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Thread: David Jones' Diary - Beyond the Edge of Reason

  1. #81
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    Re: David Jones' Diary - Beyond the Edge of Reason

    Congratulations to you and welcome Katie!
    Wishing you all every happiness.
    S. xx

  2. #82
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    Re: David Jones' Diary - Beyond the Edge of Reason

    Fantastic news! Congratulations.
    So I presume you'll both be getting back to the aerials now?

    Greg

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    Re: David Jones' Diary - Beyond the Edge of Reason

    Congratulations David & Bryony - welcome to the world Katie

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    Re: David Jones' Diary - Beyond the Edge of Reason

    From the Diary of The Surgeon General
    8am: Wake up, still tired after the night before…It’s hard leading a Double life.

    Still:

    Number of Minions recruited: 2 (v.b. Must get more!)
    Battles with Arch-nemesis: 3 (Not bad)
    Viewings of Jordan and Tatiana’s DVD’s: 74 (v.g. nearly know all the variations to ensnare my victims)
    Victims last night: 4 (v.g.)
    Organs harvested: 32 (good tidy little profit!)
    9am: If you want something done right do it yourself obviously! I set Minions a task and boy are they slow on the uptake! Looks like I will have to Fight My Nemesis myself! Damn Higher chance of me getting injured!

    10am: Have to at least pretend to work! Can’t be have my secret identity exposed by the people at work. I’ll just have quick peak on the forum…that’s normal isn’t it???

    11.30am: Have to Pop out…Make excuse that need to go check something to do with Oil? Quick Fight With De Ville – Ends in a draw, I’m soaking wet and she revealed her legs…might be traumatised for life! But at least I got in there with my Trusty Scalpels. Must change and dry off before going back to work!

    1pm: Appointed Head minion! V.G. Finally one of them has proved themselves worthy. Was beginning to worry that they were a complete waste of space!! Another Quick look at the forum! Work are used to me doing that must keep up the pretence of "Normal"

    4pm: Consider changing my avatar again…But don’t know which body part to reveal this time! Might stick to my current one a wee while longer! Might get figured out if I show too much!

    6pm: Uneventful afternoon. *Yawn* Dancing tonight maybe I can find my next victim! Should be some nice new beginners! Must watch Jordan and Tatiana before I go out…Need a new variation to show off. Even though there won’t be anybody of my standard of WCS! Going to be fashionably late as usual!

    10pm: Managed to identify 3 new beginner leads, weren’t very good and on their own…no-one’ll miss them. Now for the dirty work. Will be a late night again! Oh and must check on De Ville’s Puppies! She believes the RSPCA have them!

    3am: Ahhhh Bed, Good but messy nights work. Think of all the money! Challenge tomorrow - AT class quieter and more intimate. The leads are likely to be missed…guess it’ll have to be the followers. Nice and dark venue though!

  5. #85
    Registered User Beowulf's Avatar
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    Re: David Jones' Diary - Beyond the Edge of Reason

    Quote Originally Posted by Freya View Post
    From the Diary of The Surgeon General
    Haha very good.

    and if I may..

    Quote Originally Posted by Cruella's Alpha Dalmatian Puppy

    Times Belly Tickled - 12 - VG
    Numbers of other dogs behinds sniffed - 24 - VVG
    Number of times I was told i was a BAD DOG - 3 - VV Bad
    Number of times tail wagged - 4,143.. 4,144.. 4,145.. lots

    10:00 am - OH boy - My Mistress arrives - My Favourite.
    10:15 am - OH boy - dog food - My Favourite.
    10:45 am - OH boy - belly rub - My Favourite.

    12:00 - Nasty woman with mask on face attacks mistress. I growl. I am fierce dog. Don't like this woman.. she smells of onions and garlic.

    12:30 - Odd man cat thing. Looks like man.. smells like cat. I growl. I bark. I get patted. Wags tail. Mistress calls me bad dog for consorting with the enemy. I put tail between legs and whimper.

