Top Ten Fashion Crimes

[Beowulf]

Ha - I own exhibit C. Matalan, ~2003?

Shhh... told tell everyone I'm a cheapskate

Matalan and T K Maxx are my friends

Twirly mentioned last night that these shirts may meet a hideous and violent end if she every has to do my laundry. Just as well I'm a modern man and do my own then isn't it..

my Pet "fashion hates" are

1. Lads in T-shirts, and Ladettes in Sparkly handkerchiefs and stilettos in temperatures of -5 or worse
2. Burberry.
3. excessively baggy clothing. you know, combats about 10 sizes too big with the crotch round the knees.
4. Chains and dangly bits on trousers.
5. the Nu-Goth / emo look.
6. Burberry

wait! this will be easier if I just say

1. LADS/LADETTES
2. SKATER BOYS (or is that Sk8er Boi's)
3. EMO GOTHS
4. CHAVS.

yup..that pretty much sums it up for me..

[Juju]

Twirly mentioned last night that these shirts may meet a hideous and violent end if she every has to do my laundry. Just as well I'm a modern man and do my own then isn't it..

I liked numbers 2 and 3. She can leave those alone.

[Juju]

My top ten fashion crimes....

1. Dressing without due care.
2. Wearing clothes that do not suit you.
3. Wearing clothes that don't go well together.
4. "Mutton dressed as lamb."
5. "Lamb dressed as mutton."
6. Casual wear in formal occasions.
7. Formal wear in casual occasions.
8. Un-matched couples. (She's glam, he's scruffy.)
9. Clothes out of context.
10. The 70's.

I'm guilty of maybe six of these.

Ditto.

[LMC]

1. Knee length skirts

Do they actually suit *anybody*? - hemlines seem to have been that length three feckin' seasons in a row now and if you have any calf muscle whatsoever are just *so* unflattering.

Haven't got the legs for up round the bum skirts, but gimme 2 inches ABOVE the knee, or proper just below the calf-length.

2. Wedges

Just ugly.

3. Kitten heels

Either wear heels or don't - minimum 2 inches or flats. Kitten heels just look silly.

4. Those ridiculous 'pedal pusher'/long short things which seem to be everywhere. Not so bad if casual, but just look WRONG as part of a formal suit.

5. Anything with massive logos/writing pretending to be from an American college or club or something. Hate hate hate hate hate.

6. Everything which is cut and made up to suit women who are 5ft5 or 5ft6. OK, so it's the national average - but nearly half of us are shorter or taller (OK, that's a shopping rant rather than an actual fashion rant, but it's because I'm sometimes guilty of "too-short-trousers" syndrome and can't find a good suit with a long enough jacket at a reasonable price )

7. Short sleeved shirts. All or nothing. No sleeves or long sleeves - unless it's a T-shirt/polo shirt (although I always rip sleeves off T-shirts too).

8. Ankle/length/pixie boots worn with short skirts. Buy longer boots or wear trousers. Unless you want to be mistaken for dressing up as one of Santa's elves.

9. Anything with excessive tassels, fringes, trail-y bits.

I'll save my last one...

[Lou]

3. EMO GOTHS..

Die*, Hawaiian shirt geek boy, die*.



*or dye, actually. That'd also be fine.

[strobie]

3. EMO GOTHS..

Die*, Hawaiian shirt geek boy, die*.

*or dye, actually. That'd also be fine.

Hey! How come you didn't object to

... those silly, silly, little goatee beards ...

[Lou]

Hey! How come you didn't object to....

*zip* I'm saying nuffink.

[Beowulf]

Die*, Hawaiian shirt geek boy, die*.
*or dye, actually. That'd also be fine.

Surely you're not one of these annoying little brats.. erm.. Sweet little children who think they and only they know the meaning of pain.. I mean their mummy's and daddy's won't buy them a pony. How cruel is life, one sec while I dye my hair black, put on my black lipstick and eye shadow with a trowel and wear clothing with lots of skulls on it.. yeah look, I'm morbid Aint that cool

I've nothing against "goths" per se.. it's this new sudden "nu goth" / "Emo" lark that annoys me. I, after all, used to be a "stealth goth".. dressed in my normal colorful clothes and t-shirts, then went home to listen to my Bauhaus, Siouxsie & the Banshees, The Cure, The Dammed (more punk than goth I suppose) and The Sisters of Mercy Tapes

[Freudian Hips]

Good list, LMC

1. Knee length skirts

Do they actually suit *anybody*? - hemlines seem to have been that length three feckin' seasons in a row now and if you have any calf muscle whatsoever are just *so* unflattering.

But good with boots!

2. Wedges

Just ugly.

3. Kitten heels

Either wear heels or don't - minimum 2 inches or flats. Kitten heels just look silly.

