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Thread: How often are you refused do you refuse a dance ?

  1. #101
    Registered User Lynn's Avatar
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    Re: How often are you refused do you refuse a dance ?

    Quote Originally Posted by pawplay View Post
    I seem to be in the minority of women who find it hard to ask a man (or female lead) for a dance, especially if the more assertive women are out in force!
    I'm also shy at asking men (locally its different). But if I really want to dance, I'm not going to sit and feel grumpy about not being asked - I will get up and go and ask people. The more I do it, the easier it gets.

  2. #102
    Registered User pawplay's Avatar
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    Re: How often are you refused do you refuse a dance ?

    [QUOTE=Dai;325191]On 31st - at Berko - i asked lots of people for dances, and everyone that i didn't know, and had never danced with before turned me down - bar three people.


    Could have asked me!!!!!

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    Re: How often are you refused do you refuse a dance ?

    Quote Originally Posted by StokeBloke View Post
    I'll say this really quietly as I'm sure some people tire of hearing it.... come to dance with us at Ceroc Midlands venues we're a really friendly bunch - Stafford is my current favorite... come and say 'hi'. I still haven't been refused a single dance in the midlands yet EVER... now saying that is asking for trouble I know; but it's true all the same!!!

    I WILL take Dai to the Midlands to dance, but StokeBloke you speak as a male lead and from your experence,which IMO is much, Witty all but NEAVER gets asked for a dance and I know Dai will not only NOT be asked for a dance she WILL get refused, I had to watch my very good freind BARMPOT be destroyed by these so called freindly Stafford dancers, who IMO are far more 'Hotshot' than anyone I know in London


    Quote Originally Posted by CentrAlex View Post
    You are my fave Dai and you know it!! Had some fantastic dances with you last night at Ice and everyone loved watching you too whoever you danced with...you are amazing. DD+ says that they really don't know what they are missing out on if they refuse you!

    Also, it was really cool to meet so many other forumites...big love to all xxx



    embrase the differnce, live and let live

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    Re: How often are you refused do you refuse a dance ?

    Quote Originally Posted by Spin dryer View Post
    I don't believe that anyone should ever turn someone down because they are lacking in aesthetic appeal or because of their ability as a dancer.
    Say's 'The Refuser'

    Mark....you must have known that either me or my sister would read this. I cant let it go I'm affraid. How many women do you dance with at Cheshunt in relation to how many women at Cheshunt ask you to dance?

  5. #105
    Commercial Operator StokeBloke's Avatar
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    Re: How often are you refused do you refuse a dance ?

    Quote Originally Posted by fletch View Post
    I WILL take Dai to the Midlands to dance, but StokeBloke you speak as a male lead and from your experence,which IMO is much, Witty all but NEAVER gets asked for a dance and I know Dai will not only NOT be asked for a dance she WILL get refused, I had to watch my very good freind BARMPOT be destroyed by these so called freindly Stafford dancers, who IMO are far more 'Hotshot' than anyone I know in London
    How did I know that as soon as I said a good word about Midland venues Fletch would pop up to stamp all over them... and I tried saying it quietly as well - ho hum

    There is just a tiny possibility that other people's experience of dance venues may differ from yours Fletch. But with you as a guide, with your positive attitude and friendly outlook, how could Dai possibly go wrong?

  6. #106
    B.O.G.O.F. fletch's Avatar
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    Re: How often are you refused do you refuse a dance ?

    Quote Originally Posted by StokeBloke View Post
    How did I know that as soon as I said a good word about Midland venues Fletch would pop up to stamp all over them... and I tried saying it quietly as well - ho hum

    There is just a tiny possibility that other people's experience of dance venues may differ from yours Fletch. But with you as a guide, with your positive attitude and friendly outlook, how could Dai possibly go wrong?
    and hears me thinking that with all your other venue experence you are in a position to comment

    and don't bother trying to say things quietly, if you have somithing to say, say it stand by it, or apologise if your wrong. I do

    Perhaps you should ask otheres about my attitude, I would welcome ANY comments, by indervidual that actually know me in person about just that!

    perhaps you might travel to another venue some day, I will be at Bromsgrove 'T' dance this Sunday, I don't suppose you will be, or it might get frowned on

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    Re: How often are you refused do you refuse a dance ?

    Perhaps you should ask otheres about my attitude, I would welcome ANY comments, by indervidual that actually know me in person about just that!


