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Thread: Work or stay at home? Whats the answer?

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    Work or stay at home? Whats the answer?

    I'm seriously considering giving up work and claiming thousands of pounds of government money for mine and my childrens up keep.

    As a single parent I get tax credits (not benefits) as I work and thats the only help I receive. The thing is I have just had to take another week off work, unpaid, to care for one of my kids, who is sick. I still have to pay my child minder when my children are sick, while I'm earning nothing.

    I still have to pay the bills & as the only earner in the house it makes me wonder why I bother.

    Apparently, as I have three young children, the government would happily throw money at me left, right and centre if i decided to give up work and would not expect me to look for work until my youngest child is 12.

    I would have my mortgage paid, free school dinners, no council tax to pay and a shed load of other benefits.

    Instead I struggle on, get up at 6 every morning, drag my kids out of bed early and pack them off to the child minders for their breakfast, pay everything myself and am probably worse off financially for trying to take care of myself and my family rather than just poncing off the state.

    I've always worked & would be ill at ease with myself if I did give up work and be completely dependent on the state, but what else is the answer?

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    Registered User Miss Marmite's Avatar
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    Re: Work of stay at home? Whats the answer?

    Hey DT - don't let it get you down too much. The whole system is ar$e about face, but there are other people in your situation.

    I used to work in industrial recruitment and used to get spongers coming in posing as candidates so that they could pick up a business card and say they had been 'actively' seeking work and carry on claiming benefits!

    I guess you can always take the moral high ground and when your kids are older they will appreciate what you have done and respect you hugely. My Mum was much the same - She was a single Mum and had 3 jobs while we were growing up and we all turned out OK (matter of opinion i know!!!)

    Chin up Chick!

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    Commercial Operator Gus's Avatar
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    Re: Work or stay at home? Whats the answer?

    Quote Originally Posted by Double Trouble View Post
    I've always worked & would be ill at ease with myself if I did give up work and be completely dependent on the state, but what else is the answer?
    Personal view is that I'd far prefer someone who has actualy contributed to society like yourself to benefit from your hard earned tax payments than the average hoodie. The System is supposed to be for the benefit of those that deserve it rather than the Hoodie population.

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    Re: Work of stay at home? Whats the answer?

    Quote Originally Posted by Miss Marmite View Post
    I guess you can always take the moral high ground and when your kids are older they will appreciate what you have done and respect you hugely.
    Yes, I do think of that as a plus pointt. I don't want my kids to grow up thinking its ok not to work hard because the state will provide for them.

    On the other hand, the kids are always on at me as they want me to be there for them all the time. I can't help thinking they will resent me for not being there while they were young. Hopefully they will understand my predicament.

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    Registered User Sporty Jeff's Avatar
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    Re: Work or stay at home? Whats the answer?

    You can hold yr head up high, yr children will know they have a mum to be proud of in years to come. Sounds incredibly hard work to me could you not take the benifits which you have worked for and do some charity work sounds corny but there are plenty of people who could use some help. IE help at yr childrens school etc

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    Registered User FoxyFunkster's Avatar
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    Re: Work of stay at home? Whats the answer?

    Quote Originally Posted by Double Trouble View Post
    I'm seriously considering giving up work and claiming thousands of pounds of government money for mine and my childrens up keep.

    As a single parent I get tax credits (not benefits) as I work and thats the only help I receive. The thing is I have just had to take another week off work, unpaid, to care for one of my kids, who is sick. I still have to pay my child minder when my children are sick, while I'm earning nothing.

    I still have to pay the bills & as the only earner in the house it makes me wonder why I bother.

    Apparently, as I have three young children, the government would happily throw money at me left, right and centre if i decided to give up work and would not expect me to look for work until my youngest child is 12.

    I would have my mortgage paid, free school dinners, no council tax to pay and a shed load of other benefits.

    Instead I struggle on, get up at 6 every morning, drag my kids out of bed early and pack them off to the child minders for their breakfast, pay everything myself and am probably worse off financially for trying to take care of myself and my family rather than just poncing off the state.

