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Thread: men and mosquitos... help!!!!!

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    men and mosquitos... help!!!!!

    Help!!!!! I'm in a field in the middle of the Gabonese jungle surrounded by hundreds of men who haven't seen a woman in weeks... and they're worse than mosquitos! (not to mention that my repellent isn't working on them!!! )

    Let me describe the situation:
    All the guys (the Africans mostly) here make comments (either as I pass by or even directly to my face) about how beautiful I am (remember, they haven't seen a woman in weeks, so even if I do look terrible, they'll still find me great ) , how they appreciate to see a beautiful woman here etc etc etc... the guy who took me to the field this afternoon was showing me around like a trophee , just because I am a girl...
    God I am hating this

    Of course it's unacceptable and we have policies about that blabla... That would be easily sorted if that was a simple case of harrassment with just one or a few guys... But all the Africans here (there are a few hundreds) seem to find that pretty normal, no doubt they think I'm pleased about it...

    So, seriously, anybody here who has some sound advice (ok jokes permitted in between the advice ) about how to deal with that kind of behaviour in my situation ?
    What should I do? can't tell them all to shut up (I would if it was just a few guys)? ignore them? Smile as if I was totally brainless and get over it?

    Last edited by Caro; 18th-January-2007 at 06:25 PM.

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    Re: men and mosquitos... help!!!!!

    make out your a lesbian?

    Sorry best I could think of.

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    The Gobby one! WittyBird's Avatar
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    Re: men and mosquitos... help!!!!!

    When's the next flight out of Heathrow?

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    Forum Bombshell - Our Queen! Lory's Avatar
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    Re: men and mosquitos... help!!!!!

    Quote Originally Posted by Caro View Post
    the guy who took me to the field this afternoon was showing me around like a trophee ,
    I sooo misread this For a split second I thought you said.. showing me 'his' trophy

    Apart from wearing a make shift Yashmack, i'm at a loss what to suggest at the moment...

    Sorry
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    Re: men and mosquitos... help!!!!!

    Quote Originally Posted by Caro View Post
    Smile as if I was totally brainless and get over it?
    - I think your quote is a little on the harsh side, but basically it's probably the best thing to do.
    Do not encourage them but do not swat them away like flies - either of these things could make the situation worse. Give as little reaction as possible and make out it has no affect on you what so ever. If you don't respond then their actions should continue to be respectful and harmless (if a tad irritating ). You are obvioulsy mindful of the fact that they are lacking female companions, so try to remain sympathetic to this but do not under any circumstances put yourself at risk!

    It worries me that what may begin as one guy saying "Look at this girl everyone, isn't she beautiful" may turn into something more sinister . If you feel threatened in any way go directly to your superiors. And IMHO they should have a male colleague accompany you when you have to enter areas where the men are behaving in this way, for your safety.

    I know it shouldn't have to be like this, but the fact is that it is or it can be. The most important thing is your personal safety, Caro, don't ever forget that.

    Oh, and by the way, you are beautiful, and don't let anyone tell you otherwise .

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    Senior Member Minnie M's Avatar
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    Re: men and mosquitos... help!!!!!

    Quote Originally Posted by Sparkles View Post
    ...........Oh, and by the way, you are beautiful, and don't let anyone tell you otherwise .

    Enjoy it ................ but act indifferent


    --ooOoo--
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    That date is recognized as her official birthday.

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    Registered User Trousers's Avatar
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    Re: men and mosquitos... help!!!!!

    I'm with Sparkles

    Who do you work for that would put a woman into that situation?

    Apart from being Witty's dream job on a humour level it is very not right!
    You require a Chaperone all the time with a very big stick or go home first available flight.

    This is one of those situations that suddenly becomes a case of 'Oh sorry we didn't think'. Do not become some minor statistic to your employer and a rather major one to your family and friends.

    Sounds like you need to start shouting very loud or just come home.

    In my experience we (well every one else other than me 'cos I do do stroppy!) are scared to do the right thing in case we get shouted at or loose our jobs. If I'm not safe in ANY situation I leave I know my rights say I should be safe in my work environment. If you need to leave the country to prove how uncomfortable you are there - don't wait another second.

    Your personal safety is YOUR responsibility first but it should not be jeopardised by working requirements.

    Be Brave. Be safe

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    Re: men and mosquitos... help!!!!!

    Quote Originally Posted by woodface View Post
    make out your a lesbian?
    homosexuality is forbidden by law in this country, and I don't really want to think about what kind of trouble I'd be in if I did that...

    Quote Originally Posted by WittyBird View Post
    When's the next flight out of Heathrow?
    you're welcome anytime Witty... at least we could dance...

    Quote Originally Posted by Sparkles View Post
    It worries me that what may begin as one guy saying "Look at this girl everyone, isn't she beautiful" may turn into something more sinister . If you feel threatened in any way go directly to your superiors. And IMHO they should have a male colleague accompany you when you have to enter areas where the men are behaving in this way, for your safety.

    I know it shouldn't have to be like this, but the fact is that it is or it can be. The most important thing is your personal safety, Caro, don't ever forget that.
    thanks for caring so much Sparkles But you know I don't really think my personal safety is at stake... I think it's probably their way to show me that they are friendly. They must think that I will certainly appreciate that they compliment me as a woman. Now obviously on my side it feels like machism and very awkward... but I really can't see them attacking me. I don't feel threatened - I feel 'objectised' and as a consequence not taken seriously. That because I have breasts and I don't think it's fair.

    Quote Originally Posted by Sparkles View Post
    Oh, and by the way, you are beautiful, and don't let anyone tell you otherwise .
    although I have to say that I would kinda like the idea to be a troll sometimes... a jungle troll of course...

