Losing the passion

[Lynn]

(I'm sure there is a thread on this somewhere, but couldn't find one.)

I'm not enjoying dancing. I don't mean I'm feeling frustrated with my progress, bored with the style/music/partners, lacking challenge etc. I mean simply not enjoying dancing and don't particularly want to dance.

Its not a general thing as aside from that I'm in great form - the sun is shining and its spring.

I had the grand total of 1 1/2 dances last night, having not actually wanted to be in the same room as the freestyle so that I wouldn't get asked to dance and end up just going through the motions. The one dance I had (in beginner freestyle) was because I was asked and because I wanted the person who asked me to have a good dance - but I really struggled.

Dance workshops and freestyle this Saturday that I was really looking forward to until this week. Still looking forward to the social bit and still intending to dance and do my best to enjoy myself.

Can someone please tell me this happens at times, that this is something other people have gone through and that the passion can return with a few good dances/good evening etc. Or do I need to take a complete break and if so, for how long?

[straycat]

Can someone please tell me this happens at times, that this is something other people have gone through and that the passion can return with a few good dances/good evening etc. Or do I need to take a complete break and if so, for how long?

This does happen sometimes - I've had months without dancing before now, purely because I didn't feel like going, and I've always gone back and ended up being more enthusiastic than ever.

Two things that can help (for me) - one is the break you mentioned, and the other is to find something new (in the dancing sense) - learn a different discipline (and not necessarily even a partner-dance one)

The worst thing (probably) would be to keep on doing something you're not particularly enjoying, in the same manner, without changing anything. That way lies madness.

[Yliander]

Can someone please tell me this happens at times, that this is something other people have gone through and that the passion can return with a few good dances/good evening etc. Or do I need to take a complete break and if so, for how long?

yes darling it does happen. I have been looking forward to a dancing event – go there and for no reason I can pin down just don’t want to be there – despite the good music, great friends and lovely dances to be had.

As to how to fix it – for me a break of a week has usually done it – after that long not dancing I get twitchy, other times it’s been a fab dance, seeing a dance – video or real life that excits me about dance again or a workshop that has given me some inspiration.

The fix seems to be different each time – the thing that has been the same is that I have allowed myself to feel how I was feeling – but thing to remember is that – it’s ok to not feel like dancing – and if you relax and accept it then your more likely to move on from that place than if you keep beating yourself up about it.

and that is my 2 cents worth

[Cruella]

I'm not enjoying dancing. I don't mean I'm feeling frustrated with my progress, bored with the style/music/partners, lacking challenge etc. I mean simply not enjoying dancing and don't particularly want to dance.

I'm going through this too Lynn.

Can someone please tell me this happens at times, that this is something other people have gone through and that the passion can return with a few good dances/good evening etc. Or do I need to take a complete break and if so, for how long?

I had intended on having a break, but I couldn't do it! I still have the urge to go out and have a great nights dancing therefore find it difficult to not go. The problem is I don't enjoy it as much once i'm there. I find it really frustrating when i'm at a great venue with loads of lovely leads and music but I can't 'get into it'. I had a lovely night at Ashtons a few weeks ago but apart from that all the events lately have been a let down for me. I've had a great time socially but i'm struggling to get the buzz back. The only thing I did notice about the Ashtons night was that hardly any of the 'usual' crowd was there. I'm wondering if that was the reason it was a good night for me. It meant I danced with lots of new people. Maybe I need to make more of an effort to do this but it's hard when so many of the 'usual' crowd are such fab dancers.

[Beowulf]

Can someone please tell me this happens at times, that this is something other people have gone through and that the passion can return with a few good dances/good evening etc. Or do I need to take a complete break and if so, for how long?

I've been there and done that.. Twice! once for nearly 2 1/2 years absence from dancing and the second time for several months.

Both times I've come back renewed and full of energy and excitement for my dancing.

