Are you good at letting things go ?

[stewart38]

A friend of mine said if someone has done you a wrong you should NOT rise to them and retaliate (whether by text/e-mail /phone / face to face)

Ignore them is the best answer ‘their not worth it’ approach

What do people do ? I find it hard not to rise to the ‘bait’ .

[Beowulf]

A friend of mine said if someone has done you a wrong you should NOT rise to them and retaliate (whether by text/e-mail /phone / face to face)

Ignore them is the best answer ‘their not worth it’ approach

What do people do ? I find it hard not to rise to the ‘bait’ .

I hold a grudge.. I'm good at that. I don't retaliate but I seethe for years waiting for the time to get my own back when they least expect it.

I'm a great believer that revenge is a dish best served cold.

And people think I'm such a nice guy too... all part of the grand deception (I am nice.. honest )

Grudge holding is my one major personality flaw

[whitetiger1518]

I try and walk away now. I always find that the wonderful retort never comes at the time. It is usually a day or so later that I think up that perfect riposte!


Whitetiger

[Caro]

A friend of mine said if someone has done you a wrong you should NOT rise to them and retaliate (whether by text/e-mail /phone / face to face)

Ignore them is the best answer ‘their not worth it’ approach

What do people do ? I find it hard not to rise to the ‘bait’ .

so do I. Yet I know from experience that indifference hurts so much more.

What is it then? Why does the short term satisfaction to find a way to vent things off so often wins over the more satisfying (in the long-term) approach? Or is it that deep down (some would say inconsciously...) we don't really want to hurt people that bad (by being indifferent) ?

[Aleks]

Often these 'wrongs' are our personal perception...and sometimes the person would have been better thinking twice or three times about the consequences of their actions.
What I find helps me most to 'let go' is considering carefully how that person could have come to the conclusion that what they did was ok. There is usually a way of 'justifying' their actions if we can find a way of stepping back to look at the situation from all angles, not just our own viewpoint. Once we can understand their motivations (althought we might not agree with them) it becomes much easier to walk away.
At the very least, reacting in a way that is totally different to that expected of you leaves the other party really flummoxed, at least in the short term.

[Mezzosoprano]

I'm a Highlander.... If it's a "biggie" - I'm with Beo on this one, revenge is a dish best served cold.... grudges over big things are long held and go deep. Cross me once... 1st one free - cross me twice... suffer the consequences.

I've been told that I go up like a rocket if I'm upset or angry but I do tend to come down quite quickly as well.

Sorry if that sounds harsh folks but it's the way I am.

[whitetiger1518]

I've been told that I go up like a rocket if I'm upset or angry but I do tend to come down quite quickly as well.

Sorry if that sounds harsh folks but it's the way I am.

Glad I'm not the only one - I used to get into the stage of steam coming out of my ears type of fuming.... I have calmed down a lot, but you wouldn't have liked me if you had met the teenage me - Definitely Not nice to know!

Whitetiger

[Mezzosoprano]

You're right WT - happens less as I get older! Please that I lose the rag less... less happy about getting older!

[Beowulf]

I'm a Highlander.... If it's a "biggie" - I'm with Beo on this one, revenge is a dish best served cold.... grudges over big things are long held and go deep. Cross me once... 1st one free - cross me twice... suffer the consequences.

I've done some VERY NASTY things to people in the past who have crossed me. I'm not happy about them, they were out of character and it's not who'd I'd like to be but at the time I revelled in the misfortune I engineered towards my hapless foe. In Hindsight I may have been better off shrugging it off. But I still think I was Justified in what I did.. it just wasn't a very nice thing for me to do.


..

..

..


They never did find the body..

[Aleks]

I seethe for years waiting for the time to get my own back when they least expect it.

What is the benefit of this?
It uses up valuable energy that could have been diverted to something far more pleasurable, especially if all that is ever done is plotting and never following through.
I think people are more than capable of creating their own misery.
I have far more constructive things to do with my time and energy!

