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Thread: Is it just me?

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    Registered User LMC's Avatar
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    Is it just me?

    Or has the forum got really nasty recently?

    No particular post/thread in particular, just the general feel. I know I'm not posting - and I'm certainly not keeping up with every thread. However, sadly, there seems to be a lot of mean-ness about at the moment - a kind of "I can be bitchier and get more cheap laughs than you" competition. Too many put downs. Too much of what I would call, actually, cruelty or bullying.

    Leaves a nasty taste in the mouth and most offputting.

    Just my opinion.

    *To whom it may concern: Yes, I must get out more. No, no new man on the scene, still happily single thanks - I've just been working 70-hour weeks for way too long and been knackered. Sorry (but you could have PM'd or called me too ya know?). No sign of the cat . Hope to catch up soon

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    Forum Bombshell - Our Queen! Lory's Avatar
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    Re: Is it just me?

    Quote Originally Posted by LMC View Post
    Or has the forum got really nasty recently?
    Nope! It's just business as usual




    MODERATOR AT YOUR SERVICE
    "If you're going to do something tonight, that you know you'll be sorry for in the morning, plan a lie in." Lorraine

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    Re: Is it just me?


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    Registered User stewart38's Avatar
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    Re: Is it just me?

    Quote Originally Posted by LMC View Post
    Or has the forum got really nasty recently?

    No particular post/thread in particular, just the general feel. I know I'm not posting - and I'm certainly not keeping up with every thread. However, sadly, there seems to be a lot of mean-ness about at the moment - a kind of "I can be bitchier and get more cheap laughs than you" competition. Too many put downs. Too much of what I would call, actually, cruelty or bullying.

    Leaves a nasty taste in the mouth and most offputting.

    Just my opinion.

    *To whom it may concern: Yes, I must get out more. No, no new man on the scene, still happily single thanks - I've just been working 70-hour weeks for way too long and been knackered. Sorry (but you could have PM'd or called me too ya know?). No sign of the cat . Hope to catch up soon

    Nope its you, you posted like this before

    we are all the same just older

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    Formerly known as DavidJames David Bailey's Avatar
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    Re: Is it just me?

    Quote Originally Posted by LMC View Post
    Or has the forum got really nasty recently?
    I don't think it's just you, lots of people agree with you, at least according according to the "Forum temperature" poll.

    And I also agree.

    As I've said - we now have more moderators, and we will have more active moderation. And people are just going to have a accept that state of affairs. This moderation will, we hope, result in less flamefesting, and more actual debate and discussion.

    It's quite possible to have a heated and passionate debate without descending into nastiness - look at the "Ceroc Staffing Policy" and the "Frozen Embryos" threads for examples.

    But insults and abuse will not be allowed. In addition, we will attempt to ensure threads stay on-topic in the "serious" areas, which will involve more thread splitting where we feel is appropriate.

    P.S. Glad to see you back - stick around.

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    Re: Is it just me?

    Quote Originally Posted by LMC View Post
    Or has the forum got really nasty recently?

    No particular post/thread in particular, just the general feel. I know I'm not posting - and I'm certainly not keeping up with every thread. However, sadly, there seems to be a lot of mean-ness about at the moment - a kind of "I can be bitchier and get more cheap laughs than you" competition. Too many put downs. Too much of what I would call, actually, cruelty or bullying.
    It hadn't got more nasty until this post. That's because someone that doesn't post any more has just popped in to criticise. This serves no purpose other than to get the backs up of people that do post Maybe LMC could tell us what her motivation was for posting this critique?

    Consider the pub analogy. The regulars are quite happy with the place and the other regulars - they must be, otherwise they wouldn't be there. Then somebody who hasn't been to the pub for a while drops by to say "hasn't it got really nasty in here recently? Some people here are just after cheap laughs, they're just being cruel bullies". Are the regulars likely to "it's lovely to see you back"?

