Ok i am not going to get into the "men only dance with...." discussion as i spent more than enough time on that last night!
I have had plenty of insults from men ranging from the joking to the serious and each one hurts from little to lots. One thing i have gotten from it is that i am nice to every person who asks me to dance and i only say no if i am eating or have just eaten or need to pee. I always smile and thank everyone for a dance. Lifes just to short to be nasty to people "just cuz"
The "b8gger off" gentleman at the start of this thread was just mean. It was his choice to say no but he didnt need to say it like that. (unless you were stalking him and stealing his underpants) A simple "no thank you" is fine.
Trouble thinks ........
I cut pony tail off so DTS coulnd't do the hair pull which annoys the shi5 out of me.
Midriff looks like British Rail Map after two kids and no elastin in my skin.... so even if there was less of it, never gonna be on display.
As for DTS, he thinks im wonderful in every single way and i agree.
I think people need to be very careful when they comment on someone else's dancing style. It's easy for even the nicest of comments to be taken as an insult. I have had quite a bit of experience of people trying to be nice and saying something that comes out wrong and makes me feel awful (even though I know that is not their intention ).
I think the basic rules are:
1) Keep it short and simple. Saying something like "You're a lovely dancer" can't really be taken the wrong way, but if you try to qualify that statement with a comparrison or something it can sound all wrong. For example "you're a lovely dancer, I especially like that unusual thing you do with your arm" - makes it sound like she's doing something odd with her arm and will make her feel self-concious, and the positive comment will be lost in a sea of confusion... 'if he thinks I'm a lovely dancer than what does he mean about an unusual arm thing? I didn't know I did something unusual. maybe I should take a look at that, i don't want people looking at me and thinking "how unusual"...' and on and on...
2) Be sincere. If you only say what you really mean then your tone of voice will come through in a positive light and the person receiving the compliment will feel elated rather than deflated (even the nicest compliment in the wrong tone of voice can sound horrid).
Hope that helps
I spend my working life shut in a small, dark room with members of the General Public. Most people are lovely. Some people are total horrors.
I agree that when dealing with rude people, it is best to remain dignified, avoid revenge and avoid dragging yourself down to their level by returning their rudeness. However, I do not agree that this sort of behaviour should remain unchallenged. I think less people would be inclined to behave this way if they didn't get away with it so often, as most people are too nice to answer them back.
My approach to rudeness would be to say in a clear, calm, matter-of-fact way "Wow, what an incredibly *rude / ill-mannered / offensive / unpleasant / nasty / aggressive thing to say to a person". This has never yet failed to provoke a profuse apology and complete change of attitude in the offending person. Unfortunately, it works too well when I'm at work. The person usually then goes overboard with niceness and chattiness to compensate and it takes forever and a day to get the Eye Test finished!
*choose one as appropriate or even two if the comment was really bad.
I agree with Isis. If you have to work with someone or continue your relationship because they are a customer or a patient you really do need to deal with the situation. And telling someone how they made you feel is often the best option.
In the specific instance we're discussing we do not need to work with that person. And, as we've been told, in no uncertain terms to "go away" we have no option but to do that. However, you might meet them in the line during a lesson. In this instance you could and probably should tell them how you felt when they said what they said.
The 'compliment' I least like after a dance is "That was fun"
It's the dancefloor equivalent of being told you are 'cute' - subtext: I don't want to f*ck you but I don't want to hurt your feelings
Mind you, that's still better than 'I like you as a friend' - not that I am in any danger of hearing that.....
Note to self - Always tell RobD that dancing with him was fun!!! Ha ha ha Ah and maybe I could pinch his cheeks as well??!!
That came out all wrong I mean face cheeks - like your granny would do...???
I've pretty much adopted the tango approach. See if you can catch their eye as you approach. Someone who's just passing time and wants to dance will be aware of their surroudings and guys approacing. Someone who's deeply into the conversation won't even know you're there, so just keep moving on without disturbing them.
I agree, but probably not in the way you mean. Leaders have their own styles and also an idea of what kind of follow works best in that style. I think there's a misconception about how easy it is to lead slim / small women. It's going to be easier to move the small, slim "chicks" right? Um, no, not necessarily. Dead weight is still dead weight. Part of the problem is that on the whole, leads don't get to watch follows dancing much, so the idea that there's a simple way to pick someone who'll be easy to lead is tempting. (Of course if she's standing by the side tracing circles in the dust with her foot, she's clearly an excellent dancer )
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