Right now due to medical issues I've not been dancing at all for a couple of months and I'm hating every minute of it. A few months ago I was completely uncaring about dance , it didn't interest me, I didn't enjoy it.

And here I am a few months later on absolutely straining at the bit to get back dancing. If you had told me then that I'd be desperately struggling with a painful condition to get back dancing I would have laughed in your face.

And I was never the most dedicated of dancers out there in the first place. So if I can lose and rekindle my dancing fires then anyone can. As said above, take a break, do something new.. one day you'll find yourself in the kitchen (as I did) listening to a song on the radio/hi-fi and before you know it you'll be dancing with the saucepans and leading the vacuum cleaner around the house

Your passion will return I'm sure of that !!

[DianaS]

This is a brave post
Probably in all honesty beyond most of us except for the lovely Blue smurf. But it's something that has afflicted me at times and to be honest I give into it. I can't be arsed, go through the motions talk more than I dance, and use dance as an opportunity to catch up with my friends giggle and gossip. http://www.cerocscotland.com/forum/359255-post1179.html

If someone asked me to dance I feel annoyed, if I enjoy it, I feel surprised.

Having said that I go through periods when I just don't want chocolate, passion is like the sea it comes in waves and abaits. When it abaits we feel the loss. And when it comes back we feel the surge. But we can't command it, in or out.
It comes and sweeps us along with it.

I spent a year sorting out my life getting all of the jobs done that I needed too and concentrating in putting every other aspect of my life in order. It took a year and I'm still working on it.

I still find in MJ nights when I'm pulled around I feel resentful I don't enjoy it and I don't want to go. However I'm loving my ballroom latin and tango - perhaps its the contrast?

Lynn i've spent time going for walks, enjoying the company of good friends and focusing on other aspects of my life. When I go to snowdonia for the dance weekend, the emphasis is being with my friends, eating walking and dancing. But dancing is part of it rather than the main course.

There are some compensations. I now have a lovely new bathroom, I've been away to Lanzorote and seen where new earth is made (volcanos), had a new lover and developed some new friends.
I'm attaching some photos for you to swoon over!

Lots of Love
diana
Xxx

[Cruella]

There are some compensations. I now have a lovely new bathroom, I've been away to Lanzorote and seen where new earth is made (volcanos), had a new lover and developed some new friends.
I'm attaching some photos for you to swoon over!

I hope they are of the Volcano or bathroom, not the loving!

[DD+]

Lynn ... i find this dancing lark a bit like running a marathon (Not that i've ever run one)...every once in a while you hit a brick wall and cant seem to get through it.....then out of the blue just one dance can bring it all back and then your realise just how much you love it. I was gonna pack it all in and then i found seahorse from the forum and he swept me off my feet. So whenever i get stuck in a rut i know there is someone out there who brings me back!

One one for seahorse

[LMC]

Your relationship with dancing will have ups and downs, the same as any other relationship.

I agree with people who have said "Don't struggle with it, go with the flow". I had several months break last year and am still getting back up to speed. But the break was necessary and worthwhile. And the dancing didn't whine that I hadn't talked to it

I know it's harder for you, being so involved with the still-fairly-new franchise in NI. But you have to think of yourself first

[DianaS]

Cru-ella!!!! What are you like!!

I'll have a second go at uploading photos - make your own mind up!

[Lou]

Can someone please tell me this happens at times, that this is something other people have gone through and that the passion can return with a few good dances/good evening etc. Or do I need to take a complete break and if so, for how long?

I've been going through it for over a year now. It started with my divorce, when I just didn't feel much like dancing. And now I'm dancing more again, I'm getting the sort of experience that Cruella mentions:

I find it really frustrating when i'm at a great venue with loads of lovely leads and music but I can't 'get into it'.

I got that at Utopia Evesham a while back. Despite the fact that Marc was DJing, and despite dancing with many of my fave partners - I just couldn't get into it.

However - I did have a fab time at BAWA in Bristol a couple of weeks back, so there's a glimmer of hope there. And it's that glimmer that keeps me going back.