    12:45 - OH boy - My Mistress arrives again - My Favourite.
    13:00 - OH boy - Walkies !! - My Favourite.

    13:45 odd man thing here. Looks like man, smells like wolf. Try to smell his behind. he looks a bit unhappy about that. Like mad wolf man thing. grab his leg.. get told am bad dog by wolf man. am ashamed. never be happy again

    13:45 and 15 seconds -Oh boy wolf person gives me dog treat - My Favourite. Wags tail.

    14:00 play with brothers and sisters. All 100 of them. Play "chase the onion smelly woman and cat person around big bouncy thing game" I smile and hang tongue out of mouth.. am hot.

    14:30 I sleep and dream of chasing cats and giant steaks.

    15:00 - OH boy - My Mistress arrives - My Favourite.
    ..etc

  6. #86
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    Re: David Jones' Diary - Beyond the Edge of Reason

    Quote Originally Posted by Freya View Post
    From the Diary of The Surgeon General
    Quote Originally Posted by Beowulf1970 View Post
    from Cruella's Alpha Dalmatian Puppy ...
    you two, can't rep any of you yet though...

    Must quickly stop laughing and get back to work
    (already 5 quick sneak peak at the forum today )

  7. #87
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    Re: David Jones' Diary - Beyond the Edge of Reason

    The Strange Case of Dr Lee and Mr Woodface…

    Mr. Lee
    7.30pm – arrive at Ceroc venue in Bath. Greet door staff with a cheery smile and wave – they always seem so pleased to see me. Get in line for the start of the beginners class. I can do all the moves in my sleep by now, and I can’t spin the way I’d like to, but I think it’s important to encourage the beginners – they are tomorrow’s dancers after all. Got to keep that new blood flowing!

    8.30pm Go into freestyle with a complete newbie. She nearly takes my hand off… but I smile and try to loosen her fingers a bit. She’s beginning to get the hang of it by the end of the dance… uh no, spoke to soon, she just made me do the comb because we did it in class! Still, she’s new, you can’t expect her to know that she’s supposed to let me lead.

    8.45 The intermediate routine is a nice, simple straightforward one – yippee! I get to do it nice and slowly, practising all my stylistic nuances. Teach has even put in a double manspin just for me! I know as he winks at me from the stage – guess I can embellish that a bit in freestyle. But best keep it simple in class.

    9.15 And we’re into freestyle! First partner is a bit of a bouncer, but I try to help her iron it out a bit. I don’t say anything of course, just glide through the moves and keep smiling at her.

    9.45 Just had a very strange encounter with a woman I’ve never met before. She came rushing up to me, saying she just had to dance with me – said she’d seen me at some freestyle on Saturday night (which is strange, as I thought I was in posting on the forum on Saturday night…) and just had to have me show her some of my moves. Always one to oblige, we hit the dancefloor. Quite literally in her case – I’ve no idea why, but she suddenly threw herself into the air, in my direction! I got out of the way as quickly as possible to avoid a collision… and then helped her up. She seemed quite upset. Seemed to think that she’d seen me doing aerials at the freestyle on Saturday… must be a case of mistaken identity. I’d never do aerials at a crowded freestyle.

    11pm Ah the last dance. What a fab night. Excellent teaching, lots of first-timers to dance with (and they seemed soooo impressed with my spinning – good to show them how it’s done from the start). *Yawn* I’m a wee bit tired, but I think that such a good night deserves a quick review on the forum…

    Approaching his abode, Dr. Lee becomes sombre. Turning the key in the lock, his arm stiffens, his back becomes straighter, and the smile fades from his face. Striding up the stairs, his eyes narrow, his mouth hardens into a straight, sour lline. Opening the door to the room where his computer resides, he feels a darkness welling up inside, too powerful to resist. He turns the computer on. He finds the Ceroc Scotland Forum, and his eyes darken with clouds of evil as he logs in as Woodface…

