![$vboptions[bbtitle]](images/master_col.bmp)
Reply With QuoteTell him he owes you £400 rent by the end of the month or he can find somewhere else to live. I suspect he will be down the job centre first thing.
The joy of having an 18 year old son.
Must do something with my hair, must get a gitty goaty beard, even if it looks like it might fall off at any minute... must keep piercings in strange places.
THEN - how about a job....
I know, you have to put your stamp on the world, you will feel like this for the next 4 years maybe... now how do I tell him, neat presentation will get that job.
I do not care on the money side, the thing is he will feel better with a good job. Make friends and it would get him out the house!
He obviously knows everything - coz he is a teenager...
Do you nag constantly, or do you give up, or do you make another plan?
Tell him he owes you £400 rent by the end of the month or he can find somewhere else to live. I suspect he will be down the job centre first thing.
Originally Posted by Double Trouble
It is not about money, as I am happy to support him for the rest of his life, it is about pride and him doing something. About him making work friends etc.
I cannot kick him out as he has only reasently moved from his mum's to my place...
Or out over night with a big black sack and a balaclava!
Nice thought...
Whatever you do, don't fight him or he'll dig his heels and and hate you.
Support him and be there for him when it all goes wrong, he'll appreciate it and he's more likely to listen to you.
If money is not the driver how do you motivate, to experience work and make work friends?
Looking at your profile Martin, it says you have no job, just chilling. Is this still true? If so it's going to be a bit difficult to persuade your son that's what he should be doing!
Money is not a concern to you, but he's a teenager. He can't possibly be seen in crap gear, or with no cash.
It'll be hard, but withdraw funding. Only buy him cheap, plain clothes and don't give him lifts anywhere.
Then point out, that if he worked for a living, he'd have his own cash to spend any way he likes and you may even give him an allowance on top if he pulls his weight at home.
A bit of tough love is needed.
Good luck.
Great post Gav.
What has he actually said he wants to do - if anything?
If he's got an ambition towards doing something, be it learning to drive/fly/travel the world, then that might provide the motivation to get a job to earn enough money to do it. At least to get him started.
And Cruella is right - lead by example.
Whilst it's very commendable that you are willing to support your son for the rest of his life, is that really doing him a favour though?
Let's just say that he bums around for the next 5-10 years letting Daddy support him, and then god forbids something happens to you or your circumstances changes and you are no longer able to do so. What would happen to your son with no work skills? It might be that your son starts a family would you be happy to support them too?
As to getting your son out of the house and in work, well to an 18 year old that might not be the most attractive concept presented to them. Especially not as most entry-levels jobs is, well frankly quite boring.
Might it be better for him to do some volunteer work? If you are in a position to support him financially whilst he gets involved in a project like that then he would gain some very valueble skills, he would get out of the house and make "work friends"
Sorry...I'm totally confusedIf you are happy to support him for the rest of his life, surely there is no incentive for him to get motivated. If I was a teenager with parents willing to support me, I wouldn't work.
Just goes to show how different we all are. My kids are only young at the moment, but unless they were in full time education, I would expect them to support themselves when they get older.
It is difficult as he sees I do nothing. [He seems to copy well]
but that is because I have worked smart in the past and retired at 37.
If he took up several hobbies which made him friends (he already dances) and he was happy, all would be cool. Thing is I think a job would be a good start to make some friends.
I am not happy to leave him short of funds Gav... but something to think on...
Maybe this is the problem... work might not be the answer, maybe more hobbies...Sorry...I'm totally confused
Just want him to be happy and make friends, seeing as he has moved from UK to Aussie to be with me, want him to be happy.
happyness might not be work, I might need to think more...
What about some charity work, or working as an apprentice to learn a trade? He wont earn much but it will be useful training, get him out of the house and meeting people.
Austraila? Lucky young man...the world is his oyster, if only he realised that.
What does he tell you he wants to do?
I wouldn't be happy to do it either, but it's your responsibility to prepare him for the real world where parents don't or can't bail him out.
You're not doing him any favours you know? If something goes wrong and you can't support him any more he'll be screwed because you didn't make him learn how to support himself.
Sorry Martin, I know it sounds like I'm having a go at you, but as parents it's up to us to make sure that our kids are equipped to support themselves when they leave home.
If you really love your son and want him to succeed in life, IMO, you have to make him learn to stand on his own 2 feet.
I did a project for a charity a few years ago, listing all sorts of voluntary, charity and unpaid work in Australia. Some of these might be of interest to your son, if you want I'll dig it up for you.
There was some very cool things to do, I wish I was in a position to do some of them myself.
I don't think that you are thinking of his long term future enough. I as a parent understand the 'wanting him to be happy', but as Gav said, some tough love is going to be more beneficial in the long run. You are doing him more harm than good by funding and 'mollycoddling' him. He needs to understand that life isn't easy and you don't get everything you want without working for it. By all means be there for him emotionally (and financially in emergencies) but can you imagine how spoilt a brat he would have been, if he had everything his heart desired from birth without anyone ever denying him or him having to do stuff for himself!
There are currently 1 users browsing this thread. (0 members and 1 guests)
Posting Permissions
Bookmarks