    I've always worked & would be ill at ease with myself if I did give up work and be completely dependent on the state, but what else is the answer?

    Bringing up 3 kids is worth 2 full time jobs IMHO...it`s not like you`ll be sitting idle, ithe bottom line is that t doesn`t make sense to be worse off financially! you have to do the best for you and your kids......my attitude to these things is that as long as you play by the rules then there is no moral issue.....it`s no different to people who move money around to avoid paying higher rates of tax etc etc...Just look at it as though you are being paid to be a full time mother......

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    Registered User Mezzosoprano's Avatar
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    Re: Work of stay at home? Whats the answer?

    Have a hug

    My situation's not as bad as yours in that there are two pays coming into the house but... we live off Craig's cos by the time I've paid for Childcare there's none left of mine... there's day's I'm not sure why i'm there!

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    Re: Work or stay at home? Whats the answer?

    Quote Originally Posted by Sporty Jeff View Post
    You can hold yr head up high, yr children will know they have a mum to be proud of in years to come. Sounds incredibly hard work to me could you not take the benifits which you have worked for and do some charity work sounds corny but there are plenty of people who could use some help. IE help at yr childrens school etc
    They always need help at the school, but the thought of being dependent makes me nervous. I've always been financially independent and just the word 'benefits' makes me feel guilty. Silly isn't it?

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    Re: Work of stay at home? Whats the answer?

    Quote Originally Posted by Mezzosoprano View Post
    My situation's not as bad as yours in that there are two pays coming into the house but... we live off Craig's cos by the time I've paid for Childcare there's none left of mine... there's day's I'm not sure why i'm there!
    That's another thing.....!

    If you have a partner living with you who earns money and you want to go to work...there is no help whatsoever, in the form of credits.

    It's almost as if the government don't care about women who want to work, unless they are a burden on the state. As you are not claiming any benefit and your husband works, they don't need to help you in any way.

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    Registered User Mezzosoprano's Avatar
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    Re: Work or stay at home? Whats the answer?

    Quote Originally Posted by Double Trouble View Post
    They always need help at the school, but the thought of being dependent makes me nervous. I've always been financially independent and just the word 'benefits' makes me feel guilty. Silly isn't it?
    yeah, but I agree with you. we'd probably get some kind of benefit if I didn't work but I was brought up that if you could do a job... you did. Financial Independence was the holy grail to be achieved. But my mother stayed home with us and never went back to work - conflicting information!! And like you "benefits" makes me feel like I'm sponging or something....

    Being a mother is a full time job that working mum's do on top of the job they get paid to do! IF you want to do it DT and it works out better for you financially why shouldn't you? You've paid your taxes!

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    Senior Member rubyred's Avatar
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    Re: Work of stay at home? Whats the answer?

    I really appreciate what you are saying DT, I have always worked and brought my children up. It is such a balancing act, and I remember feeling guilty all the time. I have worked all kinds of shifts to fit in and earned crap money which now affects what I am likely to get paid when and if I retire. I have missed so much with my kids because I couldn't always be there when things happened.

    But there is light at the end, my kids are grown up now, and in my eyes are the greatest. They think I am the best thing ever because they saw how hard I worked and appreciate everything that I did and am still doing for them. I have a career now,which is good because they are off doing and getting on with their lives.

    I used to take them into college and uni with me when I was studying and working as well, if I couldn't get childcare.It is hard going, and what ever decision you make will be the best one you can make at that particular time for your life with the kids, because that is what we do..... the best we can.

    If you think about the amount of taxes you have already paid and the taxes which you and your children will pay I don't see why there should be any need for anyone to feel guilty. It's just asking for a bit of time out to put an investment into something else for a while. Good luck, parenthood is a balancing act and an extremely important job, as I said before we do what we can in the best way we can .
    Last edited by rubyred; 29th-June-2007 at 04:47 PM.

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    Re: Work or stay at home? Whats the answer?