I've had breaks in the past - but my enthusiasm's returned. I suspect this'll be the same this time, and that it'll be the same for you.

Having said that I go through periods when I just don't want chocolate,

Now that's weird.

[JonD]

It's a relief that everyone seems to have dancing "flat spots". I know I suffer from them periodically. Normally they don't last too long and I suspect they are associated with times when I'm finding work a bit difficult for one reason or another so external factors certainly play a part.

I try to remember that the majority of people go dancing for purely social purposes and it's fine to do the same. I've even been known to turn up wearing trainers that you couldn't possibly dance in, and without any dance shoes, so that I can chat with my friends and legitimately decline any invitations to dance! Sometimes a passion for dance and a desire to learn and improve blinds me to the fact that dance is, primarily, a social activity and it's OK to get out of the "must do it well, must have fab dances" mindset when it starts to feel like you are on a treadmill.

I have a feeling that dance will always draw you back and that you'll start to delight in it again soon. It's in your blood - there is no escape!

I go through periods when I just don't want chocolate

I'm with Lou: that is very, very weird.

[Northants Girly]

It's so good to hear that it happens to other folk too

Daventry last weekend was my first dance night out for 3 weeks. I've got into the habit of sending Matt out dancing on his own

Really ought to make an effort to go to Rugby tonight though. Havn't been for weeks and weeks and last time they had a curry night the vegy samosas were yummy

[Lynn]

Thanks to everyone who have helped me feel less alone in this.

I was used to having breaks in my dancing - long breaks of a month, or even 3 months, with little or no dancing - its only been the past year or so that I can dance weekly and have only missed about half a dozen nights in the past 15 months. Aside from weekenders, I only dance once a week.

I do still enjoy the social side and had a good night last night chatting to people, I just didn't want to dance.

I've some fab weekenders lined up over the next 3 months, so I'm hoping that I'll enjoy those - but I know the company will be good even if I'm not enjoying the actual dancing as much.

Lynn i've spent time going for walks, enjoying the company of good friends and focusing on other aspects of my life.

That's what I'd like to do. I have a few other non dancing things going on, I'd love a holiday (haven't had a non-dancing weekend away/holiday for quite a while) and I think maybe let dancing take a back seat for a while. And the walks thing - definitely - with the better weather coming in I really want to get out there - had a lovely walk last Sun afternoon.

[Lynn]

Its not just that I'm not 'getting into' the dancing - I've had times like that before where some evenings haven't been as much fun as usual. I have ways of dealing with that - eg focusing on helping beginners or my partners enjoyment of the dance, trying a different dance style. This is more I just don't want to get up and dance.

I've had breaks in the past - but my enthusiasm's returned. I suspect this'll be the same this time, and that it'll be the same for you.

Hope so - thanks!

Encouraging to know this happens to others and that I will rediscover the passion.

[DianaS]

Some people may suggest that your becoming a hotshot


Would real hotshots like to comment!

[Cruella]

Some people may suggest that your becoming a hotshot


Would real hotshots like to comment!

I already did.

[Sal]

I got exactly that feeling just over a year ago. I gave up dancing totally, and as yet have not returned to it.

I blame it all on the fact that I met my wonderful boyfriend at the time, and didn't want to spend time away from him, even though he was a dancer too. We are now engaged and are getting married next year, so maybe I will get back into it after that, but I doubt it!

[Bara Davies]

I'm getting worried now - am I the ONLY one who DOESN'T get these lapses in enthusiasm!!! (And I can empathise with DD+'s Seahorse experience - great dancer!!)

[Gadget]

I blame it all on the fact that I met my wonderful boyfriend at the time, and didn't want to spend time away from him, even though he was a dancer too. We are now engaged and are getting married next year, so maybe I will get back into it after that, but I doubt it!

now that's ashame ... but congratz

{PS even on the 'flatest' nights, I still love to dance - perhaps it's being restriced so that you only can dance once a week or so?}