    I LIKE YOU FLETCH. IVE NEVER BEEN TURNED DOWN BY YOU

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    Re: How often are you refused do you refuse a dance ?

    Quote Originally Posted by fletch View Post
    and hears me thinking that with all your other venue experence you are in a position to comment

    and don't bother trying to say things quietly, if you have somithing to say, say it stand by it, or apologise if your wrong. I do

    Perhaps you should ask otheres about my attitude, I would welcome ANY comments, by indervidual that actually know me in person about just that!

    perhaps you might travel to another venue some day, I will be at Bromsgrove 'T' dance this Sunday, I don't suppose you will be, or it might get frowned on
    And on a quieter note.
    I have been dancing for 3 years and see fletch at every weekender / Major freestyle ive been to.
    Listen to the voice of experience, she gets around.

    Love to all

  9. #109
    Commercial Operator StokeBloke's Avatar
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    Re: How often are you refused do you refuse a dance ?

    I just say it as I see it Fletch

    I can't really comment on a lot of what you are saying because in all honesty I don't understand what you are talking about lots of the time. I can sense that there is a lot of old history with you and the venues where I dance..... as I have not seen you in all the months I have been dancing I guess it's happened before I started Cerocing.

    I just wish that you could be happy for me and the hundreds of other dancers who are having fun at these venues even if you had a different experience (I saw Barmpot dancing at Wolverhampton last week - I must say hello next time). The dancers at these venues are a very friendly bunch, in spite of what you seem to constantly suggest.

    You talk about experience, but where is your experience of me, my attitude, my dance ettiquette, my ability? You have never once been to a venue that I have been at, yet you are tarring me with the 'nasty, unfriendly, hotshot' brush you seem all too happy to wave about when you speak about venues that I persoanlly attend.

    I do my best to live and let live, as bile and vitriol don't really suit my easy going personality. I still hope that I will get to dance with you one day, but as I have said previously, weekends are out for me due to other commitments. This does restrict my ability to travel to far flung venues at present. Who knows when that may change

    Have fun and keep on dancing StokeBloke

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    Re: How often are you refused do you refuse a dance ?

    Quote Originally Posted by StokeBloke View Post
    I just say it as I see it Fletch

    I can't really comment on a lot of what you are saying because in all honesty I don't understand what you are talking about lots of the time. I can sense that there is a lot of old history with you and the venues where I dance..... as I have not seen you in all the months I have been dancing I guess it's happened before I started Cerocing.

    I just wish that you could be happy for me and the hundreds of other dancers who are having fun at these venues even if you had a different experience (I saw Barmpot dancing at Wolverhampton last week - I must say hello next time). The dancers at these venues are a very friendly bunch, in spite of what you seem to constantly suggest.

    You talk about experience, but where is your experience of me, my attitude, my dance ettiquette, my ability? You have never once been to a venue that I have been at, yet you are tarring me with the 'nasty, unfriendly, hotshot' brush you seem all too happy to wave about when you speak about venues that I persoanlly attend.

    I do my best to live and let live, as bile and vitriol don't really suit my easy going personality. I still hope that I will get to dance with you one day, but as I have said previously, weekends are out for me due to other commitments. This does restrict my ability to travel to far flung venues at present. Who knows when that may change

    Have fun and keep on dancing StokeBloke

    No you don't know, so why keep Stoke...ing the fire

    all the months ???? how many months 2/3 is it now so in such a short space of time you can comment the way you do?


    and this freindly bunch....yes some of my best friends still dance at these venues, but if you had been around for a while, which you haven't, you would know that I don't agree with, inderviduals been 'left out''refussed' etc beacause there are in some way 'a bit different' there are people in the Midlands that do this.....as i'm sure people do all over the country, I just carn't stand by and watch and say nothing

    I am happy for you as I am for myself after all it if it wasn't for these venues I wouldn't be dancing

    I'm not realy sure why you seem to be twisting what I say, I havn't said YOU are a 'hotshot' or nasty I speek as I find and I don't know you.


    Ho! and rest assured I WILL keep dancing

  11. #111
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    Re: How often are you refused do you refuse a dance ?

    Quote Originally Posted by fletch View Post
    I WILL take Dai to the Midlands to dance, but StokeBloke you speak as a male lead and from your experence,which IMO is much, Witty all but NEAVER gets asked for a dance and I know Dai will not only NOT be asked for a dance she WILL get refused, I had to watch my very good freind BARMPOT be destroyed by these so called freindly Stafford dancers, who IMO are far more 'Hotshot' than anyone I know in London
    Well - what can i say - can't wait!! Bring on the refusals!!!


