; if you fancy giving your location out then a few people here might well be from the same place so you might already "know" someone (from the forum at least). I didn't know anyone when I went along the first time and though I was really nervous I found the atmosphere really friendly.

    Quote Originally Posted by Veil View Post
    1. Neither my boyfriend nor I can dance at all.
    Like others have said; no one expects you to.

    Quote Originally Posted by Veil View Post
    2. I'm 5'11" without shoes and I'm "voluptuous", so being asked to freestyle by someone who isn't my boyfriend seems unlikely - cue heinous embarrassment
    And like others have said I would be surprised if no one asked you to dance. Further to that point we actively promote women asking men as well (on some of the more busy nights I don't get much of an option to ask people because I'm always being asked )

    Quote Originally Posted by Veil View Post
    3. My boyfriend and I are joining to do something together and would prefer to dance with each other only
    Like others have said we promote rotation (I don't see many fixed couples at my local classes) but that helps in loads of ways. It allows you to get the feel of how it works with a lot of different leads; it gives you a chance to socialize and introduce yourself to people so they know who you are and will feel more comfortable asking you later. So I'd be inclined and say "go into the rotation" but at the same time, unlike Andy, if you really, really wanted to stay fixed then I don't see it as the end of the world.

    Quote Originally Posted by Veil View Post
    When I read that back I think to myself "Why the h£ll are you considering going at all???", but I'm looking for a way to enhance my fitness level, spend fun time with my boyfriend, make some new friends and to learn to dance.
    These all seem like awesome reasons. Hope you decide to go and I'm sure you'll have a great time.

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    Re: New & slightly aprehensive...

    Get stuck in girl join the beginners class and rotate this class is full of newbies so dont be disheartened, you will pick it up in no time.

    Women are generally better than men when starting MJ.

    Just relax, enjoy and put on here where you are going so a fellow forumite can look out for you and make you feel relaxed and welcome.

    DTS Dave XXX XX

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    Registered User Veil's Avatar
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    Re: New & slightly apprehensive...

    Thanks to everyone for all the encouragement and recounts of y our first experiences - I really appreciate it and it's helped muchly.

    I'm going to try to go to a class tomorrow, but it'll be touch and go - I'm sure I'll walk in and out of the entrance to the venue a few times over.

    I'll let everyone know how things went, so keep fingers crossed!

    Thanks again



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    Cool Re: New & slightly apprehensive...

    Quote Originally Posted by Veil View Post
    Thanks to everyone for all the encouragement and recounts of y our first experiences - I really appreciate it and it's helped muchly.

    I'm going to try to go to a class tomorrow, but it'll be touch and go - I'm sure I'll walk in and out of the entrance to the venue a few times over.

    I'll let everyone know how things went, so keep fingers crossed!

    Thanks again


    Which venue?

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    Re: New & slightly apprehensive...

    Quote Originally Posted by StokeBloke View Post
    Which venue?
    Let's make a game of it. Everybody report in on Friday if they spot a 5'11" first nighter at their Thursday venue. Other than that, please be your normal, friendly selves. Just act naturally

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    Re: New & slightly apprehensive...

    Quote Originally Posted by Andy McGregor View Post
    Let's make a game of it. Everybody report in on Friday if they spot a 5'11" first nighter at their Thursday venue. Other than that, please be your normal, friendly selves. Just act naturally
    I reckon she comes from Oz


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    That date is recognized as her official birthday.

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    Registered User martingold's Avatar
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    Re: New & slightly apprehensive...

    Quote Originally Posted by Andy McGregor View Post
    Let's make a game of it. Everybody report in on Friday if they spot a 5'11" first nighter at their Thursday venue. Other than that, please be your normal, friendly selves. Just act naturally
    are you sure you want forumites to be themselves and act naturally

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    Registered User Veil's Avatar
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    Re: New & slightly apprehensive...

    Quote Originally Posted by Andy McGregor View Post
    Let's make a game of it. Everybody report in on Friday if they spot a 5'11" first nighter at their Thursday venue. Other than that, please be your normal, friendly selves. Just act naturally

    How mean!

    I'm definitely not going now - I've made myself horridly conspicuous!

    I better get in touch with my Fairy Godmother for a potion to turn me into a 5'4" redhead, with amazing coordination and mad dance skillz for the night.

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