    Quote Originally Posted by LMC View Post
    Leaves a nasty taste in the mouth and most offputting.
    .. and causes bad breath

    Quote Originally Posted by LMC View Post
    Just my opinion.[/SIZE]
    Yes it is just LMC's opinion

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    Registered User LMC's Avatar
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    Re: Is it just me?

    Quote Originally Posted by Andy McGregor View Post
    Maybe LMC could tell us what her motivation was for posting this critique?
    Sure. I actually typed my first message into a PM to send to Franck, DJ, ducasi, Tiggerbabe and Lory (who have met and know me) *because* I haven't posted for a while and wondered whether "popping in" just to complain would result in exactly the reaction that Andy has just given. But then that seemed cowardly.
    Consider the pub analogy. The regulars are quite happy with the place and the other regulars - they must be, otherwise they wouldn't be there. Then somebody who hasn't been to the pub for a while drops by to say "hasn't it got really nasty in here recently? Some people here are just after cheap laughs, they're just being cruel bullies". Are the regulars likely to "it's lovely to see you back"?
    Consider that on the forum, you can't see that someone actually is still present, just not saying anything.

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    Registered User Genie's Avatar
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    Re: Is it just me?

    Andy has his club out again :p Protect those regulars! Ug!

    Or has the forum got really nasty recently?
    There are some places where the debates get quite heated. Most of the comments are not attacks on people, but rather on view points (and you can't have a good debate if you all agree). There are a few threads that got a bit out of hand, and they were stomped on. But in general, the heat is just good old fashioned politics (She said this, I don't agree, I agree with him, Do you know your facts?, I am right you are wrong, Prove it! etc. )

    Personally I think it has been quite interesting.

    Consider that on the forum, you can't see that someone actually is still present, just not saying anything.
    Why not join in then? If you think someone has said something nasty, say so. Don't hover. The more you get involved, the more you realise that it's all just a bit of fun or interest. And if a particular thread upsets you, don't assume it upsets others. Or they wouldn't be here, and they wouldn't post. Ignore it, and join a different discussion, or start a discussion of your own that doesn't upset you.
    Last edited by Genie; 24th-November-2006 at 10:08 PM. Reason: Bloody grammar

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    Re: Is it just me?

    There have been times I feel where people have clung rather tenuously to the belief that they are commenting on the opinion of a poster and are not making personal comments. I believe this has at times stretched the definition of this position to the limits and it has become unpleasant. I have also been genuinely shocked by some of the comments.
    However there are many many threads where this is not the case. I think there should be a balance and I feel by and large this is acheived. People will interpret posts in many ways and sometimes offence seems to be taken at fairly minor comments. I enjoy debate and the good humour that goes with it and I also enjoy the more light hearted threads. There are equally times when for me it gets a bit 'lovey' and it can become a little saccharine. On the whole though the good parts far outweigh the bad.

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    Re: Is it just me?

    Quote Originally Posted by LMC View Post
    Consider that on the forum, you can't see that someone actually is still present, just not saying anything.


    You can't assume that "The regulars are quite happy with the place and the other regulars - they must be, otherwise they wouldn't be there." Just because people aren't saying anything doesn't necessarily mean they are entirely happy - maybe they're just not unhappy enough to either leave or speak up, or maybe they lack the confidence to post in case they get shot down in flames... If and when they do reach that "unhappy enough" stage, are they not then welcome to say so?

    Quote Originally Posted by Andy McGregor
    This serves no purpose other than to get the backs up of people that do post
    What rubbish! LMC is simply choosing to speak up and voice her concerns instead of keeping schtum and/or leaving quietly by the back door. What's wrong with that?

    I think there has been more of what LMC describes as "mean-ness" lately, but in my opinion not enough to create an overall nasty feel. There is still plenty "nice-ness" around in other threads.

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    Re: Is it just me?