    Quote Originally Posted by StokeBloke View Post
    I just say it as I see it Fletch

    I can't really comment on a lot of what you are saying because in all honesty I don't understand what you are talking about lots of the time. I can sense that there is a lot of old history with you and the venues where I dance..... as I have not seen you in all the months I have been dancing I guess it's happened before I started Cerocing.
    In all the months that you have been dancing - how long is that now? Ceroc is unfortunately very clicky - and there is always going to be history and bad feelings about things - but that is just normal, you will get used to it. There will always be people that dont get on, in every aspect of life, not just ceroc - not a lot we can do about that.

    Quote Originally Posted by StokeBloke View Post
    You talk about experience, but where is your experience of me, my attitude, my dance ettiquette, my ability? You have never once been to a venue that I have been at, yet you are tarring me with the 'nasty, unfriendly, hotshot' brush you seem all too happy to wave about when you speak about venues that I persoanlly attend.
    Everybody thinks that their venue is the best - i have been dancing for three years now, and until i went to camber sept/oct i had never danced outside of my local venues. Since then i returned to my local venues again, and ventured as far as oxford for the first time in december. Now guided by friends i have attended probabaly as many freestyles these last three weeks as i have all year. But i will still go back to Northampton and say how wonderful that venue is - its my venue, and all my friends are there. However i'm sure to someone who comes along for a one off - we must seem a little clicky - we like to dance with the people we know - not saying we don't dance with beginners - but new people who dance well are always talked about - who is that, where are they from, have you seen them before ... and all that - its natural.


    Quote Originally Posted by C2D View Post
    And on a quieter note.
    I have been dancing for 3 years and see fletch at every weekender / Major freestyle ive been to.
    Listen to the voice of experience, she gets around.

    Love to all
    I agree - SB - you should listen to those with a little more experience of these things.




    On a different note
    Quote Originally Posted by pawplay View Post
    Could have asked me!!!!!
    I am truely sorry that i didn't, i have seen you around - but i guess i have never had the courage - what can i say - i am shy, and i you are good, didn't want you to accept then think i was cr*p. What can i say - next time i see you - i'll ask you.

  12. #112
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    Re: How often are you refused do you refuse a dance ?

    Quote Originally Posted by fletch View Post
    all the months ???? how many months 2/3 is it now so in such a short space of time you can comment the way you do?
    Well, you do the maths, four hours (times) three nights a week (times) three months (I consider over 140 hours enough time to work out if the people I'm with are friendly). And even if I had only danced once, I am still entitled to an opinion of the venue/crew.

    Quote Originally Posted by fletch View Post
    I just carn't stand by and watch and say nothing
    I understand that you feel it is your moral obligation to speak out against wrong-doers. However, you are not doing that Fletch. If you have an issue - let's hear it.

    To get 'even' with whomever you have judged as an evil wrong-doer you go further than you should Fletch. By calling the 'people' at these events unfriendly, hotshots, etc you are actually attacking everyone, and not just the person/people you seem to have a specific grievance with.

    I do not understand why you choose to do this You constantly berate the venues that I attend, saying that they are nasty because of the people there... I am one of the people there. A new person. I am not alone. There are many new people who you have never met at these venues. Are we all nasty hotshots who won't ask people to dance? All of us.

    You are saying that about me, and Barmpot and every other person that steps inside the door. You are lumping us all together. It is malicious and untrue, and I really would rather you stopped doing it - of course you won't because you see it differently. So I will have to sit here with you pretty much calling me a liar and read your continued negative judgement on me and every other charming person I dance with until... when?

    Quote Originally Posted by fletch View Post
    I am happy for you as I am for myself after all it if it wasn't for these venues I wouldn't be dancing
    But by continuing to drag the venues down you run the risk of putting new dancers off from attending and finding the same joy that these places have given to you and I. If you have a specific problem with a specific person, please, please, please take it off of the forum and sort it out. Let the rest of us get on with dancing

    I'm not sure how to set my points out any more clearly. But, please pack it in with all the negativity, it's getting really boring babe

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    Re: How often are you refused do you refuse a dance ?

    Quote Originally Posted by C2D View Post
    I LIKE YOU FLETCH.

    I like you to

    I bet that baby is getting big now

  14. #114
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    Re: How often are you refused do you refuse a dance ?

