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Thread: David Jones' Diary - Beyond the Edge of Reason

  1. #101
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    Re: David Jones' Diary - Beyond the Edge of Reason

    found this somewhere....

    Quote Originally Posted by is the way we are feeeliiing

    09:30pm Got in from Bonny Langford Appreciation Society Meeting
    v.late finish tonight - we watched all Dancing on ICE appearances on DVD
    (Bert recorded it)
    10:00pm need to right hatchet job on the Worthing class and post on Ceroc Forum
    10.45pm Finally stopped myself laughing v.much at all the customers the'll lose
    11.00pm Got cup of cocoa and red Daily Mail to get me in the right mode
    11.30pm Will now start writing hatchet job
    11.31pm Watch some Pron First
    3:00am Finished watching Pron
    3.05am Started hatchet gob, but slow going. wrist quiet soar
    3.10am Got first line "my friend went to a lesson in worthing Last Thursday and this was what happened."
    its v.good indeed - its like a crime drame
    3.25am Was chuckling again - have stopped now
    3.26am Decided to go for a more free flowing stile to make my excellent points with little heed to grammar and punctuation
    3.30am Battered it out quickly - despite wrist - got in stuff about him telling people to be quiet in a way that will make people think its entirely unreaesonable, and that he's really slow at teaching (v.bad)
    I mean really, he thinks he knows it all, but i can pick up moves in seconds without needing to think about style at all. Got in complaint about missed oportunity of ladies fondling ech other on one of the moves. Manged to get in that the teacher mentioned about the distractions again at the end of the class - want peeople to know from this that he was wrong and entirely unreasonale, i cant imagine they'd read anything else between the lines. Got in bit about friend who tried to force people to agree with her by talking back during class and creating unpleasent atmosphere (reminds me of that Russ Abbott single from years ago..hahah.v.good) managed to nake it sound like teachers fault. My friend is great she'll love it. Couldve put her name in but i'm making sure that no one can be indentifited by the post - its wrriten great.
    3.40am Read over it, missing ending. had greeeat idea. Added extra bit starting with "We are all adults, and we come to jive to be sociable with others, learn a bit and have fun." Makes it sound as though teacher was a mussolini type and i am carefully explaining where he went wrong.v.v.v.good idea
    3.45am added end bit about teacher having a bad day in a calm tone so people will call him an idiot.haha.
    blame him for the bad atmohphere caused by my friends.haha. job done.
    3.46am Checked spelling in Word seems ok - ignored green lines- i think they mean v.good. green always means good.
    3.59am have sent it round all my friends - bith of them promise to forward it thorugh their mailing lists
    - will paste into ceroc forum this afternoon - after people know to look for it
    4.15am Go to sleep. job done.

  2. #102
    Registered User David Franklin's Avatar
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    Re: David Jones' Diary - Beyond the Edge of Reason

    From the diary of Smeagaled, a long time ago (some will recognize where this is stolen from):

    Recently one of my friends, a dancing wizard, paid me a visit. As we were talking I mentioned that I had recently got very interested in WCS, and had bought a load of instructional DVDs. I told him how happy I was with this new dance and showed him the DVDs.

    To my astonishment and distress he threw them into my micro-wave oven and turned it on. I was upset because the DVDs had become precious to me, but he said: 'Do not worry, they are unharmed.' After a few minutes he took the DVDs out, gave them to me and said: 'Take a close look at them.' To my surprise the DVDs were quite cold and it seemed to have become thicker and heavier than before. At first I could not see anything, but on the inner edge of the central hole I saw an inscription, in lines finer than anything I have ever seen before. The inscription shone piercingly bright, and yet remote, as if out of a great depth:

    1&a2&a3&aWhip&aunit&aCPB&apulse&acriticaltiming&ar ollingcount&a3toebase

    "I cannot understand the fiery letters", I said, in a quavering voice.

    "No," he said, "but I can. The letters are Skippy, of an ancient mode, but the language is a dwarfish version of Hawt which I will not utter here. But in English, this is what it says"

    One dance to rule them all, one dance to find them,
    One dance to show them all and in the corners bind them

  3. #103
    Registered User David Franklin's Avatar
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    Re: David Jones' Diary - Beyond the Edge of Reason

    From the secret diary of Gollumed...

