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Thread: Forgive and forget or hold a grudge?

  1. #81
    Registered User Achelous's Avatar
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    Re: Forgive and forget or hold a grudge?

    Quote Originally Posted by jivecat View Post
    Look at the evidence on this thread. Being turned down for a dance is completely normal and run of the mill, though I am a bit shocked to find that it apparently happens to young, pretty women who are also fab dancers. Whether it's nice as well as normal is a completely different matter.
    I'm not sure it IS that common. My partner and I started in January - I asked her about this but she hasn't had a rejection since she started. I've only had one in all that time - and there is no way that I am anything other than a middle-aged pedestrian learner. So come to Cheltenham or Gloucester - where you don't get turned down (much)!

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    Re: Forgive and forget or hold a grudge?

    Quote Originally Posted by Achelous View Post
    I'm not sure it IS that common. My partner and I started in January - I asked her about this but she hasn't had a rejection since she started. I've only had one in all that time - and there is no way that I am anything other than a middle-aged pedestrian learner. So come to Cheltenham or Gloucester - where you don't get turned down (much)!
    I might be going to Cheltenham next Friday - so I'll test out your theory!

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    Re: Forgive and forget or hold a grudge?

    If someone turns you down for a dance I think its perfectly acceptable to find out where they live, petrol bomb their house, steal their identity and engineer an intricate plot to have them framed for a dastardly crime that they did not commit, have them extradited to a third world dictatorship and tried in front of a kangaroo court, inevitably sentenced to 40-50 years hard labour with only half a stale dried crust to eat every day along with perhaps just some mayonaisse for flavour, and reality TV shows for entertainment. Its the least they deserve.

    But if all that seems too complicated, you could just remind yourself that its a plentiful ocean out there, move on, and don't trouble yourself with asking them again.

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    Re: Forgive and forget or hold a grudge?

    Quote Originally Posted by SnowWhite View Post
    I've realised that I spend a lot of my time on the dancefloor dancing with people I know, or have danced with before - which is great and I always enjoy it. But trying to broaden my circle of dancers I made the decision to ask more guys to dance that I don't know.

    This decision seems to have coincided with an increase in the times I have been refused dances (both by people I've danced with before, and those I haven't)

    I do realise that our over-worked guys need a rest, and I try to respect that when I realise they are cooling down or whatever by saying, can I have a dance sometime when you're ready?

    But recently I've been told the following:

    I'd prefer to dance this track with someone I like.
    I think you just use me for dancing...
    No. (no apology, no explanation, nothing)

    I've also been looked up and down, then told - No thanks!
    I've even been taken onto the dance floor, then the guy walked away and left me there!

    I also get the usual - I was just going to dance with someone else... (never to be seen again!)
    I'm resting - only for the guy to dance with someone else.

    I'm sure others have shared these experiences so,

    My questions are -
    Do we forgive and forget? Grow an extra thick layer of skin and ask again another time.
    Do we hold a grudge and never give them the time of day again?
    Do we sit patiently and wait and hope to be asked?
    Do we only ask those we know?

    And how do we walk the line between being predatory and being standoffish ...


    New to this thread and need to reply to this. Those guys seem a bit harsh IMO you shouldnt ask them again and hope they ask you, but if you want to dance with them you can ask them again see what they say.

    I can't believe you have been left in the middle of the dance floor that guy didnt even have the common courtesy to finish the dance

    Normally if I asked someone and they just said a falt out no I would leave it to them to ask next time.

  5. #85
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    Re: Forgive and forget or hold a grudge?

    Quote Originally Posted by Paulthetrainer View Post
    If someone turns you down for a dance I think its perfectly acceptable to find out where they live, petrol bomb their house, steal their identity and engineer an intricate plot to have them framed for a dastardly crime that they did not commit, have them extradited to a third world dictatorship and tried in front of a kangaroo court, inevitably sentenced to 40-50 years hard labour with only half a stale dried crust to eat every day along with perhaps just some mayonaisse for flavour, and reality TV shows for entertainment. Its the least they deserve.