    11.30pm Ah ha! I see that the forum has been busy tonight. Lots of sniffling feelgood posts about how wonderful it is to dance, how we must be so nice to everyone, encourage them, bring on the newbies… all sickly sweetness and light! No heated debate, no arguments and angry discussions! All that niceness is squeezing the lifeblood out of the forum, making it the most boring place on the web – it is my mission to restore that element of vitriol *evil cackling laugh erupts from Woodface’s straight slit of a mouth, sparks of evil pleasure flash from his eyes*

    11.45 Post on the “Was last night amazing for you thread” No it Bl00dy well wasn’t! Beginners routine was boring (don’t know why I go!) and the intermediates – ha! The beginners could have taught it better… name the teacher too, that should stir things up…

    Start a new thread: “Dancing with newbies can damage your dancing skills and should therefore be avoided at all costs – discuss”. Ha – that’ll get them going!

    Then dig out that brill video clip of me and RedLips dancing last weekend – that new aerial we invented that I’m thinking of calling the “Supergirl Flip Star Leap”. Suggest that all the hotshots on the forum post videos of themselves on the thread, and then the forumties can all vote for who they think is the best. I’ll win of course, as no-one else will dare to post any vids, then I’ll just vote for myself!

    *WF rubs his now bony hands together in glee, cackles wildly and spins 7 times around the room and accidentally unplugs the computer*

    1.15 – Oh, oh uh - oh boy, what happened to the last hour…? I’m sure I was going to post a review of tonight’s excellent class… ah well, it’s a bit late now. Am sure they can wait for me to sing their praises till the morning. *yawn*

    *notices that the computer is unplugged, stoops to plug it in ready for next time… but feels a strange rising sensation and decides to leave it alone…*

  8. #88
    Registered User Beowulf's Avatar
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    Re: David Jones' Diary - Beyond the Edge of Reason

    Quote Originally Posted by Twirly View Post
    The Strange Case of Dr Lee and Mr Woodface…

  9. #89
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    Re: David Jones' Diary - Beyond the Edge of Reason

    Have some rep Twirly.

  10. #90
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    Re: David Jones' Diary - Beyond the Edge of Reason

    Love it. I've never actually met Dr. Lee or Mr. Woodface AFAIK.

    Have some more rep.

  11. #91
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    Re: David Jones' Diary - Beyond the Edge of Reason

    I like the new word forumties. Can we change it to Forumpties please?

    M

  12. #92
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    Re: David Jones' Diary - Beyond the Edge of Reason

    The Secret Dairy of Al.. erm.. Gadget Blanchard aged 34 and a bit
    Woke up by kids bouncing on bed at 3am this morning v. bad.
    back to sleep 3:10 V. Good.
    Woke up by kids bouncing on bed at 4am this morning v. bad.
    back to sleep 4:30 V. Good.
    Woke up by kids bouncing on bed at 5am this morning v. bad.
    didn't get back to sleep. v.v. bad.

    10:00 Starting writing a new dance tootorial , chewtorial .. erm.. lesson today "101 facial expressions when sleezing up the blues" V. good.

    10:05 Decide I'd best run it though a spel chequer .. jsut in case theirs an ocasional speling mistake.

    13:45 Spel chequing finished. not many errors.. only every third wurd. Am improving my speling. V.Good.

    14:0o Am preparing for my roll as DJ again. have got my favorite tracks all laid out, El Tango de Roxanne.. ok..so it's a little difficult for the beginners class, but what the heck if I can danse to it then they can two.

    18:00 Found some cool 80's pop tracks for the intermediates class.. a little bit fast which is good. means we'll get through the class quicker and I can get away from this deck and onto the danse floor.

    20:00 only played "What you feel" from the buffy the vampire splayer twice tonight. V. Bad.

    Played "El Tango de Roxanne" again to make up for it. V. good.

    21:05 heard someone refer to Beo as Gadget. I'm much better looking tahn he is. Play some really fast bouncy pop music and blues to it in my own unique style. Ha! no mistaking me now.

    21:35 feel a bit bad. Somewun giving Beo mouth to mouth on side of danse floor.. not my fault he tried to keep up.

