How to dodge Christmas obligations

[Isis]

Compared to Glasgow I meant, Isis.

No need to rub it in!

[Miss Flicts]

If you can't dodge the obligations and they're a horrible trial, I would recommend playing 'Dysfunctional Family Bingo'.

In advance, you write on a card all the annoying / unpleasant things that you know will happen (because they happen every bloody year!)

e.g. your mother will nag you about why you are single / childless / jobless / have a bad haircut / are wearing THAT outfit etc.

your brother will get drunk / stoned / high and will cause a fight.

Uncle Letch will try to kiss everyone under the mistletoe and squeeze eveyone's bum etc.

As these things happen, instead of getting involved / annoyed / upset, you mark them off on your Bingo card. When you have a Full House, tell yourself you've won the game and award yourself a prize.

I agree with Saligal - pure *GENIUS*!

[Isis]

I agree with Saligal - pure *GENIUS*!

Thank you!

[Dreadful Scathe]

Compared to Glasgow I meant, Isis.

well, obviously

[Isis]

A Christmas Poem - Wendy Cope

At Christmas little children sing and merry bells jingle,

The cold winter air makes our hands and faces tingle,

And happy families go to church and cheerily they mingle,

And the whole business is unbelievably dreadful, if you're single.

[Dreadful Scathe]

A Christmas Poem - Wendy Cope

At Christmas little children sing and merry bells jingle,

The cold winter air makes our hands and faces tingle,

And happy families go to church and cheerily they mingle,

And the whole business is unbelievably dreadful, if you're single.

I don't see why Christmas is dreadful if you're single, its probably much better if you are, its a very social time of year

[ShinyWeeStar]

I don't see why Christmas is dreadful if you're single, its probably much better if you are, its a very social time of year

Exactly! Not only are there many more social engagements to attend on your lonesome amid the throng of happy couples (well that's what it feels like sometimes), you also have the annual inquisition from various relatives (most commonly aunties) as to whether you've found yourself a boyfriend/girlfriend yet. Oh yes, it's a joyful season for singletons.

(That said, I love Christmas-time! )

[Lynn]

Exactly! Not only are there many more social engagements to attend on your lonesome amid the throng of happy couples (well that's what it feels like sometimes), you also have the annual inquisition from various relatives (most commonly aunties) as to whether you've found yourself a boyfriend/girlfriend yet. Oh yes, it's a joyful season for singletons.

It is also a potentially romantic time, so highlights if you have no-one to be romantic with.

Of course if you are in a relationship, its also the time when the aunties are asking 'any sign of a ring yet?' so you can't win!

I think if Christmas is just about parties and presents, that's when it can feel lonely. For me its also about going carol singing with the local church and all back to the pastor's house for hot drinks by the fire, spending time with family and close friends, seeing relatives that I know won't be around forever and enjoying those precious times, and focusing on what it all really means to me, which is so much more than parties.

And I love the twinkly lights, the music and the food as well!

[Astro]

Exactly! Not only are there many more social engagements to attend on your lonesome amid the throng of happy couples (well that's what it feels like sometimes), you also have the annual inquisition from various relatives (most commonly aunties) as to whether you've found yourself a boyfriend/girlfriend yet. Oh yes, it's a joyful season for singletons.

If you have found a boyfriend it's - When are you 2 getting married?

If you have married it's - When are you 2 going to have children?

If you have one child it's - When are you going to have another for little Billy to play with?

If you have 2 children and they are both of the same sex it's - When are you going to try for a girl/boy?

Never ends...............

[Icey]

If you have found a boyfriend it's - When are you 2 getting married?

If you have married it's - When are you 2 going to have children?

If you have one child it's - When are you going to have another for little Billy to play with?

If you have 2 children and they are both of the same sex it's - When are you going to try for a girl/boy?

Never ends...............

My usual response to my grandmothers queries of this type is to pass comment that my sister mentioned children the other day ... gets me right off the hook every time. And if my sister drove I get to walk home

My sister also might have said that she never wants children - but it's still mentioning children isn't it?

[ShinyWeeStar]

I think if Christmas is just about parties and presents, that's when it can feel lonely. For me its also about going carol singing with the local church and all back to the pastor's house for hot drinks by the fire, spending time with family and close friends, seeing relatives that I know won't be around forever and enjoying those precious times, and focusing on what it all really means to me, which is so much more than parties.

Absolutely.

If you have found a boyfriend it's - When are you 2 getting married?

