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Thread: Dancing with an ex

  1. #41
    Registered User stewart38's Avatar
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    Re: Dancing with an ex

    Quote Originally Posted by Genie View Post

    Either that, or your wife feels threatened by this woman more than others. Something about this particular ex that makes her uncomfortable. I could be the way she dresses, acts with other partners, or even how your wife views the attractiveness of this particular ex. The "she is prettier/better" than me syndrome.

    Is she 18 yrs younger better looking and a better dancer ?

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    Re: Dancing with an ex

    Quote Originally Posted by stewart38 View Post
    Is she 18 yrs younger better looking and a better dancer ?
    (by the way, in case you were struggling at all here, the correct answer to the 2nd part of this question - and probably the 3rd, if you're at all unsure - is "no")

    just trying to be helpful

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    Re: Dancing with an ex

    Quote Originally Posted by Clueless View Post
    Somtimes people are intimidated with other ex partners where there seems to be a connection, and we feel threatened by that.

    Maybe that is why your wife doesnt like you dancing with your ex.

    If she gets a bit upset about you dancing with your ex ask why and see if there is anything that you or your ex do when you dance together when compared to toher dancers. "You will never know if you dont ask"

    Ok. ive asked (wish i didnt)
    Its all cos my wife thnks she still has a thing for me.
    True or not, surly i married my wife for a reason.

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    B.O.G.O.F. fletch's Avatar
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    Re: Dancing with an ex

    Quote Originally Posted by C2D View Post
    This is so true - BUT - When a woman gets an idea that something is wrong, does it matter that everything is ok???
    .

    She carn't help it. its one of them things i'm afraid

    Quote Originally Posted by C2D View Post
    surly i married my wife for a reason.
    Keep telling her

    Just remember her hormones have been all over the place for quite sometime now

    So does this meen we get to dance now

    give that little one a big from me.

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    Re: Dancing with an ex

    Quote Originally Posted by C2D View Post
    True or not, surly i married my wife for a reason.
    No need to be surly about it! You should be happy!!!

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    Re: Dancing with an ex

    Quote Originally Posted by C2D View Post
    Ok. ive asked (wish i didnt)
    Its all cos my wife thinks she still has a thing for me.
    True or not, surely i married my wife for a reason.
    Now that's a different kettle of fish.
    I've never knowingly had this issue, but if I did, out of respect for the current love of my life, I would stop dancing with the ex, or at least cut it down to occasional dances.

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    Re: Dancing with an ex

    Quote Originally Posted by Genie View Post
    Either that, or your wife feels threatened by this woman more than others.
    Or she's just trying to get you to make personal sacrifices as a way of testing your commitment to her.

  8. #48
    Registered User Tessalicious's Avatar
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    Re: Dancing with an ex

    Quote Originally Posted by C2D View Post
    Its all cos my wife thnks she still has a thing for me.
    At least she doesn't think you still have a thing for her - this isn't an issue of her trust in you, it is a concern about the way the other woman could behave or could wrongly interpret an innocent dance.
    Quote Originally Posted by MartinHarper View Post
    Or she's just trying to get you to make personal sacrifices as a way of testing your commitment to her.
    You old cynic you, women aren't that manipulative, surely? Well, come to think of it, maybe you're right .

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    Re: Dancing with an ex

    Quote Originally Posted by C2D View Post
    Ok. ive asked (wish i didnt)
    Its all cos my wife thnks she still has a thing for me.
    True or not, surly i married my wife for a reason.
    Like has been said you are just going to have to assure your wife that you married her and not your ex maening that oyu like her and that no-one can take that away from you two.

    At the end of the day who do you come home to? Who do you love? who do you kiss good night? Who did you decide that she was so special that you decided to spend the rest of your lives together?? Your wife try and make her see that

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    Re: Dancing with an ex

    Ive got a headache now.
    I do her, i do tell her, i do often bring back for her, we do have cuddles, yes my ex is attractive, i try not to dance with her when my wife is around - although im told this makes things worse and yes fletch

  11. #51
    Registered User stewart38's Avatar
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    Re: Dancing with an ex

    Quote Originally Posted by C2D View Post
    Ive got a headache now.
    I do her, i do tell her, i do often bring back for her, we do have cuddles, yes my ex is attractive, i try not to dance with her when my wife is around - although im told this makes things worse and yes fletch
    If an ex is attractive it can make it worse

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    Re: Dancing with an ex

    Quote Originally Posted by C2D View Post
    Ive got a headache now.
    I do her, i do tell her, i do often bring back for her, we do have cuddles, yes my ex is attractive, i try not to dance with her when my wife is around - although im told this makes things worse and yes fletch
    I think dancing with her when your wife isn't there would make things alot worse as you have something to hide so you are right not to dance with her.