[Mezzosoprano]

What is the benefit of this?
It uses up valuable energy that could have been diverted to something far more pleasurable, especially if all that is ever done is plotting and never following through.
I think people are more than capable of creating their own misery.
I have far more constructive things to do with my time and energy!

Aleks, you're dead right but unfortunately, it's a trait that I'll be working on for some time to come. I do TRY and turn the other cheek but.... it's very hard for me.

[Aleks]

Aleks, you're dead right but unfortunately, it's a trait that I'll be working on for some time to come. I do TRY and turn the other cheek but.... it's very hard for me.

To be fair it is something I learned to do, though my natural default was to beat myself up, rather than desire to hurt the other person. Seething and feeling the pain/embarrassment over and over was so destructive to me - I definitely have a much better strategy now!

[Beowulf]

What is the benefit of this?
It uses up valuable energy that could have been diverted to something far more pleasurable, especially if all that is ever done is plotting and never following through.
I think people are more than capable of creating their own misery.
I have far more constructive things to do with my time and energy!

Yes very true... it's not advantageous and certainly not clever. and I wouldn't advise anyone to try it. As I said it's my major flaw.

I was bullied a lot as a kid .. and as a young adult. And I use to fantasise about the time when I could get my own back and the whole grudge holding thing stemmed from that.

One of the more amusing moments was one of the major bullies who made my school life hell left in 3rd year as soon as he could.. just before i started to grow and fill out.

Fast forward many many years and my Sister got engaged (she's been married 9 years now) and her fiancée was the younger brother of the guy who bullied me. At the engagement party he walks in and I'm a foot and a bit taller than he is and a lot broader chested (I was very small and weedy when he'd last saw me) and to say he turned white when he realised who I was was an understatement.

Turns out he'd mellowed with age and is actually quite a decent bloke now. But I still enjoyed the moment when I shook his hand.. and looked down at him and him blanching. Cruel ? yes.. Childish? definitely! Pointless? Absolutely.. But enjoyable non the less.

I'm not perfect. I have my flaws.

[fletch]

Stew, you know exactly what i'm like.



We are all different and handle thing differently.

Im usually ok if I can get off my chest with what's bothering me, i'm not good at bottling it up, and I would much prefer to say things face to face, but you have to have the person in front of you to do that, if its a text or a post it could be a while before you see them.

Isn't it better to tell them how you feel, they might not see it from your point of view but at least you both will know what the issues are, I think sometimes, second guessing is worse.


Talk

[sway]

Stew, you know exactly what i'm like.



We are all different and handle thing differently.

Im usually ok if I can get off my chest with what's bothering me, i'm not good at bottling it up, and I would much prefer to say things face to face, but you have to have the person in front of you to do that, if its a text or a post it could be a while before you see them.

Isn't it better to tell them how you feel, they might not see it from your point of view but at least you both will know what the issues are, I think sometimes, second guessing is worse.


Talk

i think exactly the same u should always tell people how you feel as if you dont it makes things worse i have been on the end of people being funny in the past and that is all i am saying about that ,

[Aleks]

Talk

That means no shouting, accusing or general tit-for-tatting.
It means calmly stating your view of what has happened, how you feel about it and what you would like as a result of it (and being prepared to compromise).
I know so many people who don't talk for whatever reason who suffer for years and years because they never did get it out of their system.

[sway]

That means no shouting, accusing or general tit-for-tatting.
It means calmly stating your view of what has happened, how you feel about it and what you would like as a result of it.
I know so many people who don't talk for whatever reason who suffer for years and years because they never did get it out of their system.

you are allowed to shout but always make sure that you talk after there is nothing better that a good old shout out but only when you are expeting it dont do it in haste its not nice trust me been there had that done to me and it made me feel like s*** for weeks and longer but sorting things out are always best for the future ok

[stewart38]

I once had this person (non forumite !) wind me up and we must have swapped 200/300 text over a week.

I should have stop anytime (she was feeding of my responses) but I didnt . She was ‘sick’ so I kept responding, I wonder who was sicker ?

[Double Trouble]

Revenge is a dish best served cold.

[ducasi]

Life is too short to hold a grudge.