If I enjoy a dance, can I assume my partner also enjoys that dance.

[Whitebeard]

Over the weeks I have, from time to time, invited a particular lady to dance. Simply because I have found her a delight to dance with; light, responsive, and with the occasional lovely smile.

But, just because I particularly enjoy dancing with her, does that mean she also particularly enjoys dancing with me.

It seems it might be so. But is it always so. The other night I was sat out there when the all too occasional, "I want to be up there dancing to this" track started to play, and I was thinking "Should I go over and ask her, even though I've already asked once before this evening."

Then I became aware of her sidling over in my direction and stopping close by with her back to me. Next, an extended a hand in my direction (a signal I might so easily have missed) and, for once, even though pretty thick on the interpersonal communication thingy, I cottoned on. An invitation. An affirmation. Tentative, but positive. A chance for another dance to savour and to enjoy. I lightly took hold of that offered hand ......

So, in this instance the enjoyment of dancing together is mutual and I have another regular partner I can confidently approach for a dance.

Can we always trust our instincts in matters such as this ?

[Ghost]

No. Sorry.

I know I've had dances I've enjoyed that the lady didn't because I've asked them afterwards.

Works both ways though. There have been dances I didn't enjoy that the lady I was dancing with did.

I being slightly insane try and keep track of what different people want from a dance and lead accordingly. It was recently pointed out to me that it's a very long list

(BTW if anyone I dance with wants to pm requests for changes in how I dance with them, feel free )

[Gav]

'fraid not.
Dave the Scaffolder and I were watching a forumite dancing last night and while her partner was clearly enjoying himself, she looked utterly unimpressed and he didn't seem to notice at all that she wasn't enjoying it.
Yes that forumite knows who she is 'cos she caught Dave and I watching and grinning at her!

[Alice]

I have to agree with Ghost- you can't assume that your partner enjoyed a dance as much (or as little) as you did.

Makes it much more likely though, if you enjoyed it, that she did too

[Genie]

If a man asks me to dance, and then really enjoys it, I am more likely to enjoy it myself. Nothing worse than dancing with someone who clearly isn't enjoying themselves. But some people are not that perceptive.

I just enjoy a dance

Anyway, Whitebeard, with regards the "tentative offer" thing, it sounded to me when I first read it like an airport romance novel I hope I'm not the only one. Sorry

[ducasi]

You can't assume, but it's usually apparent on someone's face how much they are enjoying themselves. Isn't it?

[Alice]

Anyway, Whitebeard, with regards the "tentative offer" thing, it sounded to me when I first read it like an airport romance novel

Nah, not enough adjectives strung together

[Ghost]

You can't assume, but it's usually apparent on someone's face how much they are enjoying themselves. Isn't it?

Not always Some people are just "polite" and good at smiling regardless

[MartinHarper]

Can we always trust our instincts in matters such as this ?

Trust your instincts. Aside from anything else, they're all you have. Dancers are too luvvie-ish to say whether they actually enjoyed a dance, and getting them to fill out a feedback form might kill the moment. "I was enjoying myself until you gave me this paperwork!".

[Genie]

I am an Arhchivist, paperwork is good. However, it's not always easy to tell when someone is enjoying themselves. I will admit (and feel free to slap me, I deserve it, maybe) to having smiled and said 'thank you' when I've not really enjoyed the dance, out of a need to be polite and encourage people to dance - just because I didn't enjoy it doesn't mean I have to ruin their day by letting them know that

[Lory]

it's usually apparent on someone's face how much they are enjoying themselves. Isn't it?

Nope. As I was also watching at Ashtons last night, as one of my friends was dancing with a guy I particularly dislike dancing with and there she was, smiling away.

When the dance finished, I asked her, 'How do you find dancing with that guy ' and she replied 'OMG, he's awful! ' So, there you go!