    Quote Originally Posted by Double Trouble View Post
    They always need help at the school, but the thought of being dependent makes me nervous. I've always been financially independent and just the word 'benefits' makes me feel guilty. Silly isn't it?
    I don't have kids - but I know how it feels to go go onto benefits - and understand the fear of being dependent.

    On the flipside - how many years have you been paying your tax's for??? don't you deserve to have the benefit of that?

    as to what your kids may think of you - it's all about how you present it - and just because you can stay at home until your youngest is 12 doesn't mean you will.

    hearing the cost of child care makes me wonder why some of the moment I work with can bear seeing almost their entire pay going out the door

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    Re: Work or stay at home? Whats the answer?

    Quote Originally Posted by Double Trouble View Post
    They always need help at the school, but the thought of being dependent makes me nervous. I've always been financially independent and just the word 'benefits' makes me feel guilty. Silly isn't it?
    Its not silly - not wanting to be dependent on others, even if it is the government, its a very good thing to feel and a very good thing to instill in your children I'd say Your priority should be doing the best for your family and to hell with what anyone else says

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    Forum Bombshell - Our Queen! Lory's Avatar
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    Re: Work or stay at home? Whats the answer?

    Quote Originally Posted by Double Trouble View Post
    They always need help at the school, but the thought of being dependent makes me nervous. I've always been financially independent and just the word 'benefits' makes me feel guilty. Silly isn't it?
    Helping at your child's school, is both beneficial to your own children and to those other children, who's parents work.

    Its also extremely rewarding as your able to build better relationships with your kids, your kids friends and their teachers. Your also more in touch with what's expected of the children and how best to help them.

    I always thought it was sad when some kid got upset that 'their' mum, was never able to come in and do cookery, the library rota, reading or accompany the class on school outings. I was lucky, I was able to all these things and I know I was appreciated but I also felt very privileged that I had the chance too.

    Don't feel guilty!
    MODERATOR AT YOUR SERVICE
    "If you're going to do something tonight, that you know you'll be sorry for in the morning, plan a lie in." Lorraine

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    Re: Work or stay at home? Whats the answer?

    Quote Originally Posted by Double Trouble View Post
    They always need help at the school, but the thought of being dependent makes me nervous. I've always been financially independent and just the word 'benefits' makes me feel guilty. Silly isn't it?
    No not silly, yr an honest person. Think of benefit as back payment for all the years you have worked and paid tax. I bet yr children would love a mum who was less tired from working so hard. 3 children,working, dancing

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    Registered User Zara's Avatar
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    Re: Work or stay at home? Whats the answer?

    Quote Originally Posted by Double Trouble View Post
    Apparently, as I have three young children, the government would happily throw money at me left, right and centre if i decided to give up work and would not expect me to look for work until my youngest child is 12.

    I would have my mortgage paid, free school dinners, no council tax to pay and a shed load of other benefits.
    Being a single, stay at home mum is financially really tough, Its almost impossible to make ends meet. Benefits are so low to encourage single parents to work. The government want you to work, they give grants to mums who go back to work as an incentive and you are made to go to 6 monthly reviews to get you back into work while in reciept of income support. So I wouldnt say the government happily throw money at you, it would probably be quite the opposite.

    As a single mum, the decisions we have to make are very difficult regarding work. I think working mums like yourself deserve a lot of credit but the so do those who are 'just poncing off the state'.

    Zara xx

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    Re: Work or stay at home? Whats the answer?

    Quote Originally Posted by Zara View Post
    Being a single, stay at home mum is financially really tough, Its almost impossible to make ends meet. Benefits are so low to encourage single parents to work. The government want you to work, they give grants to mums who go back to work as an incentive and you are made to go to 6 monthly reviews to get you back into work while in reciept of income support. So I wouldnt say the government happily throw money at you, it would probably be quite the opposite.
    That's very interesting that you have said that. When i inquired about benefits a while back, they said they don't expect mothers with young children to find work because its a nightmare trying to sort out care during summer holidays etc.