    But if all that seems too complicated, you could just remind yourself that its a plentiful ocean out there, move on, and don't trouble yourself with asking them again.

  6. #86
    Registered User Whitebeard's Avatar
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    Re: Forgive and forget or hold a grudge?

    Quote Originally Posted by jivecat View Post

    I might be going to Cheltenham next Friday - so I'll test out your theory!
    How are we going to suss you out to be at our most welcoming ???

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    Re: Forgive and forget or hold a grudge?

    Quote Originally Posted by angelique View Post
    Try it..smiling that is...
    Am I smiling now?

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    Dickie Davies' love-child Cruella's Avatar
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    Re: Forgive and forget or hold a grudge?

    Quote Originally Posted by Andy McGregor View Post
    If the next woman I ask saw my refusal, sometimes I say something like "I hope you don't think you're second choice".
    I would think i was second best if you asked me directly after being refused!
    I think you are better to ask a lady that hasn't seen the refusal, I've been in this situation and i felt like i was the 'fat friend' being asked cos the guy couldn't get the gorgeous blonde.
    Maybe i'm too sensitive but that's how i felt.

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    Re: Forgive and forget or hold a grudge?

    Quote Originally Posted by SnowWhite View Post
    My questions are -
    Do we forgive and forget? Grow an extra thick layer of skin and ask again another time.
    Do we hold a grudge and never give them the time of day again?
    Do we sit patiently and wait and hope to be asked?
    Do we only ask those we know?

    And how do we walk the line between being predatory and being standoffish ...


    People make decisions on the level of emotions then justify it with logic.
    That's the way humans work. Best not to spend hours trying to nut out why he/she has won't dance with me. They may not know themselves. Be proactive rather than reactive. Nuff said.

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    Re: Forgive and forget or hold a grudge?

    Quote Originally Posted by woodface View Post
    I quite often get turned down for dances just after someone has seen me dance with Seriously Addicted or another good female. They are scared that I might sumersault them or throw them over my shoulder.

    Normally get the 'Your too good for me' reply. Normally tell them they are talking nonsense and drag them on to the floor anyhow. It is then I throw them over my shoulder (just kidding). Will dance with them slow and as normal as I can get to be. They normally then get their freinds to come and ask me to dance with them.

    As everyone else says, don;t take it personally. you can bet that unless you are a fish monger and have'nt showered since finnishing work, that the only reason you have been turned down is because of the other dancers over inflated ego, or they just don't feel they are up to the job of dancing with you.
    :my hero:

  11. #91
    Commercial Operator angelique's Avatar
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    Re: Forgive and forget or hold a grudge?

    Quote Originally Posted by MartinHarper View Post
    Am I smiling now?


    Dunno. What am I? Psychic?

    C'mon, give us a clue...I use a computer to write on here and I don't usually get to "see" other people on here that are posting. Hold on...let me hunt out Derek Acorah's mobile number...he may be of some use

  12. #92

    Re: Forgive and forget or hold a grudge?

    Quote Originally Posted by Cruella View Post
    I would think i was second best if you asked me directly after being refused!
    I think you are better to ask a lady that hasn't seen the refusal, I've been in this situation and i felt like i was the 'fat friend' being asked cos the guy couldn't get the gorgeous blonde.
    Maybe i'm too sensitive but that's how i felt.
    So if a man gets refused by the woman next to you, you'd feel better if he totally ignored you and walked away?

    I know what you mean about feeling like the 'fat friend' but if you see two girls or guys standing together you can only dance with one at a time....unless you're Trampy.

  13. #93
    Forum Bombshell - Our Queen! Lory's Avatar
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    Re: Forgive and forget or hold a grudge?