    22:00 only another 30 mins of class time left. But I have an hours worth of music left. V bad.

    22:01 play songs at 200% so can fit them all in. V. groovy

    22:05 getting some funny looks from punters.. decide to slow tracks down a little and have to lose sum from my play list. The birdy song will have to go.. and I can't play "How you feel" again. Gutted. Play "wake me up before you gogo" though instead. V. cool

    22:30 should be packing up. but have only grabbed Freya 3 times tonight, genie 4 times, Caro 3 times and helen twice. There are still some wumen I've only danced once with. V. bad.

    22:45 venue manager tapping at her watch.. squeeze in another El tango de Roxanne and grab Lisa for the last dance.. V. Good.

    Dance floor almost empty as everyone gone home and venue manager is waiting to turn lights off.

    23:00 Start packing equipment but play Last few bars of the "how you feel" reprise.. cool.. see you all in hell indeed. v. groovy

    23:20 drop Beo off at his flat.. he seems to be able to breathe unaided now.. already planning next weeks tracks. Even faster than tonights. Faster the song the more dansing I get done

  13. #93
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    Re: David Jones' Diary - Beyond the Edge of Reason

    Quote Originally Posted by Beowulf1970 View Post
    The Secret Dairy of Al.. erm.. Gadget Blanchard aged 34 and a bit
    excellent Beo - I did get funny looks trying to contain (and failing ) the laughing behing my screen, but it was well worth it

  14. #94
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    Re: David Jones' Diary - Beyond the Edge of Reason

    From the secret diary of Teaboy38

    Groggily force myself awake at 8:15am. Boy I'm tired! I really need a coffee. Go into kitchen, only to discover those blasted WCSers have finished the last jar of Nescafe. And the milk's gone off. B**stards!

    So I guess I'd better go and buy in more supplies. If I can't keep the moderators supplied with their favourite brews, my life won't be worth living. Still trying to repair my reputation after the Infraction Report Lory sent me for "stirring the pot"...

    So, I enter the main forum and ask people what they want to drink. There's a pregnant pause, which usually means there's going to be some pathetic joke at my expense.

    Oy! Teaboy! You wouldn't know the number for a good plastic surgeon would you?

    Sigh! I know what's coming, but I'm dammed if I do, dammed if I don't. I know if I give the number of my plastic surgeon (how do you think I stay looking so serious all the time? It's reverse-botox treatment...) I'll get nothing but ribbing. So, I'll go for option number 2...

    No, sorry.

    Oh. Well, in that case, would you mind looking it up for me in the telephone directory?

    Ha bloody ha! What a bunch of wits I have to work with. Half-wits, that is. It's so unfair. I mean, Gus can call himself ODA and slag off Ceroc every other post and no-one gives him a hard time. Flippin' 'eck, DavidJames spends all his time posting about Tango instead of MJ and they make him a moderator. But you make one comment about musicality and telephone directories, and they won't let you forget...

    Still, none of this bunch of geniuses (did you notice that according to that poll, the average forum IQ is about 140? As if!) could answer that riddle I posted.

    And as I'm going off to join the Foreign Legion, they're never going to know the answer now!

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    Re: David Jones' Diary - Beyond the Edge of Reason

    Quote Originally Posted by Beowulf1970 View Post
    The Secret Dairy of Al.. erm.. Gadget Blanchard aged 34 and a bit
    That's it, you've asked for it now - "Proper education" will be played on Tuesday

  16. #96
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    Re: David Jones' Diary - Beyond the Edge of Reason

    Quote Originally Posted by Gadget View Post
    That's it, you've asked for it now - "Proper education" will be played on Tuesday
    Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo !!!

    Floyd is sacrosanct.. I've only just recently recovered from when the Scissor Sisters slaughtered Comfortably Numb!!

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    Re: David Jones' Diary - Beyond the Edge of Reason

    Ooooh - good follow on track

  18. #98
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    Re: David Jones' Diary - Beyond the Edge of Reason

    it's been a while...