I think i've said this before but I've made a little rule for myself, I'll ask a guy to dance three times but after that, i'll leave it up to him to ask me back. (it only needs to be once in every three) but if he doesn't, I simply assume he doesn't like dancing with me, so I leave it there, no hard feelings.

I'd really rather not dance with someone who's wasting 4 minutes of their evening doing me a favour, the thought of that does nothing for me!

[philsmove]

On the assumption that you “care” about your partner and are sensitive to their feelings then yes

But I think we have all watched people who do not care or “look after” their partner” and are only interested in their own enjoyment


Its nice when people smile and say thank you after a dance, but in your heart, you know while the dance was all right, it was not special

[LMC]

I will admit (and feel free to slap me, I deserve it, maybe) to having smiled and said 'thank you' when I've not really enjoyed the dance, out of a need to be polite and encourage people to dance - just because I didn't enjoy it doesn't mean I have to ruin their day by letting them know that

I think of it as "paying forward". There are probably some people I enjoy dancing with who don't particularly enjoy dancing with me but are kind and nice so don't say no (or even ask me). My beginner days are still recent enough that I treasure those (very few) moments that I know from their smile that I've made someone's night - just as other fabulous dancers have made mine with a dance that might not have been all that special for them.

(Exclusions: assuming that there's nothing intrinsically 'wrong' about either of you - personal hygiene, yanking, blah blah blah - just maybe too wide a difference in ability or faulty connection)

[robd]

I don't believe that the assumption in the thread title holds true for me. I know I need to smile more when dancing as I have been told I look very serious/detached which I guess could make people think I am not enjoying the dance. Then again, when I do smile my partners seem to assume I am laughing at them rather than, as is usually the case, expressing my admiration for something they have just done.

I do know that sometimes I have danced with people and they have been very enthusiastic and praiseworthy at the end of it whilst the experience has frankly left me cold. Likewise I am sure I have danced with people and thoroughly enjoyed the experience myself whilst it has been a distinctly average dance for them. I do, however, always thank my partner at the end of a dance (and also thank them when they ask me to dance).

Robert

[Juju]

I don't think the feeling is always mutual, but if they keep asking you, then you can assume their experience wasn't too horrid either.

I do know that sometimes I have danced with people and they have been very enthusiastic and praiseworthy at the end of it whilst the experience has frankly left me cold.

Eek! This is the problem with this forum - for me anyway - knowing that I've danced with your good self, reading this sort of stuff makes me so paranoid. Good thing next to no one on here knows me really - gives me less to fret about.

[Gav]

Nope. As I was also watching at Ashtons last night, as one of my friends was dancing with a guy I particularly dislike dancing with and there she was, smiling away.

When the dance finished, I asked her, 'How do you find dancing with that guy ' and she replied 'OMG, he's awful! ' So, there you go!

Eek! This is the problem with this forum - for me anyway - knowing that I've danced with your good self, reading this sort of stuff makes me so paranoid. Good thing next to no one on here knows me really - gives me less to fret about.

On behalf of all the men that were at Ashtons (including me) -

[Jhutch]

Eek! This is the problem with this forum - for me anyway - knowing that I've danced with your good self, reading this sort of stuff makes me so paranoid. Good thing next to no one on here knows me really - gives me less to fret about.

Also, whenever i read a London woman saying, 'i had a horrible dance the other night ' i always find myself worrying it was me, if i was out that night (don't think it has been yet though )

[Lee Bartholomew]

I sometimes get asked to dance by women who are then compleatly miserable the whole dance. Nothing I have done, it's just thats the way they are with everyone. No smiling, no eye contact just a 'why did I bother comming' look.

It's at that point I dance for myself, try to come up with new moves or if Im saving energy for a better dance parter, just plod through the same old boring moves again and again.

[Lory]

On behalf of all the men that were at Ashtons (including me) -

It wasn't you!

This man is 'painful'

[David Bailey]

It wasn't you!

This man is 'painful'

it was me, wasn't it?

Paranoia runs rampant throughout the Forum...