Work or stay at home? Whats the answer?

[Double Trouble]

Meant to add that it goes on what you earn and not what comes into your house!

I earn more than 10k, but I get around £800 per month working family tax credit, but that's to pay for my extortionate childcare expenses. As you say, it's not based on what you have coming in, but they do take in to account your child care expenses.

I would like to say, before my sister butts in and drops me in it...I do net more of a monthly income than most people I know (Tax credits, salary, a substantial amount of child maintenance from my ex and family allowance). My point is that the government have it all wrong. The more you want to look after yourself, the less they seem to care.

[Double Trouble]

I get more than £10,000 pa so not entitled to Tax Credits. My daughters father is permantly in hospital so I do not get my rent or any contributions for bringing up our daughter. How is this fair? I am not entitled to any benefits whats so ever. Great eh!

That does seem extremely unfair, especially compared to your friends or even my situation.

I suppose I am lucky in that my ex pays me a substantial amount in child maintenance.

[Missy D]

My friend didnt fill out her tax credit forms as she felt she didnt really need the extra money but they hassled her until she did. She just puts the money into an Isa account for an extra holiday each year.

If I take into consideration my rent and council tax each week then I would be £7 better off claiming income support. What a mad system

[Mezzosoprano]

I have mainly been a stay at home mum since having my son but have had periods of working too.

When I work I feel guilty; What if my choice of childcare isnt right? (it is) What if they dont understand his needs?(they do) Should I be at work when I could be with my son? (Ethan LOVES nursey)

When I dont work I feel guilty; I cant provide for us (its ONLY money) and I feel that I wont be a good enough role model (but I am, the best in fact!)

This mum marlarky is all about guilt! Maybe Im just ultra paranoid

But then again, I do believe I do whats best for us at the time and it all works out to be fine.

Im starting Uni in September, the amount of hours I will do is the equivalent of a full time job, I feel beyond awful about leaving Ethan for that long. But I know the benefits will outweigh the negatives. I will be able to buy us a house, pay for him to go to Uni and he will be proud of me!

DT, do whatever is right for you, but appears to me the situation you are in right now is a pretty good one. I can understand your frustration, goverment policies do need to support working mums more, they do a cracking job! The grass always looks greener....but in this case apperances are most definately deceptive.

Zara xxx

Zara is bang on! Let us know how you decide... wouldn't mind doing it myself - I'm shattered trying to hold down a full time job and run my family and I've got a partner to help me!!! We'd have less money probably but I might be a bit saner!

[janey]

I agree that whatever we do we end up feeling very guilty & convinced we are doing the wrong thing! My daughter loves her childminder & is really happy but I still don't know if I'm doing the right thing.

I currently get up at 5.30 everyday to get my daughter to the childminder and me to work by 8, while being 5 months pregnant with no.2. Most days when I'm awake enough to think, I think I must be insane. I sat & worked out that after childcare costs & petrol between me & my husband one of us works for nothing!

I'm not going back to work after my maternity leave as it doen't seem worth it. We are moving to a smaller house so that we are financially able to do this. I figure that children remember the experiences they have with their family when they grow up & not the size of their lounge!

I couldn't imagine struggling like this without a partner so to all those that are.

[Double Trouble]

I agree that whatever we do we end up feeling very guilty & convinced we are doing the wrong thing! My daughter loves her childminder & is really happy but I still don't know if I'm doing the right thing.

I currently get up at 5.30 everyday to get my daughter to the childminder and me to work by 8, while being 5 months pregnant with no.2. Most days when I'm awake enough to think, I think I must be insane. I sat & worked out that after childcare costs & petrol between me & my husband one of us works for nothing!

I'm not going back to work after my maternity leave as it doen't seem worth it. We are moving to a smaller house so that we are financially able to do this. I figure that children remember the experiences they have with their family when they grow up & not the size of their lounge!

I couldn't imagine struggling like this without a partner so to all those that are.

I was in a similar situation when I was married. I had 3 kids under 5 and worked full time. My nursery fees were an eye watering £2,000 per month. As I was married I received no help from the government.

I did the same as you and worked out I was working for nothing and gave up working full time for a while...well...until my husband left, then I felt I had no choice but to go back to work.

[drathzel]

DT i would really look into how much you would actually get. I have a friend who has two kids and has had to leave her husband for reasons i will not get into. She cannot work as she has to pick up her youngest child from school at 1 oclock and drops them both off at 8:30, nobody will employ someone to work from 9-12:30 as the shortest shift is normally 4 hours.

If she did work she would lose her benefits and have nothing to live on, however as it is she gets very little and has to scrimp and save on every penny. She cant afford holidays for the kids (and i am not talking hot holidays, i mean ANY holiday) and she has to limit what activities the kids can do during the week as she doesnt have enough money for everything.

I know she is allowed to earn £20 a week before they start taking money off her, so she cleans a wee womans house for 2 hours a week and make £16 which helps but its still not great. She gets no help from the father of the kids and is really struggling to make ends meet.

Before considering such a massive change and becoming dependant, i would look into the amoount of money you would recieve and weigh up the pros and cons

[djtrev]

Give up work and look after the children and claim whatever benefits you are entitled to.No need to feel guilty about it.