    My WCS DVDs are a wonderful, wondrous thing! See how they sparkle in the sunlight! See how magnificent they look as I wear them on my finger.

    But I am burdened, yesss... There are so-called dancers who don't want to devote all their time and and money to learning to dance. In fact, I refuse to call them dancers any more. They treat it as a hobby, so I will call them hobbyists.

    Those nasty little hobbyists keep trying to steal my best moves. My favourite moves. My precious moves...

    And we hates 'em, that's what we does, we hates 'em. Nasty little stinking hobbyists.

    And we cants even dance our precious moves now, in case a hobbyist comes and steals the precious. So we has to keeps the precious safe by dancing in a cave. In the dark.

    Still, even if there's no power for a DVD player, I still have the DVDs here. My precious DVDs...

  4. #104
    Registered User David Franklin's Avatar
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    Re: David Jones' Diary - Beyond the Edge of Reason

    From the secret diary of Bella Mary Sue Swan:

    25/Jan/2010: OMG! I'm so bummed out. My mum has started seeing this American golfer and she wants to do the US PGA tour with him, so I'm having to stay with my dad. And he's going to some dance weekend in Scotland, and I've got to go with him. And I'm, like, the clumsiest girl in the world, ever.

    Oh, for added irony, it's over Valentine's weekend as well.

    12/Feb/2010, 12:00 noon: Well, here I am. I swear, does it rain all the time in Scotland? Who on earth would want to live here? And it's even darker in the dance venue. You'd think the people here were allergic to light or something.

    OMG! Suddenly I see the most gorgeous boy! He's, like, paler than a sheet of paper, and he's twirling this girl round and round.

    "Who's that?" I ask the girl next to me. "Oh, he's Edward Sullen. He's part of the Sullen family. They're all, like, adopted by some American bigshot dancer. Don't waste your time - they don't mix with people like us".

    4pm: So, there I was in the "Advanced WCS - whips and tricks" class, and suddenly Edward was my partner. And I was like "Gosh gee, I've never danced WCS before". I don't know what is wrong with him, but he was completely unfriendly, he was frowning the whole time and kept pulling away from me like I smelled. And then I went towards him, trying to be friendly, and he kept moving out of my way every time I got close. I need to get to the bottom of this.

    7pm: So, I'm here for the icebreaker class. OMG! Edward's coming towards me! {Squee}. He says "I'm sorry about earlier. It took me by surprise, someone ... like you ... doing the Advanced WCS class. Let me show you how to do an armjive to make up for it".

    8pm: OMG! I'm having like the bestest time ever! Edward has been doing the armjive with me for like an hour, and I've only fallen over 3 times. Finally some other boy takes over from Edward. Unfortunately, he's showing off and the floor is slippery. He tries to lead me into some flashy dangerous move (I think he called it a step across) and I slip. All of a sudden I'm falling, and I can see the ground rushing towards me.

    As if from nowhere, Edward catches me. He saved my life! But how did he do it? I wasn't dancing with him. How could he possibly get there in time? It's as if he has supernatural powers or something!

    9pm: I've ventured into the Blues room, and I'm watching from the side. Suddenly a man comes towards me, and asks me to dance. Edward suddenly appears from nowhere, and scoops me up in his arms, spinning me round and round while growling. My feet catch the man in the face, sending him sprawling to the floor.

    "Um, Edward?" I say. "Shouldn't we like, um, apologise?"

    "No" he snarls through gritted teeth. "We need to get away from here before I tear him to pieces. I can tell what he was thinking. He wanted to hold you, put his hands on your body, make connection with you. He's got a sick mind".

    I briefly wonder if this is perhaps a little creepy and paranoid, but quickly realise that it's just because Edward, like, totally loves me (in a pure and non-threatening way).

    10pm: It's been a hard day, and I settle off to bed. I ask Edward what he's doing, and he says "Oh, I'll be up until 6am, but don't worry, all night I'll keep an eye out for you, peep through the window to make sure you're OK, listen through the keyhole to make sure you're still breathing". Isn't he wonderful and not at all stalkerish?

    To be continued...

