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Thread: How often are you refused do you refuse a dance ?

  1. #21
    Commercial Operator StokeBloke's Avatar
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    Re: How often are you refused do you refuse a dance ?

    Quote Originally Posted by Missy D View Post
    Its rare for me to go out dancing without being refused at least once. A couple of weeks ago at Hammersmith I was refused three times in a row and was really upset.
    You guys need to come dance in the Midlands... we're a very friendly bunch

  2. #22
    Registered User Missy D's Avatar
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    Re: How often are you refused do you refuse a dance ?

    Quote Originally Posted by woodface View Post
    Don't take it to heart.

    There are only two types of people who refuse a dance....

    Those with legit reasons (rest etc) and those who have their heads up their own backsides.

    Definately the latter!

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    Re: How often are you refused do you refuse a dance ?

    Managed to put myself in hospital trying that once.

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    Re: How often are you refused do you refuse a dance ?

    The main reason I find myself directly refusing a dance is when someone asks me to dance after I've already agreed to dance with someone else. It doesn't happen too often.

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    Re: How often are you refused do you refuse a dance ?

    At Berkhamsted over the last 2 months, the teachers have mentioned that no-one should refuse a dance (I believe they have been told that some people were refusing) - and that they wanted to continue their reputation for friendliness.

    Right on!

    I think that if a refusal is made - then it is the way it is done that is important. The 2 girls who refused to dance with me in my early days did it in such an offhand way it made me feel not good (like they knew I was a beginner and what was I doing even walking within 10 metres of their personal space).

    Once refused, it's important to 'get back in the saddle' - and I really feel for you if you had 3 refusals in a row. That is tough..............

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    Re: How often are you refused do you refuse a dance ?

    I got refused a dance once buy a girl who just said "no thank you".

    She later asked me to dance and appologised saying she only dances with good dancers. Felt like saying no back but i'm bigger than that (sometimes)

  7. #27
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    Re: How often are you refused do you refuse a dance ?

    A few weeks back I had a girl looking at me head to feet and then saying 'no thanks'. Ah well, sh*t happens. Just means I won't ask again.

  8. #28
    Registered User Lynn's Avatar
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    Re: How often are you refused do you refuse a dance ?

    Quote Originally Posted by woodface View Post
    I don't know why women don'r ask men.

    I understand that it is a legacy thing dating back to times of yore etc but I just cant see why women would go to a dance just to stand around being a wall flower for an evening.
    I prefer to be asked. I don't know why, I just do. Doesn't mean I don't ask when I'm in the mood. (Or at my local venue.)

    And I certainly don't sit around complaining that I'm not getting dances, if I haven't tried asking any men - some women do. Don't understand that.

    I don't refuse, unless for a valid reason, and then I do go and try to find the person again later. Haven't got many refusals either, and they've usually come back and asked me. (But then I don't tend to 'pounce' - I try to suss out with a look if the guy is wanting to dance before I ask.) No idea how many refusals per 'ask'.

    There are some people I don't ask, because I know they might refuse - not because they never want to dance with me, but perhaps not that song, or at that time. They can always come and ask me if they want a dance.
    Last edited by Lynn; 28th-December-2006 at 08:30 PM.

  9. #29
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    Re: How often are you refused do you refuse a dance ?

    The refusal equation

    After several thousand hours of analysis, scientists at the Ceroc Refusal & Asking Partners Institute have determined the following equation:

    The probability of a refusal is determined by a number of factors:
    - skill level of the 'Asker' (Sa)
    - skill level of the 'Target' (St)
    - tiredness of the 'Target' (Tt)
    - current activity level of the 'Target' (At)
    - confidence/quality of the Ask by the 'Asker' (Ca)

    P(r) = 0.01 + 0.1*(St - Sa) + (0.2*(Tt + At)) + Ca

    (If P(r) is negative - then the partner is likely to ask you first).

    where skill level (Sa and St) is as follows:
    1 - Strictly Come Dancing/semi-pro
    0.9 - Championship Winner
    0.8 - Advanced
    0.7 - Intermediate
    0.6 - Improver
    0.5 - Beginner
    0.4 - No hoper

    Tt
    0 - Wide awake & raring to go
    0.1 - Bright eyed and bushy tailed
    0.2 - Reasonably chilled
    0.3 - Danced-a-lot
    0.4 - Ready for bed
    0.5 - Knackered

    At
    0 - Standing at the edge of the dance floor alone, with tongue out
    0.1 - Standing at the dance floor with drink in hand
    0.2 - Sitting with drink
    0.3 - Standing talking with friend
    0.4 - Sitting with back to floor and drink and friend
    0.5 - Reading a book with iPod

    Ca
    - 0.1 - NLP Master Practitioner
    - 0.05 - Confident smile, look in eye and steady voice
    0 - Average bloke on the street
    0.05 - Grey
    0.1 - Timid, shy, no eye contact

    So imagine I am an Improver, asking an Advanced who is ready for bed and sitting with a drink - and I am an Average bloke - the probability would be

    Pr = 0.01 + 0.1*(0.8 - 0.6) + (0.2*(0.2+0.2)) + 0
    = 0.01 + (0.02) + (0.08)
    = 0.11

    So an 11% chance of refusal.