Ah .... now. I have an excuse, BAD FEET! Please don't send me to a ball in a pretty dress and flatties - my footballer calves will look soooooo bad. Kitten heels are the only way to go for some of us. Please be tolerant

6. Everything which is cut and made up to suit women who are 5ft5 or 5ft6. OK, so it's the national average - but nearly half of us are shorter or taller (OK, that's a shopping rant rather than an actual fashion rant, but it's because I'm sometimes guilty of "too-short-trousers" syndrome and can't find a good suit with a long enough jacket at a reasonable price )

But I am the national average and all the trousers are too long Also bad are clothes where there is no room for those of us with "generous" thighs.

7. Short sleeved shirts. All or nothing. No sleeves or long sleeves - unless it's a T-shirt/polo shirt (although I always rip sleeves off T-shirts too).

Short sleaves ok on t-shirts but not on shirts - that is just the way it is.

8. Ankle/length/pixie boots worn with short skirts. Buy longer boots or wear trousers. Unless you want to be mistaken for dressing up as one of Santa's elves.

9. Anything with excessive tassels, fringes, trail-y bits.

I'll save my last one...

Did I miss it?

[Lou]

Surely you're not one of these annoying little brats.. erm.. Sweet little children who think they and only they know the meaning of pain..

Blimey! It's as if you know me! I might just borrow that for my .sig....

Besides, I spent most of last year with my fringe covering one eye. (If you don't believe me, ask MartinHarper!)

[LMC]

But good with boots!

I can't wear long boots - too much cycling when I was in my teens means that my calf muscles are probably more footballer-y than yours as I can never zip 'em up.

Nope, kitten heels are still Bad. Try Cuban type heels - same 'muscle extension'

Re: too long trousers - at least you can take 'em up. Not much you can do with too-short trousers (I need a 34" minimum, standard seems to be 30" and Long 32" in most shops - altho' New Look do 34" in some styles )

Also bad are clothes where there is no room for those of us with "generous" thighs.

Oh yes... definitely. Drives me nuts when size 14 (or sometimes 12 ) skirts and trousers cling so close round the, er, hips, that even thongs show VPL, but you could drive a truck through the gap in the waistband

I'm still saving my last one for any abominations that emerge "next season"

[Gav]

It was so satisfying to see my ex yesterday.

She was walking through town in a lovely white puffer/body warmer with a hood with white furry trim on it. Only one step away from wearing thick gold chains, then our 13 year old daughter definitely would've disowned her!

[Twirly]

I can't wear long boots - too much cycling when I was in my teens means that my calf muscles are probably more footballer-y than yours as I can never zip 'em up.

Try these people: Duo They do boots that fit your legs. Also good if you've got thin legs where the boots look like you're wearing wellies. I had the same problem, but can now wear boots (and skirts in winter without crippling myself/freezing). Be warned though - you might need another mortgage though...

Sadly, the big decorative button has just fallen off the pair I live in Will have to see about getting them repaired.

[Lou]

Re: too long trousers - at least you can take 'em up. Not much you can do with too-short trousers (I need a 34" minimum, standard seems to be 30" and Long 32" in most shops - altho' New Look do 34" in some styles )

Have you tried Wallis? Their long IS long...

[Beowulf]

Sadly, the big decorative button has just fallen off the pair I live in

There was an <S>old</S> Young woman
who lived in a shoe
She had so many <S>children</S>, dance venues
She didn't know what to... erm.

Sorry I'll get my coat

[Juju]

1. Knee length skirts

Do they actually suit *anybody*? - hemlines seem to have been that length three feckin' seasons in a row now

Really? All the ones I can find are either floor length (on me, that is) and make me feel like I'm dressing up in curtains, or right up around your crotch.

[StokeBloke]

Has anyone mentioned 'muffin-tops' yet?

When someone wears trousers that are a size or two too small and the excess sort of spills over the top. This is exacerbated if the wearer opts for a top that doesn't quite meet the waist band of the trousers/jeans. Sometimes for added effect a belly bar can be worn too, this help to draw the eye to the offending area - yum!

[MartinHarper]

Not much you can do with too-short trousers

Un-hem them. Only works with Denim, though.

[Northants Girly]

I can't wear long boots - too much cycling when I was in my teens means that my calf muscles are probably more footballer-y than yours as I can never zip 'em up.

LMC - have a look at this shop. They specialise in wide fitting long boots. The boots look really good - I almost orderd some last year before Next decided to make it's boots abit wider

[Daisy Chain]

Has anyone mentioned 'muffin-tops' yet?

When someone wears trousers that are a size or two too small and the excess sort of spills over the top. This is exacerbated if the wearer opts for a top that doesn't quite meet the waist band of the trousers/jeans. Sometimes for added effect a belly bar can be worn too, this help to draw the eye to the offending area - yum!

Personally, I love young women with muffin tops. Makes me look more attractive!

Daisy

(A Holier-than-Thou Little Flower)