I worked for 46 years for the same company and paid all my dues and demands.After being made redundant I took a job that paid the minimum wage and was not always sure of a full weeks work.One week I only did one days work(£44) so I went to Social and asked for financial help.No way,apparently I had earnt enough to look after my wife and son for that week!!!
What made it even more galling was the fact that the Social were handing out cheques to immigrants and asylum seekers to buy cars because they were paying for taxi fares for these people and they worked out that it would be cheaper to buy them a car.I know this because the company I worked for was a car dealership.

At the risk of rubbing one or two people up the wrong way,my opinion DT would be to take them for whatever you can get.

[Double Trouble]

Before considering such a massive change and becoming dependant, i would look into the amoount of money you would receive and weigh up the pros and cons

I have already looked in to it.

I would be worse off financially, I would lose my company car and my tax credits.

Compared to some people, I don't do too badly, especially given my single parent status, but I accept I will be worse off. I'm just trying to weigh up at the moment

If I give up work, I see it like this

Good

Get to spend more time with the kids
Not constantly trying to do 20 things at once
Not having to get up at 6am
Kids can sleep normal hours, breakfast with me and i can take them to school
The joy of telling my boss to stick his job where the sun don't shine.
More time to myself to think about what I want to do next
Can stop worrying about summer holiday child care costs (£300 per week)

Bad

No car (it's an hours walk to school and back)
less money
dependent on state


I'm still pondering

[Lory]

Can stop worrying about summer holiday child care costs (£300 per week)

I believe that 'live-in nannys' (or aupairs) earn slightly less than that...

If you have the room, it could be another option to consider?

You'd get to keep your job (and everything which goes with it) but the kids can get up later and you wont be rushing round so much....

Some house work duties would be taken care of too (thus giving you more 'quality' time with the kids) and you'd probably save money on baby sitting fees too.

[Paul F]

Well, I have to say a big thankyou for starting this thread.

As someone who will probably never have children I obviously cannot understand your situation but reading through this thread has opened my eyes a bit.

My mum STILL asks me now and again if I ever resented her going to work when I was really small. My constant answer is No, I always understood why she had to go to work.
After reading through this thread I am starting to get an idea of the choices that some people have to make.

I am certainly in no position to advise you on what to do but what I would say is to disregard previous suggestions of "You have paid tax for x years so are now entitled to use money from the state" . That just doesnt make sense and would certainly not be a good decision tool.

Good luck in what you decide.

[Lory]

My mum STILL asks me now and again if I ever resented her going to work when I was really small. My constant answer is No, I always understood why she had to go to work.

On the other hand...

I always consider myself to be extremely lucky that I had a stay at home mum, my siblings and I had a fabulous childhood. One i'll always cherish!

I realise that circumstances more often that not dictate the decision and l'd still like to stress, I'd respect the decision, either way!

[Paul F]

I realise that circumstances more often that not dictate the decision

Very true

[Double Trouble]

If you have the room, it could be another option to consider?

Only 3 bedrooms. My boy's share and my daughter has the box room.

If I had the room I would definitely go for that option.

[Icey]

DT, one thing to consider is how long it will take to be eligible for benefits? I don't think you can chuck in work and wander down to the benefits office and have them give you money the next day.

My best friend had to wait 6 months to be eligible for benefits when her husband walked out leaving her with 3 kids, 1 of which was under school age. She still had to find money for the mortgage, petrol for the car, food shopping, school shoes etc etc during that 6 months.

Would you be able to find/borrow enough money from family or friends to cover you for 6 months before being able to receive benefits?

[Double Trouble]

My mum STILL asks me now and again if I ever resented her going to work when I was really small. My constant answer is No, I always understood why she had to go to work.

My mum worked when I was young. I absolutely hated it & to this day I remember the horrible feeling of knowing my mum wouldn't be there for sports days etc, seeing all my friends running up to their mums and dads after their races for a big hug when I couldn't.

Because of this I always take time off work for anything like sports day. My boss has no choice but to accept I take more time off than most, and I'm sure my career development is compromised because of it.

[Double Trouble]

I don't think you can chuck in work and wander down to the benefits office and have them give you money the next day.

As a single parent, that's exactly what I can do. I have already checked on this information and it's not the same for single mothers. I phoned up last year when I was thinking about jacking in work and they said they don't expect single mothers with young children to work and he didn't understand why i was working in the first place. He told me the minute I decided to pack up work, to call him and get the ball rolling.

They even suggested I make an appointment with one of there benefit advisers to make sure I was claiming absolutely everything that I could.

[Trouble]

Sis what i think you ought to remember is your current job does give you perks, ie: 3 days a week, company car that keeps you mobile and a feeling of pride that you are able to raise your kids without claiming like so manyh others do.

Your boss does not gripe at you for taking time off (he cant).

You would be extremely bored at home dont forget unlike last time, the kids are all at school during the day. What are you going to do with yourself. You wont have a car so literally stay at home aside from walking to and from school and back sound like the total sum up of your day.

Stay at work girl, i need somebody to go to lunch with... xxx

[Double Trouble]

What are you going to do with yourself. You wont have a car so literally stay at home aside from walking to and from school and back sound like the total sum up of your day.

I'd bake cakes (like I have done all this week while being at home) I'd like to say I would eat them too but I don't get a look in while you and Gav are around.

Imagine how thin I would be if I had to walk for 2 hours to the school and back every day.

[Trouble]

I'd bake cakes (like I have done all this week while being at home) I'd like to say I would eat them too but I don't get a look in while you and Gav are around.

Imagine how thin I would be if I had to walk for 2 hours to the school and back every day.

thinner but bored out of your skull, alright for a few weeks then bang.....IM BORED...X