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Thread: Should you reject a rejecter?

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    Should you reject a rejecter?

    I know it's not etiquette to turn down a dance but what if someone asks you to dance but have knocked you back 5 out of the last 6 times you have asked them? (I don't have trouble getting yes's with anyone else, grrrr)

    Would you say no out of spite or would you say yes and have you ever had trouble getting a yes out of an individual?

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    Re: Should you reject a rejecter?

    The chances are that those who don't want to dance with you won't and in all fairness there are plenty of other people you can dance with.

    It's their loss, not yours.

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    Re: Should you reject a rejecter?

    Quote Originally Posted by johnnyman View Post
    The chances are that those who don't want to dance with you won't and in all fairness there are plenty of other people you can dance with.

    It's their loss, not yours.
    That would seem the case but is it different when these people or instructors/demostrators as in my case?
    Last edited by Steven666; 18th-October-2007 at 10:08 AM.

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    Registered User Twirly's Avatar
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    Re: Should you reject a rejecter?

    Why would it be different? You're clearly an experienced dancer from the way you talk on here, so they don't have an obligation to dance with you to get your experience up, so unless you want to ask the teacher for advice on something (in which case I'd say you would be right to be annoyed), then it's just a freestyle dance. Maybe they are focusing on people with less experience?

    If they've refused you several times, but then come and ask you, I'd say accept. You never know what their reasons were for turning you down. Oarticularly a teacher - as I said, maybe they've been focusing elsewhere, and have now managed to find the time to ask you to dance. And if you accept, then maybe you can ask them in the dance how come they've always turned you down before.

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    Re: Should you reject a rejecter?

    Quote Originally Posted by Twirly View Post
    Why would it be different? You're clearly an experienced dancer from the way you talk on here, so they don't have an obligation to dance with you to get your experience up, so unless you want to ask the teacher for advice on something (in which case I'd say you would be right to be annoyed), then it's just a freestyle dance. Maybe they are focusing on people with less experience?

    If they've refused you several times, but then come and ask you, I'd say accept. You never know what their reasons were for turning you down. Oarticularly a teacher - as I said, maybe they've been focusing elsewhere, and have now managed to find the time to ask you to dance. And if you accept, then maybe you can ask them in the dance how come they've always turned you down before.
    I have asked this individually in freestyles when they are not teaching and it's the normally the lame excuse of "my feet are tired" except two tracks later they are dancing with their regular partner. So annoying.

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    Re: Should you reject a rejecter?

    Quote Originally Posted by Steven666 View Post
    I have asked this individually in freestyles when they are not teaching and it's the normally the lame excuse of "my feet are tired" except two tracks later they are dancing with their regular partner. So annoying.
    Well clearly their feet are rested after two tracks!

    Your initial question sounded as though they'd turned you down several times, then asked you. Is that the case, or are you considering just turning them down for the sake of it should they ever get around to asking you?

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    Re: Should you reject a rejecter?

    Quote Originally Posted by Steven666 View Post
    the lame excuse of "my feet are tired"
    I see what you did there v v funny
    "If you rebel against high heels, take care to do so in a very smart hat.'' George Bernard Shaw

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    Re: Should you reject a rejecter?

    Quote Originally Posted by Twirly View Post
    Well clearly their feet are rested after two tracks!

    Your initial question sounded as though they'd turned you down several times, then asked you. Is that the case, or are you considering just turning them down for the sake of it should they ever get around to asking you?
    They haven't asked me yet but had asked me in the past on a number of occasion. I just comptemplating what I would do if the circumstance did arise.

    I just found it a bit humiliating to be rejected by just one person so often.

    Quote Originally Posted by Tiggerbabe View Post
    I see what you did there v v funny
    I just noticed myself after you pointed it out. SRLY I'm not that literally clever.

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    Registered User David Franklin's Avatar
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    Re: Should you reject a rejecter?

    Quote Originally Posted by Steven666 View Post
    I know it's not etiquette to turn down a dance but what if someone asks you to dance but have knocked you back 5 out of the last 6 times you have asked them? (I don't have trouble getting yes's with anyone else, grrrr)

    Would you say no out of spite or would you say yes and have you ever had trouble getting a yes out of an individual?
    Personally, I would still say yes (unless they were actually unpleasant to dance with as well). Life is too short - to be honest the chances of me even remembering if someone knocked me back aren't that great.

    But if it bothers you enough, by all means say no in return.

    That would seem the case but is it different when these people or instructors/demostrators as in my case?
    To be honest, it does make a difference, particularly if they are your local instructors/demos. You can't really turn someone down under those circumstances without it being regarded as rude[*]. (You can of course turn them down for a valid excuse, but even that can be difficult).

    I have asked this individually in freestyles when they are not teaching and it's the normally the lame excuse of "my feet are tired" except two tracks later they are dancing with their regular partner. So annoying.
    Two tracks is more than enough time to rest your feet. (The etiquette is generally if you turn someone down, it is rude to dance the same dance with somebody else).

    Also, it is a lot less demanding dancing with a regular partner - not just because you "dance well together", but because you know each other well enough that one of you can dance badly/lazily without causing problems for the other (e.g. no, I'm not going to follow that drop - I taught it 20 times in class and my back is sore). This is particularly true for teachers, who often feel a certain pressure to perform when dancing.

