Dancing with an ex

[stewart38]

Given in some venues every one has dated every one

Im be interested to know what are peoples experiences of dancing with an ex are in the widest sense

One scenario is your dating another dancer who sometimes goes to the same venue as your ex.

Do you never dance with your ex again and even turn them down if they ask you (current partner there)

Only dance with them once and only if they ask you or max twice

Or you ask for 7 dances in a row with the current partner wondering what’s going on the ex doesn’t refuse any?

What if you just like dancing with an ex but there is NOTHING there between you

Should you just not dance with them to protect someone else’s insecurities ?? or only dance with them when your current partner isn’t about, that just seems silly and cant help trust

7 in a row is stupid particularly if current partner is there but should you go out of your way to avoid them ??

what are the standard rules ?

[Lee Bartholomew]

Depends on how well you get on with your ex i guess.

Also depends on if your current GF knows who your ex is.

What would be a bigger problem is if you turn up with your current girlfriend having still not split up with the last!!

[Lory]

Its probably a question that Agony Smurf can answer better but here's my attempt anyway

Not that i've ever been in this position myself but i'd suggest that, if you intend to dance with her, that you make sure you introduce your current g/f and your ex at the soonest opportunity, making sure you stand 'with' your g/f and introduce her proudly to your ex saying, I'd like you to meet my girlfriend... Cynthia. Cynthia meet Dorothy.

That makes the situation crystal clear for everyone. Your not hiding anything, your g/f feels secure and your ex doesn't feel ignored or awkward.

Then i'd say, you can have one or two dances but its important to look after the feelings of your current g/f more.

It might also help to reassure your g/f by saying something like, I much prefer 'our' dances but I'm going to have a couple of dances with Dorothy, just cos I want to avoid a bad atmosphere, which in turn will make it a more pleasant evening for 'us'

[Lee Bartholomew]

Its probably a question that Agony Smurf can answer better but here's my attempt anyway

Not that i've ever been in this position myself but i'd suggest that, if you intend to dance with her, that you make sure you introduce your current g/f and your ex at the soonest opportunity, making sure you stand 'with' your g/f and introduce her proudly to your ex saying, I'd like you to meet my girlfriend... Cynthia. Cynthia meet Dorothy.

That makes the situation crystal clear for everyone. Your not hiding anything, your g/f feels secure and your ex doesn't feel ignored or awkward.

Then i'd say, you can have one or two dances but its important to look after the feelings of your current g/f more.

It might also help to reassure your g/f by saying something like, I much prefer 'our' dances but I'm going to have a couple of dances with Dorothy, just cos I want to avoid a bad atmosphere, which in turn will make it a more pleasant evening for 'us'

Very well put.

I know Cynthia and Dorothy. I would say ditch them both

[Missy D]

I hate bad atmospheres in dance so always dance with my exes - at times I can say with gritted teeth and ballroom smiles.

Both my exes are lovely dancers and I do enjoy dancing with them.

[straycat]

what are the standard rules ?

Not sure there are any 'standard' rules - just be mindful of people's feelings, is the best I can do there.

I've been in a position where an ex would glare with jealousy at anyone I danced with - I decided there was no winning that one, and switched to a different venue 'till things had cooled off. That's about the most extreme things have gotten though.

It can get fairly incestuous though - at the event where I met my current partner, one of her exes was there, as were two of mine.

One of the things to avoid is trying to 'prove' something (eg dancing loads more with your current partner simply because an ex is there) - that way lies madness. Don't worry or stress about it, say I.

Luckily, the exes of mine who are still active in the MJ world are people I count as friends - so on the rare occasions when we coincide at venues I'll always seek 'em out for dances. I don't see any problem with this.

[straycat]

What would be a bigger problem is if you turn up with your current girlfriend having still not split up with the last!!

Speaking from experience?

[Lee Bartholomew]

Speaking from experience?

Nope .


No, can only handle one girl at a time.

I was however dating domeone Imet at MJ at the beginning of this year. She turned out to be abit nuts. Asking questions if I danced with someone more that once in one night dispite the fact they might have came and ask or that they were 40 years older than me???!!!

got to the point we split (other things too) and she went round her local venues with her mum (who also danced) telling people lies and spreading rumors. Luckily most people know they were not true but still ***???!!!!

