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I have chosen these humble portals in which to announce my amazing and world-shattering discovery of a fifth fundamental force!! That's right, a fifth one.
Most if not all of you will know that science recognises four fundamental forces: gravity, electromagnetic force, the strong nuclear force and the weak nuclear force. Part of modern physics is the endeavour to rationalise these four forces, which are thought to be aspects of a single phenomenon.
Well, after exhaustive research, following what must have been several minutes of radical application of the thought processes, I have discovered another force, equally fundamental but - what is more important - far more mysterious.
The name of this force?
I call it 'the contact lens force'.
The force seems to manifest itself especially vigorously during the process of inserting or removing contact lenses - hence its name.
Here are the observations that led me to this discovery.
The contact lens sits, overnight, in the container within which cleaning fluid cleans the lenses and an acid/alkali reaction creates cavitation bubbling to dislodge particles from the lenses. In the morning, the wearer opens the container and takes out the two-lens storage device.
Here is the first observation. The lenses show a decided and vigorous preference for the cage in which they sit. Place your finger on the lens and it sticks to its cage. Place your finger under the lens and it slides off, and sticks to its cage. (All this, of course, takes fractions of a second.) Eventually, however, the lens can be persuaded to slide onto your finger.
It then transfers its affections to the finger, and the lens attaches itself to the fingertip. Now, you cannot then apply the lens to the eye, because it will probably be inside out. It is, therefore, necessary to transfer it elsewhere, and then turn it around, so that you can then transfer it so that it sits on top of the fingertip, ready for transfer to the eyeball.
And here is where the unusual nature of the contact lens force comes into play. The lens displays a negative affinity to the finger, as before, but this time it clings - in my case, to the back of my left hand, near the thumb, which I use as a platform to 'flip' the lens over. The result is that the lens becomes almost impossible to manoeuvre, sliding along the left hand ahead of the index finger, twisting out of the way, sliding around and under the right index finger, even on occasions doing a full somersault to land back on the left hand, the same way up as before.
So we come to my first verifiable deduction about the contact lens force. It is a weak force - like gravity, for example. This deduction follows from the fact that the exertion of brute force relatively swiftly enables the index finger to overbear the lens until at last it sits on the tip of the finger.
Now the contact lens force displays a perverse difference with other forces. Previously, the lens displays a disinclination to move. Now, once on the index finger, and during the rather precarious journey from the back of the left hand to the eye, the lens seeks to part company with the substrate on which it is mounted. This results in it jumping clear off the finger, on many occasions, and springing off onto the bathroom floor.
(There are, of course, many areas where further investigation into the contact lens force will almost certainly pay dividends. It occurs to me that the behaviour of the lens may be explained by a very strong affinity for bathroom floors, especially the bits behind the sink and lavatory pedestals, where cobwebs and shed hair collect. I have marked this hypothesis for detailed research - putting the lenses on in the living room, for example.)
Occasionally it is possible - with no little anticipation and a great deal of familiarity with the contact lens force - to catch the lens, with the left hand, as it leaps from the fingertip and before it locates the bathroom floor. Then the process begins again since in this situation - and without exception - the lens is once again in a situation where it has to be moved around on the left hand in order to be transferred onto the index finger for insertion.
When, eventually, the lens is placed on the eyeball, the final manifestation of the force is observed. Of course, the lens seeks to put as much distance between it and the index finger as possible. Occasionally, the lens even shoots across the surface of the eye and squeezes between the eyeball and the socket. This induces instant agony in the part of the wearer, who can probably be observed doubled up in pain, crouched on the floor and shouting 'Feck! Ow, ow, oh feckin' heck!'
Naturally, and since the contact lens force is here being described and explained for the first time, the lens wearer begins trying to pull the lens out from where it is - with the right index finger! Of course this is the least effective solution, and eventually we have to rely on the contact lens force to move the lens back across the eyeball and sit on the iris and pupil.
At the end of the day, the situation is reversed. However, I suspect that the contact lens force waxes and wanes during the course of the day because this process - of removing the lens from the eye and putting it into the cage to be cleaned overnight - is usually completed a great deal more easily than the morning ordeal.
So there we go. The contact lens force. (Naturally, I do not expect the Nobel prize but I do not see how the committee can ignore me...)
My next project will be to investigate further how the contact lens force interacts with the eye. At this time it is unclear why the lens reacts in the same way with the eyeball as it does with the back of the left hand, both of which, as set out above, considerably different from its antipathy to the index finger.
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Originally Posted by jeanag
Ok not the make-up bit, but if I'm running late and in a real hurry, that's the morning when I get dust on the lenses/they don't clean properly/don't go in straight and it takes me ages to move them around my eye.
i would but my astigaism (can't spell it *before* you all start...) is so bad I was told dailies wouldn't work for me.
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