    Quote Originally Posted by Zara View Post
    As a single mum, the decisions we have to make are very difficult regarding work. I think working mums like yourself deserve a lot of credit but the so do those who are 'just poncing off the state'.
    Just to clarify...I don't think women in our position are ponces at all...that's just how I think some people see it and I'm not entirely comfortable with it, but as Lory say's, we shouldn't feel guilty whatever we do.

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    Commercial Operator angelique's Avatar
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    Re: Work or stay at home? Whats the answer?

    The dilemma's we face eh? I too had the same predicament a few years ago where I was in a job that I physically and mentally couldn't face any longer so walked out. I also claimed benefits for the first time ever and despite the angst and guilt about it, found I was actually better off on the benefits than I had ever been whilst working...bizarre eh?
    I enjoyed the summer with my then young daughter and after a while decided I actually needed another purpose in my life so started looking and shortly after, returned to work.
    The point of this is to probably say, if that is how you are feeling then try it. Nothing is forever, and most of all use the time to re-focus yourself but most of all enjoy the time with your children....do the mummy things that we miss out on by having to throw them into the childminders! Think jammy fingers and soggy toast etc etc. If you decide after a period of time , that you really want to go back to the workplace, then someone as talented and as capable as you will have no trouble doing so! Have a break...you paid your taxes why not have a short while putting them to use? Certain other people don't spend a moment hesitiaing claiming off the atate, so why should you?
    Good Luck in your decision making process....keep us all posted

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    Registered User Zara's Avatar
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    Re: Work or stay at home? Whats the answer?

    Quote Originally Posted by Double Trouble View Post
    but as Lory say's, we shouldn't feel guilty whatever we do.

    I have mainly been a stay at home mum since having my son but have had periods of working too.

    When I work I feel guilty; What if my choice of childcare isnt right? (it is) What if they dont understand his needs?(they do) Should I be at work when I could be with my son? (Ethan LOVES nursey)

    When I dont work I feel guilty; I cant provide for us (its ONLY money) and I feel that I wont be a good enough role model (but I am, the best in fact!)

    This mum marlarky is all about guilt! Maybe Im just ultra paranoid

    But then again, I do believe I do whats best for us at the time and it all works out to be fine.

    Im starting Uni in September, the amount of hours I will do is the equivalent of a full time job, I feel beyond awful about leaving Ethan for that long. But I know the benefits will outweigh the negatives. I will be able to buy us a house, pay for him to go to Uni and he will be proud of me!

    DT, do whatever is right for you, but appears to me the situation you are in right now is a pretty good one. I can understand your frustration, goverment policies do need to support working mums more, they do a cracking job! The grass always looks greener....but in this case apperances are most definately deceptive.

    Zara xxx

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    Registered User Missy D's Avatar
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    Re: Work or stay at home? Whats the answer?

    My daughter is almost 14 now and I have worked on and off for 12 years now. Luckily I didnt have to get childcare as I was able to take her to work with me. My advice to you is to not earn more than £10,000 pa. I have worked over the last year and had also been receiving tax credits of £300 per month but because I get over £10,000 pa in April they stopped the tax credits completely as it went on 2005-2006 earning. I have been advised by a lone parent adviser and the Tax Credits people not to work or just work 16 hours. The whole system is *****.

    My friend works one day a week and get £100 for her 7 hours. This entitles her to full Tax credits of best part of £500 a month. Her ex partner pays the mortgage and also give her £200 a week for their son.

    I get more than £10,000 pa so not entitled to Tax Credits. My daughters father is permantly in hospital so I do not get my rent or any contributions for bringing up our daughter. How is this fair? I am not entitled to any benefits whats so ever. Great eh!

    Seems that Gordon Brown who brought this whole system into force is once again taking from the poor and giving to the rich. I am at present fighting for all this to change. With keep you updated with my next letter from the House of Commons.

    Meant to add that it goes on what you earn and not what comes into your house!
    Last edited by Missy D; 29th-June-2007 at 06:25 PM. Reason: more to add

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