    I just found it a bit humiliating to be rejected by just one person so often.
    If it's bothering you, you probably ought to ask them about it. To be honest, I'd say it is unusual for a teacher to refuse you so often (if it's her venue, at any rate). In your position I think I'd want to find out why.

    (*) Not strictly true. There are quite a few exceptions, but I think in the cases where you can get away with it, you'll know about it.

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    Registered User Twirly's Avatar
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    Re: Should you reject a rejecter?

    Apart from their regular partner, who do they dance with? Is it everyone, or do they focus on beginners/early intermediates?

    You say that they used to ask you, but now don't. Maybe they feel you're good enough now not to need their help as you don't fall into the learners category anymore? In which case, take it as compliment.

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    Re: Should you reject a rejecter?

    Quote Originally Posted by Twirly View Post
    Apart from their regular partner, who do they dance with? Is it everyone, or do they focus on beginners/early intermediates?

    You say that they used to ask you, but now don't. Maybe they feel you're good enough now not to need their help as you don't fall into the learners category anymore? In which case, take it as compliment.
    On social freestyles it's usually anyone in their clique and rarely anyone outside it.

    When teaching it does lead towards beginners but that is to be expected.

    But it was the freestyle where I mainly asked.

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    Re: Should you reject a rejecter?

    Quote Originally Posted by Steven666 View Post
    I know it's not etiquette to turn down a dance but what if someone asks you to dance but have knocked you back 5 out of the last 6 times you have asked them? (I don't have trouble getting yes's with anyone else, grrrr)

    Would you say no out of spite or would you say yes and have you ever had trouble getting a yes out of an individual?
    If someone wants to dance with me and they ask, Ill say yes i I want to dance. I don't care if they have turned me down in the past - I don't keep track of all the people i ask to dance, lifes too short

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    Re: Should you reject a rejecter?

    Quote Originally Posted by Dreadful Scathe View Post
    If someone wants to dance with me and they ask, Ill say yes i I want to dance. I don't care if they have turned me down in the past - I don't keep track of all the people i ask to dance, lifes too short


    I'd stop worrying about it if I was you. If they ask, great, dance with them, but if they don't want to dance with anyone other than their usual partners, then surely that's their loss? In the long run, their dancing will suffer, and yours won't if you dance with lots of different people.

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    Re: Should you reject a rejecter?

    Quote Originally Posted by Twirly View Post


    I'd stop worrying about it if I was you. If they ask, great, dance with them, but if they don't want to dance with anyone other than their usual partners, then surely that's their loss? In the long run, their dancing will suffer, and yours won't if you dance with lots of different people.
    That is what a thought to be honest. I had a regular partner of sorts once (until we split) and my ability did go straight down the pan if I danced with someone esle. I safely learnt from that.

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    Re: Should you reject a rejecter?

    Quote Originally Posted by Steven666 View Post
    I know it's not etiquette to turn down a dance but what if someone asks you to dance but have knocked you back 5 out of the last 6 times you have asked them? (I don't have trouble getting yes's with anyone else, grrrr)
    I did have such a woman who turned me down repeatedly until, eventually, I stopped asking. A few months later she asked me to dance and we had a lovely couple of dances. I guess I just don't see any reason to hold grudges, people change.

    Anyway as others have mentioned it seems strange for a teacher to turn down a dancer so frequently without giving a valid reason.

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    Re: Should you reject a rejecter?

    If it was me, I'd probably make a friendly joke out if it...

    saying something like "blimey, what's going on has the wind changed or something you usually turn me down"

    Then say, "come on then, lets see if we can make it a good one .....


    ....to make up for all the times you've turned me down in the past!"
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    Re: Should you reject a rejecter?

    I'm with the "yes" crowd -You could always take the view that if they hadn't turned you down, then perhaps you wouldn't have had an amazing dance with someone else.

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    Re: Should you reject a rejecter?

    I would never turn down a dance personaly. Some people find it intimidating enough to ask in the first place. I remember being turned down as a beginner and being soooo downhearted. It ruined my night and my confidence.

    Recently I was turned down by a lady at a freestyle who didn't know me. AFTER she had watched me, she came and asked for a dance. That really annoyed me. (PS my dancing isn't that spectacular !!!)

    It felt elitist, and whilst we all like a nice dance, it isn't polite.

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    Re: Should you reject a rejecter?

    Quote Originally Posted by Balders1973 View Post
    I would never turn down a dance personaly. Some people find it intimidating enough to ask in the first place. I remember being turned down as a beginner and being soooo downhearted. It ruined my night and my confidence.

    Recently I was turned down by a lady at a freestyle who didn't know me. AFTER she had watched me, she came and asked for a dance. That really annoyed me. (PS my dancing isn't that spectacular !!!)

    It felt elitist, and whilst we all like a nice dance, it isn't polite.
    I know a teacher who that happened to. That person was orignal turned down purely on looks it was found out so the teacher later refused back after the refuser asked back after watching the teacher dance. Serves 'em right.

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    Re: Should you reject a rejecter?

    Maybe you smell, check out the shower and underarm stuff.

    Maybe you are a sleeze, check out the dance with distance stuff.

    Maybe you have a "strong" lead, check out the "clear lead" stuff.

    Maybe you are pig ugly, check out the "I am a barby doll thread".


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