  10. #30
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    Re: How often are you refused do you refuse a dance ?

    Wow, 11% refusal at such odds sounds great! I'd have thought it'd be 11% chance of getting the dance. But you this research also has forgotten about two very important factors:

    EF = ego factor
    LF = luck factor

    These two or even one of them can toss over the entire equation.

  11. #31
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    Re: How often are you refused do you refuse a dance ?

    Yes - and another key factor is the 'how-well-do-you-know-them-and-have-you-danced-before' factor.

    I will discuss these with the C.R.A.P.I. to get a revised equation for 2007.

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    Re: How often are you refused do you refuse a dance ?

    Quote Originally Posted by Missy D View Post
    A couple of weeks ago at Hammersmith I was refused three times in a row and was really upset.
    19 easy ways to attract more men to dance with you
    http://www.salsacrazy.com/guideforwomen.htm

    Hope this helps.

  13. #33
    Senior Member Minnie M's Avatar
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    Re: How often are you refused do you refuse a dance ?

    Quote Originally Posted by Andreas View Post
    A few weeks back I had a girl looking at me head to feet and then saying 'no thanks'. Ah well, sh*t happens. Just means I won't ask again.

    She must have been gay

    I'm still waiting for my dance I have tried to ask you, but you are in so much demand (and quite rightly so)


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  14. #34
    Registered User Northants Girly's Avatar
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    Re: How often are you refused do you refuse a dance ?

    Quote Originally Posted by Minnie M View Post

    She must have been gay
    . . . . or a case of mistaken identity

    I went to Ashford last month, never been before, knew almost no-one. There was a guy there who was dancing with everyone and looked like a good dancer too so I plucked up courage to ask him . . . . and, although the track had been running for a few bars at least, he told me that it was his wife's fav and he had to go find her - so her ran off to the other side of the room. Didn't see him dancing though. Later on he was back on my side of the room, dancing with everyone but me Needless to say it put a bit of a dampner on my night (yeah I know it shouldn't have)

    As for refusing dances I hardly ever, ever do. There's probably only 2 in the last year. One was to Stewart while in Gran Canaria. It was the last night and my poor old knees couldn't take anymore which was why I was sitting outside the dance room on a nice comfy sofa. Sorry Stewart!

    There are 2 guys who in the past have had a grope, one of them more than once (I give folk the benefit of the doubt! ) so they get straight no thankyous

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    Re: How often are you refused do you refuse a dance ?

    Quote Originally Posted by Miguel View Post
    19 easy ways to attract more men to dance with you
    http://www.salsacrazy.com/guideforwomen.htm

    Hope this helps.
    Cool link! Well worth a read!

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    Re: How often are you refused do you refuse a dance ?

    I never refuse

    Only come across one regular refuser, he knows who he is . I'm tough, I can take it!

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    Re: How often are you refused do you refuse a dance ?

    Quote Originally Posted by Minnie M View Post

    She must have been gay

    I'm still waiting for my dance I have tried to ask you, but you are in so much demand (and quite rightly so)
    There are two reasons why you should not hesitate pushing them other ladies aside:

    1) You were the first forumite I ever met! Remember that time at Ashton's? So your rights are the oldest.

    2) You know most of the other ladies. Just push them out of the way telling them that they had already had a lot more dances than you.

  18. #38
    The Gobby one! WittyBird's Avatar
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    Re: How often are you refused do you refuse a dance ?

    Quote Originally Posted by Lory View Post
    I Know I've said it before but I get turned down far more often by the guys I know well.
    Me too! Unless I dance at Bromley or the Midlands Then it's more like a blessing

    Quote Originally Posted by woodface View Post
    I don't know why women don'r ask men.
    No me neither

    Quote Originally Posted by Andreas View Post
    I couldn't put a number on how often I am being refused a dance but it happens.
    You refused - I don't believe that, you're one of my favourite dancers and you've gone up in the rankings after being refused by someone else last night

    Quote Originally Posted by Missy D View Post
    Its rare for me to go out dancing without being refused at least once. A couple of weeks ago at Hammersmith I was refused three times in a row and was really upset.
    I remember it well

    Quote Originally Posted by StokeBloke View Post
    You guys need to come dance in the Midlands... we're a very friendly bunch

    You're having a laugh aint ya?

  19. #39
    Forum Bombshell - Our Queen! Lory's Avatar
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    Re: How often are you refused do you refuse a dance ?

    Quote Originally Posted by Miguel View Post
    19 easy ways to attract more men to dance with you
    http://www.salsacrazy.com/guideforwomen.htm

    Hope this helps.
    Quote Originally Posted by Andreas View Post
    Well worth a read!
    Cos it's hilarious! oops
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  20. #40
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    Re: How often are you refused do you refuse a dance ?

    Quote Originally Posted by WittyBird View Post
    you've gone up in the rankings after being refused by someone else last night
    Err ... is that a compliment or a backhand?

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