[Trousers]

. . . . .She turned out to be abit nuts. . . . .

Ahhh the benefits of age.

Woodface they're all Nuts mate - Lovely but nuts!

[David Bailey]

I'm amazed that people get so worked up about this sort of thing.

Dance the way you would normally, with whom you would normally dance. If you don't enjoy dancing with someone, why should you dance more / less with them, just because of who they or you are dating? Dating someone doesn't improve their dancing - if the dance chemistry is the same, why change things?

That's it. Story, end of.

[stewart38]

It might also help to reassure your g/f by saying something like, I much prefer 'our' dances but I'm going to have a couple of dances with Dorothy, just cos I want to avoid a bad atmosphere, which in turn will make it a more pleasant evening for 'us'

What if Dorothy is a much better dancer then your current gf

Note current gf has no issues with you dancing with exs (as said in dance world its a fact of life and she does herself dance with an ex but NEVER more then 1 dance)

Her issue is the number and i guess if you want to dance more then twice with an ex you have to look at why regardless of how good a dancer she is

[Lee Bartholomew]

Ahhh the benefits of age.

Woodface they're all Nuts mate - Lovely but nuts!

Thats OK then. Though it was something I was doing to them.

[stewart38]

I'm amazed that people get so worked up about this sort of thing.

Dance the way you would normally, with whom you would normally dance. If you don't enjoy dancing with someone, why should you dance more / less with them, just because of who they or you are dating? Dating someone doesn't improve their dancing - if the dance chemistry is the same, why change things?

That's it. Story, end of.

Cant agree if i saw a current gf dance 7 times in a row with an ex id want to know why

[David Bailey]

Cant agree if i saw a current gf dance 7 times in a row with an ex id want to know why

If I saw anyone dancing 7 times in a row with the same person I'd want to know why.

But are you saying you want to control who your partner dances with / watch her all the time? Shouldn't you be, you know, dancing with people or something?

Even if she's your girlfriend, does it matter who / when / how she dances with? Why get hung up on it?

[TheTramp]

Cant agree if i saw a current gf dance 7 times in a row with an ex id want to know why

Cos she likes dancing with him?

[straycat]

I'm amazed that people get so worked up about this sort of thing.

Dance the way you would normally, with whom you would normally dance. If you don't enjoy dancing with someone, why should you dance more / less with them, just because of who they or you are dating? Dating someone doesn't improve their dancing - if the dance chemistry is the same, why change things?

That's it. Story, end of.

Thus speaks the calm sane voice of logic and reason.

Unfortunately, very few of us lay claim to always being sane logical reasonable people. I spent a large chunk of my life believing myself to be exactly that, and have been much happier since I realised that (in a nutshell) I'm not.

When it comes to relationships, you can't expect people to always do the sensible thing. I've done some pretty daft things as a result of some relationship crisis or other... we all do (show me someone who claims otherwise, and I'll show you either a saint or someone who really doesn't know themselves very well)

On the dancefloor, I reckon we do lay ourselves a bit more open. Dancing, expressing ourselves to music... it's a very personal thing, and I think a lot of us have to lower our defenses somewhat to do it - which is why emotions can run quite high when dancing - why many people are especially sensitive to criticism while dancing, for example.

Combine those two highly emotive, vulnerable areas, and .... no. You're not always going to get sane, reasonable logical reactions.

Should let that rule us, no. It does help to acknowledge that though - that piece of knowledge has helped me a few times to understand, and thus temper, my own reaction to things, and thus appear to react calmly to things that I otherwise might not have.

Long long ramble - hope it makes sense...

[straycat]

Even if she's your girlfriend, does it matter who / when / how she dances with? Why get hung up on it?

Is this the first piece of evidence that the forum moderators are, in fact, a Borg collective? Has DavidJames been assimilated?


(OK - so I agree one shouldn't get hung up on it. But I can easily see why people do)

[Lory]

if i saw a current gf dance 7 times in a row with an ex id want to know why

Cos he's a better dancer than you? (hey, it works both ways )

[TheTramp]

Cos he's a better dancer than you? (hey, it works both ways )

I was going to say that. But I managed to hold back. How mean are you Lory??

[Lory]

Is this the first piece of evidence that the forum moderators are, in fact, a Borg collective?

I don't even know what Borg collective means let alone be one