If you have married it's - When are you 2 going to have children?

If you have one child it's - When are you going to have another for little Billy to play with?

If you have 2 children and they are both of the same sex it's - When are you going to try for a girl/boy?

Never ends...............

My usual response to my grandmothers queries of this type is to pass comment that my sister mentioned children the other day ... gets me right off the hook every time. And if my sister drove I get to walk home

I like it! Must remember that one!

[Isis]

I don't see why Christmas is dreadful if you're single, its probably much better if you are, its a very social time of year

I don't think Christmas is any more dreadful for single people than it is for anyone else (I have always hated the Silly Season regardless of my marital status) but I think it's a funny poem all the same.

I'll let Wendy Cope's publisher know you don't agree with it DS.

[Astro]

No need to rub it in!

Dad said on Sunday that they were forcast snow last week, but it hadn't arrived yet.

He reckoned they must be sending it by train.


They do get a terribly bitter East wind blowing in from the North Sea if that's any consolation.

[Double Trouble]

My usual response to my grandmothers queries of this type is to pass comment that my sister mentioned children the other day ... gets me right off the hook every time. And if my sister drove I get to walk home

My sister also might have said that she never wants children - but it's still mentioning children isn't it?

What is it about Christmas that brings the asshole element out of family members?

Similarly, when ever my Dad starts telling me what a mess I've made of everything and how useless I am, in general as a human being...I just give him all the gossip on my sister. Suddenly I seem like the Golden Child.

[Lory]

If you have found a boyfriend it's - When are you 2 getting married?

If you have married it's - When are you 2 going to have children?

If you have one child it's - When are you going to have another for little Billy to play with?

If you have 2 children and they are both of the same sex it's - When are you going to try for a girl/boy?

Never ends...............

How about getting them back..

If they're really old - When are you going to start thinking about going into a home?

What is it about Christmas that brings the asshole element out of family members?

My family (Parents, siblings and their children) usually go away together for Xmas.. there's 14 of us going to Cuba this year and there never fails to be a bust up of some sort but we made a little song a few years back and it goes like this...

Tis the season for our flare up. fa la la la la, la la la la
Scream and shout and pull our hair out, fa la la la, la la la lala
Don't forget to b****ck your brother and use words t'make ya parents shudder
Tis the season for our flare up, fa la la la la, la la la la!

During a row, someone will start humming it quietly, then hysterical laughter happens as one by one we all start to sing!

We all love eachother really and are very close but two weeks of being together no stop, never fails to produce a few healthy debates!

[Freya]

They do get a terribly bitter East wind blowing in from the North Sea if that's any consolation.

It's even colder in Aberdeen....:brrrrrrrr:

You could always work Christmas day and Boxing day.....I am this year. I work as a Home carer at the moment and it doesn't stop just because it's Christmas. My consolation is that I get new year off and my Parents only live a 40 minute drive outside aberdeen so it's easy to get home after my shift.

So I'm working Christmas morning and boxing day evening so I'm only going home for one night so it means I can make the most of my time with my familiy rather than trying to make excuses and squabbling which is what seems to be what we end up doing despite being quite close to them.

It also means that I can go out Christmas eve and boxing day if I wish and I don't have to justify it to my family.

[Isis]

Well, with two weeks to go, family tensions have exploded (just for a change )

I don't think even 'Dysfunctional Bingo' is going to cut it this year.

Does anyone have some spare valium?

[Astro]

Well, with two weeks to go, family tensions have exploded (just for a change )

I don't think even 'Dysfunctional Bingo' is going to cut it this year.

Does anyone have some spare valium?

Never tried it.

Don't need it as I know how to dodge the Rellies.


ANOTHER TACTIC :-

Give the kids money - it's what they really want.

Plus saves you trawling the shops and wrapping the damn things up.

(the presents that is - not the kids).

[Double Trouble]

Does anyone have some spare valium?

I plan to sit in the corner nearest the telly with a bottle of Baileys hidden under my cardigan and drink myself into unconsciousness, while all around me, chaos and noisy toys continue late into the night.

[Isis]

I plan to sit in the corner nearest the telly with a bottle of Baileys hidden under my cardigan and drink myself into unconsciousness, while all around me, chaos and noisy toys continue late into the night.

Being drunk will be essential but the problem is it might loosen my tongue. I should get my jaws wired shut so I can't talk and then drink copious amounts of alcohol through a straw. Problem solved