    On a different note


    I am truely sorry that i didn't, i have seen you around - but i guess i have never had the courage - what can i say - i am shy, and i you are good, didn't want you to accept then think i was cr*p. What can i say - next time i see you - i'll ask you.[/QUOTE]

    Wow, this goes down in my major compliment section!!! thank you!!

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    Re: How often are you refused do you refuse a dance ?

    Quote Originally Posted by Dai View Post
    On 31st - at Berko - i asked lots of people for dances, and everyone that i didn't know, and had never danced with before turned me down - bar three people.




    This disappoints me that a regular venue I go to, there are people that refuse on what it appears to be a regular basis. I cant get behind the mind set of people like that.

    Did you look scary ??

    I hope people had a good time anyway and it wasnt too crowded , seems I missed my fav forum dancer there Bloody Tenerife and 75f sun

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    Re: How often are you refused do you refuse a dance ?

    Please click one of the Quick Reply icons in the posts above to activate Quick Reply.

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    Re: How often are you refused do you refuse a dance ?

    Quote Originally Posted by stewart38 View Post
    This disappoints me that a regular venue I go to, there are people that refuse on what it appears to be a regular basis. I cant get behind the mind set of people like that.

    Did you look scary ??
    I don't think i looked scary - although fletch has described me as scary before...

    No - i was dressed quite normally. Just the ladies didn't want to dance with a female lead. Oh well - i can't please everybody can i??

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    Formerly known as DavidJames David Bailey's Avatar
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    Re: How often are you refused do you refuse a dance ?

    Quote Originally Posted by Dai View Post
    Ceroc is unfortunately very clicky
    I suspect the word "clicky" is verging on Glossary status now...

    Anyway, Ceroc / MJ is, in my experience, far less cliquey than most other common partner dance scenes. Salsa, AT, ballroom - they're all much more cliquey and less friendly than MJ.

    Whenever people gather together, there'll be cliques. It's unavoidable. But MJ is much less affected in most places than other dance forms.

    Some venues are more cliquey than others - for example, and God knows why, most venues in SW London are occasionally affected by some degree of snootiness (Fulham, Ealing, Hammersmith). But the MJ dance form lends itself to a high level of friendliness.

    Quote Originally Posted by Dai View Post
    Everybody thinks that their venue is the best
    Obviously, most people prefer their regular venues, that's why those are their regular venues

    But I certainly don't think my venue is the best. In fact, I don't have a "my venue", so I can't.

    Quote Originally Posted by Dai View Post
    I am a female lead - and i find it very hard to ask women i don't know to dance, i have been told only dancing with your friends will earn you hotshot status - so i try to dance outside of the circle of people i know, but evenings like Berko don't help.
    I imagine that as a female lead (only?), you'll probably get a lot more refusals in a strange venue - I don't think Berko is particularly unfriendly as a venue generally. But perhaps I'm just Part Of The Clique

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    Re: How often are you refused do you refuse a dance ?

    Quote Originally Posted by Dai View Post
    Everybody thinks that their venue is the best
    No. My venue is merely the only one I can get to when I have the spare time. It is far from the best.

  20. #120
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    Re: How often are you refused do you refuse a dance ?

    Quote Originally Posted by DavidJames View Post
    I imagine that as a female lead (only?), you'll probably get a lot more refusals in a strange venue - I don't think Berko is particularly unfriendly as a venue generally. But perhaps I'm just Part Of The Clique
    (my bold. On the fairly likely assumption that DJ means 'strange' as in unknown rather than strange as, well, strange)

    I've never turned down an unknown female who asks me (although if I've been leading that night, I will check whether they want to lead or follow in case they have seen me leading - occasionally it's a beginner who is just desperate to dance and there aren't enough men to go around). But it is unusual for women to ask for dances as leads. (Think we may have danced somewhere at some point Dai, recognise your profile pic )

    The whole partner dance culture is man + woman. It's not necessarily about sex (thank God, in many cases ) - maybe it's a pheromone thing (shrug). Unfortunately, some people don't want to go out of their comfort zone with people they don't know. I have to say that no matter how good their lead is, dancing a blues track with an *unknown* female lead is NOT the same as dancing it with a man. It just isn't. (Dancing a blues track with a female friend/known female lead is different again.)

    Anyway, back on topic - I turn people down if I don't want to dance with them. But I'm always polite about it. Not many people have confessed to lying about getting a drink/needing a break/shoe change/shirt change if they don't want to hurt the asker's feelings and would dance with them another time. Well, I always knew I'm odd and Evil.

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