    To do list: Bella finds out that Edward 'sparkles', but so do half the other men on the dance floor.
    Edward finds that he's not the only undead dancer - there's another 90 year old dancer, only this one actually looks 90 years old, if not more!
    Jam Circle scene (aka Baseball scene)
    Decide whether to have a 'James' analogue or not.
    Decide whether to keep the book ending or go with my heart (i.e. stake Edward's).

  5. #105
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    Re: David Jones' Diary - Beyond the Edge of Reason

    Quote Originally Posted by David Franklin View Post
    Edward's ... do an armjive....
    aaaaahhh... my heart breaks.
    Edward. Do. Armjivive.

    You have no idea the dreams that just shattered there

  6. #106

    Re: David Jones' Diary - Beyond the Edge of Reason

    am sure this is all very funny if you know the people? or am i missing something? :-)

  7. #107
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    Re: David Jones' Diary - Beyond the Edge of Reason

    Having just read them, it's kind of a parody on the "Twilight" saga - Edward is a sparkly vamp that has a crush on a human (Bella) who has a crush on him... very girlie.

    The other posts on this thread are mainly about characters from this forum - probably make more sense if you've been here a few years

  8. #108
    The Dashing Moderator
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    Re: David Jones' Diary - Beyond the Edge of Reason

    Quote Originally Posted by Gadget View Post
    Having just read them, it's kind of a parody on the "Twilight" saga
    Quote Originally Posted by David Franklin View Post
    And he's going to some dance weekend in Scotland, and I've got to go with him. ~snip~
    Oh, for added irony, it's over Valentine's weekend as well.
    Quote Originally Posted by Advert bit at the top of the page
    Check out the New Ceroc Scotland Week-ender: TWILIGHT!. All inclusive with workshops from Marc & Rachel + Franck & Sheena!
    Must admit I was confused as well, having never come across the Twilight saga. Makes sense now.
    Love dance, will travel

  9. #109
    Basically lazy robd's Avatar
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    Re: David Jones' Diary - Beyond the Edge of Reason

    Quote Originally Posted by Dave_Pr View Post
    am sure this is all very funny if you know the people? or am i missing something? :-)
    I think a few people might be missing something. Or maybe I'm just reading more into things than were intended

  10. #110
    Dickie Davies' love-child Cruella's Avatar
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    Re: David Jones' Diary - Beyond the Edge of Reason

    Quote Originally Posted by Caro View Post
    aaaaahhh... my heart breaks.
    Edward. Do. Armjivive.

    You have no idea the dreams that just shattered there
    Quote Originally Posted by Gadget View Post
    Having just read them, it's kind of a parody on the "Twilight" saga - Edward is a sparkly vamp that has a crush on a human (Bella) who has a crush on him... very girlie.
    I've just started reading Twilight, so I guess I should avoid reading the diary insert from DF in case it ruins my enjoyment of the book!

  11. #111
    Registered User David Franklin's Avatar
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    Re: David Jones' Diary - Beyond the Edge of Reason

    Quote Originally Posted by robd View Post
    I think a few people might be missing something. Or maybe I'm just reading more into things than were intended
    If you're talking about my last diary post, it's supposed to be a direct riff on the Twilight series. Bella/Edward are not supposed to represent any dancers/forumites (although some people might make cameo appearances in the next instalment).

    Quote Originally Posted by Cruella View Post
    I've just started reading Twilight, so I guess I should avoid reading the diary insert from DF in case it ruins my enjoyment of the book!
    Yeah, probably. And in any event, the diary insert is much funnier if you've read the book.

  12. #112
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    Re: David Jones' Diary - Beyond the Edge of Reason

    Quote Originally Posted by Cruella View Post
    I've just started reading Twilight...
    and you can stop to post ? How do you do it ??? I went through 2 weeks of complete asocial time (I mean, way more than normal) and frankly disturbingly obsessive reading when I started... until I finished book 4...

  13. #113
    Forum Bombshell - Our Queen! Lory's Avatar
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    Re: David Jones' Diary - Beyond the Edge of Reason

    Quote Originally Posted by David Franklin View Post
    Bella/Edward are not supposed to represent any dancers/forumites
    Glad you said that, as I feared I was having a particularly thick moment!
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