    With your ex it is a dance and that all it is and maybe like Genie said you wife s a bit insecure "What does she have that I dont?" syndrome you can only assure her that it is only a dance.

  13. #53
    Lovely Moderator ducasi's Avatar
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    Re: Dancing with an ex

    If I were worried about my g/f dancing with an ex, because I though he "still has a thing for" her, it wouldn't be because I was insecure about my relationship with my g/f, it would be because I wouldn't want the ex to get special enjoyment out of the dance.

    If that makes any sense...
    Let your mind go and your body will follow. – Steve Martin, LA Story

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    Re: Dancing with an ex

    Are you sure you're not a girl, duc?

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    Lovely Moderator ducasi's Avatar
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    Re: Dancing with an ex

    Quote Originally Posted by Tessalicious View Post
    Are you sure you're not a girl, duc?
    Yes, very... Because I wouldn't be worried about my g/f dancing with ex's while I'm sure how she feels about me.
    Let your mind go and your body will follow. – Steve Martin, LA Story

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    Re: Dancing with an ex

    I would have to say that I think 7 dances in a row is excessive. The only time i have seen ppl do this is when they are training for a comp (or in a honeymoon stage).
    i had a similar situation with a now-ex and a particular lady who i believe
    strongly had the hots for him. Nothing he said could reassure me when I could see how much pleasure he got out of dancing with her and how transparent her feelings were. fficeffice" /><?xml:namespace prefix = o ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com<o:p></o:p>
    He asked her if she was attracted to him and she said no but as far as im concerned that’s a wee bit unbelievable as she ran to him when he entered the room, was constantly touching him off the dance floor, I had had several other ppl remark to me on her behaviour, she would sit so close to him her boobs brushed up against him and her eyes constantly searched him out in the room. <o:p></o:p>
    As far as he was concerned they were just friends so I should just deal with it but her behaviour threatened me and his continuing to spend a lot of time in her company made me feel disrespected and our relationship suffered.<o:p></o:p>
    <o:p></o:p>
    I don’t think it matters if the person in question is an ex or just someone who your current partner is threatened by, if you care about your current partner you should respect their feelings. If you really want to dance with the ex, maybe because you are still good friends or you dance well or for whatever reason, then do, but stick to one or two dances and then re-establish with your current partner that it is them that you want to be with. A lot of jealously has to do with insecurity.

    only dancing with the ex when the current partner isnt around also suggests that your dancing with them is something you have to do on the sly and therefore doesnt have honest intentions

  17. #57
    Registered User stewart38's Avatar
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    Re: Dancing with an ex

    Quote Originally Posted by Thea View Post
    she ran to him when he entered the room, was constantly touching him off the dance floor, I had had several other ppl remark to me on her behaviour, she would sit so close to him her boobs brushed up against him and her eyes constantly searched him out in the room.
    Have you ever written steamy novels, part 2 please , what would she do when he was near the exit

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    Re: Dancing with an ex

    "Have you ever written steamy novels" (havent figured out how to do that quoting thing yet)

    noooooooo what sort of sordid past do you think i have?

    i keep my sauciness strictly on the dance floor (at least when it comes to other gal's guys )

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    Re: Dancing with an ex

    Quote Originally Posted by Thea
    I would have to say that I think 7 dances in a row is excessive.
    I suppose... but I have one ex who I'd happily have 7 dances in a row with, not for any attraction reasons, but because a) she's a friend, and b) she's an incredibly good dancer by anyone's standards, who I very rarely get to dance with these days.

    I, my partner, and said person are all secure enough with ourselves and our relationships not to have a problem with this. If that was not the case (as is, alas, all too common), then yes - insecurities would need addressing before doing something that'll make things worse. One needs to get one's priorities straight.

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    Re: Dancing with an ex

    Quote Originally Posted by straycat264 View Post
    I suppose... but I have one ex who I'd happily have 7 dances in a row with, not for any attraction reasons, but because a) she's a friend, and b) she's an incredibly good dancer by anyone's standards, who I very rarely get to dance with these days.

    I, my partner, and said person are all secure enough with ourselves and our relationships not to have a problem with this. If that was not the case (as is, alas, all too common), then yes - insecurities would need addressing before doing something that'll make things worse. One needs to get one's priorities straight.
    I think the new partner would have to be verysecure for seven dances in a row not to be a problem. I agree with what I think you're saying- it's really important to be adult in these situations and deal with any issues from all parties. However that's not always easy to do and for me it's the complete lack of any consistency in dealing with an ex that causes me the most problems.

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