    Quote Originally Posted by Green-eyed Monsta View Post
    So if a man gets refused by the woman next to you, you'd feel better if he totally ignored you and walked away?
    I think its always slightly humiliating for the poor person who gets turned down, so, I think it would be nice, not to wait to be second choice but quickly chirp up and say "Hey, will I do?"

    I dunno how I'd feel if he said no though
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    Re: Forgive and forget or hold a grudge?

    Quote Originally Posted by Cruella View Post
    I would think i was second best if you asked me directly after being refused!
    I think you are better to ask a lady that hasn't seen the refusal, I've been in this situation and i felt like i was the 'fat friend' being asked cos the guy couldn't get the gorgeous blonde.
    Maybe i'm too sensitive but that's how i felt.
    Ahh, but I ALWAYS ask the fat friend first. When I was single I can remember being the less attractive friend

    And there's a certain irony in saying "sorry you seem like you're second choice" to the "gorgeous blonde"

    I've never had a problem with this, and the rsponse from my "second choice" has always been laughter or sympathy - occasionallly, at the end of the dance they've even made a commet about the other woman missing a great dance. And, more importantly, I've never been refused a dance by this "second choice".

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    Re: Forgive and forget or hold a grudge?

    I've been turned down countless times mainly by fairly average dancers who think they are amazing.

    In contrast, some of the best dancers in the world dance their way around the room making sure that everyone gets a lovely dance with them. Ryan Francois is a good example of this - he dances with everyone, is always polite and always encouraging.

    If a guy is clearly exhausted or needing to change or drink some water - I totally understand! I even understand if they want to dance a particular track with someone special. But .. it takes little intelligence and effort to be able to find the person you've turned down and dance with her later on ... to make it all OK!

    If I get turned down twice I keep clear for my own sanity.

    It can be hard for a non-pushy woman to get dances ... so to ask nicely and then get turned down is horrid.

    As Courtney Love said on Jonathan Ross last night - "Manners are free" - some people could do with keeping that in mind!

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    Dickie Davies' love-child Cruella's Avatar
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    Re: Forgive and forget or hold a grudge?

    Quote Originally Posted by Andy McGregor View Post
    Ahh, but I ALWAYS ask the fat friend first.
    Now i don't ever want you to ask me unless you've been refused first.
    I've never been refused a dance by this "second choice"
    Us girls are good with the sympathy.

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    Re: Forgive and forget or hold a grudge?

    Quote Originally Posted by Lory View Post
    I think its always slightly humiliating for the poor person who gets turned down, so, I think it would be nice, not to wait to be second choice but quickly chirp up and say "Hey, will I do?"

    I dunno how I'd feel if he said no though
    Haven't figured out how to use a double quote yet. But I wanted to refer to the post about being second choice to the blond beside you. Can't remember whose post it was.

    On a few occasions I have asked a guy to dance when he has been standing with another guy - now which one to ask if you haven't danced with either before. It is strange, but I often pick the one that, going on looks alone, I would least prefer to dance with. I just don't know why I do that So it could be that guys might do this too. Perhaps it's not the gorgeous blonde that they really wanted to dance with at all.

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    Re: Forgive and forget or hold a grudge?

    Quote Originally Posted by Daydreaming Diva View Post
    Haven't figured out how to use a double quote yet.
    Simple, just click the button to the right of the 'quote' button, on each of the posts you wish to quote, then simply click the 'reply' button as usual and all the quotes will be there for you
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    Re: Forgive and forget or hold a grudge?

    Quote Originally Posted by Cruella View Post
    Now i don't ever want you to ask me unless you've been refused first.
    There are some nights, not many , where I don't get refused at all. Do I have to wait for you to ask me on those nights? My plan is always to ask the "gorgeous blonde" after the fat girl. So I'll just ask you after I've danced with the Tramp

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    Re: Forgive and forget or hold a grudge?

    Had a fabulous night at Hammersmith last night - no refusals at all - woooo hoooo ...

    I did however go and chat to Silver Fox but decided not to ask him to dance because I didn't want to break my 100% refusal-less record!

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