Virtual office

[Connie]

This is the virtual office.

I feel it is time to have a team meeting to discuss everyone's performance especially with appraisals and pay reviews pending.

Now, any volunteers to take the minutes before we get started?

[David Bailey]

I think everyone's turned up late

[Dreadful Scathe]

Where Are The Dougnuts ????

[Gav]

Who's up for a game of buzz-word bingo?

[Lou]

Where Are The Dougnuts ????

Isn't that Doug's business?!

[Connie]

We are not going to start the meeting before I have a volunteer to take the minutes. I dont care if we have to sit here all day!

[Gav]

We are not going to start the meeting before I have a volunteer to take the minutes. I dont care if we have to sit here all day!

I think I just developed carpal tunnel syndrome

[Beowulf]

I think I just developed carpal tunnel syndrome

I have channel tunnel syndrome.. that is, I get so bored in meetings I start to yawn! apparently the sight of me yawning reminds my fellow workers of the entrance to the channel tunnel.. or so I'm told

[Connie]

You do all realise that I might just decide to use this time "reflecticing" on our policy for acceptable use of the internet.......

Now if I could just get the volunteer to write the minutes, I would have to postpone this "reflection"

[Lou]

Now if I could just volunteer to write the minutes....

Well done, Connie.

[Gav]

You do all realise that I might just decide to use this time "reflecticing" on our policy for acceptable use of the internet.......

BINGO!

[Dreadful Scathe]

BINGO!

what? I never heard any numbers ? had we started ?

[David Bailey]

BINGO!

Ahem:
Business Buzzword Bingo!

The bottom line is, we need to empower our staff to reduce the quality gap, using a living document.

[Connie]

Ahm hmmmm

Thanks for the slip of paper nominating your esteemed colleague Mr James to do the minutes, I am sure that he will THIS time manage to circulate them before the next meeting is due.


Ok item 1 on the agenda - pay rises.

There will be no pay rises this year. This is due to everyones poor performance. Some of you have also created particular difficulties. Some of you we have even had to send to a seperate room in the building to sort out your differences. And of course there was the photocopier "incident"


Any comments so far?

[Dreadful Scathe]

the photocopier incident, despite being shown on national television as "actual events", included careful manipulation of the footage to make the event more spectacular than it actually was. I think DavidJames has been embarrassed enough and theres no need to bring it up again.

And anyway. It was still under warranty.

[FirstMove]

Sorry I'm late everyone, I was browsing an online ceroc forum.

[Lou]

And anyway. It was still under warranty.

Sadly, the policy didn't cover acts of god. And the costs of disinfecting it ate into the budget quite considerably.

[Dreadful Scathe]

Sadly, the policy didn't cover acts of god. And the costs of disinfecting it ate into the budget quite considerably.

well yes, but then it only came out of the customer service budget. I worked it out. All we need to do is sack all the phone staff and use a FAQ spurting(tm) robot to automaticaly reply to 90% of the emails we get for support. The other 10% can be handled by some temp monkeys. They get paid peanuts after all.

[Mezzosoprano]

Erm.... did someone volunteer to take the minutes because I think, as the Union rep here, that the conversation needs to be documented. Management are being needlessly aggressive and the Union will be ballotting members on the current "no pay rise" deal.