Managed to put myself in hospital trying that once.
The main reason I find myself directly refusing a dance is when someone asks me to dance after I've already agreed to dance with someone else. It doesn't happen too often.
At Berkhamsted over the last 2 months, the teachers have mentioned that no-one should refuse a dance (I believe they have been told that some people were refusing) - and that they wanted to continue their reputation for friendliness.
Right on!
I think that if a refusal is made - then it is the way it is done that is important. The 2 girls who refused to dance with me in my early days did it in such an offhand way it made me feel not good (like they knew I was a beginner and what was I doing even walking within 10 metres of their personal space).
Once refused, it's important to 'get back in the saddle' - and I really feel for you if you had 3 refusals in a row. That is tough..............
I got refused a dance once buy a girl who just said "no thank you".
She later asked me to dance and appologised saying she only dances with good dancers. Felt like saying no back but i'm bigger than that (sometimes)
A few weeks back I had a girl looking at me head to feet and then saying 'no thanks'. Ah well, sh*t happens. Just means I won't ask again.
I prefer to be asked. I don't know why, I just do. Doesn't mean I don't ask when I'm in the mood. (Or at my local venue.)
And I certainly don't sit around complaining that I'm not getting dances, if I haven't tried asking any men - some women do. Don't understand that.
I don't refuse, unless for a valid reason, and then I do go and try to find the person again later. Haven't got many refusals either, and they've usually come back and asked me. (But then I don't tend to 'pounce' - I try to suss out with a look if the guy is wanting to dance before I ask.) No idea how many refusals per 'ask'.
There are some people I don't ask, because I know they might refuse - not because they never want to dance with me, but perhaps not that song, or at that time. They can always come and ask me if they want a dance.
Last edited by Lynn; 28th-December-2006 at 08:30 PM.
The refusal equation
After several thousand hours of analysis, scientists at the Ceroc Refusal & Asking Partners Institute have determined the following equation:
The probability of a refusal is determined by a number of factors:
- skill level of the 'Asker' (Sa)
- skill level of the 'Target' (St)
- tiredness of the 'Target' (Tt)
- current activity level of the 'Target' (At)
- confidence/quality of the Ask by the 'Asker' (Ca)
P(r) = 0.01 + 0.1*(St - Sa) + (0.2*(Tt + At)) + Ca
(If P(r) is negative - then the partner is likely to ask you first).
where skill level (Sa and St) is as follows:
1 - Strictly Come Dancing/semi-pro
0.9 - Championship Winner
0.8 - Advanced
0.7 - Intermediate
0.6 - Improver
0.5 - Beginner
0.4 - No hoper
Tt
0 - Wide awake & raring to go
0.1 - Bright eyed and bushy tailed
0.2 - Reasonably chilled
0.3 - Danced-a-lot
0.4 - Ready for bed
0.5 - Knackered
At
0 - Standing at the edge of the dance floor alone, with tongue out
0.1 - Standing at the dance floor with drink in hand
0.2 - Sitting with drink
0.3 - Standing talking with friend
0.4 - Sitting with back to floor and drink and friend
0.5 - Reading a book with iPod
Ca
- 0.1 - NLP Master Practitioner
- 0.05 - Confident smile, look in eye and steady voice
0 - Average bloke on the street
0.05 - Grey
0.1 - Timid, shy, no eye contact
So imagine I am an Improver, asking an Advanced who is ready for bed and sitting with a drink - and I am an Average bloke - the probability would be
Pr = 0.01 + 0.1*(0.8 - 0.6) + (0.2*(0.2+0.2)) + 0
= 0.01 + (0.02) + (0.08)
= 0.11
So an 11% chance of refusal.
Wow, 11% refusal at such odds sounds great! I'd have thought it'd be 11% chance of getting the dance. But you this research also has forgotten about two very important factors:
EF = ego factor
LF = luck factor
These two or even one of them can toss over the entire equation.
Yes - and another key factor is the 'how-well-do-you-know-them-and-have-you-danced-before' factor.
I will discuss these with the C.R.A.P.I. to get a revised equation for 2007.
19 easy ways to attract more men to dance with you
http://www.salsacrazy.com/guideforwomen.htm
Hope this helps.
--ooOoo--
Age is a question of mind over matter, if you don't mind, it doesn't matter
Leroy (Satchel) Paige (1906-1982)
Mickey Mouse's girlfriend, Minnie, made her film debut, along with Mickey, in "Steamboat Willie" on November 18, 1928.
That date is recognized as her official birthday.
. . . . or a case of mistaken identity
I went to Ashford last month, never been before, knew almost no-one. There was a guy there who was dancing with everyone and looked like a good dancer too so I plucked up courage to ask him . . . . and, although the track had been running for a few bars at least, he told me that it was his wife's fav and he had to go find her - so her ran off to the other side of the room. Didn't see him dancing though. Later on he was back on my side of the room, dancing with everyone but me Needless to say it put a bit of a dampner on my night (yeah I know it shouldn't have)
As for refusing dances I hardly ever, ever do. There's probably only 2 in the last year. One was to Stewart while in Gran Canaria. It was the last night and my poor old knees couldn't take anymore which was why I was sitting outside the dance room on a nice comfy sofa. Sorry Stewart!
There are 2 guys who in the past have had a grope, one of them more than once (I give folk the benefit of the doubt! ) so they get straight no thankyous
I never refuse
Only come across one regular refuser, he knows who he is . I'm tough, I can take it!
There are two reasons why you should not hesitate pushing them other ladies aside:
1) You were the first forumite I ever met! Remember that time at Ashton's? So your rights are the oldest.
2) You know most of the other ladies. Just push them out of the way telling them that they had already had a lot more dances than you.
Me too! Unless I dance at Bromley or the Midlands Then it's more like a blessing
No me neither
You refused - I don't believe that, you're one of my favourite dancers and you've gone up in the rankings after being refused by someone else last night
I remember it well
You're having a laugh aint ya?
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