Why don't women ask men to dance ?

[Rachel]

Just back from a meeting ... And I just have to say - you are all inanely deluded, but absolutely wonderful! Flattery works wonders - and today's shitty day has just blossomed into something beautiful. Thank you all!

(Neil - just found out that we're up at West Bridgford tonight - Marc's covering the class. Hope you're there!)
Rachel

[Neil]

Originally posted by Rachel
(Neil - just found out that we're up at West Bridgford tonight - Marc's covering the class. Hope you're there!)

Hurrah and huzzah!
I'll be there - in my CoolMax t-shirt!!!
See you later, your gorgeousness...

Neil

[LilyB]

Originally posted by Rachel
It took me about 5 years to learn to ask men to dance. I mean, men I don't know.
Rachel

It's been 12 years and I still haven't learnt to ask men (that I don't know) to dance. Does it get better with time?

I was beginning to think I was getting the hang of it ... Now, if I'm in a new venue where I hardly know anyone, I will try and look round for a man who looks as if he wants to dance, who's not engrossed in conversation, and who might be willing to dance with me.
Rachel

And everytime I see a man with that look, he would almost always be taken by another woman by the time I make my way over to him.

I'm afraid for the above reasons I very rarely go anywhere unfamiliar unless I'm with David, and even then I try to check with the usual people we dance with to make sure that they will be there too. That's the only way I can be sure of getting a dance with anyone other than David (poor man!).

I have said a few times in previous threads that I find it exceptionally difficult to ask men to dance, mainly because I personally consider dancing to (still) be a chauvinistic activity (why else should men be allowed to lead & women must follow?), hence I expect the men to ask the women.

Secondly, in practical terms, I am not into "prowling"(for want of a more descriptive word) and I have found that in order to get a chance to ask the fairly good men for a dance, you have to follow them around and/or hang around them so as to grab them before anyone else does. Now before other women give me a roasting, maybe they should spend half the time I do watching from the sidelines to see that that is exactly what the majority of good women dancers have to do (at least in London). Note that the good women rarely just ask the nearest available men - usually because they are quite often beginners or the dodgy ones that other women don't want to dance with anyway.

I do think that it is rather sad that women must do the asking (or spend the evening not dancing) but it is something we have little choice but to accept. One way of getting around that is to do competitions - you get seen & recognised, hence more people will ask you to dance!

Lily

[Sheepman]

Originally posted by Andy McGregor
Of course you do mean the extensor carpi and brachioradialis muscles.

Of course!

Originally posted by Andy McGregor
When you danced with 'her' it was me in drag

Next time could you wait until you receive the 'Grope me' signal...

That would explain quite a lot - particularly on the "slut" move!
Greg

[Sheepman]

Originally posted by LilyB
One way of getting around that is to do competitions - you get seen & recognised, hence more people will ask you to dance!

Does this really work?
In the past I've been daunted asking you to dance because you're such a fantastic dancer, why would I be able to entertain you on the dancefloor? Winning all those competitions surely compounds this!
Do you ever get asked by beginners?

Greg

[Andy McGregor]

Originally posted by LilyB
One way of getting around that is to do competitions - you get seen & recognised, hence more people will ask you to dance!

Lily

Dancing in a competition means that almost everyone gets to see how you dance and if you dance like Lily you probably get more dances

I understand things now because when I think about it I can track the decline in women asking me to dance to the time I started to compete

Although there has been a comcomitant increase in the number of men asking me

[LilyB]

Originally posted by Sheepman
Does this really work?
In the past I've been daunted asking you to dance because you're such a fantastic dancer, why would I be able to entertain you on the dancefloor? Winning all those competitions surely compounds this!
Do you ever get asked by beginners?

Greg

1. Yes. It actually works! I've been asked more often than before & by men I don't know but who have seen me at Bristol, Blackpool, Ceroc champs etc. It's easy for me to make the comparison - barely a year ago, it would have been very rare for me to be asked for a dance by a stranger more than 3 times the entire evening.

2. No. At least I hope it doesn't, and I've only won one comp (lately) anyway, not "all those competitions" as Greg suggests. In any event, why should a man have to worry about "entertaining" his partner on the dancefloor? Does that mean, conversely, that he expects to be entertained by how well (or otherwise) his partner follows? I would hope that any man would be happy to ask any woman to dance whom he thinks will be able to follow most of his leads. I love dancing with men who lead uncomplicated moves - it gives me the opportunity to embellish, syncopate and throw in lots of style without interfering with the lead.

3. Yes, especially if they don't know me, so don't get put off asking. And I am perfectly happy to dance with them. In fact, I actually will ask beginners - breaking my usual "I don't ask men to dance" rule, especially if I see that they are not dancing much. And I don't take "No" for an answer!

However, in spite of all the above, I still don't get asked to dance often. And I compound that by not doing the asking. Fortunately I am not someone who has to dance to every track - 1 in 5 is good enough for me. 1 dance every 3 or 4 tracks would be an excellent night! Not sure if the old body can keep up with that though!