    Quote Originally Posted by Trousers View Post
    Who do you work for that would put a woman into that situation?

    (...)
    This is one of those situations that suddenly becomes a case of 'Oh sorry we didn't think'. Do not become some minor statistic to your employer and a rather major one to your family and friends.

    In my experience we (well every one else other than me 'cos I do do stroppy!) are scared to do the right thing in case we get shouted at or loose our jobs. If I'm not safe in ANY situation I leave I know my rights say I should be safe in my work environment. If you need to leave the country to prove how uncomfortable you are there - don't wait another second.

    Your personal safety is YOUR responsibility first but it should not be jeopardised by working requirements.

    Be Brave. Be safe
    cheers Trousers but may be I made it sound worse than what it really is. As I said, on my side it feels awkwards and annoying (how do you want to be taken seriously?) but I really don't think my safety is being jeopardized. And if I had the smallest doubt about that, don't worry I would act - safety is one thing I care about (that's my job btw).

    When you want to work in a challenging environment anywhere in the world, you have to accept that some of the standards you expect from Europe are not going to be met - especially in africa or in any remote place. Whether it is some aspect of safety, equality, justice, etc.

    Ok I was very annoyed and felt like a object earlier but at the same time I think I am very lucky to be in a position to experience such a different and challenging work environment - to me this is what the world is about. I had one of the most interesting conversation I've had in the past 4 months over dinner with both locals and expats. V. worthy. Now I just need to find a way to make myself respected as a professional and not as a woman. My challenge (but from time to time I might feel the need to vent some stuff off via this forum... )
    Last edited by Caro; 18th-January-2007 at 10:00 PM.

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    Re: men and mosquitos... help!!!!!

    Just glad you posted again so we all know you are ok.

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    Re: men and mosquitos... help!!!!!

    Invest in a "wedding" ring and imaginary "husband"?

    SpinDr

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    Re: men and mosquitos... help!!!!!

    Quote Originally Posted by spindr View Post
    Invest in a (...) imaginary "husband"?
    yep done that already I officially have a fiance waiting for me (it does help to keep them away, the trouble is I have to remember whatever I tell them about 'him'...)...
    actually, I may have several fiances waiting for my return

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    Re: men and mosquitos... help!!!!!

    It sounds to me like you have this very much under control.

    It sounds like there are cultural difference between the UK and the Gabonese jungle. Unsurprising. It can be tough living in a culture that you disagree with. The best advice I can give you is to conform to the boundaries of the local culture, and express your feelings by the way you act within those boundaries.

    So, if you feel that working women should be treated as professionals, not as objects, express those feelings by acting in a professional way, and responding politely but simply to compliments on your beauty (ie, "thank you"). This way you can be true to yourself without stomping over local sensibilities.

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    Registered User Monika's Avatar
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    Re: men and mosquitos... help!!!!!

    Hi Caro

    ..the joys and challenges of living and working in a different culture. I've been in Gabon and Congo for work and experienced a little bit of what you mentioned - although no one called me beautiful - being a women attracted a lot more attention than I appreciated. I too never felt unsafe, but found the most frustrating part not always being taken serious as a professional as they'd never heard or seen a female engineer before and some convinced I had to be a reporter from some dodgy European newspaper or TV station... All they'd seen of women from Europe was on the monitor in Hotel reception showing shall we say male oriented inspirational films that wouldn't be allowed to be shown in public probably anywhere else in the world. Won't be easy, but trying to be indifferent about their comments may be the best option - when you get home you'll appreciate the experience and their culture is so different chance is that they won't change although you come from a different culture and have different views. I was told that if you feel mosquitos is the biggest threat where you are - drink some G&T's - if men are the biggest threat avoid any alcohol and try to keep a low profile albeit difficult when you are "the talk of town" and people shout "Blanc Femme" wherever you go...
    You take good care of yourself and sounds like you're dealing with things in a good way already, but remember this is a temporary experience that will give you memories for life
    Mon x

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    Re: men and mosquitos... help!!!!!

    Short hair, dress like a bloke, and try to swing your arms and keep your knees apart when you walk!

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    Dickie Davies' love-child Cruella's Avatar
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    Re: men and mosquitos... help!!!!!

    Quote Originally Posted by Barry Shnikov View Post
    and keep your knees apart when you walk!
    Now that's asking for trouble!!

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    Re: men and mosquitos... help!!!!!

    Quote Originally Posted by Cruella View Post
    Now that's asking for trouble!!
    yep, definately asking for trouble

    i would buy a big sticker and place it on my back saying....

    I USED TO BE A MAN.

    That should do the trick.

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    Re: men and mosquitos... help!!!!!

    Whatever you do, just don't let the guys there see the plea you put after each of your messages on this Forum:
    Whip me pleeeaaaase

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    Re: men and mosquitos... help!!!!!

    Quote Originally Posted by Trouble View Post
    yep, definately asking for trouble

    i would buy a big sticker and place it on my back saying....

    I USED TO BE A MAN.

    That should do the trick.
    I like that one! I'll send you some official-looking letters from a sex-change clinic about your 'follow-up appointment' if you like, and you can ensure they come to the attention of your colleagues with the flappiest gobs!

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    Re: men and mosquitos... help!!!!!

    Quote Originally Posted by Cruella View Post
    Now that's asking for trouble!!
    {sigh} Not if she's dressed like a bloke...

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    Re: men and mosquitos... help!!!!!

    Quote Originally Posted by Barry Shnikov View Post
    {sigh} Not if she's dressed like a bloke...
    im gonna need some binding tape.

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