How often are you refused do you refuse a dance ?

[stewart38]

Anyway, back on topic - I turn people down if I don't want to dance with them. But I'm always polite about it. Not many people have confessed to lying about getting a drink/needing a break/shoe change/shirt change if they don't want to hurt the asker's feelings and would dance with them another time. Well, I always knew I'm odd and Evil.

Not sure why a women asking a women and getting refused more is ‘off topic’ anyway

Is it better to lie i.e. im getting a drink rather then no F*** O**

I had a forumite who once said they were too tired and then 30 secs later danced with someone else , I think id preferred the F*** O** approach more direct

I personally don’t have a philosophy of tuning down people I don’t want to dance with, maybe I should .Ill dance with anyone unless as said before I really need a pee or like at Ashtons just need to get of the floor for 30 secs to get fresh air

[Clive Long]

<< snip >>
I personally don’t have a philosophy of tuning down people I don’t want to dance with, maybe I should .Ill dance with anyone unless as said before I really need a pee or like at Ashtons just need to get of the floor for 30 secs to get fresh air

Very noble, I expect nothing less from you Stewart.

In fact, you have just opened up a whole new tactic for ladies hunting a dance partner.

If he says, "I'd love to, but I'm busting for a pee"

Then, dah-dah, the lady produces a sample bottle, with no-return valve and a large (or small) handkerchief to spare blushes all round so the gent can relieve himself without all the troublesome bother of leaving the dance floor. Of course, the bottle would need to suitably marked so it wasn't confused with Ashtons' tap water and could be picked up for disposal (by the lucky lady, of course) at a later time.

Glad to be of service.

No don't mention it. You're too kind ...

[Gav]

Then, dah-dah, the lady produces a sample bottle, with no-return valve and a large (or small) handkerchief to spare blushes all round so the gent can relieve himself without all the troublesome bother of leaving the dance floor. Of course, the bottle would need to suitably marked so it wasn't confused with Ashtons' tap water and could be picked up for disposal (by the lucky lady, of course) at a later time.

Or simply hold his hand and insist on escorting him to the gents to watch him pee, just to make sure he's not making it up. When you both return, hey presto, ready for that dance.
You may want to not take note of how many men fail to wash their hands before leaving.

[Double Trouble]

You may want to not take note of how many men fail to wash their hands before leaving.

Which is why I wash my hands about 20 times a night when dancing.

[MartinHarper]

I'd like to contrast these two comments, both from dancers who have discovered that their regular venues have come across as unfriendly or cliquey to other dancers (maybe only a few):

You are tarring me with the 'nasty, unfriendly, hotshot' brush you seem all too happy to wave about when you speak about venues that I personally attend.

This disappoints me that a regular venue I go to, there are people that refuse on what it appears to be a regular basis. I cant get behind the mind set of people like that.

I like to think that my regular venues are reasonably friendly, but I have to rely on others to let me know whether they really are. So far Ceroc Worcester seems to get high marks for friendliness, which is great to hear. One of my other local venues (no names) has been criticised because folks spend a lot of time sitting down and talking during the freestyle portions, which makes it relatively intimidating. The question is, what should I do about that?

[stewart38]

Very noble, I expect nothing less from you Stewart.

In fact, you have just opened up a whole new tactic for ladies hunting a dance partner.

If he says, "I'd love to, but I'm busting for a pee"



No don't mention it. You're too kind ...

I would never tell a ‘lady’ I need go for a pee

Its I need a ‘wee wee’

Or I think im of to the toilets want to join me ??

Or I need a pee but its ok now shake your leg and say shall we dance ??

Maybe you need another thread re how one would like to be turned down, I think **** taking ie, im too tired but then 30 secs alter dance someone else is worse then no thank you and then dance with someone else ??? or is it ?? That is of thread

[David Bailey]

I like to think that my regular venues are reasonably friendly, but I have to rely on others to let me know whether they really are.

By definition, most people think their own regular local venue is lovely and friendly. Because it is - to them.

Which is why I'm a big fan of "stranger feedback" - yes it's subjective, yes it's a snapshot, but I've often found that the "first impression" review is more accurate and informative than the "I've been going for 10 years and it's perfect" review.

In my opinion, this applies to venues, teachers, DJs, you name it.

[StokeBloke]

Maybe you need another thread re how one would like to be turned down

The best turn down line there is must be "Yes, I would love to dance with you"

Seriously, I'm sure the only turn down that doesn't sting (as much) is one that rings true.

[StokeBloke]

The question is, what should I do about that?

This is such a valid point Martin. Is there a way to get this feedback where it is needed - IE to the person running the event. Not sure how that would/could work. Suggestion or feedback slips at the venue perhaps. Equally as important is what is going well. So maybe an anonymous form with 'I liked...' and 'I disliked..' left on the tables with some biros for the guests for fill in.

Do you think that if this information could be fed back to the organiser, it would be of benefit to us all?

[Dai]

Do you think that if this information could be fed back to the organiser, it would be of benefit to us all?

Well only if the venue manager is prepared to take on board the critisims that others have to offer. Otherwise what good will it do - it will just cause trouble, upset, and result in threats, nastiness and name calling.

[Double Trouble]

it will just cause trouble, upset, and result in threats, nastiness and name calling.

OH...Oh...OOOoooohhhh. When can I start?