    Quote Originally Posted by LMC View Post
    Consider that on the forum, you can't see that someone actually is still present, just not saying anything.
    The original post that started this thread was about posts that are actually on the forum. Nobody can guess the opinion of those that do not post

    An agument that those that do not post must be unhappy is completely spurious and rubbish. Come on LMC, join in with the forum or do not join in. But please don't post about posts about posts. We have referees in this game, they are called moderators, LMC is not one of them

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    Cheeky by nature Little Monkey's Avatar
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    Re: Is it just me?

    Quote Originally Posted by ShinyWeeStar View Post


    You can't assume that "The regulars are quite happy with the place and the other regulars - they must be, otherwise they wouldn't be there." Just because people aren't saying anything doesn't necessarily mean they are entirely happy - maybe they're just not unhappy enough to either leave or speak up, or maybe they lack the confidence to post in case they get shot down in flames... If and when they do reach that "unhappy enough" stage, are they not then welcome to say so?


    What rubbish! LMC is simply choosing to speak up and voice her concerns instead of keeping schtum and/or leaving quietly by the back door. What's wrong with that?

    I think there has been more of what LMC describes as "mean-ness" lately, but in my opinion not enough to create an overall nasty feel. There is still plenty "nice-ness" around in other threads.

    Yup, agree with a lot of this.

    I do think there's been a few threads that have gone rather nasty. However, on certain threads I've not wanted to post and voice my opinion, as I knew that whatever I said would just be shot down in flames by certain posters, who seem to think it's their right to get personal and nasty....

    However, I do laso think there's been a few posters who have just been too sensitive, and not seen that something has actually just been a bit of friendly banter, or a bit of sarcasm, and have then got into an argument because of this. Again, I've not felt like posting, as these people might then feel that I'm getting at them as well, and I've thought it's just better to let it all fizzle out by itself.

    Sometimes I think the best thing to do is to just not post, if you think a thread is bad, and wait for it to die, rather than feeding the flames.... Unfortunately not everyone thinks like this, and just add to the arguments.

    I'm tired. I'm rambling. I'm bored. I'll stop now.

    LM

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    Registered User LMC's Avatar
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    Re: Is it just me?

    Quote Originally Posted by Andy McGregor View Post
    Nobody can guess the opinion of those that do not post
    No, that's why I posted.

    An agument that those that do not post must be unhappy is completely spurious and rubbish.
    Andy, you're extrapolating too far there.

    I did not say "Everyone who is not posting must be unhappy". So perhaps I should clarify my point, which was purely "Just because someone isn't saying anything doesn't mean that they are not there." In other words, please don't assume that someone "hasn't been for a while" (your words) just because you haven't seen them.

    Come on LMC, join in with the forum or do not join in.
    You spent some time choosing not to participate. Which was your right. As it was also mine. (Agree with a lot of what LM has said about reasons for not participating in arguments.)

    But please don't post about posts about posts. We have referees in this game, they are called moderators, LMC is not one of them
    Neither are you Andy. Your reaction on this thread is an almost perfect example of the tone I am referring to - aggressive tone, point scoring.

    You've been dancing longer than me, as a teacher, you're definitely a better dancer than I am, you've been a forum member longer, you know more people, you're more popular. You don't have anything to prove.

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    Re: Is it just me?

    Quote Originally Posted by LMC View Post
    Neither are you Andy. Your reaction on this thread is an almost perfect example of the tone I am referring to - aggressive tone, point scoring.
    I think my tone matched the tone of the post I was responding to. Do I care about the score? I'm not a rep tart, my posts are deliberately stimulating: sometimes I even stimulate myself to disagree with an earlier post I made

    Quote Originally Posted by LMC View Post
    You've been dancing longer than me, as a teacher, you're definitely a better dancer than I am, you've been a forum member longer, you know more people, you're more popular. You don't have anything to prove.
    This is very kind. But the truth is that I'm not popular on the forum, I regularly get negative rep, much of it for just being Andy McGreogr, there are people out there who don't like me at all I may not even be a better dancer. In my experience, all dancing for a long time does is make you more aware of your faults rather than increase your confidence in your ability

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    Registered User David Franklin's Avatar
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    Re: Is it just me?