Lily

[DavidY]

Originally posted by Rachel
(just found out that we're up at West Bridgford tonight - Marc's covering the class. Hope you're there!)
Rachel

..first time in a while that I haven't been able to get to W Bridgford - and now I find I've missed the opportunity to dance with the lovely Rachel...

[Andy McGregor]

Originally posted by LilyB
However, in spite of all the above, I still don't get asked to dance often. And I compound that by not doing the asking. Fortunately I am not someone who has to dance to every track - 1 in 5 is good enough for me. 1 dance every 3 or 4 tracks would be an excellent night! Not sure if the old body can keep up with that though!

Lily

I'm not sure this is true. I've asked you to dance every time I've seen you free - that's once

And I'm sure you could dance to every track. I usually do and your body looks in better shape than mine

[DavidY]

Originally posted by LilyB
In any event, why should a man have to worry about "entertaining" his partner on the dancefloor?

I'm afraid that like Sheepman I do sometimes think I'm not 'entertaining' enough for a really good dancer to dance with.

...it gives me the opportunity to embellish, syncopate and throw in lots of style without interfering with the lead.

... I'd also worry that I don't lead enough opportunities for good dancers to throw in style/embellish/syncopate etc. at appropriate points (I know I'm not skilled at hitting 'breaks' for example).

Does that mean, conversely, that he expects to be entertained by how well (or otherwise) his partner follows?

.. I wouldn't - I'd be worried I was messing up the leads (if someone doesn't follow me, it's much more likely to be my bad leading than her bad following).

I've also been to some events where the room is full of good dancers and I occasionally feel that someone would be disappointed dancing with me compared to the rather better dancers who are there.

David

[Lou]

Originally posted by DavidY
I've also been to some events where the room is full of good dancers and I occasionally feel that someone would be disappointed dancing with me compared to the rather better dancers who are there.

I think many dancers (of either gender) feel that to a certain extent. I know I do. The Tramp popped down to Bristol a couple of weeks ago & I worried he'd not have so much enjoyment dancing with me, as he dances so wonderfully with Laili, Lyn, Lesley, Jill, etc (we have some fantastic female dancers here). He's a sweetie, though, and said he'd had fun.

[Chicklet]

Originally posted by Lou
I worried he'd not have so much enjoyment dancing with me, as he dances so wonderfully with Laili, Lyn, Lesley, Jill, etc (we have some fantastic female dancers here). He's a sweetie, though, and said he'd had fun.

I used to be nervous and feel terribly inferior but he really doesn't seem to mind L plates. And I never knew till I danced with Steve that I have to learn all the licky moves before I'll be able to spin really well so obviously he knows important stuff.

[Andy McGregor]

Originally posted by Lou
I think many dancers (of either gender) feel that to a certain extent. I know I do. The Tramp popped down to Bristol a couple of weeks ago & I worried he'd not have so much enjoyment dancing with me, as he dances so wonderfully with Laili, Lyn, Lesley, Jill, etc (we have some fantastic female dancers here). He's a sweetie, though, and said he'd had fun.

I second that. I danced in Bristol on Monday at John Eastman's class and the women were fantastic. And I think I danced with all of them

Does the 6 hour drive for 2 hours of dancing on a Monday night mean I'm addicted?

[stewart38]

Are some women put of asking men they don't know as they may feel the man could dance 'inapproriately'

I will put up with 'inappropriate' dancing but no more then 6 dances

I'm joking I know its an issue for some people,I'll put up with 5

[xSalsa_Angelx]

Originally posted by stewart38
Are some women put of asking men they don't know as they may feel the man could dance 'inapproriately'

I will put up with 'inappropriate' dancing but no more then 6 dances

I'm joking I know its an issue for some people,I'll put up with 5

Would not bother me ... would just have to add in a few new Ceroc moves, Flying punch and Comb slap....

[Grant]

Originally posted by xSalsa_Angelx
Would not bother me ... would just have to add in a few new Ceroc moves, Flying punch and Comb slap....

float like a butterfly
punch like ali

Grant

[Jon]

Originally posted by Rachel
I'd dance with you, but I can't lead ... So you'd have to be a pretend lady who happens to be able to lead, if you see what I mean!

Yes, I prey on individuals who are all on their own - I couldn't ever approach a group of men to ask for a dance. I like the pink 'first mover' stickers that some people wear. Those are the people I look out for first and foremost. For some reason, I think new people won't mind dancing with me so much.
Rachel

Looking forward to dancing with you now Rachel, I'm a complete beginner too. Just got to figure out who you are. Did I meet you at Camber with Emma?

[Emma]

Originally posted by Jon
complete beginner too

Puhlease...we already have enough pretend beginners on this forum....don't you two start as well!!

[Heather]

Originally posted by Emma
Puhlease...we already have enough pretend beginners on this forum....don't you two start as well!!

Took the words right out of my mouth Emma!!!
Can't be doing with all this false modesty !!


Heather,
X

[Andy McGregor]

Originally posted by Emma
Puhlease...we already have enough pretend beginners on this forum....don't you two start as well!!

I'm right there with you. The Tramp is the only pseudo beginner we can take. And he tells me that he will prove it once his broadband is up and running by putting up his homepage on www.JustaBeginner.com or something like that.