[StokeBloke]

Well only if the venue manager is prepared to take on board the critisims that others have to offer. Otherwise what good will it do - it will just cause trouble, upset, and result in threats, nastiness and name calling.

If the forms were anonymous I can't see how it would result in nastiness - stuff that is obviously vitriolic would just get filed under T for trash. The idea of suggestion forms is to get a general gauge, so if half a dozen people were all saying (for example) they didn't like the wierdo lindy music this would show a general feeling and may get acted upon.

It would at the very least give the shyer people somewhere to gripe

[Gav]

One of my other local venues (no names) has been criticised because folks spend a lot of time sitting down and talking during the freestyle portions, which makes it relatively intimidating. The question is, what should I do about that?

Take a gun, and John Wayne style, shoot near their feet until they dance.

[SuzyQ]

I have found the so-called cliquey venues not to be bad at all. I have been made to feel quite welcome at Hammersmith, Ealing etc. The key thing is to work out who the serial refusers are (no names mentioned) and not to bother asking!

I also agree that it is OK to turn people down sometimes if you need to pee/change shirt/catch breath/hate a track/or need to avoid a creep! I once had someone say he knew where I lived cos he had looked at my resident's permit on my car - no way would I dance with him again !!

My main problem is sometimes feeling too rubbish to ask anyone for fear of being turned down and just really really wanting someone to ask me for a change! But it's my problem – not anyone else’s!

[SuzyQ]

We had a comments book at our venue until recently ... might be time to resurrect it!

But ... back to the topic of the thread there is little any venue organiser can do to make people stop refusing ... though if, as a member of crew, I heard about anyone at our venue misbehaving and spoiling someone's night I'd have no qualms about getting the venue manager to have a word. But then we only get nice people at our venue

[Dai]

If the forms were anonymous I can't see how it would result in nastiness - stuff that is obviously vitriolic would just get filed under T for trash. The idea of suggestion forms is to get a general gauge, so if half a dozen people were all saying (for example) they didn't like the wierdo lindy music this would show a general feeling and may get acted upon.

It would at the very least give the shyer people somewhere to gripe

The problem is that posts are not anonymous, which is why threads get personal and removed to "take it outside". Most of the people on here have meet one or two if not several forumites, so how can it be anonymous?

[FunkyAngel]

On 31st - at Berko - i asked lots of people for dances, and everyone that i didn't know, and had never danced with before turned me down - bar three people. I had a night of dancing with the group of people i came with, trying to bulid my confidence back up.

Dai - I really enjoyed dancing with you at Berko that evening. Yes I know WittyBird introduced us so it wasn't quite the same as asking someone at random (thanks Witty!).

I would say you're in a difficult situation though. I've never been asked to dance by a female lead I didn't know before so would probably be very surprised if it happened. And I can easily see how people are surprised enough to just panic and say no thanks....

Strangely enough the only time I have been asked to dance by a woman I didn't know at all she wanted me to lead - which I can't. For some reason she assumed I could . Made for an interesting chat but of course we didn't actually go on to dance... Do you think some women might assume they're being expected to lead?

That or they've seen you dancing with CentrAlex &/or Jamie and are just plain intimidated...

Obviously we just need some more female leads out there and people will start getting used to the idea. Any volunteers? I can't think and dance at the same time so that rules me out....

FunkyAngel

PS Sorry for previous blank post - the excessive work firewall system thinks I was posting something offensive.

[MartinHarper]

Do you think that if this information could be fed back to the organiser, it would be of benefit to us all?

I think organisers have a very important role to play in making their venues friendly, but that wasn't what I was thinking of. It's just as much the responsibility of ordinary dancers like you and I to make our venues friendly and approachable for outsiders (if that's the image we'd like to have in the wider MJ world). Partly by being friendly ourselves, partly by leading by example, partly by chatting about it from time to time.

[StokeBloke]

So maybe an anonymous form with 'I liked...' and 'I disliked..' left on the tables with some biros for the guests for fill in?

The problem is that posts are not anonymous, which is why threads get personal and removed to "take it outside". Most of the people on here have meet one or two if not several forumites, so how can it be anonymous?

I was talking about putting a comments form on the table at the venues themselves Dai, I think that's workable, or as SuzyQ said, a comments book.

How about an 0800 number we could pin to our backs like the one's you see on vans and taxis... How's my dancing 0800 1234567

[TheTramp]

There is still one I have not got the courage to ask still and that is the tramp

I don't bite. Honest!

On 31st - at Berko - i asked lots of people for dances, and everyone that i didn't know, and had never danced with before turned me down - bar three people.

Could have asked me!!!!!

Or me. But I enjoyed the dance at Ice though

Anyway, Ceroc / MJ is, in my experience, far less cliquey than most other common partner dance scenes. Salsa, AT, ballroom - they're all much more cliquey and less friendly than MJ.

Whenever people gather together, there'll be cliques. It's unavoidable. But MJ is much less affected in most places than other dance forms.

Some venues are more cliquey than others - for example, and God knows why, most venues in SW London are occasionally affected by some degree of snootiness (Fulham, Ealing, Hammersmith). But the MJ dance form lends itself to a high level of friendliness.

I'd agree. I think that on the whole, most MJ venues aren't particularly cliquey, in the sense that most people will dance if asked. But, if they go with their friends, then most people will dance with their friends. At Ice, I imagine that the people watching us all dancing up at the bar, thought that we were a pretty cliquey group. But nothing could be further from the truth of course!

Oh, and where were you DJ??