    Quote Originally Posted by LMC View Post
    stuff
    Best. Smackdown. Ever.

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    Re: Is it just me?

    Quote Originally Posted by Little Monkey View Post
    Yup, agree with a lot of this.

    I do think there's been a few threads that have gone rather nasty. However, on certain threads I've not wanted to post and voice my opinion, as I knew that whatever I said would just be shot down in flames by certain posters, who seem to think it's their right to get personal and nasty....

    However, I do laso think there's been a few posters who have just been too sensitive, and not seen that something has actually just been a bit of friendly banter, or a bit of sarcasm, and have then got into an argument because of this. Again, I've not felt like posting, as these people might then feel that I'm getting at them as well, and I've thought it's just better to let it all fizzle out by itself.

    Sometimes I think the best thing to do is to just not post, if you think a thread is bad, and wait for it to die, rather than feeding the flames.... Unfortunately not everyone thinks like this, and just add to the arguments.

    I'm tired. I'm rambling. I'm bored. I'll stop now.

    LM
    Don't think you're rambling at all.

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    Cheeky by nature Little Monkey's Avatar
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    Re: Is it just me?

    Quote Originally Posted by dance cat View Post
    Don't think you're rambling at all.
    Ah, possibly not rambling, but clearly tired! Just look at the spelling!!

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    Re: Is it just me?

    Quote Originally Posted by Andy McGregor View Post
    I think my tone matched the tone of the post I was responding to.
    I don't think it did. I was just mentally agreeing with what LMC very reasonably and politely expressed, when you waded in screaming and shouting. That's how it came over to me.

    I remember being shocked by the infighting on the forum when I first joined (back in Mikey days) but over the past couple of days I've been thinking about how poisonous the atmosphere seems. I don't know if it's worse than before.

    The people who say that people are over-sensitive might care to consider how they might feel if they were on the receiving end of abusive posting. I used to think it was entertaining when it was happening to someone else, but I've changed my mind about that.

    So, no, LMC, it's not just you.
    Last edited by jivecat; 25th-November-2006 at 10:43 AM.

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    Registered User Feelingpink's Avatar
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    Re: Is it just me?

    Quote Originally Posted by Genie View Post
    ...



    Why not join in then? If you think someone has said something nasty, say so. Don't hover. The more you get involved, the more you realise that it's all just a bit of fun or interest. And if a particular thread upsets you, don't assume it upsets others. Or they wouldn't be here, and they wouldn't post. Ignore it, and join a different discussion, or start a discussion of your own that doesn't upset you.
    The problem is that you have to read the post or thread before realising that you're upset with it. You can put people on ignore - and that works to an extent - some threads hardly have any visible posts! But ultimately, if there are more insults and arguments than decent discussion, then people are going to lurk for a while & probably leave quietly (as announcing your departure seems to bring out a volley of abuse as well).

    Am looking forward to the Black Rod effect.

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    Re: Is it just me?

    Quote Originally Posted by LMC View Post
    Leaves a nasty taste in the mouth and most offputting.
    [/SIZE]
    Think about an Indian restaurant. I like Indian food, my wife, Sue, doesn't even like the smell of Indian food. It leaves, what she thinks is, a nasty taste in her mouth. Sue doesn't eat in Indian restaurants and doesn't even like the smell of the food. So, guess what? She doesn't go to Indian restaurants. But she understands that other people like Indian food.

    Now, lets consider somebody who doesn't like Indian food but continues to go to the restaurant. They could start complaining about the food, they don't like the taste of it, they don't even like the smell of it. They might even say to the other diners "I don't know how you can eat this food, I think it's disgusting". The other diners think the woman is just trying to pick an argument and order another bottle of Cobra beer, more poppadoms* and sit back to watch the show.

    *unless the restaurant serves popcorn

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