Did you hear the one about the fat, racist, homophobe? ...
Watched the news last night and learnt that Bernard Manning is dead. They then proceeded to show him doing stand up and showing about 20 of his very poor taste jokes.
I laughed my ass off....!
I know I shouldn't laugh and should say how disgusting his jokes are, but his delivery was so good, he could tell the worst joke in the world and still make it funny.
I thought he had died years ago, as he seems to have disappeared from our screens altogether (not PC enough for telly any more) but it would seem he had a big following up north in his club and died a very rich man.
Shoot me...I don't care. That racist, homophobic **** made me laugh last night.
Last edited by ducasi; 19th-June-2007 at 07:08 PM. Reason: your post wasn't PC enough for the forum either.
Did you hear the one about the fat, racist, homophobe? ...
The sad thing was, he wasnt racist
yes a very funny man
anyway I was with a mate of mine at a Zoo and said would you have sex with a gorilla for £2,000
he thought about and said ok on 3 conditions
1. I dont have to kiss the gorilla
2. I dont have to sleep over night with the gorilla
3. Also I need 2 weeks to get the money together
The
My relative died in Auschwitz ,he fell out of a guard tower
Of course isn’t politically correct as well
if ive offended any gorillas im sorry
He wrote his own obituary:
Bernard Manning: His own obituary, in his own words | the Daily Mail
I particularly liked:
Funny man.I had an uncle who was still having sex at 74. Which was lucky, as he lived at Number 72.
I'm glad I'm not bisexual; I couldn't stand being rejected by men as well as women."
Bernard Manning.
*snigger*
'Last edited by ducasi : 19th-June-2007 at 07:08 PM. Reason: your post wasn't PC enough for the forum either.'
Irony hasn't reached Scotland yet then Ducasi?
Mothers in Law
The one bad thing about dying quietly in Manchester is that I cannot fulfil the solemn promise I made to the old battleaxe. "When you die, I'm going to dance on your grave," she once said. To which I replied: "I hope you do, because I'm going to be buried at sea."
A Yorkshire couple go to the Costa Brava for a holiday, but on arrival, the wife says "I won't be able to make gravy with your dinner, love - I've forgotten the Bisto" The husband says, "Don't worry, there's an English couple staying in the next apartment, I'll see if they have any" So he knocks on the door of the next apartment, and says to the man" 'Allo, 'hast any Bisto" To which the man replies "P**s off, you Spanish prat!""
Another Bernard Manning classic.
Sorry, one more then I'll leave it alone...for now.
From the 1970's:
"Show me a home where the buffalo roam and I'll show you a house full of sh-t!"
I dunno about racist, but I suspect he would have voted BNP. He recently said something along the lines of "All I get from them is 'I was born here...I'm british!'. If a horse is born in a barn, does it make it a sheep? No it doesn't...!"
I'd like to think he only said things like that for effect, but I suspect he meant it.
If he's prepared to make a living telling jokes of that nature, that in itself is racist even if he personally doesn't espouse those views.
I don't think he was a very nice man.
When I worked with my father (settle down at the back there and stop talking) he used to take the whole company out for a christmas dinner. We had always gone to the University Centre in Cambridge, but one year he left it too late and we ended up in Newmarket Cabaret Club.
Christmas dinner, remember.
The advertised comic was ill so the board outside trumpeted the replacement. Not a national name and I can't remember it.
His routine was outright, nauseating racism; jokes about smells and various other unpleasantness, largely victimising persons of indian/pakistani extraction. I'm not a sensitive flower, as some of you know, but the nastiness and viciousness of these jokes put me right off my food. My ex-wife eventually turned to me and said 'I want to leave now' so we did, immediately after the dessert course. My father was offended, no matter how much I tried to explain that we intended no discourtesy to his hospitality but that the comic had been quite literally unpalatable. That was the last Christmas dinner.
As I understand it this is the sort of evening Bernard Manning would offer...
For me he was a genuinely funny man and not racist at all but then I dont claim to being an expert on him.
What amazes me is that a guy on the radio the other day was telling listeners how the people in his own audiences were made up of the types of people that he was making jokes about. What makes me feel much more comfortable is that they were laughing just as much as those not in the firing line. Surely that says a lot.
One funny line that I heard of his was (apparently as he took a sip of his brandy) was........
"I feel sorry for people that dont drink. When they get up in the morning, thats the best they will feel all day"
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