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Thread: But this is madness! NO! This is AIRDANCE...

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    Registered User David Franklin's Avatar
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    But this is madness! NO! This is AIRDANCE...

    Inspired by the trailers for "300", and this post, I bring you...

    [Narrator] The Ceroc empire has become soft, complacent and filled with old people. They rely on appealing to the masses: any one can be a Cerocer, even if they are old, overweight and unfit.

    [cut to picture of two OAPs doing an armjive].

    In contrast, the Airdancers adhere to a warrior ideal. Only the strongest shall survive. When a beginner enters the door, the first thing they do is throw her to the wolves.
    [cut to beginner dancing with impossibly buff 6'7" lead.
    Beginner: "I've never done aerials before". The lead throws her into a somersault - she lands badly, crashing to the floor grimacing, but forces herself back to her feet.]
    [Narrator: Only the brave and strong survivors are worthy of further dances.

    But the clash of cultures is coming...
    David Franklin, pontificating: "I warn you Airsteppers, you will fall to the ground"

    [Cut to crowded ceroc venue. On stage, the teacher makes the annoucement:]

    "I've seen a few people doing aerials out there. Please don't, it's too crowded to be safe"
    In response, a buff airdancer executes a series of backflips before somersaulting onto the stage.

    "How dare you try to spoil my creativity, you effete Cerocer?"

    All I'm saying is it's too crowded. Can't you do you airsteps in a practice hall?

    Never! I am here to inspire people! Risk is part of the game!

    But this is madness!

    No! This is AIRDANCE!
    [Cut to extreme slowmo of Airdancer jumping into Russian splits and kicking the Ceroc teacher off the stage]

    ... more trailer stuff, but I just want to get to the final battle scene ...

    [The venue is immediately recognizable as Hammersmith Town Hall. As ever, it is packed. A few vastly outnumbered Airdancers can be seen in the center of the floor. The Airstepper King is spurring his troops on:

    Airsteppers! Tonight! We dance! In HELL! (MST3K Comment: Hammersmith, Hell, what's the difference?)
    The DJ speaks:

    Please don't try and do aerials. There are so many Cerocers here that there is no space on the floor

    Then we shall dance in the air! roars Airstepper King.
    [Airdancer picks up his partner and spins her at shoulder height. Her feet smack into the surrounding dancers (including the odd extraneous Airdancer, but that's OK, because they're rough, they're tough, and let's face it, they don't use the contents of their skulls much anyhow).

    CG blood sprays everywhere, as the number of felled Cerocers mounts. Gradually the dance floor becomes slick with blood, and we see the odd Airstepper fall to the ground spectacularly.

    Gradually the camera position moves up, as we realise the Airsteppers are surrounded by a solid wall of fallen Ceroc dancers. Eventually the wall collapses on the Airsteppers, burying them.]

    Narrator: And so ended the Airsteppers, in the heroic battle of Hammersmith Town Hall. [Cue heroic music and titles]

    (This didn't come out on the page as well as I'd planned, but it was a fair bit of work, so what the heck, I'll post it anyhow...)
    Last edited by David Bailey; 24th-April-2007 at 04:00 PM.

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    Registered User LMC's Avatar
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    Re: But this is madness! NO! This is AIRDANCE...



    Suddenly, I have completely changed my mind.

    Let there be Airdance. Make it at the Casbah, the floor there is harder.

    The rest of us can stay away and let natural selection sort it out....

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    Registered User Mezzosoprano's Avatar
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    Re: But this is madness! NO! This is AIRDANCE...



    I'd pay good Scottish Pounds to watch that!


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    Registered User Alice's Avatar
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    Re: But this is madness! NO! This is AIRDANCE...

    Quote Originally Posted by LMC View Post

    Let there be Airdance. Make it at the Casbah, the floor there is harder.
    Heck, what's wrong with the carpark??

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    Registered User LMC's Avatar
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    Re: But this is madness! NO! This is AIRDANCE...

    Quote Originally Posted by Alice View Post
    Heck, what's wrong with the carpark??
    Too soft (have you ever danced at the Casbah )

    Besides, all those scratches, dents and broken windscreens will have a knock on effect on my insurance premiums.

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    Registered User Ghost's Avatar
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    Re: But this is madness! NO! This is AIRDANCE...

    Quote Originally Posted by Alice View Post
    Heck, what's wrong with the carpark??
    I've followed airsteps in a car park (ended up going right over the bonnet of my friend's car )

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    Re: But this is madness! NO! This is AIRDANCE...


    O, How I wish I could be there if you ever go to see "300".

    You realise that you have just been cast in the role of a 7 ft transexual David. Hope you are big enough to fill those gold sandals!!

    Not to mention the final scene of the movie, when 10,000 "Airdancers" charge on the hapless "Old Age Phoenicians" (that is what OAP stands for, isn't it?).

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    Registered User David Franklin's Avatar
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    Re: But this is madness! NO! This is AIRDANCE...

    Quote Originally Posted by Mezzosoprano View Post


    I'd pay good Scottish Pounds to watch that!
    I have to be honest, I'm starting to wonder if I can get enough people together to do a team cabaret...

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    Registered User LMC's Avatar
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    Re: But this is madness! NO! This is AIRDANCE...

    I'm up for that, as long as I can get a stunt double.

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    Re: But this is madness! NO! This is AIRDANCE...

    Quote Originally Posted by David Franklin View Post
    ... Then we shall dance in the air! roars BigDJiver.


    [Airdancer picks up his partner and spins her at shoulder height...
    It is a common technique by debaters to misrepresnt their opponents position and then ridicule it.

    I have contempt for those that argue in this fashion.

    I have geat admiration for the courage, skill and determination seen in skilled aerial performances, but to me merely lifting a lady to shoulder height is placing her in too much danger, even without with any added embellishments. I keep the ladies centre of gravity (COG) near to mine, and as much of me beneath her as is appropriate.

    David & Lily's performance that won them first prize at the 97 Le Jive championships was part of the things that I saw there that have inspired me to be an MJ evangalist and activist. At the same time it was beyond my limits for acceptable risk, and, for me, more like acrobatics than dancing. I admire such performances, but do not like them.

    I show a much less ambitious, less skillful, but, to me, much more fun example of aerials incorporated in a dance when I am seeking to inspire people who have the potential to become teachers IMO.


    Quote Originally Posted by David Franklin View Post
    ... Then we shall dance in the air! roars BigDJiver.



    [Airdancer picks up his partner and spins her at shoulder height...
    I really do resent my name being put into juxtoposition with that phrase.

  11. #11
    Registered User David Franklin's Avatar
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    Re: But this is madness! NO! This is AIRDANCE...

    Quote Originally Posted by bigdjiver View Post
    It is a common technique by debaters to misrepresnt their opponents position and then ridicule it.
    Did anyone really think I was saying this is bigdjiver's position?

    As much as anything, this is a micky-take of the movie trailers. If you want to read too much into these things, note that if you equate the roles, bigdjiver is the lead and hero, while I am apparently a "7ft transexual" villian.

    I really do resent my name being put into juxtoposition with that phrase.
    It was certainly not my intent to cause offence. I have asked the moderators to remove your name from the post.

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