    Quote Originally Posted by StraightR47

    Amazing dance clips discovered on Youtube: 26 (v.v. good)
    Links to said clips posted on the forum: 1 (they're not worthy )
    MP3 downloads: 149 (sadly, boss arrived before I was finished )
    Number of times I've teased Caro on the forum today: 7 (v. good)
    Movies watched - including full dialogues memorised -today: 3 (av.)
    Number of MJ events I am planning on not attending this year: 2171

    Spent most of the morning watching Lindy vids and trying to sneak in as many references to Herrang dance camp on the forum. I managed to put 2 in the Blues competition one, 2 on Camp Savoy 2007, another one on the what have you learnt thread, one more on a 'where are you going thread', one on the floorcraft thread, and I even managed to infiltrate the WCS hotshot thread with one more. Good job

    At lunchtime I realised I needed to refrain from posting more 8008 jokes on the forum as I already got meself 5 coats by then. Felt a bit too warm in the office . So I PMed them to David James and Beo instead, they seem to appreciate. Good lads, aye.

    The afternoon was uneventful, I did about half an hour of work (javascript, boss hasn't got a clue, I told him it was very difficult), then went back on the forum adding and removing and adding again Rocky and BarryS from my ignore list. The annoying thing is, if I ignore them, I tend to forget how much they annoy me. Good to be reminded on a regular basis, I wouldn't want to start getting too friendly with them.

    Decided to go dancing tonight (despite the doctor said I really shouldn't in the weeks following my hernia surgery and with my plastered foot), it felt really good as I was sooo connected that I didn’t even notice that I had ripped the stitches apart (again ).
    Actually I didn't even realise until my partner started screaming, when she saw the paddle of blood on the floor. Which was just after I had put her in my favorite blues hold, so I suspect she might also have felt my guts coming out (she probably just thought our amazing connection was making me happy at first ). Anyway, put my guts back in, and went to the doctor who gave me another b0ll0cking. The moron clearly doesn't understand what dancing's all about. I should really try and find somebody else to sew me back together next time.

    Incidentally I heard today that Bintendo have developed a new game for the wee, called 'train yourself for perfect housework', so I might just get hold of that and learn to sew myself. I reckon 458 hours of solid playing should do the trick and make me competent enough. Although I might have cicatrised by then.

    So apart from that little stitches incident it was a good day today. Still a bit early to go to bed so I'm going to play with Optimus Prime - I might even let him have a well deserved revenge on Megatron. Haway OP!

  19. #99
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    Re: David Jones' Diary - Beyond the Edge of Reason

    since I'm at it...

    Quote Originally Posted by CucumbR

    Posts on forum 2day: 11
    Ceroc class tis week: 6


    im so happy I found out about dancing!!!
    tis is so kool. I love dancing wiz so many girls, tis GR8

    I was bored 2day so I Dcided to write a poem. I talked about how I would really like 2 kil my primary skool teacher with a long silver fork . I haven't figured out how 2 do rimes tho, so I'll have 2 try harder next time.

    I wonder what that reputation thing is. It looks kool. ppl send me little txt with green dots, that's all very friendly I wonder what it means tho im so young tis must b 1 other thing I need 2 discover about life!

    I need 2 go now find out how 2 book myself on more weekenders, I love meeting new forum ppl and dancing with so many beautiful ladies, even tho they all seem 2 think I look like their husband when he was young!!

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    Re: David Jones' Diary - Beyond the Edge of Reason

    Quote Originally Posted by Caro View Post
    it's been a while...
    Quote Originally Posted by StraightR47
    Amazing dance clips discovered on Youtube: 26 (v.v. good)
    Links to said clips posted on the forum: 1 (they're not worthy )
    MP3 downloads: 149 (sadly, boss arrived before I was finished )
    Number of times I've teased Caro on the forum today: 7 (v. good)
    Hmmm. This character sounds like a right nut-job, whoever they are... I'd avoid 'em if I were you...

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